Chapter 21: Aftermath

I don't think I was ever actually going to hit him. I did think about it, though. It was tempting, as I started to close the distance between us while Aaron pulled his eyes from Eddie, focusing on me, probably feeling very stupid for even showing up. He'd feel even stupider, after I hit him, I thought. But, somewhere over the next few steps I took, I think I started to compare the idea of hitting Aaron with the idea of hitting a girl. It just wasn't something you did. And, it wasn't that I saw Aaron as a girl. If he'd been any other guy, I think I could have done it; but that fact that we'd been seeing each other, the fact that I'd kissed him, that he'd touched me, that I'd had his fucking dick in my mouth for crying out loud, had me feeling guilty about even the idea of hitting him. I'd like to think that made him especially lucky. But as it turned out, it didn't really make him any better off.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Aaron said quietly, probably trying very hard to ignore the way I'm sure Eddie was still looking at him--Eddie, who was definitely behind me, but hadn't said anything yet. As for everyone else, they didn't seem to notice the difference, the party being exactly what it was--a party. That all changed however, the second Luke appeared in front of Aaron, around the same time that Eddie's hand dropped on my shoulder and I came to an abrupt halt.

"Leave," Luke said, and nothing in his tone suggested that he expected to be argued with. Aaron seemed somewhat startled by this, but he didn't make any effort to go away.

"This isn't really any of your business," he informed Luke.

"My house, my friends, my business, get out," Luke retorted, around the same time Dave caught up to him and things began to slowly quiet. I felt startled when Eddie suddenly moved past me, obviously not liking what was going on.

"I think you need to leave, now," he said to Aaron, and I wasn't all that surprised to find a certain amount of dislike in his voice.

Unfortunately for Seth, he chose that moment to walk around the side of the house, placing him just behind Aaron. He stopped, definitely looking confused over the situation, especially when Luke suddenly pointed at and turned on him.

"If you're with him, you can get the hell out of here, too." Luke said roughly.

I still didn't like Seth, but what he had told me earlier, assuming that he'd been telling me the truth, had definitely left my feelings mixed. A few hours ago, I wouldn't have minded Luke throwing him out, but he wasn't there with Aaron, and there was no need to let Luke think he was.

"He's not with him," I said, just as Angela moved up to Seth and took his hand, obviously alarmed. I don't think Dave liked that one bit, but any evidence of that didn't even last a moment as he stood by Luke, looking like he was waiting for someone--anyone--to ask him to hit Aaron Keslin.

For Aaron's part, he decided to ignore everyone telling him to leave and looked at me again.

"I just want to talk. " His words were for me, no one else. I felt myself swallow as Eddie saw this, and suddenly began looking between Aaron and me with a mixture of annoyance and curiosity on his face. "It'll take five minutes, Rory..."

Aaron took a step towards me, and that proved to be a mistake, considering Luke was directly in front of him.

"Back the fuck off," Luke ordered, and when he actually gave Aaron a sharp shove backwards I actually jumped, suddenly feeling worried because apparently, whatever patience Luke had been demonstrating over the entire situation was gone. Without thinking, I moved forward, finding that as much as seeing Aaron hurt would make me feel better, I didn't want Luke getting into it like this. But Eddie beat me to him, forcefully grabbing his arm and pulling him back, even as Luke shouted at Aaron to get the hell out of there. I was a little surprised by this. I'd seen Luke angry before. I'd even been on the other side of that anger, but it was nothing like this.

"Luke!" Eddie shouted, and then looked at Aaron. "Out, now!"

"I don't think I said I wanted to talk to either of you," Aaron responded coolly. He was obviously out of his fucking mind.

"I don't want to talk to you!" I suddenly shouted, unwittingly pulling the attention towards myself. I didn't much care for it, especially when I saw Eddie's eyes directly on my hickey. But I tried to ignore it, and focused on what I needed to say to Aaron. "I don't want to talk to you, I don't want you to call me, and I don't want to fucking see you. Just leave, Aaron."

Aaron didn't get much of a chance to even respond to me before Dave's apparently hot head got the better of him and he got in Aaron's face.

"See, he doesn't want to talk to you, now get out before I take you out," Dave ordered; but if anything, this provoked Aaron, who was suddenly glaring at Luke's best friend. It was when Aaron took a threatening step forward that Eddie grabbed the back of Dave's shirt and pulled him back, and to my surprise, Seth moved behind Aaron and grabbed him around the chest.

"Aaron, no. Let's go. Now," Seth insisted, pulling him back. Seeing the two of them that close together bothered me, even under the circumstances, but I shoved the feeling down as Eddie finally lost patience and started yelling.

"That's it, party's over! Everyone, go home!" He looked pointedly at both Luke and Dave. "Both of you, inside--now."

"Eddie..." Luke started to argue.

"Luke, in the house."

Rick passed by me, patting my back as he went, looking like nothing in the world was bothering him.

"Good luck, Rory. Thanks for the party," he said, before shouting out over everyone trying to scramble out of the pool to gather their things, "We're going to Brian's house!" People seemed relatively pleased by this. Brian didn't, though. He appeared a moment later to smack the birthday boy on the back of the head.

Eddie was still glaring at Aaron, while Seth continued to pull him away, but when Aaron's eyes drifted in my direction, Eddie followed them, and frowned. I jumped when Luke's hand suddenly dropped on my shoulder, and facing him suddenly seemed as difficult as facing Eddie. There was a frown on his brow and his cheeks were flushed in a way that looked entirely different from when he blushed. I didn't know what to say to him, so instead, I silently followed him into the house with Dave.

I began feeling a little lost, once inside the house. I think I was in shock. Or, maybe not something so dramatic. I was a little surprised when Luke and Dave went straight to the kitchen and sat down glumly, rather than going straight to the basement; but unsure of what to do with myself I followed their lead, taking my seat next to Luke, feeling completely ready to apologize--repeatedly, if necessary

This was definitely my fault, even if indirectly. I didn't exactly ask Aaron to show up, but I was the reason he did, and I felt like banging my head against the nearest wall as I thought about how I might have prevented this if I hadn't hung up on him earlier. I didn't get any apologies out, though. Not before Eddie came inside, looking... well, I'd never seen Eddie look quite like that before. His dark eyes were narrowed, his nostrils were flaring, and there was a vein sticking out of his forehead that I couldn't remember seeing there before. My focus for wanting to apologize to Luke abruptly faded away, and became a strong urge to defend myself from whatever Eddie was about to say to me. Only, it wasn't my name that came out in what I would forever refer to as Eddie's angry voice.

"Luke!"

Luke? What did Luke do?

"Oh come on, Eddie," Luke responded. "You can't..."

"You put your hands on him," Eddie cut him off. "Do you want to tell me what the hell you were thinking? You know that if he goes around telling someone you attacked him we could end up with officers at our door!"

"Oh, please," Luke replied, rolling his eyes in the process. "I hardly even touched him."

"And since when does that matter with Aaron Keslin?" Eddie demanded before his eyes suddenly darted to Dave. "And you. You didn't have to go sticking your nose in there, either!"

"Sorry," Dave said sheepishly, just as Jase arrived, looking worried.

"What's going on?" Jase asked.

"Keslin was here," Eddie answered. "Luke decided it would be fun to shove him."

"Luke?" Jase questioned, sounding a lot calmer than Eddie as he neared the table, but when Luke responded, it wasn't directed towards Jase, but at Eddie.

"What was I supposed to do? Leave him alone? Stay away from him? He walked right into our backyard like he owned the place! That's not my fault!"

And there was my guilt again.

"Luke, I'm so sorry," I blurted, and I was only beginning, but to my surprise, Luke cut me off rather sharply.

"Shut up, Rory. It's not your fault."

There was an abrupt silence following Luke's words, and he momentarily closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath before he looked at me again, his features noticeably softer.

"I'm sorry," he said, and I frowned because he wasn't supposed to be apologizing to me. I would have told him that, if I wasn't suddenly very aware of Eddie leaning over the table, looking at me crossly. I guess it was my turn to get scolded.

"Did Aaron Keslin give you that hickey?"

I wasn't only surprised by the question, but also by the way Eddie's voice was suddenly softer. I still moved my hand defensively over the offending mark, though.

"It's not like I asked him to do it," I said by way of explanation as I remembered the incident.

"It wasn't Seth, it was Aaron?"

Eddie obviously seemed to be having trouble with grasping the concept, but I managed a nod, anyway, hoping that he wasn't going to blow up at me. Thank goodness for small favors. Jase might have looked just as surprised and disturbed as Eddie, but he still stepped forward, placing a hand on Eddie's back that I hoped was meant to calm and said, "Why don't you guys go get ready for bed. Dave can stay here tonight."

Eddie opened his mouth to argue, but Jase leaned towards his ear and spoke before he could.

"It's late, Eddie. We should talk, and make sure everyone got out of here okay."

Eddie, still looking at me as I tried to avoid his eyes, let out a breath and nodded. It was all we needed before Luke, Dave, and I were fleeing the table and heading downstairs. But, not before Eddie called out behind poor Dave. "I'll be calling your mom, Dave."

...

Dave wasn't happy about Eddie's promise to call his mother. He found it completely unnecessary, given that he hadn't even touched Aaron. For a good hour, he sat with Luke and me in the basement, saying that if he'd known he was going to get in trouble for something then he would have made it worth it. I noticed that during this time, neither Luke nor I spoke a word.

I kept waiting for Eddie to come downstairs with Jase. He'd probably think more talking was in order; but every time I looked towards the stairs, no one was coming down them, and by two o'clock in the morning Luke was passed out on the sofa and Dave on the floor; and I just sat there, knowing that going to bed would be pointless at this point, because as exhausted as I felt, my mind was racing, and I had a feeling that actually getting to sleep would be a task in itself.

I took a hot shower, hoping that the steam would make me sleepy enough to fall asleep, but by the time I'd pulled on a pair of sweatpants, my mind was in no condition to settle down for the night. I think it was the stress of not knowing what was going to happen next. As much as I wanted to avoid the whole conversation with Eddie, I found myself wishing that he had tried to talk to me tonight, just so I could get it over with. I even wandered upstairs, hoping that I'd run into him, even if that meant more yelling. But, it seemed that Eddie and Jase had already gone up to bed, lights out and everything.

I ended up in the kitchen and flicked the switch near the glass door, watching as the pool lit up. Somehow, it didn't look as peaceful as usual with various soda cans and paper plates scattered around, some even floating in the water. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, though. At least most people seemed to know what a trash can was for.

I grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink, and headed out there. I figured that since I was up, it wouldn't hurt to start cleaning, I just wished that my eyes hadn't automatically moved to where I'd last seen Aaron standing, almost as if I expected him to still be there.

I didn't ask him to come. If I really thought about it, I hadn't wanted him to show up. But, I couldn't help wondering what he would have said to me given the chance. Deep down I knew that no explanation would have been good enough for what happened when he took me to that party, but I think... I still wanted to hear something from him. After everything that Seth had said, I felt like I deserved some kind of explanation. More than that, I wanted one. But, at the same time I told myself it shouldn't matter. It was over. I was supposed to be cutting ties, not dwelling on my mistakes. It irritated me that I couldn't seem to do that.

"How are you doing?"

As I picked up the trash around the pool, depositing it into the garbage bag, it was Luke's voice coming from behind me, so soft that I hardly even heard him, but soft enough that I wasn't startled by it.

How was I doing? Was that supposed to be a trick question or something? I was responsible for ruining Rick's party; Eddie knew that Aaron had been sucking on my neck; I'd just been pretty much outed to everyone I knew and everyone I didn't know; and I couldn't get a disturbing image of Aaron out of my mind, one where he was driving around with Seth in his truck, laughing at my expense because I was a complete idiot.

I shrugged in response to the question. An answer seemed too complicated for the time being, but I was glad to have company as Luke began to move around the pool, helping me clean up.

"It's not your fault," he said after a few minutes, and there was a pause before I responded.

"Thanks, but you don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying to you. You didn't ask Aaron to show up," he insisted as we met on the other side of the pool, and I held open the bag for him to drop a few paper plates into.

"Why did he show up?" I suddenly asked. "I mean, that was just... stupid. He always told me he wasn't comfortable around this house, and then he just..."

"Because it's Aaron, Rory," Luke said ruefully. "Look, it's hard to explain him sometimes. You probably ticked him off and he was looking for a reaction from you. Sometimes, when I was with him, it would feel like everything's a big game to him, you know? Everything. But then, whenever I'd get sick of it, he'd do something completely sweet and I'd forget everything I was mad at him for." Okay, I admit it. That sounded familiar. It didn't make me feel better, either. "Maybe he was trying to do something like that with you tonight. But I've gotta say, it seriously backfired on him."

"Yeah, I guess."

The look Luke gave me was either sympathetic or concerned. I couldn't tell which.

"It really wasn't your fault, Rory. Plus, the party was about over, anyway. If anyone's pissed, it's at Aaron."

"I don't know, Eddie seemed pretty pissed off at more than just Aaron," I pointed out, and Luke actually winced.

"He's been kinda on me ever since I got into trouble for that car," Luke explained.

"But you didn't do anything!" I protested.

"I know, and Eddie knows," Luke said quickly. "He just doesn't want me to get in any more trouble, you know? He's just trying to look out for me, Rory. And, he's right, I shouldn't have put my hands on Aaron. Dave would have been happy to do it for me."

I couldn't help cracking a smile at that logic, but it quickly faded.

"I don't think Eddie's all that happy with me right now, either," I reminded myself, more than Luke.

"Yeah," he replied, and it wasn't at all comforting. "He knows about you and Aaron. That's not good; but don't worry. It's why Jase let us off the hook--so Eddie can calm down and think; he'll probably want to talk to you tomorrow, though."

I groaned.

"I'm tired of this, Luke. It's over. With Aaron--it's over. I just want everyone to let it be."

"You shouldn't worry," Luke said again. "It's gonna be okay."

"Yeah? Because you say so?"

"No," he replied, cracking a small smile. "Because it's over."

...

At eight o'clock in the morning, my head ached, my eyes felt heavy, and I was developing a runny nose. I think it was all side effects from not sleeping; or worse, not crying. I didn't want to cry over Aaron. That would just be stupid. Crying over my mom, was at least something I could understand, which is probably why I ended up in the attic, going through the boxes in search of the pictures that my grandma had sent.

There was so much frustration just bottled up in my head, and not letting it out was wearing me down fast enough. It also put me in a foul mood as I moved one box after another, wondering what the hell I'd done with those pictures; or more specifically, what Eddie had done with them. I'd let him borrow the box, just so he could go through them. When he tried to give them back to me, I'd asked if they could go in the attic with everything else. But now, I couldn't find them, and it was starting to piss me off.

It was fair to say that I was lacking patience. Lack of sleep again. I'd tried to sleep. I really had. When Luke and I finished cleaning up the pool, he'd thrown a blanket over Dave and then asked if I was alright again. I, of course, had insisted I was fine and attempted to go to bed. It didn't work. I'd closed my eyes and everything, but if I'd gotten any sleep at all it was so restless that it hadn't really done any good.

I became frustrated, unable to find the pictures. I just needed one good one, something with my mom's face. I started to search other boxes, not really caring what happened to the contents of them as I rifled through, simultaneously wondering if there were any pictures in my room that I could use. I grabbed a heavy box, pulling it off the stack and cursing loudly when my hands slipped and I dropped it.

"Rory?"

I jumped, looking up to see Eddie standing there in the attic. He seemed bleary through my eyes, but not so bleary that I couldn't tell he was in a bathrobe and had a bad case of bed head.

"What are you doing?" Eddie demanded, but there was a slightly concerned note to his voice.

"Looking for my pictures," I said shortly, and went right back to what I was doing.

"Pictures?"

"My pictures," I blurted, as if this were supposed to be obvious. I think at the time, I really did think that it should be completely obvious why I was in the attic at eight o'clock in the morning, rummaging through boxes. "My grandma sent them. They're of my mom and I can't find them!"

I sounded angry. I hadn't meant to. It seemed like every second that passed had my eyes becoming heavier, and as I wiped at my nose I glanced at Eddie, feeling perturbed that he was just standing there looking worried. Why wasn't he doing anything?

"I just want my pictures," I insisted, moving to open another box.

"Okay, I'll get them for you," Eddie said quickly, and I stopped what I was doing, and looked at him.

"You said you were going to put them in the attic," I informed him.

"And I did--they're right here." I watched as Eddie moved over to a shelf and lifted a box from it, the very box I was looking for. "I thought they'd be safer over here," he explained. "Are you ready to take them down to your room?"

"No," I replied, taking the box from him and setting it on the ground. I was aware of Eddie watching me as I opened up the box and was faced with images of myself... and my mom. As silly as it might have seemed, when I lifted a picture of just my mom's face, I let out a breath of pure relief. It's what I needed. Something worth crying over. But, I couldn't cry over anything in front of Eddie.

"Rory, what are you doing?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I replied, sounding testy. I couldn't quite control my tone of voice. It was the frustration. Everything was frustrating me.

"You don't look fine," Eddie replied.

"I said I'm fine," I snapped, and Eddie's brow shot up at my tone.

"I just... I didn't sleep very much. I want to go to sleep."

"It looks like you haven't slept at all."

Well, wasn't he a genius?

"I just need a nap," I insisted, taking my one picture as I started to walk away. Eddie didn't seem to be in such a hurry, lifting my pictures back off the ground to put them back on the shelf.

"You look upset," Eddie said, obviously unwilling to let me just walk away. "Why didn't you sleep last night, Rory? Was it what happened at the party?"

I froze, and glared at him. Of course it was what happened, among a long list of other things. So many things that I couldn't think straight. Couldn't he see that?

"I'm sorry Aaron came, okay?" I said bitterly. "It's not like I invited him."

"I know you didn't," Eddie replied, frowning at the edge in my voice. "Rory..."