Chapter 18: Realization

When I woke up on Wednesday, I figured that it was going to be boring. Wednesday, everyone was at work again, and this time, no Aaron. He surprised me by calling that morning, though. Usually I was the one who had to call him. I was actually surprised that he even still had the number. He asked me if there was any chance that I'd be at the park later that night, because he wanted to see me. I told him I had no idea, so we made plans to see each other the next day, regardless. We had no idea what we were going to do, but he'd be over by eleven.

I got a second surprise on Wednesday. Just after twelve thirty, Eddie called the house. He hadn't really called me like that during the day in a while, so I wasn't expecting it. He was taking a break from lunch and wanted to know how my day was going. I probably shouldn't have mentioned to him that I was bored. The next thing I knew, he was apologizing for leaving me cooped up in the house all alone and he started talking about summer programs at various youth groups that might keep me entertained during the day. When I was finally through convincing him that I was too old for summer camp, he abruptly decided that he'd leave work early so we could go do something together. Apparently, he was in the mood for a movie.

"I'll call Jase and see if he can meet us," Eddie decided at the end of that.

"I'm not going on a date with you and Jase," I said quickly. It wasn't that I was opposed to hanging out with them together. I'd just rather not do it in places were people normally go on dates. I must have sounded horrified over the idea, too, because Eddie laughed out loud.

"You're sounding worse than Luke," he remarked. "And I meant that he'll be coming, too. He should be off work by then. We can have dinner out tonight. Luke would never turn down a meal."

I took his word for it. Eddie told me that everyone would meet at the house around four, and I made a mental note to wake up from any naps I might decide to take by then. Of course, nothing went as planned. First, Eddie got home two hours before he was supposed to and I had to cut short another phone call to Aaron, in the middle of him telling me how Alex had suddenly taken to throwing food at the wall. Then, Eddie explained that Jase wouldn't be able to get off early, anyway, and since there was still way too much time--in Eddie's opinion--before Luke got off work, he decided that just the two of us could go out to a movie and they could meet us for dinner later.

It wasn't what Eddie had planned, but in all honesty, it wasn't exactly disappointing to me, and I didn't feel threatened by the notion that I'd be spending more alone time with Eddie. I was actually glad that I wouldn't be stuck at the house all day. Eddie was ready to leave just as soon as he traded in his tie for a t-shirt and jeans, and we got to the theater an hour too early, if we wanted to see anything decent. According to Eddie, this was a good thing, because it gave us plenty of time to walk down the block for ice cream.

"You get along with Luke's friends, don't you?" Eddie was asking on the way back. "If you're getting bored during the day you're welcome to invite any of them over."

"I'm okay," I insisted, licking at my melting cone. I didn't really feel like telling Eddie that I already had a friend of my own, but he wouldn't approve of him.

"You should be having some kind of fun while you're here. I think you've dealt with enough stress, Rory. You know, it might not exactly be the time of your life, but Jase suggested taking you to work with me. We could use some help around the office a few days a week; you could make a little money if you're interested. You don't seem to be comfortable just taking it from me, so..."

"I have some money," I replied. "I've been saving since I was six."

"Six?" Eddie asked curiously.

"Allowance and stuff," I replied, shrugging. "Birthday money, Christmas... I never liked shopping, so I have some left over; and, when my mom died my grandma made sure I got everything she had in savings after all the bills were paid--I haven't touched that, though."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but you don't have this just lying around in a box somewhere, right?"

I lifted my wallet out of my pocket and held up a bank card for him to see.

"Good," he said in response, smiling slightly. "But, if you still want to make something extra, and get out of the house a few days a week--well, I thought Jase had a good idea."

"Can I think about it?" I asked. To be honest, I didn't think it was a horrible idea, either. Everyone else had a job, maybe I should, too. It was the Aaron factor that had me hesitating. As it was, I only saw him every other day, and if I did my math right, those days would vary from week to week. A job would only serve to limit whatever time we already did have.

"Of course. But, whether or not you decide you want to, it still wouldn't hurt to make some friends."

"I've met a few people," I replied.

"You could invite some of them over, even when Luke's not around, you know."

"Maybe I will," I replied, shrugging, and felt a little relieved when Eddie seemed satisfied with that. But, the conversation didn't end there.

"Are you keeping in touch with your friends back home?"

"Not really."

"They haven't called you at all?"

"They don't have the number," I admitted. "But I gave them the address."

"Have you tried to call them?"

"I don't really need to."

"No?"

"I'll see them in a few months, anyway, right?"

Eddie fell silent for a few moments as he walked, glancing over at me every few moments, and I suddenly became self-conscious, as I wondered if I'd said something wrong.

"Jase told me you guys had a talk," Eddie finally said. "I know we made our deal, Rory, but that doesn't mean that you have to leave at the end of the summer. It's your choice, but..."

"You don't think I should go back, either?"

"I think... to be honest with you, I'm not sure if I can make that decision, Rory. It's where you grew up, your grandma's there. But, I know I want you to stay here. School's going to start up again in about six weeks. It's not a whole lot of time. I want more than that."

"Does that mean..."

"No, we made a deal, it's still your choice. I just want you to know you have options. If you go back, I do want you to consider coming back next summer, though. And, at Christmas... and you'll have spring break..."

"You want me to visit?"

"Yes, I want you to visit," he responded, as if it should be incredibly obvious. He finished off his ice cream cone and then looked down at me. "Rory, I know I've just missed the last sixteen years, and I can't expect to magically be a part of all that, but I do have now. I plan to be there now, and in the future, and I don't think it should matter where you are. Maybe you're not looking for a father figure, but I hope eventually, we can do more than just get along and at least be friends."

I thought about that for a minute as we reached the theater and stepped into line behind everyone else, deciding that I had no objections. Eddie and I were getting along, and to be honest, when I wasn't there anymore, I didn't see keeping in touch as a bad thing. Eddie wasn't the only one who I wanted to keep in touch with, either. I wasn't exactly close to Jase, but Luke was someone who I could see myself being friends with for a long time.

"Okay," I said simply.

"Okay?"

"Okay... I mean, we can keep in touch and all that."

Eddie didn't look entirely satisfied, but he flashed me a small smile and nodded before turning his attention towards the movie listings, and I found myself watching him, becoming curious as I thought over a different topic entirely. But, when he glanced down and caught me looking, I nervously looked away.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

I looked up at him again, hesitating for a moment before I spoke.

"Jase told you we talked?"

"Yeah, he did. You don't think he wants you out of here anymore?"

"Not really," I admitted.

"Good."

"So... since he talked to you, does that mean you guys are..." I left the sentence unfinished, not really thinking that it was any of my business, anyway.

"We talked things out--it bothered you, when we were fighting?"

"Kinda."

"I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable, Rory. We really are better now."

"Okay... so why did you do it?"

I assumed that Jase told Eddie that he explained to me why they were fighting. He told me that he would, and the sudden, guilty look that took over Eddie's expression pretty much confirmed that.

"It was a mistake, Rory. I was wrong, and even if Jase has forgiven me, it's something that I'm going to have to live with for a very long time."

"But why'd you do it? Was it because of me?"

"It's definitely not your fault, or anyone else's but mine."

"But you still did it because of me," I pressed.

"You being here... might have had something to do with it," Eddie admitted. "Look, it was still a stupid thing to do, but I did it because I got a little panicked. We just started being able to have real conversations, Rory. I didn't want to give you any more reasons to hate me. I was afraid that if you saw how I lived, you'd want to leave and then I really wouldn't get a chance to know you--or you me."

I nodded for a moment, and then shrugged.

"I think I understand?"

"You do?"

More than he knew. At least, I understood the part about wanting to hide something because I was afraid it would cause trouble. Like with Aaron. I didn't want to tell Eddie or Jase I was seeing him because I was afraid to.

"Yeah. I think so."

...

The movie wasn't bad. But, that could have been because I wasn't warring with Seth. I decided that all movies would be better without him there. Afterwards, Eddie and I met Jase and Luke for an early dinner of Chinese food, and it was nice to see that the atmosphere seemed more relaxed than normal again. I guess this was always how it was with them, before I came into the picture. I think I was relieved to know that the tension could disappear even with me there. I went swimming with Luke again, and out of nowhere he decided that Rick's party was going to be a pool party. This way, he reasoned, we wouldn't have to do a whole lot of cleaning downstairs when it was over; we could barbeque, and it would be late enough so it wouldn't be too hot. When Jase came out to see if we wanted any of the pie he'd stopped off for on the way home, and Luke ran the idea past him, he seemed to approve right away. There was no need to convince Eddie, either, who was just happy that there wouldn't be a mob of teenagers running amuck in his house.

The next morning, everyone went to work like normal. I was up to say goodbye this time, and Eddie once again mentioned my option of going to his office. I told him I'd think about it, and I would. I just didn't tell him that I wouldn't be thinking it over today because Aaron was coming over, and he was right on time.

Any intimacy issues he seemed to have the last time I saw him had completely vanished, the way that he was pretty insistent on kissing me as soon as I opened the door. It was reassuring. But, I wasn't exactly happy when he said he planned to take me back to his house again.

"Why?" I asked, still not leaving the front door.

"Because if you haven't noticed, it's hot today. I figured we could just hang out at my place."

"Aaron..."

"Look, I know you're worried about my parents, but they won't be there, and Cody won't bother us."

"Then why not hang out here?" I asked. "We don't have to go anywhere at all."

"Rory, I told you, I'm not..."

"Comfortable, I get it. But, I'm not really comfortable over at your place either. Look, you can pretty much hear it every time a car pulls up here, so you shouldn't be worried. Why don't you just come in. Plus, isn't it cheaper for you to just hang out here?"

Aaron didn't seem thrilled about the idea, but he forced a smile and after a few minutes of hesitating he came inside, something that pleased me because it meant that we weren't going to his house. I'm sure he came to realize, that it didn't matter where we were, just like I did. After putting Chey outside to keep her from growling at my guest, I'd hardly gotten Aaron down to the basement before he'd gotten his tongue into my mouth and his hand down my pants.

I was a little blindsided by his advance, but I found it wasn't entirely unwelcome. It just made getting to my room a little harder. I'd spent myself into his hand just after we got through my door. Aaron didn't seem to care, though. I guess he wouldn't, because a few minutes later I found myself kneeling in front of him as he sat on my bed, and once again I found his hand on the back of his neck as I attempted to get more of his dick in my mouth than I had the last time. I did it, too, slowly but surely. I almost got all of him in before it was over, and the fact that Aaron seemed pleased with that did leave me with a slight afterglow, even though once again, the kissing on the lips stopped. But this time, he did snuggle up to me as I joined him on the bed and I found his mouth moving gently over my ear. It was what he said into my ear that made me go back to feeling unsure of myself.

"I gotta go."

"Go?" I repeated. "I thought..."

"Cody has to go meet my mom in a while for a dentist appointment and I have to take Alex. You can come with if you want, it'll just be a few hours. Doubt you'll even see my mom." I frowned at that, and Aaron probably took it for uncertainty as he shrugged and abruptly stood up, zipping up his pants in the process. "That's okay," he insisted. "Why don't you just call me later."

"I guess," I said, still frowning as I got up and started to follow him out and upstairs. He turned and smiled at me when he reached the door.

"Hey, meet me at the park tomorrow night."

"Aaron..." I started to say that I doubted I could, but he interrupted.

"Luke is always going to the park on the weekends. Just, get a ride with him and meet me there. Or, figure out a way to meet me. Seriously. There's a party. I want you to go with me."

"I don't know..."

He leaned forward, surprising me by actually aiming for my mouth with his lips, placing a longer, but soft kiss over them.

"Meet me. You'll figure out how."

I would? Honestly, sometimes I couldn't figure Aaron out. Actually, I couldn't figure out Aaron more than all of the time. The fact that he'd shown up long enough to get off before he had to go again was unnerving to me, and a little irritating. But, that still didn't change the fact that after he left, I was suddenly trying to figure out how I could meet him tomorrow night. It was true that Luke would probably be going out. He didn't work on Saturdays. But, I couldn't just go with him and then disappear again like I had the last time. If I had any chance of meeting Aaron at all, that meant actually telling Luke that I intended to. I wasn't sure how eager I was to do that.

The next day, while I was once again all alone at the house, I called Aaron and told him this. He didn't seem to see the problem with me telling Luke. He wasn't rude about it; in fact, he was pretty big on telling me that he was going crazy, not being able to see me all day, and he'd probably go crazier if he couldn't meet me that night. He said he missed me. I told him that I'd try to get out. That meant talking to Luke--and I really didn't want to do it.

Like most days, Luke was in a good mood when he got home. I was getting some ice water around the time he'd showered, changed, and come back upstairs.

"After dinner me and Dave are going to get shit for Rick's party," he announced, lifting himself to sit on the counter next to me, something I'd heard Jase scold him for once or twice since I'd been there. This announcement confirmed that Luke was in fact, going out tonight. "We're splitting the list with Brian and Rick, so it shouldn't take that long. Wanna come?"

I looked at him, and opened my mouth to respond, but then stopped. Sure Luke, I want to come, but only so I can hitch a ride to see Aaron. I doubted that was going to sound any better out loud. Luke had said that my relationship with Aaron wasn't going to change anything between us. I wondered if it would apply if I actually worked up the guts to ask him if he'd help me see Aaron.

"Um..."

Luke continued to look at me, expectantly yet patiently, as he waited for a response.

"It's not going to be boring or anything," he finally said. "Afterwards we'll probably go to Brian's or something. But, if you're not up for it, that's okay, too." I saw him glance to the bruise on my face, probably wondering if it was bothering me, and I self-consciously rubbed at it. There wasn't much swelling left, and it was hardly bothering me.

"No, it's not that... it's just... I mean, I want to go."

"Okay, we'll leave after dinner. We probably won't be home until around midnight, though."

"Luke, I mean, I want to go... I'd go, but someone else sort of asked me to do something tonight."

Luke wasn't stupid. He looked at me for a few moments with a more serious expression; not angry, like it had been when he saw Aaron and me together at the park, but it wasn't happy, either.

"You didn't tell him to meet you here, did you?"

"No," I said quickly.

"Jase and Eddie wouldn't like it, you know? I mean, they really wouldn't like it."

"I know. Look, he asked me to meet him at the park, but..." I left the sentence unfinished, hoping that Luke would pick up on the obvious. He didn't disappoint me.

"You need a ride."

I gave him a pointed look and a subtle nod, suddenly finding it difficult to meet his eyes. It suddenly seemed so unfair to even ask him. "You know, it's stupid," I said, when he didn't say anything. "I shouldn't have asked you, so just forget it."

I turned to walk away from the counter but he grabbed my shoulder, stopping me.

"Hey. No. I mean, who else do you have to ask?" He let out a breath, looking like he was thinking hard, and then looked at me again. "I'll drop you off around eight thirty, before I get Dave."

"Luke..."

"Don't make a big deal out of it, okay, Rory?" he cut me off. "Look, just... make sure you have your phone this time."

So, I didn't make a big deal about it, or try to discuss it with him further. Instead, I went downstairs to call Aaron and tell him that I was meeting him at the park, and that Luke was being cool enough to get me there. In return, I got a, 'That's cool' and 'I have to go, see you there.' It wasn't the response I was expecting. In fact, I was a little disappointed by it, but I decided that he was probably just busy with his brother, and that later, when I saw him, he'd tell me again how much he missed me.

...

Awkward moment. A really long awkward moment. Fifteen minutes worth of awkward moments is what I was experiencing, because it had been exactly fifteen minutes since Luke and I had left the house together, and in that time, neither of us had said a word to each other.

This was a switch from the way he'd been since coming home from work. Even after he'd agreed to take me to the park to meet Aaron, things with Luke had been as friendly as always. We'd gone for a swim before Eddie and Jase got home. Luke had made a game out of trying to stay under water longer than me, but failed miserably. I finally told him I was ready to go in just because I was afraid he'd end up drowning himself after turning blue for the second time.

Dinner consisted of tater tots and fish sticks. Eddie cooked. Jase and Eddie were both eager to know what Luke and I were going to be up to for the rest of the evening, and after some prying from Luke, we learned that they wanted to know if we'd be gone because they were going on a date. Luke told them they had permission as long as when they came back, they didn't do anything gross where anyone might walk in on them. Neither of them liked this comment. I laughed at it.

Before we left, Luke said he wanted to change again, so I decided to do the same. When I met him to go upstairs, he made fun of me because my idea of improving my wardrobe was to change into a shirt that was less wrinkled. I countered by wondering out loud when he'd started to care about anyone's wardrobe, because his usually consisted of underwear and a smile. Sometimes, just a smile. I think I made him blush. There was something very satisfying about that.

But, ever since we'd gotten into his car and driven away from the house, there had been a tension between us that I didn't much care for. Luke didn't seem angry. Not at all. Instead, it almost seemed like he was as unsure as I was. And, I was unsure. I wasn't sure at all if I'd made the right decision in asking him to help me see Aaron. I felt guilty about it, knowing how Luke felt about Aaron.

He finally spoke to me when we were stopped at a red light, and his voice sounded as nervous as he looked.

"Rory... hey, are you..." he stopped and let out a breath, and then continued saying something that probably wasn't his original intent. "So did you bring your phone?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Okay; we should work something out, so we can meet like last time."

I looked over at him, wanting to ask why he was going through all this trouble for me.

"Won't Eddie and Jase be gone, anyway?"

"They'll be back way before we're supposed to be--don't forget curfew's midnight. You'll probably want to be out until then, right?"

"I don't know yet," I admitted. Aaron had mentioned a party. I wasn't sure what else he planned for us to do.

"Well, I'll probably be out that late; if you need to leave earlier, just call me and I'll come get you. Call me for anything."

"Thanks, Luke; but look, I don't want you to change your plans for me, so..."

"I don't mind," he said quickly, and glanced over at me as the light turned green. "I'm serious, Rory. Call if you need me to get you, or to meet you when you go home." He sighed again, and after another moment began speaking with more determination behind his voice. "Look, you know how I feel about Aaron, and obviously, I'm not trying to stop you from seeing him; but, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Luke..."

"It's just, I don't trust him. Just promise that you'll call for anything you want to, okay?"

"I'll be fine," I insisted. "But I promise." Luke still looked uncertain, so I added, "I'll call you before I go home."

He nodded at that, and a few minutes later we were at the park. I didn't see Aaron's car.

"You can go," I told Luke. "I'm sure he'll be here any minute."

"I'll wait," Luke replied. He didn't say it rudely, but I had a feeling that there was no room for argument here. I didn't argue, but that could have been because Aaron's car pulled up next to us just then. Luke reminded me to call one more time before I got out, and then he delayed me, suddenly demanding my phone to make sure I had his number in it. I watched him drive off before I turned my attention towards Aaron's car... and got a surprise.

The back door opened, and Aaron came out of the back seat. That, I wasn't expecting. He was smiling as he came towards me, but as he reached me, I noticed right away that something was different. First, it was like he didn't know when to stop walking, and before I knew it he was practically on my toes, his body falling into mine. As a result, I automatically moved my arms around him, and that's when I realized he smelled like the inside of a vodka bottle.

"Hey," he said. "Ready to go?"

I pushed him back a little, frowning as I looked him over. It wasn't like he was slurring his words or anything, but his eyes had a glazed-over look to them and the smile on his face was almost too relaxed.

"Are you drunk?" I asked.

"Not yet," he grinned, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me towards his car.

"Aaron, hold on," I insisted. "What are we doing? You can't drive..."

"I'm not driving," he replied, sounding annoyed. I guess that was the reason why he'd gotten out of the back seat. My next question felt like an important one.

"Who's driving?"

"I'll show you," Aaron nearly whispered as he continued to lead me towards the car. I must have been dragging my feet, because he suddenly stopped and looked at me.

"Hey," he said, suddenly sounding serious--sober. "It's cool, okay? I want you to meet some of my friends."

"I've met your friends before," I pointed out in a way that told him it wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"Seth isn't here," he responded irritably. "Come on." I sighed, and moved towards the car, waiting for Aaron to slide into the backseat before I followed him, hardly closing the door before his arm was around me and he was pulling me against his side. "Rory, this is Jason, and Peter," he said, introducing me to the two guys in the front seat of his car.

Peter, in the passenger seat, I recognized as one of the older guys that Aaron was with at the park a few days before. It was the bright red hair that made me recognize him. Up close, he had sideburns and a face full of freckles, and I imagined that if he was standing, he would be tall and skinny. Jason was shorter, but still probably taller than me. He had dark hair that was cut to frame his face, and narrow eyes that gave me the impression that he didn't really like anyone, although, he was the one who greeted me.

"Hey," he said, and I nodded in response.

"Let's go," Aaron told him, and I soon discovered that Jason didn't know how to read speed-limit signs. Or, maybe he just wasn't paying attention to them, being in the driver's seat and talking to Peter in hushed voices about some girl named Lisa. Peter was saying something about hooking up with her and Jason was threatening him with bodily injury if he tried any such thing. Aaron chuckled as he leaned into me, kissing my ear, and I turned to look at him, no happier than I'd been two minutes ago.

"Lisa's Jason's sister," Aaron whispered, as if to explain why the two guys in the front seat were arguing. I didn't care why they were arguing.

"Where are we going?" I asked. "I mean, where is this party?"

"Not far," Aaron replied, and then flashed me a reassuring look. "And will you relax," he added, suddenly massaging my shoulder. "It's gonna be fun, I swear."

I wasn't having fun.

"Yeah, whatever," I responded, and Aaron frowned at me before leaning even closer, lowering his voice to almost a whisper.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. I turned my head to face him with a venomous look, but that only served to deepen his frown. "Seriously, Rory, what's with you? I told you we were going to a party."

"You didn't tell me you were going to be drunk," I retorted, and Aaron leaned back a little, looking annoyed.

"I'm not drunk," he responded. "Shit, Rory. Look, I was already at Josh's place..."

"Josh's place?"

"The party," he explained, obviously not liking the interruption. "I had three drinks, not enough to get me drunk, trust me. But, Jason wanted to drive to come get you anyway, to be safe, you know?"

I stared at Aaron, once again not knowing if I should be angry or not. He had told me we were going to a party. And, it wasn't like I had a right to tell him not to drink. Yes, it made me a little uncomfortable, and so did his friends, but that could have been because this wasn't what I was used to. I found myself wondering why I was so angry. Maybe it was because I'd expected to meet Aaron alone, not like this. Maybe I was the one with the problem here, not him.

I let out a breath, trying to calm myself down. I just didn't like being in unfamiliar situations. With Luke and his friends, it was different. Probably because Luke was there, and I trusted Luke. With Aaron, it was different. It felt almost like I wanted to trust him, but there was still something there that made me nervous, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Whether it was subconsciously remembering his past, or just that I was nervous around him, I didn't know. I didn't know anything. I just knew that when he relaxed against me and pulled me a little closer to him, I began to feel a little more secure, and found my own shoulders relaxing. He must have sensed the change because he took it upon himself to kiss me, right at the corner of my mouth.

"We're gonna have a good time tonight, I swear."

"You know I have to be back by twelve, right?" I asked, realizing to myself that if Aaron had been drinking, I should probably call Luke for a ride when the time came.

"No, I didn't know," he replied seriously, but when I began to look panicked he smiled at me. "But it's okay, I'll make sure you get home."

He took my hand and gave it a squeeze. I squeezed back.

...