Chapter 16: Understand

I must have been asleep again two minutes after Eddie left my room. He didn't wake me when he came back with food, either, because the next time I woke up it was because there was something cold being pressed against my face. Before I even opened my eyes I knew that it had to have been the middle of the day, the way that my room was bright. That meant that I should probably wake up soon, otherwise there was no way that I was going to be able to get back to sleep later tonight. Only, opening my eyes only left me feeling trapped again as I realized who my company was. There weren't two of them this time; but truth be told, if I was going to be cornered by one of them, I would have rather been stuck with Eddie, who I knew how to handle. At least with Eddie, I knew he wanted me there. Unfortunately, it was Jase holding the cold pack to my head. It didn't help that I couldn't read his serious expression.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

I lifted my hand and took over holding the ice before I started to sit up. The way he was standing over me just seemed uncomfortable.

"Fine."

"Are you still sore?"

"Yeah," I admitted. My face hurt, but that was to be expected.

"Headache?"

I had to think about that for a minute.

"No... not really."

"Good," Jase said, giving a nod of approval, and then just looked at me, as if it were my turn to talk.

"No one's going to get bent all out of shape if I want to get up now, right?" I finally asked. It seemed like a good question, considering that Eddie had been pretty keen on the idea of me resting.

"I don't think that will be a problem," Jase replied, and he graced me with a small smile that actually made me feel better. "Look, there are already some sandwiches upstairs if you're hungry. Eddie and Luke are out because Eddie found someone who would fix his car today, and I've got to go pick up some books. You'll be alright alone for a while?"

"Yeah," I replied, nodding.

"Okay then," Jase replied. "I let Chey out to go to the bathroom; will you let her in when you make it upstairs?"

"Sure." It was a reasonable request.

I watched as Jase walked over to my door, and then paused, as if considering something.

"Do you want to get out of the house?" he asked after a moment.

"Huh?"

"The mall is where I have to go," he explained. "It might take me a while, but if you wanted to tag along, you could."

"Oh," I replied. This was the part where I was supposed to immediately decline, because spending any amount of time alone with Jase was an intimidating concept to me. "Um... yeah, okay."

What? I didn't want to be stuck inside all day. Besides, I was up now. Only, the look on Jase's face suggested that he was only asking me to come to be polite, and he was obviously surprised by my answer. I almost backed out because of that.

"I'll wait for you to get ready, then," he said, and then he was gone.

Twenty minutes later, after I'd showered and dressed, I was also looking in the bathroom mirror, regretting my decision to go anywhere out in public. My eye was swollen, and the bruise was so obvious that it would have been better to have a zit on my nose. I lifted my hand, touching the wound gingerly as I frowned to myself, wondering if I really wanted to put up with the staring that would occur.

"Here, I thought you might want to use this."

I looked to the bathroom door, where Jase was standing, holding out a baseball cap.

"Thanks," I said, taking it and placing it on my head. It didn't hide everything, but it shadowed my face enough to keep things less obvious.

"At least Eddie didn't break skin," Jase commented. "You won't scar. Are you ready?"

I nodded, and together Jase and I made our way upstairs, where he let Chey in, and then we were in his car and driving. It was a quiet drive, if you didn't count the country music that Jase had playing at the perfect volume to make conversation unnecessary. I think that was for the best. It actually created a peaceful atmosphere, and I stared out my window the whole way, wondering if Jase planned to talk to me at all. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I wanted him to, regardless of whether or not it needed to be done.

The mall was crowded. I guessed, crowded even for a Sunday, but Jase seemed to know where he was going as I stood behind him on the escalator, looking around.

"You don't have to stay with me, Rory," Jase said over his shoulder. "You'll probably be bored. Do you want to go look around?"

I'd be bored all by myself. Not to mention, lost.

"I like books," I said, shrugging. At least Jase smiled, so I didn't get the feeling that I was bothering him by following him around.

"Suit yourself; there's not anything you need while we're here, is there?"

"Nope."

"Okay; well, if you get bored, wander anytime you want."

And I wandered less than five minutes after we entered the bookstore, when Jase started arguing with the clerk, who seemed to have misplaced his books. I looked around the store for a few minutes, making my way upstairs to take a look at their music selection for a few minutes before I realized there was a pretzel stand outside of the second floor exit. I wasn't hungry, but I could have used a drink. I spent a few minutes heading over there, and decided to order one for Jase, too. It couldn't hurt sucking up. I wasn't sure how long he would be, but we'd be together for the whole way back home, and I was beginning to wonder if we should do some talking. After all, Luke said it wouldn't hurt to talk to Jase, and there were things that needed to be cleared up between us, I thought. Because just thinking about it, was doing nothing short of stressing me out.

"What do you want?"

I was so busy thinking about Jase, and debating whether or not to strike up a conversation with him, that I hardly noticed the rude tone of the guy behind the counter.

"Can I get two large..." I stopped talking the moment my eyes met the light brown ones glaring at me from underneath the brim of a top-hat-shaped red cap that the employees of The Grind and Go apparently wore.

"Two large what?" Seth responded. He might as well have barked the words at me.

"Never mind," I said quickly. "I didn't know you worked here."

"But Aaron sent you, anyway," he said testily. "Fine, he likes lemonade."

Seth grabbed two cups next to him, and I noticed for a brief moment he was looking over my shoulder, probably for Aaron. Something about that really bothered me.

"I'm not here with Aaron," I retorted. "And I think I'll go somewhere where they're not going to spit in my drink."

Seth began to narrow his eyes at me, but I didn't bother to stick around to see what he had to say. At least, I tried not to. I'd made it two steps before he called after me.

"What happened to your face? It looks like shit."

I caught myself pulling the ballcap lower over my eyes, and resenting that.

"Aaron doesn't think so," I found myself saying before I could help it. Not that Aaron had said anything about my face. He hadn't even seen it up close. But, I imagined that he wouldn't tell me that I looked like shit, and besides, saying that to Seth seemed to piss him off. At least that was a success.

"You know, he did invite me the other day. Believe what you want, but I was there because he said he had something important he needed to talk about. You weren't supposed to be there."

"You're full of shit," I responded, shaking my head. "Aaron shouldn't have asked you to stay; but you know what? I think he knows that now."

I turned away from the counter, this time refusing to even look back at Seth. Seeing him was not exactly a pleasant surprise, and for him to suggest that Aaron actually asked him to be at the theater only pissed me off, and unfortunately, made me question whether or not Aaron actually did it. Believing anything that would come out of Seth's mouth, was reason enough to get pissed at myself. I'd definitely had enough of this shit, especially when he called after me again.

"You know what else he knows? He knows he can use you, because you're too stupid to see it!"

...

"Are you okay?" Jase asked me as I approached the counter where he was still waiting on books. I'm sure I looked flustered.

"I'm fine. Here. I got you a drink." And it wasn't from Seth, either.

"Um, thank you," he replied, taking it. "Are you hungry, Rory? You haven't eaten anything today. Maybe we could grab something when I'm done here."

"I'm not really hungry."

"Okay... well, let's get something, anyway, okay?"

I shrugged indifferently, although I really didn't want to eat. I just wanted to get out of the mall. There was no way I wanted to risk running into Seth again. All he ever managed to do was upset me. In fact, I was getting damned tired of him. Maybe Aaron had said that he'd talk to him, but truth be told, I'd prefer it if he didn't. I just wanted for both of us to stay away from the guy, and Aaron's friend or not, I decided right then that Aaron would be hearing about this. I doubt his friend would tell me that he was just using me. As Jase and I left the bookstore, I really didn't want to stop and eat. I wanted to go home and call Aaron. Maybe if he knew what I was putting up with he'd realize that Seth was a jerk. Plus, now that he'd seen it first hand at the theater I wasn't that worried about him believing me. But, Aaron would have to wait, because Jase wanted tacos. At least he stopped at a place away from the mall. The only downside was that eating in the restaurant put us face to face and I was no longer in the mood to talk. That's probably why I spent as much time as I could stuffing my face. I couldn't eat forever, though, and Jase seemed to know it. It looked like he felt we needed to talk, too, the way he sat silently after he was finished eating and just watched me. That, did nothing for my nerves. When I couldn't take it any more, I finally sat up in my seat and looked right back at him. He wasn't like Eddie, though. He didn't look away at all.

"How are you holding up?" he finally asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked cautiously.

"It's been a stressful week--are you doing alright?"

"Okay, I guess," I replied, scratching at the back of my neck.

"Have you tried calling your grandma yet?"

I nodded and then looked away. I really didn't want to relive that conversation. But, I was also worried about why Jase was asking me about my grandma. I think I was half expecting him to tell me that he wanted me to move back in with her and get away from his family.

"I guess it didn't go like you expected it to, huh?" he asked, and I met his eyes again, shaking my head.

"Actually, it turned out just how I thought it would--just not how I wanted it to."

"Maybe next time will be better."

"Maybe," I said, but I seriously doubted it.

"You just have to keep trying, Rory. I'm sure eventually she'll figure out that she has to talk to you."

"No. My grandma's not like that. She likes to have things her way; if she doesn't want to talk to me, then she won't. Not about anything I want to talk about, anyway. It's pointless. Do you want me to leave?"

Jase blinked, my question taking him off guard. I watched as he leaned forward and locked his fingers on the table as he looked at me. It didn't help my nerves that he actually seemed to be thinking about this.

"Leave where, Rory?"

I inwardly groaned. Didn't he know that he wasn't supposed to answer a question with a question? That irritated me. He knew damn well what I was talking about.

"Home. Back to my grandma. Away... away from here," I replied, doing my best not to sound agitated, but probably failing miserably. Jase, in return, sounded completely calm. What he had to say, I hadn't expected.

"No, I don't; in fact, I think your decision to go back at the end of the summer is a little rushed. Your mother wanted to find Eddie for a reason. When she asked you to come here, she never intended for you to move back in with your grandmother. Your relationship is strained with her right now, anyway. I don't think it would be in your best interest to go back."

"And is that your professional opinion?" I asked somewhat roughly. I hadn't been expecting that kind of response, and I really hadn't been expecting the impersonal way that he said it. At least he had the decency to look sorry.

"Rory, Eddie's your father. A few weeks ago I can understand why you wouldn't want to get to know him. You thought he'd abandoned you and your mother. It's completely understandable. But, you know better now. He wants to get to know you. He wants to be your friend, and maybe someday, something more. And you owe it to yourself to get to know him."

That was nice and all, but it didn't exactly answer my question.

"But, do you want me to leave?"

"No," Jase replied, beginning to look troubled. "I don't understand, Rory--did I do something that would make you think that?"

"I don't know," I replied, momentarily glancing away from him. "When you and Eddie were arguing about the picture, I heard what you said, that you'd leave, because of me."

Jase sighed and ran his hand over his face, looking like he was trying to come up with something to say.

"Okay; first, I'm sorry that I said that. But second--I wasn't thinking about leaving because of you. It was Eddie. When I said I'd leave, I also wasn't talking about permanently. Eddie was having just as much trouble at adjusting as you were. I thought it might be a good idea to leave the two of you alone for a while."

"But you guys are fighting about me..."

"No," Jase responded firmly. "We're fighting because I got mad at Eddie for something he shouldn't have done. Before, I was concerned about a few things regarding you, yes; but it was more that I was concerned over how Eddie was handling certain situations."

"Like the lying?"

"Yes, like the lying," Jase said. "Look, Rory... can I be completely honest here?"

"It might help," I mumbled, and he actually looked amused by that.

"Okay; you intimidate me."

"What?"

"I mean it," Jase replied. "You have to understand... it took Eddie and me a long time to get where we are now. And I... I love him. But, your dad--Eddie--it takes him a while to open up to people. Being gay..."

"He told me."

"Well, it's all true. I don't think certain things have ever been easy for him, and as foolish as it might sound to you, I've always been a little afraid that one day something was going to scare him enough... to leave. When Luke moved in with us, things settled down almost naturally--we had some problems at first, but I think in a way, we were always a family. But when we found out about you... I don't think you understand just how scared your dad was. Obviously, we didn't know you were gay, or what you knew; he just wanted you to accept him, Rory. That was very important to him, and it still is. And I got really worried, because I thought that he'd actually leave us just so you would think he was... normal. That's why I agreed to play along with his little charade--at first. He needed to tell you the truth. He should have. I was willing to pretend for a few days. Not forever."

"I get that," I said, shrugging.

"I don't like to hide who I am, Rory. Eddie knows that, and that's why we're fighting."

"But, no one's lying about it anymore," I pointed out. "And you can't be angry about the picture, because I left that out." I could feel myself getting upset over this, but didn't understand why. If Jase didn't want me to leave, then why was he fighting with Eddie?

"I'm sorry I did that. I don't know--maybe I did it on purpose, okay? Maybe I wanted..."

"Rory," Jase said gently. "It's okay; look, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I think I will, given it's the only way you're going to understand. What you heard me fighting with Eddie about, wasn't just that picture. That's what he was angry about. What I was upset about, was the way he moved all of my things out of our bedroom after he found that picture."

Oh.

Shit.

And... I had absolutely nothing to say.

"He knows what he did was wrong," Jase continued. "He's sorry for it, I understand that; and I even understand. I've always known that Eddie has been, maybe, a little ashamed of who he is. A lot of that is from his past and I know he works on it; but when he did that, for the first time, I felt like he was ashamed of me."

I had to take a moment to digest this information. I'd been so focused on thinking that they were fighting about me that I'd refused to let myself think they were fighting just because Eddie was an idiot. And what he did was wrong. In fact, if I were Jase, I'd be angry, too. But, that didn't necessarily mean that I was angry with Eddie. Actually, I was surprised to find that I felt kind of sad for him. And Jase. Just... them in general. I was sad for them. And in all honesty, I was just as concerned over their fighting as I'd been before. I guess that meant it that I wanted them to work things out, whether or not Jase wanted me there.

"Do you understand now?" Jase asked, and I simply nodded. "Good; look, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Eddie I told you. I'm going to tell him," he added quickly. "We just... never discuss these things with Luke, and we didn't talk about it first. I think I need to be the one to let him know we had this discussion."

"Um... yeah, sure."

"Thank you," he said, giving me a small smile. "And, I really do want you here. I'm sorry if it seems like I've kept my distance. Maybe... we can sit down and talk again?"

"Okay."

"Good," he nodded, looking satisfied. "I know you're probably trying to figure out where you fit in here, Rory. Just, try to remember that I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in with you, too. I think if we can sit down and talk to each other every once in a while, it'll be good."

...

It'll be good. That's what I told myself fifteen minutes after I got back with Jase and started to dial Aaron's number. Talking to Jase had made me feel better about things; maybe having an honest conversation with Aaron about Seth would have the same effect. And, if I could do it without getting pissed off, maybe Aaron would listen. At least, I imagined that he would have listened, if he had answered his phone.

I sat down on my bed, wondering where Aaron was, but didn't have much time to think on it, the way Luke suddenly barged into my room. This, I hadn't expected, considering that he and Eddie weren't there when Jase and I got back.

"We're leaving," he announced.

"What?"

"How's your head, any better?"

"I guess, but..."

"We have to get out of the house, come on."

"What?"

Luke didn't give me a response, and I didn't argue much when he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door. I wasn't necessarily worried about this behavior, just surprised by it; and I didn't press Luke for answers as I followed him through the house because I assumed an explanation would be coming sooner or later. Luke led me straight to the garage, where his car was already running.

"Aren't you going to tell Jase we're leaving?" I asked, finding it strange that Luke wouldn't think of that.

"Eddie will tell him."

I looked around as Luke practically shoved me into the passenger seat, taking note that Eddie's vehicle was nowhere to be seen.

"Weren't you with Eddie? I don't see..."

"He'll be back in a few minutes. He had to run back out to get something. I promised we'd clear out before he got back--actually, I insisted that we clear out before he gets back. He's going to do some serious apologizing to Jase, and things are probably going to get... gross." Luke shifted into reverse and began to back out of the driveway as I looked at him, still trying to figure out what was going on.

"Oh... oh! Ew!"

"Yeah," Luke nodded, as if confirming that I'd figured it out, and agreeing with my reaction. "I've just spent half the morning with Eddie guilting him because they woke us up last night, and..."

"You what?" I demanded.

"I guilted him--come on, it's not like you've never done it. Besides, I'm tired of them fighting. If they think it's bothering us, they'll work it out; and Eddie's going to work it out, trust me." I frowned at that, only because I happened to know what Eddie did, and I wasn't sure that they were going to work this out as quickly as Luke seemed to think they were. At least, where Jase's feelings were concerned, I didn't think it would be so fast. "And guess what?" Luke continued. "I found out why they're fighting." Now, I regarded him skeptically. I knew why Jase and Eddie were fighting, but I didn't see Eddie spilling the information to Luke like that. The only reason Jase told me was to convince me that he didn't have a problem with me. "Eddie fucked up, big time." Okay, maybe he did know. "He probably doesn't want me telling anyone what he told me, but I didn't make any promises and I think you should at least hear it. I was right, by the way, they're not fighting about you."

I glanced over at Luke, suddenly feeling amused by his excitement for gossip. He was obviously waiting for me to ask why Jase and Eddie were fighting. I imagined when he told me would be the highlight of his day. I actually felt bad about ruining it for him.

"I know. I talked to Jase this morning."

"Jase told you?" Luke asked incredulously, after a moment of appearing like I'd managed to slap him in the face. "He told you?"

"Yeah," I replied, wondering whether or not I should be offended by his reaction.

"He never tells me anything," Luke replied, pouting.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think he felt like he had to tell me. I sort of accused him of wanting me out of your lives."

"So you really did talk to him? How did that go?"

"Actually... it was okay," I admitted. "I mean, it bothers me that they're still fighting, but I guess Jase made me feel better in general."

"Did he say anything about Eddie? I mean, Eddie sounded sorry. I know he's been apologizing. Do you think he stands a chance?"

I had to think about that. Jase had sounded pretty hurt, and in all honesty, it made me wonder if he ever would fully forgive Eddie. But, Jase saying that he loved him--that was something, at least, for me to hear.

"He loves Eddie."

"Yeah; I know they love each other, but do you think they'll make up?"

"I hope so."

Luke flashed me an annoyed look.

"You're not really helping with the optimism here," he remarked.

"Sorry," I replied, sighing. "It's just... I want them to make up too, okay? The fighting makes me uncomfortable. But, do you really think it's any of our business?"