Chapter 26: Jackie

Oh my God! I thought JR was going to make me come right there in the lunchroom, and I didn't care. His fingers were magic. I was panting from the short, but very erotic, fingering and kiss. I was dripping!

"Okay, I get the point, Baby," I said. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"

JR grinned and said, "I never get tired of hearing you tell me. I love you too, Honey. So, what is your plan for the rest of the day?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Why not?" JR asked.

I giggled, reached under the table, and fondled his cock. "Because I'm not taking any chances that you might misunderstand me. I'm not going to do anything that might make you not want to do what you just did. Wow!"

Ted and Cindy came to our table. They sat down and asked how we were doing. JR began talking to Ted about the meet while Cindy and I talked about what went on that morning.

"How can you stand to see another girl doing things to JR," Cindy asked me. "If he was my boyfriend I wouldn't let another chick touch him."

"Cindy, I don't know how to answer you, not so you'd understand. You have to be in love, really in love I guess. What we do isn't about love, it's about fun. JR and I want to have fun. I know he doesn't love the girls he's lets fool around with him and I don't love the guys. I'm not afraid of him falling for someone else and I'm not interested in anyone except him."

"Not even Ted?" Cindy asked. "You used to really like him."

"I still like him, but I don't love him," I said.

"Would you have sex with him? I don't mean getting relief in class or touching in the halls, I mean real sex," Cindy said.

After thinking for a moment, I shrugged my shoulders.

"You would, wouldn't you!" Cindy said. It wasn't a question. "What would JR say if you did?"

"JR and I love and trust one another, if - and that's a big if, I wanted to have sex with Ted I would talk to JR about it. I might if he said it was okay."

Cindy looked up for a moment. "What's it like, having sex I mean?"

I giggled. "With JR, it's the most wonderful thing in the world. I like when I am fondled and things like that, but with JR my world is shaken. It doesn't have to be fucking either; he can do it by kissing me."

"Really, wow!"

"Have you ever had a boy kiss you like that? You know, where it makes you tingle all over?" I said.

"I've kissed a few guys, but it never made me feel like that. I'm kind of scared to let go, you know, after what happened to my sister and all."

"Do you think all guys are like that? If you do, you're wrong! There are nice guys, very nice guys. You shouldn't be afraid to live because of something that happened to someone else. That's like not driving because someone you know had an accident. I'm not telling you want to do, but you need to let go a little.

"If you do, don't jump in the sack with the first boy that makes you feel giddy. Make sure he's the right one," I said.

"How do you know if he's the right one? I mean, isn't it hard when you're all turned on and things like that?" Cindy asked.

"That's the wrong time to decide, Cindy. You have to be sure before you get into that position. I knew before I made love with JR, I was very sure I wanted him to be my first," I said.

The bell rang and JR and I waked to the gym together. Before going in, JR asked how Cindy was doing.

"She's okay. I think she wants a boyfriend," I said.

"Don't most girls want boyfriends? I know most guys want girlfriends," JR said.

I giggled and said, "I thought most guys wanted sex."

"That too, but it's better when you have sex with someone you love. I know there isn't anyone that would be better than you," JR told me.

"There are a lot of girls that have more experience than I do—I'll bet they'd be better." I grinned at JR.

JR put his hands on my shoulders. He looked into my eyes, smiled, and said, "Maybe, but it's not just good sex that I'm interested in, I want love—your love. Shit, we can have sex with almost anyone and I bet it would be good, and fun. I want more than good and fun, I want you—sex or no sex."

I felt my heart pounding in my chest. How could anyone be any sweeter than JR?

"Baby, you've already got me—sex or no sex. I love you so much," I said.

"Good, then we're on the same page. Now, I want you to go to PE. I want you to remember that I love you, but if there is anything you want to do while you're showering with those guys I want you to do it. Before you ask, no, I won't be mad and yes, I'll still love you."

I looked into JR's eyes. He smiled and said, "Honey, this isn't a contest. No one's keeping score. We don't have to go tit for tat. We have a few days left of The Program and our agreement. Don't waste them. I don't what you to wonder about how it could have been."

Sometimes I swear JR can read my mind. Damn I love that guy! JR gave me an open door, a door I wasn't sure I wanted to go through. It wasn't that I was afraid of what may be on the other side, I was afraid of not being able to get back. There was something grinding away inside me, something I couldn't put my finger on, but it was there nonetheless.

It wasn't emptiness; JR did more than enough to make sure of that. No, it was something else. I gave JR a kiss, watching as he walked into the girls' locker room. I couldn't help wondering if JR had his own doors to the unknown.

When I went into the boys' locker room, I was greeted by the whistles and cat calls I had gotten all week. I held my head high as I walked the gauntlet. There were hands all over my body. On my boobs, my ass, and my pussy. I felt someone put their finger in my pussy. I put one foot up on the bench and leaned forward. The play lasted until Mr. Reynolds told the guys to hit the gym.

I followed the boys to the gym and went to be with my class. We played volleyball. I tried to pay attention, but I couldn't get my mind off what had happened—or what would happen when we went to shower.

"Are you okay?" Kimmy asked me when we took a break.

"I guess so, I don't know," I replied.

"What's up, Jackie? Are you and JR having a problem?"

"No, not at all. If anything, he's being super nice."

Kimmy put her hand on my arm. "Jackie, I've known you forever. I know there's something bothering you."

I told Jackie about how I acted in the locker room. I told her I put my foot up on a bench so some guy—a guy I hardly knew, could finger fuck me. Kimmy listened, but didn't respond.

"I don't know what's going on, Kimmy. I'm so afraid of hurting JR, but there are things I can't help feeling, things I want to do."

"Have you and JR talked about it?" Kimmy asked.

"Yes, we've talked about things. He said it was okay for me to do whatever I wanted, at least until the end of the week and the end of our time in The Program."

"Are you afraid of hurting JR, or are you afraid he's having the same feelings? Maybe he wants to do things too, things with other girls."

"Do you think he's saying what he's saying just so he can have sex with other girls? Do you think he told you to do it so he wouldn't feel guilty if he did?"

"Wow, maybe you're right! Maybe JR wants to fuck someone and he thinks it will be okay if I do the same thing," I said.

Kimmy asked about the things JR and I have talked about. I told her every detail of our many conversations. "So, do you think that's why he said I could do anything I wanted, because he wants to?"

"Like I said, maybe. If you want to really know what I think, I'll tell you."

I nodded.

"I think JR loves you more than you know. I think he wants you to have fun just like he said. JR doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be so shallow that he would tell you to have sex just so he could. I think he cares more about you and your happiness than he does his own. Jackie, you can do what you want to do, but whatever you decide isn't going to change the way he feels about you.

"When you guys were getting relief in history this morning, I watched you two. I'm willing to bet almost anything JR got off because you were having so much fun, more than he would have if it was just him and Kimmy. You had your eyes closed most of the time, you couldn't see the way he was looking at you, —I could.

"You had lust on your face, JR had love on his, love for you. So, you can beat yourself up, or you can do what you want to. Either way, JR is still going to love you, Jackie."

That was sobering. When Kimmy said it, it sounded so simple. Why was I grappling with my feelings so much? Was having sex with a couple of guys so wrong? Was it wrong if JR did the same thing? The real question was could I handle it if JR did—or if I did? I needed time to think, something I seemed to be doing a lot of lately.

When I showered with the guys, I let them wash me and do the things they normally did. I didn't let any of them finger me long enough to make me come. After PE, I met JR in the hall.

"How was your shower?" JR asked.

"Refreshing, how about your's?" I replied.

"It was okay, nothing really happened. Cindy and I washed each other, but it was kind of strange. She really didn't seem to be into it."

I told JR about what happened when I first went into the locker room. He grinned and slipped his arm around my waist. I was a bit surprised he didn't make a comment.

Art was art. We posed so the class could finish their sketches. Of all our classes, art was the most boring. I think it was because the teacher despises The Program.

Because we had a meet that evening, swim practice was short. The coach went over the events and who was swimming in which one. The coach told us to be back an hour before the meet and sent us on our way. JR and I walked to the band room to see how long Mo would be. I went in while JR waited.

"Mo will be out in about a half hour. I told her to meet us at the truck," I told JR.

JR and I dressed and went to his truck. I slid next to him when we got in. He put his arm around me and I cuddled against his chest. We just sat quietly for a few minutes. I moved so I was stretched out on the seat with my head in his lap. JR stroked my cheek while I looked up into his eyes.