Chapter 9

It's not a question of understanding, Dolores, Moira told her MI. It's a question of convincing my heart. Intellectually, it's crystal clear why Colin can't commit to me, but when I'm with him, I feel that there's something more there than just the convenience of sex.

Of course there is, Dolores answered. Colin cares a great deal about you. It may even be true that he loves you. It's those very feelings that he fears most. He knows the consequences of getting too deeply involved with anyone, and though it hurts him more than you can imagine, he pushes you away so that he can continue to do his duty. The sleep teacher has a simulation prepared if you would like to experience it.

If it's just going to give me all the reasons why I can't be with Colin, it's a waste of time. I already know the reasons.

The simulation will, of necessity, show you why you can't be with Colin, Dolores said patiently, but it's primary purpose is to help you understand why Colin can't be with you. Please, just experience the sim.

Reluctantly, Moira settled into the sleep teacher. In moments, she entered the strange trance state that allowed her mind to absorb information at an astounding rate while making her body feel as if she was actually experiencing the events depicted.

As the sim began she and Colin fell madly in love and had a few blissful days together before they had to get back to work. Then, disaster struck in bits and pieces that built to an avalanche. It was small things at first; minor errors that anyone could make. As Colin's distraction over her grew, however, he began missing important appointments, forgetting important things. Soon, his sense of duty clashed with his sense of devotion, and angry arguments erupted between them. This caused further distractions, and the problems between them escalated until they finally chose to separate rather than spend their time together fighting.

With so many things in the schedule falling behind, Colin worked like a madman to get the defense plans back on track. As interdependent as the tasks to be accomplished were, a small delay in one place could translate into a much larger delay in another. Each delay caused more delays, and it soon became clear that the time lost was not going to be recovered before the first confrontation with the Gorz. Moira saw, long before the Gorz neared the point of the planned initial contact that they weren't ready.

The battle took place as planned, but enough of the Gorz fleet escaped the attack to rebuild in a small, out of the way system. The casualties in the Earth Fleet were too heavy to allow immediate pursuit. The worst damage was done to the planet and it's inhabitants. Because all resources had been redirected to increase fleet strength, there had not been enough transports to evacuate the planet and the Gorz capitalized on that fact by bombarding the planet, killing thousands and forcing the Earth fleet into defense mode...

Ultimately, after a prolonged battle in open space, the Gorz would be defeated, but it was only too clear to Moira what the distraction of a relationship would do to Colin and to the billions whose lives depended on him.

Colin has been through this simulation many times already, the sleep teacher's MI told her soothingly. He knows what is at stake. It is not that he does not care for you, but that he cannot risk such attachments until his task is completed. Would you like to see what would happen should he find himself in the situation of having to send a loved one into a life-threatening situation? Or the scenario in which a loved one dies because of his orders?

That won't be necessary, Moira dreamed, her heart heavy with guilt and shame.

There is no shame in loving someone, Moira, the MI told her. It is a normal human emotion, and a good one. All this is intended to show you is why Colin cannot allow himself to return your affection. Be at peace, Captain. You have done nothing wrong. Know, too, that Colin shares both your desires and your anguish at the knowledge that they cannot be fulfilled.

Why doesn't that make me feel any better, Moira thought at the MI.

It is not designed to make you feel better. The primary purpose of this exercise is to reconcile conflicting emotions - not make them less painful.

I don't suppose you have a way of making them less painful?

No, and even if we did, it would not be advisable to use it. You humans are complex mechanisms, and though we have studied you for centuries, we still cannot identify all the ways in which your emotions affect not only your mental health but your physical well-being. It is best to let those emotions fade with time as most human emotions do.

Moira heaved a mental sigh and thought ironically, I was afraid you would say that.

" ... make this new planet, Bates World, the first of many new Earth colonies, a home for yourselves and for the generations to come!"

Applause rang out through the natural amphitheater as the final words of Colin's speech echoed around the glen. Without waiting for the applause to die, Colin raised a hand in farewell, then bounded across the clearing to the waiting shuttle. No sooner was he aboard than the MI took off, closing the hatch as the shuttle lifted, carrying Colin and the dignitaries who had waited for the end of his speech swiftly into space.

"My apologies, Madame President, esteemed Ambassadors to the Security Council, Madame Speaker, and members of Congress. I am running late and once a fleet the size of ours gets moving, it is best to keep it moving. Our crews are trained and disciplined, but even with the Chofri technologies at our disposal, that much mass requires planning and deliberation to move and to halt. This shuttle will try to make up for lost time in transit by 'bouncing' off the moons and taking advantage of the additional boost their mass can give us."

Colin settled in his chair, facing the others as he spoke. The chair's automatic restraints snapped around him as he did.

Unlike civilian ships, military vessels did not depend on the inertial field to protect their occupants, since so many things could go wrong in battle. Chofri ships were designed in layers of technology. They were most efficient and effective when the MIs were in control and the inertial drive and restraint fields were functioning, but the failure of an MI or an inertial field would only slightly diminish the ship's effectiveness. Humans could take over the controls of any part of any Chofri fighting ship and operate it almost as well as the MIs. Even with every electronic circuit on the vessel fried, the weapons and the impulse drives could be operated mechanically.

These were not battle conditions, however, and the inertial drive performed flawlessly. The MIs projected holograms of the space around the fleet, and the shuttle passengers could see the fleet movements beginning as they completed their transit of the Bates system.

This deep in the gravity well of the primary, even the superdreadnoughts operated on ID, but their movements had to be coordinated carefully. Inertial damping was not as effective against the gargantuan masses of the fleet's capital ships, so any movement was staged so that the superdreadnoughts started first, followed by the dreadnoughts, then the battleships and carriers, as well as the missile drones. The cruisers, light cruisers, destroyers, and a swarm of smaller craft that had no equivalent class in Earth Navy terms, and were dubbed 'Utility Fast Weapon Platforms' or UFWPs.

The display labeled each class of ship for the benefit of the civilian watchers. President Aquino was the first to ask the expected question.

"What is a UFWP?"

"It's a new class of ship invented by Fleet Admiral Mtumbo," Colin answered. "The acronym stands for 'Utility Fast Weapon Platform'. The ships consist of little more than impulse thrusters fore and aft and a single laser cannon the size of those used on our Superdreadnoughts. They have limited maneuverability, but are designed to kill the enemy's capital ships. Their attack pattern is simple. They approach the target ship head-on, presenting a very small cross-section to the enemy gunners, then fire their laser cannons. Typically, these ships can fire from much shorter ranges than our own capital ships, so there is less chance that the beams of their weapons will be dissipated by the debris of battle. As a result, we have shown that a few of these, attacking in waves, can destroy large enemy ships much more effectively than our Superdreadnoughts or our torpedo fighters."

"But how can they carry enough power for such an enormous weapon?" Colin's MI identified the Ambassador from South Africa to the Security Council and supplied information on his engineering background while Colin formed his reply.