Chapter 4

York ranch, New Mexico Territory, April, 1899

Sarah sat on her bed, crying as if she would never stop. Carmelita, the housekeeper, cook, and stand-in mother for Sarah, was walking down the hall and heard the sobbing coming from Sarah's room. She gently opened the door and peeked in. The sight of Sarah sobbing her heart out was almost more than Carmelita could stand.

Carmelita walked to Sarah's side and gently placed her arm around the girl. Sarah turned to Carmelita, but did not let up on her sorrow. "What has you so upset, my dear? You know I want to help you any way I can..."

"Oh, Carmelita, you are so good to me! Daddy's illness has got me down so much, that I can hardly face him without breaking down. The doctor says that he only has a few more months to live and then I will lose him, just the way I lost my mother so many years ago. I miss her so much and I know I will miss him just as much. What can I do? I want to cry all of the time. I don't know if I am more sad for him or for me. I am so frightened. What will I do? When I lose him, I will be all alone. I know I have you, but it just won't be the same! Please don't be mad at me. I love you and I know you love me."

"Sarah, it is right to mourn. Your mother was an angel and I know you miss her. Your father is so gentle and kind, everybody will miss him, too. It is alright to be frightened of what may happen, but you are only 20 years old. You have many years ahead of you and you will find a husband you can love, honor, and cherish. When you meet this man, you will know it, so don't worry about it now. God will take care of you until you find him.

"You can feel sad now if you need to, but don't let yourself be pushed beyond your limit. It's alright to start your mourning now for your father and yourself, but control it so that you don't make him feel worse.

"When he dies, you will have this giant ranch to run. We will all help you as much as we can, but it will ultimately be your responsibility. You will have to be strong then, so go ahead and be as weak as you need to be now. Cry now if it will help you, because you will not have time for a lot of tears later."

On the road to Julesburg, NMT, July 1899

"Why did that horrible man shoot my father? He would have been dead in a few weeks, anyway. The shock was so great, I couldn't stop screaming at him until he was dead, too. That wonderful knight out of some story book came riding to my rescue. Now, I must calm down and control myself. I cannot collapse into hysteria. I will be calm and do what I must; later I can fall apart if I have to.

"I know that I can depend on this knight who has rescued me. He is so big and strong and handsome! He looks like the man of my dreams. He is so calm and in control. I know that I can depend on him to do the right thing. I will just put myself in his hands and shut out the world. He will take care of me; I know it."

York ranch, NMT, July, 1899

"Home at last. I will be safe here. 'Everybody, calm down! This man rescued me. Now do what Bill says.' Once we get Daddy to his room and I can sit on the sofa beside my knight, I will feel much better.

"He is being so kind to me; I can't let go of him. He speaks so quietly and calmly, I know that he will take control and make everything right. When he looks at me like that, I just can't hold it back any longer. I must let go!"