Chapter 3

Amelia rolled her eyes at the screaming male vocals competing with loud, crunching guitars on the car radio. Sophia was banging her head intently with every harsh, rib-shaking beat, clearly oblivious to her girlfriend's annoyance. The leather-clad driver was at least grateful that her passenger wasn't singing along with the song. As if reading and misinterpreting Amelia's thoughts, Sophia opened her mouth and belted out the lyrics.

"It's the beginning of the end, and I don't know where we lost control," Sophia shouted at the window with a scrunched up face.

"When did you start listening to metal?"

"What?"

"WHEN DID- " Amelia sighed in frustration and turned the volume down. "When did you start listening to such violent music? That's the kind of shit that Kaylin used to listen to."

"Oh, so I'm not allowed to listen to it because one of your girlfriend's ex-girlfriends listened to it?"

"Don't put words in my mouth! I'm just... not fond of it is all."

"You want me to put something else in your mouth?" Sophia said with a dark smile.

Amelia glanced over at her, but then did a double-take. Perhaps she was imagining it, but it sure seemed like her lover's face was missing that quality of innocence that she found so attractive. Amelia figured that it was simply because Sophia was becoming quite the experienced woman. Thinking of it in those terms made her feel a sense of accomplishment, and she merely returned the smile.

They arrived at the mall shortly, heading straight for the bookstore. They had to share an umbrella, for it was pouring and neither wished to get soaked. Amelia was sure that the reason they received a couple of stares was because of the way their fingers were interlocked, wrapped around the umbrella's handle. Sophia seemed not to notice, however, and politely held the door open for her girlfriend.

"Hmph," Amelia complained, "you'd think that these people never saw a couple of lesbians before."

"Of course they haven't," Sophia replied nonchalantly, "Have you dear? Do you know any lesbians?" she asked an older lady who passed through the door that she continued to hold open. The older lady offered a surprised glance, then hurried out irritably. Amelia's jaw dropped at her girlfriend's boldness.

"What was THAT?" Amelia asked.

"What? That was just me trying to be friendly to the locals," Sophia replied innocently.

"Come on," Amelia took her girlfriend's hand and led her over to the LGBT section of the bookstore. "You know, you're turning out to be quite the vixen," Amelia said proudly as she glowed at Sophia.

"I learned from the best," Sophia answered slyly.

"You're damn right you did. Don't ever forget it, either."

Sophia was about to retort, but was distracted by the cover of a book on black and white bondage photography. The photo on the front featured a tall woman standing over another one who was hogtied. She had a black leather flogger in her hand and a spiked heel dug into the submissive woman's hip. Spellbound, Sophia picked up the book. Without regard to the bemused girlfriend, she began flipping through the pages. Her eyes took as much in as they could as fragments of spiked collars and leather corsets as they sped past. Finally one photo caught her attention enough to make her stop.

On the concrete ground lied a young woman with long, dark hair just like Sophia's. She was blindfolded with a black cloth, and her naked body was completely bound by several layers of rope. It was fairly obvious that the woman could not escape even if she wanted to. She rested on her right side, and her legs and arms met behind her, tied together. Her nipples were hard, proving that the floor was just as cold as it looked. One detail that stood out was that there was a line of rope that been placed within the folds of the woman's pussy.

Sophia felt her sex getting wet from just looking at the photo. She squeezed her legs together to keep the cream from escaping. With this rekindled hunger, she showed the picture to Amelia. She licked her lips for emphasis.

"Ugh," Amelia frowned, "that's so pathetic. Why would someone do that to themselves?"

"You... you don't like it?" Sophia asked.

"No, sorry. Not my thing. Next!" Amelia said as she wandered over to another section.

Sophia stood staring dejectedly at her lover. How could someone who relished sexual control over others simply dismiss such an obvious indulgence? Didn't she notice how aroused Sophia had become?

"Oh... isn't that a shame?" Kaylin's voice said sarcastically as she stepped out from behind the bookcase.

"Shut up," Sophia warned.

"What? So not only are you talking to your delusions, but now you're telling them to shut up?" Kaylin mocked, "Oh, this is a good sign."

"What do you know anyway? Why are you even here?"

"Because apparently I'm who you associate with this part of yourself. I didn't choose it; you did. So don't act so arrogant about it."

"God, what the hell's wrong with me?"

"For starters, you placing any faith that your beloved Dom would give a fuck about how you truly feel."

"She's not my Dom; she's just my girlfriend." Sophia said internally as she looked away.

"Oh, well isn't that too bad," Kaylin continued as she stepped in front of Sophia's gaze, "if only there was someone else we knew who would be willing to take the role of Dom. Who understood and respected our fantasies. Can you think of anyone?"

Sophia could not resist staring into Kaylin's eyes. She felt as though she were looking at herself; or one of her possible selves. It was hard to tell, as not much made sense anymore. She barely even recognized the feelings inside her. Resigned, she decided to answer Kaylin's question.

"Alessa."

"Good girl."

Amelia giggled as she reached into her pocket for her keys. The two women were in no hurry to reach the front door, for they were currently discussing the book that they had just purchased for Estelle ('Sticky sheets: 101 ways to bring candy into the bedroom'), and they expected her to be home.

"Knowing our girl, we're going to need to specify that this does not actually make the bed sheets edible."

"Oh come on now," Sophia smiled back, "she's not a ditz. She wouldn't go that far."

"Are you kidding? Remember the Willie Wonka movie where he eats the cup? Yeah, she saw that when she was six. Let's just say that they had to take her to the emergency room."

"No!"

"Mmhmm," Amelia laughed even harder, "and then she made the mistake of telling me! She doesn't use tea cups when she's around me anymore."

"Don't tell me you make fun of her over that! Oh that's just cruel!" Sophia tried to sound sympathetic, but couldn't keep the bursts of giggles from erupting.

"Hey," Amelia stated matter-of-factly, "she knew what she was signing on for when we got together. Don't tell her I told you that though; she'll kill me in my sleep."

"Oh, I am SO never telling you ANYTHING!" Sophia said through an unrepressed grin.

After taking an extended moment to hush each other's laughter, Amelia finally opened the front door. Both women made their way over to the living room, where they saw Angelo sitting on the couch with this week's health drink of choice in his hand. Amelia stopped in her tracks, and Sophia, unprepared, bumped into her. Angelo looked up at them and froze. Everyone was completely silent. Suddenly Estelle strolled out of the spare bedroom, oblivious to the awkwardness.

Amelia was the first to speak. "Estelle?" She asked as she pried her eyes away form the blonde boy sitting in her living room to look at her girlfriend.

"Yes?" Estelle answered cheerfully.

"Why is there a... boy... in our house?"

"He's my new friend. And don't be so rude," Estelle smiled as though this was the most normal thing in the world. Before anyone could ask further questions, she began introducing everyone. "He's going to listen to me play, and then we might even put a band together. Isn't that awesome?"

Amelia's head seemed to have forgotten which motion meant 'yes' because it was circulating and twitching slightly. Her mouth was gaping as she searched for something, anything appropriate to say that might conceal her shock. Finally her head managed to nod as she plastered a smile to her face.

"Good," Estelle ignored all the signs that her girlfriend was unhappy about the situation and turned her attention to Angelo, "Ok, the keyboard's all set up. Come on." Angelo followed his friend into the room, pausing to nod nervously to the other women. The door closed immediately after he entered. Finally, the shock fell from Amelia's face and she turned to Sophia, who simply shrugged.

"I don't see what the big deal is." Sophia stated nonchalantly.

"Wha- how can you not see... ?"

"I'm glad that she's developed a friendship with a boy. Don't you think that's a good sign?"

"No. No, Sophia, you don't understand. This is not normal."

"What are you talking about?"

Amelia's face darkened now. "Listen to me. Lifelong traumas don't just go away overnight. You don't just get over them."

Sophia looked at her, puzzled. "So what are you saying? How can she be friends with him if she still feels the same way about boys?"

"I don't know. I don't know what's going on in her mind. All I know is that what we're seeing on the surface is not what's going on underneath."

In the other room, Estelle laid both hands on her keyboard, playing the notes automatically while she fumed over Amelia's reaction to Angelo. Estelle knew that her girlfriend wouldn't accept this attempt at overcoming her fear of men so easily. Deep down, Estelle found it difficult to blame her, for her anti-men attitude had been embroidered on her sleeve ever since they met. Still, it was unfair for Amelia to not give her any credit. Couldn't Estelle evolve just as much as anyone else? Couldn't she heal? Did Amelia think that her little girl-toy would always need to be handled like she was so fragile?

These thoughts made Estelle play with more aggression. Her fingers commanded each note with a ferocious hunger to be in control. Although the rhythm of the song began to increase, she managed to hit every note perfectly. When there were no more notes to play, she let her hands hover while panting a little.

"Wow," Angelo responded, "that was incredible! You managed to combine the perkiness of pop and the aggression of goth into something catchy and memorable."

"Thanks! You really think so? Thank you." Estelle said as she finally put her hands down and looked up at her one-person audience.

"Yes, I do. I was picturing a beat to go along with it."

"Well, I'd like to hear it. Do you think that you could bring your drum set over sometime? We could drive those two crazy!" Estelle asked excitedly.

"Maybe after I find a place." Angelo thought about it for a moment, then said "Actually it would probably be easier for you to haul your keyboard around than my drums. By the way, how come you didn't tell me that you had roommates?"

"Oh, that," Estelle shifted a little, "well the truth is... they're my girlfriends."

"Ok," Angelo replied casually, clearly not understanding the meaning behind Estelle's words.

"No, I mean they're my lovers."

"Oh!" Angelo said, not wanting to sound rude in his tone. He had a million questions running through his mind, but hesitated asking any of them for fear of offending his new friend. Just as the silence was becoming awkward, the door opened and Sophia peeked her head in.

"Hey love — hi Angelo — we're going to go grab something for dinner. Any requests?"

"I want two scoops of French vanilla ice cream smothered in hot fudge, topped with- "

"Right. Chinese it is!" Sophia rolled her eyes as she closed the door.

Angelo decided that it was time for him to go visit a friend and secure a place to live. Estelle was reluctant to let him leave, but was pleased when he promised to get ahold of her once his life was a little less chaotic. As they said their goodbyes, Angelo touched her on the arm in a friendly gesture. Estelle reacted by flinching. Surprised, Angelo simply nodded his head and left quickly. Estelle closed her eyes and stood there until the image of her step-father's hand was pushed out of her mind.

The cross on the wall was what really stood out for Sophia. She had expected to sit in a leather couch and observe a vivid color scheme (in this case, red); but she did not expect to see any religious symbols displayed on a wall in Alessa's living room. She realized that her hostess was watching her study the cross, and forced herself to continue taking everything in.

"I know what you're thinking," Alessa began, "what's an atheist dom doing with a Christian symbol in her living room?"

Sophia nodded, not quite sure if agreeing would make her come off as rude.

"The truth is that I don't see a representation of any religious doctrine when I look at that. The cross has always been my favorite shape. I find peace in its simple, elegant symmetry."

Sophia listened to Alessa, paying more attention to her womanly curves than her voice. She was intrigued by how, though Alessa was shorter than Sophia, her presence could hold so much weight. Her beautiful blue eyes possessed as much authority as they did mystery. The shoulder-length black hair that framed her face was accentuated with blue highlights. As breathtaking as her head was, however, Sophia found it difficult to ignore Alessa's rather large breasts, barely contained in a black blouse. Sophia's attention was brought back to reality by the sound of Alessa's voice.

"However, I'm far more interested to know just how naïve you are."

"Excuse me?" Sophia said, taken aback.

"You're sitting on a couch inside the house of a total stranger. No one knows where you are. I know that you met me in secret. Did you even realize that I bolted the door upon your entrance? Why do you assume my intentions are not to hurt you?" Alessa asked this with a straight face that was difficult for Sophia to read. Sophia's face flushed and she felt her stomach tie in knots as the woman's words begun to sink in.

"Well, I... just thought," Sophia began, but her voice trailed off as she realized that she had no answer. Alessa stared at her while waiting patiently for her to finish her sentence. "I don't know." Sophia finally said nervously.

"Hmmm... interesting." Alessa noted casually. "Here I ask you why you so willingly put yourself in a position to where you may never see the light of day again, and all you can say is 'I don't know'. Well, you're certainly welcome to run for your life. That is, if you think that I wouldn't be able to restrain you, if I chose to do so. Would you like to try to escape now?"

Sophia went pale as the reality of her situation hit her. She had indeed failed to consider any possibility that Alessa may have malicious intentions. She longed for the safety of her girlfriends, and had to blink rapidly to avoid letting a tear fall down her cheek. Her only hope was to appear confident and not show her fear.

"No ma'am; I'll stay."

"Good. That's exactly the kind of trust that I need from you." Alessa inched her way closer to the back of the couch so slowly that Sophia did not realize it until she had to turn her head to see where she went. "Keep looking straight ahead," Alessa said. Sophia gave no response, but quietly did as she was told and allowed her mistress to continue speaking. "I sense hesitance in you when you first arrived; not because you were wary of me though. That's how I know that no one knows you're here. You're not sure if your girlfriends would allow you to see me, are you?"

"No," Sophia admitted softly.

Alessa began to pet her guest's hair with the back of her hand lightly as she spoke, "you needn't concern yourselves with them as long as you're in my dwelling. You wouldn't be here unless you needed some kind of fulfillment that they couldn't meet, yes?" Without waiting for Sophia to respond, she continued, "and if those needs are not fulfilled, a hungry void will grow steadily inside you. Eventually you will become so resentful towards them that it will tear you girls apart."

Sophia was under Alessa's spell completely. Her eyes were rolled in the back of her head as she savored every stroke of the hand on her hair. Her breath quickened as her mistress massaged her scalp, her fingernails scratching just enough to make Sophia whimper quietly. A new kind of tingling was born inside of her sex; one that was different than she was used to. Instead of admiration or curious excitement, the spark between her legs came from a desperate need to be under Alessa's control.

"Please," Sophia begged so quietly that she could barely hear her own voice, "please take me... do anything you want to me."

Alessa responded with laughter, which caught Sophia offgaurd. "You think it's that easy? That you can just come into my home and expect my control? Wouldn't that make ME the servant?" To Sophia's dismay, Alessa removed her hands from her scalp. "No my child; my domination is a privilege, not a right. First you must go home and think about that which I have taught you tonight."

The parting of Alessa's hands felt like a warm blanket being ripped from Sophia's naked body. She felt so empty as she took in these words, wanting nothing more than to be controlled. At that moment, her freedom became something to fear, like a kind of emotional agoraphobia. However, she knew that there was nothing she could do except to do as she was told.

"Yes mistress." Sophia said sadly.

In a darkened room sat two naked women; one with her back against the other's front. The candles on either side of them served to feed the heat radiating from their bodies. Beads of sweat were pouring down from strands of hair, falling off of shoulders, dripping from erect nipples. Hands used the sweat as a natural lotion to easily massage every part of flesh that they could reach.

"Oh, god yes," the dark-haired student moaned as her mentor's hand slid between her legs, then pulled back teasingly. Sophia responded with a tiny whimper. She shut her legs in an attempt to trap the hands, but they managed to slip out.

"Now now, dear student; you are in a rush. You should never expect the pleasure," Amelia scolded, "but rather, it should come on its own time. This is what it means to be truly submissive." With these words, she let the tips of her fingernails lightly graze the outer folds of Sophia's sex, enjoying how it made her squirm.

Sophia let out a frustrated groan. "It's not the lesson," she confessed, "I'm just distracted."

"Ah, I see. Well then, clearly we cannot continue until we've addressed whatever it is on your mind," Amelia decided. She folded her hands together in her student's lap as a sign that she was ready to listen attentively.

"It's just," Sophia began, searching for the right words, "you know how Estelle has that medical condition where her outer labia are disproportionate?"

"It's not actually that noticeable," Amelia responded, "it's just that some fucking cunt made fun of it and now it's a touchy subject."

"Right; and I understand that," Sophia continued, not quite sure how to drive her point home, "but she... she trusts you."

There was a moment of silence, then Amelia brought her head forward so that she could meet Sophia's eyes. "And you wish she would give you the same rights to it as she does me," she ventured.

"Well... yeah. I do," Sophia turned her head away and looked into the dancing flame of a nearby candle. "Why doesn't Estelle trust me?"

"Oh, sweetheart; she does trust you. You have to understand how difficult it is for her. It's not like with you or me; she's been hurt," Amelia paused to kiss her student on the neck, "she'll come around; I promise. You just have to give her more time. In the meantime," she continued as she started to lap up the fresh trails of fallen sweat from the back of Sophia's neck, "I'd like to see if I can make you come around."

Though sadness still filled Sophia's heart, it was quickly forgotten as her lover unfolded her hands and began caressing Sophia's pale inner thighs. Thankfully, Amelia took one hand and began to gently knead the dark-haired student's entire venus, eventually letting a finger slip inside of her. She remembered her mentor's previous instructions and tried her best to let herself go, and allow the pleasure to come to her. It did not take long before her body was shuddering in orgasmic bliss.

Sophia and Trevor walked lazily through the dense forest. Occasionally, a stray leaf would fall from a tree and join the others on the scarcely treaded ground. The sunlight, muted by an overabundance of clouds, struggled to reach through the many branches.

"Trevor," Sophia began, "I can't believe how much you've changed. I think it's really wonderful."

"No you don't," Kaylin countered as she walked a couple of feet behind the pair, "you think he's an insensitive prick for fucking me behind your back."

"Thanks. I'm not sure how much longer I could have survived in such a negative state. To be honest, I wanted to thank you." Trevor's speech was very calm. If it wasn't for the warmth behind every word, he would have sounded quite monotone.

"Thank me?" Sophia repeated, surprised, "Whatever for?"

"How about for giving him a reason not to feel guilty anymore; way-to-go, stupid bitch," Kaylin snarked.

"For... for being the flame that burnt my hand and woke me up from my slumber." Upon Sophia's perplexed look, he explained, "Sophia, it was like I had no pulse before, and you... you deserved so much more than what I gave you. You truly are a wonderful person, you know."

Sophia stopped walking and looked up into Trevor's eyes. She'd never heard him say such things before. Without questioning or reasoning, she simply reached over and took his hand. The love she had felt for him had gone through a metamorphosis, and she didn't feel awkward being in physical contact with him, her ex-boyfriend.

"Thank you Trevor," she said softly, "sometimes I honestly don't feel that I'm a good person at all, but you make me feel that I am."

Trevor smiled as he accepted her hand, then nodded to a small trail that diverted from the main path. "Come on; I want to show you something." He led Sophia up to a clearing that appeared to be surrounded by trees in an almost symmetrical fashion. Encompassing the center of the area were several stones that lied on the ground in a perfect circle, save for one missing stone. Trevor allowed Sophia to enter first, then followed after. There were three very large rocks with flat surfaces inside the circle. Sophia sat on one of them, then turned to watch Trevor kneel before the opening and place a stone on the ground to seal the circle. He stayed there for a moment, then rose to accompany Sophia.

"Believe me, I know exactly what you mean when you say that you don't feel like a good person. When I realized that my hate was really caused by me, I directed it towards myself. That's why I made this place; my sanctuary."

"It's nice," Sophia observed while looking around at the forest, "but I guess I don't really see how my surroundings can heal what's on the inside."

"The way I see it," Trevor explained, "the circle is sacred. Nothing bad can enter into it. So whenever I need to get away from the negative thoughts and just meditate, I can come here. That's what a sanctuary is."

Sophia was about to speak again, but something stopped her. She noticed that the atmosphere did help alleviate the pain inside. Of course, she argued with herself that this could simply be because she was with Trevor. However, she also realized that something was missing; Kaylin's voice. She looked around her as though Kaylin might have been hiding behind a rock, but found only pleasant silence.

"You feel it, don't you?" Trevor asked, to which Sophia nodded quietly. "I want to invite you to use this place whenever you are feeling overwhelmed with negative feelings. When those voices of self-doubt and self-judgment become too much to bear, just come inside and seal the circle, then take some time for yourself. I promise it will make you feel better."

Sophia accepted Trevor's reassuring smile before closing her eyes and let her mind clear.

"Hey babe, where should I set this up?" Estelle asked as she hauled her keyboard into the house.

"Oh, just right over there," Angelo pointed to an area near his drums.

After Estelle came in, Angelo introduced her to the man with whom he was staying, and a couple of others that were hanging out with them at the time. Estelle politely waved and said hi while standing safely behind her blonde drummer. After everyone was satisfied with meeting the new person, they dispersed, freeing Estelle to put the keyboard stand together. Within moments, she and Angelo were ready to go.

"So how did you manage to score a place like this?" Estelle inquired.

"Well, I knew this guy in high school, and it just so happened that he had been looking for a roommate, too. So it worked out perfectly," Angelo explained, "we're both never home anyway, with our busy schedules." With that answer, the two stood in an uncomfortable silence, each waiting for the other to move to the playing area.

"Um, Angie," Estelle started, "I've never really practiced in front of other people before."

"Oh, that's not a problem. No one's expecting a performance," Angelo assured her, "they're probably just going to shoot pool or watch television or something; they'll barely even notice us."

Estelle was still a little nervous, but decided to take Angelo's lead. She stood before her keyboard as he sat down behind his drum set, and waited for him to begin a beat. To her pleasant surprise, he started with a rather bouncy rhythm that instigated Estelle's creative muse. A series of possible melodies traveled quickly through her mind. She finally decided on one and let her fingers dance upon the keys.

Although Estelle was quite focused on her playing, she couldn't help but notice that their music had, contrary to what Angelo had said, attracted a few of the guys. When she looked up from the keyboard, Estelle noticed two pairs of boys sitting on the back of the couch facing her. They were equally divided between watching her and making out with each other. At first this annoyed her, but then she realized that she felt the same way towards these gay boys as she did with Angelo. If they were not interested in girls then they shouldn't be a threat.

When she looked up again, she had to do a double-take, for they had become much more involved with each other. Two of them were pushing their mouths against each other fiercely. The other pair seemed to be a bit more tender, nibbling on ears and necks. Estelle looked up more frequently to keep tabs with what was going on, noting whenever a hand or a mouth had taken a new position. She even found herself giggling at the sight.

Suddenly Estelle realized that Angelo had stopped playing the beat. Blushing, she played a few concluding chords to make it sound like her continuation had been on purpose. After the song had ended, Angelo came over to Estelle and apologized under his breath. She waved a hand at him to let him know that everything was alright. The four boys applauded, making Estelle blush even more.

"You put on a pretty good show lovely," one of the boys said enthusiastically.

"Thanks!" Estelle answered, "You boys put on quite a show yourself." She added a wink for good measure. They laughed and smiled in return.

One of the guys turned his head and said "Hey Rob! I think we got ourselves another fruit fly here!"

From the other room, Estelle heard another guy holler back, "Uh-oh! Look like Tina's got competition!"

"What's a fruit fly?" Estelle turned to Angelo and asked timidly, unsure of whether she should be offended by the term.

"It's another term for 'fag hag'," Angelo replied, "it's basically just a woman who hangs around with gay guys."

"Oh," Estelle said. She had reservations about being labeled as someone who liked to hang around any kind of boys, gay or straight. Still; if this was some kind of rite of passage that one must accept in order to be welcomed into the group, Estelle supposed that she would have to endure it.

Later, Estelle joined the guys in the other room. She accepted the alcoholic drink that a random boy offered her and picked a spot on the couch. She sat very close to Angelo and joined the group in a very animated discussion that covered all manner of topics. Estelle felt that she should let the others steer the direction of the conversation and was content to merely respond when spoken to. Angelo was very receptive to her shyness and often would engage in a one-on-one conversation with her while the others carried on with their group discussion. She began to feel quite comfortable.

"What do you think, Estelle?" One of the boys asked in an attempt to bring her back into the conversation.

"Oh I definitely disagree with the notion that Bert and Ernie are gay. Well, they may be gay, but not with each other."