Chapter 1

The room was deprived of sunlight, but the little brunette girl hardly noticed. She was too busy focusing on her current dilemma; which color the sky in her picture should be. She wished to capture the moment, but she didn't know what time of day it was outside. There was a window not far from where she was sitting, but it was so filthy that it served as little more than a glass barrier to the world outside. Although the door was not locked, the girl knew that she wasn't allowed to open it; even just to look out. She knew better than to question the rules.

As the girl picked up a nice, bright blue pencil, she felt the slight rumble of the ground as the truck pulled up outside. She flinched at the unceremonious slam of the truck door, letting her know that he was home. The time it took for him to walk from the truck to the door seemed like an eternity. She could hear the screams of the stars falling from the sky. The door opened and a blinding, blood-red light poured into the room. The force of it knocked her back and her head hit the floor. Though she tried to move her arms, her efforts were useless. She knew that the best thing that she could do was lie there and take it; not make trouble.

"Baby... daddy's here."

A towering shadow enveloped the little girl's tiny figure on the floor. The reflection of the bleeding sky disappeared as he shut the door behind him. A single tear fell from her eye because she knew that this was what she wanted, despite what her feelings inside told her. It's what he said, and she believed it.

"Estelle! Estelle, wake up!" Amelia's voice became faintly recognizable as the shadow quickly shrank into the imaginary horizon. Estelle's body jolted involuntarily and her blue eyes snapped open with fear. Her long brunette hair, normally perfectly wavy, was tangled and clinging to her face.

"He's here... ohgodohgodheshere..." she whispered frantically.

"It's alright, he's gone now. It was just a dream," Amelia tried to reassure her.

The sound of Amelia's voice seemed to bring Estelle back to her senses. She looked around skittishly for a moment before realizing that Amelia was next to her. Once she caught sight of Amelia's consoling emerald eyes and familiar shoulder-length red hair, she realized it had all been just a dream. Still shaken, but aware that she was now safe, Estelle slumped over into her lover's arms and cried. Amelia just cradled her girlfriend's head and tried her best to soothe her with quiet words of comfort. It wasn't long before Estelle fell back to sleep.

Sophia took a noisy sip from the can of soda and waited patiently for the chime of the instant message to sound. Her jet-black hair swayed as she nodded her head in time with the pulse of the techno music. Sophia's right hand tapped the black skirt on her knee to emphasize the rhythm. She stared at the faint reflection of her youthful, pale face on the monitor and wondered; if it was true that mirrors do not lie, could the same be said for any reflective surface? Her vivid, brown eyes were barely even noticeable in the reflection. After a bit, she heard the familiar ring overlap the beat coming from the speakers.

Yoni136: So then she took me to this all-girl dungeon on Aspen street. I'd never heard of it before, and apparently you can only get in by invitation-only.

Sophia sat up and began fluttering her fingers on the keyboard to type a response.

Masoch-grrl: that sounds fun!

Yoni136: It was... interesting. Leather's never really been my thing. Of course, I didn't mind seeing other women wearing it. There was this really hot couple... one had her wrists and ankles tied to a giant "X", while the other was flogging her. But Cindy tried to convince me to go up there with her. Yeah right! Although she did do one good thing for me — she introduced me to tantric sex.

Sophia stared at the screen, puzzled.

Masoch-grrl: Isn't that for the heteros?

Yoni136: I used to think that, too. But something as harmonious as sacred sex can't be confined to a single sexual preference. It literally changed my life, as corny as that sounds.

Masoch-grrl: Wow, how did it do that?

Yoni136: In short, it taught me to treat my body as a temple. See, I wasn't always so new-agey. In fact, I pretty much hated myself when I was younger. You might say that I did things to myself that were stupid.

Masoch-grrl: What kinds of things? If it's alright me asking.

Yoni136: Yeah, it's cool. I'm not afraid to talk about it any more. I used to get so angry and frustrated with everything that I would take a razorblade and cut my arms up.

Sophia's fingers paused as she considered what to say next. She realized that this was a bold confession for someone to make to a girl that she barely knew. More importantly, it opened a door to a kind of friendship that wasn't often available on this level.

Masoch-grrl: I know what that's like — I've done it, too; back in high school. Everyone thought I was suicidal cos they would see the cuts on my arms. Everyone except my friends, and that's only cos some of them were doing it, too.

Yoni136: Really? Well, at least you had friends. Hell, people didn't even CARE if I killed myself.

Masoch-grrl: Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.

Yoni136: Meh, it's all in the past now. Ancient history. Funny us meeting up like this, though; both having been cutters. Still, there are more of us out there than you think.

Masoch-grrl: Yeah. Well I don't do it anymore, but honestly sometimes the urges come back.

Yoni136: Maybe you should try Tantra...

Masoch-grrl: Well, I wouldn't really know where to start... how to go about finding information...

Yoni136: It's called the internet, silly. Your profile says that you're an aspiring author, so you should be used to doing research on specific subjects, right?

Masoch-grrl: Right.

Yoni136: K then., Gotta go to work now. It was nice chatting with you. Bye!

Sophia gave those last words time to sink in as she stared at the computer screen, not bothering to sign off. She paid special attention to the message about being an author. In the past, she had found that one of the best ways to research a subject was to write about her findings. Perhaps this Yoni chick was onto something...

The distinct sound of knuckles tapping on the wood frame of her door caused Sophia to turn around and see a familiar figure standing in her bedroom doorway. Raquel offered a warm smile, but waited for Sophia to speak first.

"Hey," Sophia said on cue, "What's up?"

"I'm just heading to the store," Raquel responded. "Gotta pick up a few boring but necessary items. Would you like me to get you up anything? Soda? A replacement stash of that chocolate that you went through in one night last week?"

"No, I don't think I'll be needing chocolate like that anytime soon," Sophia said cheerily. After taking time to think about it, however, she said, "On second though, better get an emergency supply, just in case."

Raquel laughed and changed the subject. "By the way, Trevor called again." She paused for a moment to gauge the look on Sophia's face. "Aren't you going to talk to him?"

"Why should I? After what he did?" The memory of Trevor's affair with Kaylin entered into Sophia's mind. Her conscious bitterly reminded her of how they had tried to exact revenge on her for her involvement with Amelia and Estelle.

"Well... you were no saint yourself." Raquel reminded her. She couldn't blame Trevor for wanting revenge after Sophia cheated on him with two women. After Sophia's expression became defensive, Raquel added, "I'm not judging, I'm just saying. Shouldn't you at least seek some closure between you two?"

"I'm fine. I don't need closure."

Raquel sighed with resignation. "Alright, suit yourself. I'll be back in awhile. If he calls again... I guess..."

"I'll let the answer machine get it."

The first thing that came to Amelia's attention as she opened the door was the sound of monsters being slaughtered by machine guns. As she expected, there sat Estelle on the couch with a controller in her hand, pressing frantically on its buttons while staring intently at the television screen.

"Hey babe," Amelia greeted.

"Shit! You made me die!" Estelle yelled without turning around.

"Geez, sorry!"

"Not you love; this pathetic teammate of mine who couldn't see a plasma grenade if it was stuck to his face! Oh that's right - it was!"

Amelia walked behind her frustrated fragger and kissed her briefly on the head before walking into the other room to take off her jacket. She heard a few more colorful expletives from the living room and smiled to herself. She wasn't really smiling at the cursing. Rather, she was trying to keep herself in good spirits in order to stay strong for the conversation she knew she had to have with Estelle soon. Amelia took a deep breath, gave herself one solid look in the mirror to make sure she had the desired appearance (strong, yet comforting), and headed back out of the room.

"Baby," Amelia said softly as she sat down on the couch next to Estelle, noticing that she was wearing her 'fu-Q' t-shirt. "We need to talk."

Estelle shot her a glance but kept her focus on the screen. "About what?"

"... you had another nightmare last night."

"I know."

"Well, don't you want to talk about it? You were pretty scared."

"What for? It won't do any good. It didn't help the last time we talked about it. Or the time before that." Estelle changed her voice so that she was singing, "Or the time before that, or the time —"

"Estelle!" Amelia snapped impatiently.

"Sorry." Estelle spoke as she pressed a button to exit the game. "It's just... I don't want to talk about it, okay? Please?"

Amelia observed the sincerity in her lover's face. Not wishing to cause her any further distress, she agreed, "Okay. We don't have to talk about it," then added, "although maybe if you didn't play such violent video games —"

"Bullshit! Don't look for other reasons. Nothing could possibly make the nightmares worse than the... him."

"You're right, I'm sorry," Amelia said quickly, regretting those last words. She rested her hand on Estelle's leg as a gesture of sincerity, "I'm sorry."

"Doesn't matter, cos I found a new toy!" Estelle exclaimed as she suddenly sprung up from the couch excitedly. She disappeared into the bedroom faster than Amelia could question her, then returned shortly with an unmarked black bag.

She set it on Amelia's lap and cheerily said "Go on, open it!"

Amelia was taken aback by the abrupt change in topics and hesitated. She peered inside the bag as though something might leap out from it and attack her. Estelle waited patiently with an unwavering gleam in her eyes. She reached her hand into the bag and pulled out...

"Another pair of handcuffs?"

Estelle squeaked with pure joy and bounced up and down. Amelia looked up at her and asked, "Employee discount?" to which Estelle nodded her head furiously. Amelia eyed the merchandise with indecision. "They're pink," she said, trying to sound as objective as possible.

"And fuzzy!" the words shot out of Estelle's mouth like a bullet.

"Yes... and also pink."

Estelle frowned at these repeated words. "You don't like them?"

Amelia realized that she was being selfish and said "No I love them!"

"Hmph! You can't fool me, miss mistress. Well it doesn't matter what you think cos I'm the one who's going to be wearing them."

"Oh yeah?" Amelia responded playfully, "Well what about me? How am I supposed to stay hard staring at pink, fuzzy things around your wrists... or ankles, as the case may be."

"Well you'll just have to give the strap-on Viagra, won't you?"

Both girls laughed until they heard the doorbell ring. Amelia tossed the handcuffs, still encased in the hard plastic packaging, over to Estelle before getting up to open the door. Before she could turn all the way around, however, Estelle threw them back. They continued this game of 'hot potato' until Amelia reached the door. Unfortunately, she was the one who got stuck with it, so she held it behind her back as she opened the door.

"Oh hi Sophia, come on in!" Amelia exclaimed with relief that she no longer bothered to hide the package. She gave her dark-haired girlfriend a kiss and a hug as she walked into the house, then caught Estelle off guard by tossing the sealed handcuffs back to her.

"Sophie! Yay!" Estelle shouted as she went to put the handcuffs back in the bag, but then shrugged and chucked them back on the couch. "Orgy! Orgy! Orgy!" she began to chant while pumping her arms in the air.

Sophia blushed and looked down sheepishly while saying, "Hi Estelle."

Estelle greeted her girlfriend with a rather warm and prolonged embrace, then kissed her neck for good measure. As she pulled back, still holding onto Sophia, she looked into her eyes with utter happiness. Then her eyes turned dark as she complained, "Where have you been all day? I missed you!"

"I missed you, too. But, I do have to attend school if I want them to give me that one tiny piece of paper that anywhere I want to work wants me to have."

Estelle spoke impatiently, "Yeah yeah fascinating. Move in with us!"

Sophia's eyes widened as she could only say "Wuuh?"

"Estelle!" Amelia shot her a look of surprise and disapproval. She quickly moved herself next to Estelle so that they were both facing Sophia before continuing, "we've been talking it over and... we'd really love for you to move in with us."

"That's exactly what I just said," Estelle retorted.

"Yeah well I was going to lead up to it, but you didn't give me the chance."

"You wanted it to be a surprise!"

"I meant that —"

"OK," Sophia said, stopping both girls with their mouths open from arguing. They both looked at her as if they weren't sure that they had heard her correctly, so she repeated it, "OK. I'd love to."

Estelle and Amelia smiled and both wrapped their arms around their new roommate, making sounds of joy. Estelle turned to Amelia and said in her best teenager voice, "Can she sleep in MY room?" which caused incessant giggling from everyone.

"Listen, I can't stay long. I just stopped by to let you know that I need to head out of town for a day. I've decided to write a book, and I'm meeting someone who can help me."

Estelle looked up at Sophia with puppy-dog eyes and asked in a disappointed voice, "No orgy?"

"When I get back, I promise. In the meantime, here's something to hold you over." She said before she leaned into her girlfriend and pressed her lips against hers softly, tracing the entrance of her mouth with her tongue.

"Oh... ok..." Estelle whispered in a daze, intoxicated with Sophia's kiss.

Amelia reached up and caressed Sophia's face with her fingers. "Hurry back then," she said.

They exchanged goodbye kisses at the door, then Sophia left. As soon as the front door was closed, Estelle stared at Amelia and pointed to the bedroom.

"You. Handcuffs. Bedroom. Now."

No matter how hard Sophia tried, there was simply no way known to the laws of physics that the heavy coat could be shoved into her backpack. She pulled out a couple of other articles of clothing and attempted to roll them up tighter, with little success. The sound of the phone ringing made her pause and listen for the answer machine to pick up. She walked into the living room as the message played through and patiently waited for the person on the other end to begin speaking.

"Hey, it's Trevor. Sophia, are you there?"

Sophia felt a surge of anxiety well up inside her and tried her best to stay calm. She stared at the phone, silently debating whether she should pick it up.

"Listen, Sophie... I just wanted to talk to you... give me a call back when you get this message, okay?"

She continued to stare at the phone as the message ended. Conflicting emotions were making her heart race and she grabbed the phone. Her fingers began to dial his number automatically, but then stopped. The will to speak completely vanished. The steady tone of the phone off its hook entranced her as she thought of all the things she might say to him.

She would say, "I can't believe you slept with that whore!" referring to Kaylin of course, the woman with whom he had cheated on Sophia.

But then she imagined him retorting with, "I can't believe YOU slept with that whore!" reminding her that she, too, had slept with Kaylin. Sophia's face fell as she remembered how Kaylin had secretly recorded their lovemaking so that she could show it to Estelle in an attempt to break them up. Part of her could not blame Kaylin for being so hateful; after all, Estelle was her ex-girlfriend. As far as Kaylin was concerned, Amelia had stolen Estelle away from her.

Regardless, Sophia knew that she would say, "Well at least I wasn't with you when I did it!"

Of course, Trevor would respond with, "Yeah, but you were with those other girls, weren't you?" causing Sophia to remember how she had kissed Amelia and Estelle while Trevor was still her boyfriend.

Guilt washed over her like dirty water. It was then that she realized that it wasn't a lack of words to say, it was a lack of incentive to say them. With this revelation, she set the phone back down on its base and walked backed into the bedroom to finish packing.

Estelle grinned triumphantly as she lied on her back in the center of the bed. Her legs were pulled back towards her head and spread wide apart. Each ankle was fastened securely to the headboard; the left with the black velvet Velcro handcuffs and the right with pink fuzzy ones.

She felt the lubricated tip of Amelia's red strap-on touch the opening of her sex. It traced her lips up and down teasingly before parting them. Amelia adjusted the end of the strap-on that was inside her, causing her to retreat and ebb the end. This tantalizing flux made Estelle to whimper in anticipation. Amelia was very conscious about going slow at first. Estelle pushed her hips up to encourage her lover to increase her speed.

"You don't have to be so gentle with me, I won't break." Estelle said as she reached up to touch her lover's face.

Amelia hesitated, for she knew the fragile nature of this topic could easily ruin the mood. "Baby, I'm just making you want it more."

The look on Estelle's face told her that she wasn't buying it. She knew that, in order to avoid a conflict, she would have to take things up a notch. Resolving to conceal any worry that she may have, she thrust her hips forward to plunge the dildo into her girlfriend as far as it would go.

"Ohhhh fuck!" Estelle rewarded her girlfriend with a gasp and a yelp that, would she have been anyone else, would have confirmed her fears that she had been hurt. However, having been Estelle's mistress for some time now, she knew that this was the sound of intense pleasure.

"See now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Estelle sighed happily.

Amelia had had enough chattiness. "Hey! Is that how you address me?"

Estelle opened her eyes and looked at her lover's face. "No mistress," she said with surrender as she withdrew her hand from Amelia's cheek.

"That's better. Less talking, more fucking."

Estelle smiled at this and happily let her lover pound into her with enough force to shake her with each thrust. She decided to place her hands on her ankles and become completely submissive. Though it might have been unintentional, she caught Amelia showing a quick flash of a satisfied smile. She returned the gesture before closing her eyes and giving in to the deliciously agonizing mix of pleasure and pain. The bed shook violently with every fierce lunge. The knocking of the headboard against the wall just fueled Amelia's resolve to push even harder.

Despite the raging lust that overtook Estelle's body, her mind took a different approach to enjoying the moment. She found that there were so many beautiful things about shared times like these that she had difficulty taking it all in. The way Amelia squeezed her eyes together when she pushed her body to the limit... the unexpected wetness from the beads of sweat that dripped from her lover's hair onto her breasts... the way Amelia's own breasts, which were larger than Estelle's, swayed before her temptingly... the way Amelia's hips began to make slightly more circular motions when she was close to orgasm. Most importantly, Estelle cherished the way they silently communicated with each other by reading facial expressions and body language. Without ever speaking a word, both women understood when to slow down, when to speed up, when to move a certain way or touch a certain area in order to please the other.

The slight change of Amelia's rhythm told Estelle that it would not be long for either of them now, for she, too, was very close to reaching the pinnacle of pleasure. Estelle held her hips up off of the bed, eagerly submitting to every thrust that Amelia gave to her. She stared at her red-haired mistress's face as it contorted, her eyes rolling back into her head and her mouth dropping open absently. Although Amelia was pumping as fast as she could, Estelle could see that her breath was frozen still inside of her as her body claimed its orgasm. The sight of her lover coming was all it took to send her over the edge and swimming in her own ocean of ecstasy.