Chapter 1

She was standing by the big window in the kitchen watching the snow. She was getting nervous. Great big fluffy flakes had given way to the tiny needle-like darts that cut right through you. He was out there somewhere in that wind.

She physically shook herself. It was warm in the kitchen, but she could not feel it. She had to shake herself out of her gloom. He would come home safe and sound. He would not dare to disappoint her. Tonight of all nights, she knew he would be there. He had promised. Trying to laugh, she said just above a whisper, "If you die in this stuff, I'll dig you up and kill you again." Cold chills, like the ice crystals outside, seemed to pierce her. Her head sank down and rested against the window. That window! It all came back to that window.

Just like herself, that window had seemed like it had always been there. It was as much a part of her everyday life as he was. It had become her metaphor. It, he, they. All those words meant the same thing. She could look through that window and see his face. When she looked into his eyes, she saw that damn window. No, that was a good thing. That was the unspoken promise.

Suddenly, she was dragged back to the here and now. From out in the family room, she could hear the start of another fight. His oldest son was trying to con the younger two in to watching the movie he wanted to watch. She knew he would get his way. In a minute, he would shake his blond hair, smile and make a deal. It always worked for him. Just like his father. He was growing tall and muscular. That smile made her melt, then she would blush and give in. How did they do that to her? She caught her reflexion in the window and again she was gone.

She remembered the window. She remembered how it had come to be.

They had just moved into this house. It was small and cozy, more like a large cottage. He had been so excited when he had shown it to her. "Over here", gesturing grandly, "are hollyhocks and over there are sunflowers." He had it all worked out in his head. "Red and white climbing roses on the trellis... cosmos and baby's breath along the sidewalk." Just by saying it, made it real for him. He lived in a world of "potential". "More like a dream world", she thought to herself. That was part of the reason she loved him so much. He could make the impossible happen for her. That's how she got the window.

The telephone screamed. "Damn that thing", she thought as she turned to answer it. She stopped with her hand poised to grab it. It rang a second time. She couldn't do it. What if something had happened? It rang again. Someone from the family room yelled, "Are you going to answer that?". Her heart was pounding, fear in the back of her throat. She grasped the hand set and lifted it to her ear. Her voice just above a whisper, she said "Hello?". Silence, dead silence. She giggled nervously to herself. "Hello?", she said again. It was more like a plea than anything else. A recorded voice told her, "Congratulations, you have been selected at random..." She looked at the phone as if it were stupid. Letting the phone slip back into place, she turned back to the window.

She reached out and touched it. It was solid, hard, permanent. He was that window. She caressed the wood frame, remembering. "Be careful what you wish for, the gods might grand it", he had told her. He was always saying things like that. But she had not asked. One day it was just there. Just like him. Now, she could not imagine life without either of them. The snow raged on outside the window.

She breathed hard on the window and caused the glass to fog. She reached out with a fragile finger tip and drew on the misty glass. Little hearts followed by x's and o's. She had done the same thing to him many times before. Sitting quietly listening to his heart beat strongly in his chest, trying to make her heart match his, she would draw secret words on his arm. she never let him know what she wrote. Did he know? Could he see it in her eyes reflected like it was on the window?