Chapter 5

Over the following few days there was a quantum change in Emily's attitude towards me. The trouble was it had been so long since we'd been together, I'd forgotten so much about how Emily operated. Come on, we've all got our little foibles in life and how we go about getting our own way. I very rapidly began to suspect that Emily intended to know what I was planning and I suspected that she was buttering me up so that I would tell her.

For all the apparent softening in her attitude towards me, I had my reservations. Her questions were subtly put, but they were there. After about a week, when I told her it wasn't going to work, she finally lost patience completely.

"Tony, if you don't tell me what you are planning to do, I'm going to see Inspector Morris and tell him you are up to something."

"Well, if you do that, I will most likely finish up in jail, Emily. Perhaps you'd prefer that to having those bastards locked away?"

That was a lie again on my part. The advantage of not telling Emily what I was planning was that she couldn't rat on me to the police, as she had no idea whether my plan was already in motion or not. Nothing illegal had happened yet, so if she did wish to take some personal revenge against me, by reporting me to the police; well, there wasn't anything they could touch me for. Yet!

Look, I'm not exactly daft. If anyone had treated me the same way as I'd treated Emily ten years before, well, I'm pretty sure that I'd be looking for some form of revenge. I loved the woman; I always have, even when I thought she'd been cheating on me. But my injured pride had made me do some very vindictive things to her. Emily had made it very clear that she didn't love me anymore and who can blame her. So her sudden concern about my welfare I had to treat with more than a little suspicion.

Strange attitude on my behalf? No, I don't think so. To quote Emily, "Just get it through your thick head, Tony, I'm here for one reason. My daughter! I'll be civil to you. Damn it, I'll spend all your money for you, if you like. But don't ever think you are going to mean anything to me again. And it'll be a bloody cold day in hell before I ever jump back into bed with you, if that's what you're thinking." Or something like that.

Now if I went down for a stretch, who would get custody of Bridget? Yeah, you've got it - Emily. So I had to be careful about what I told her. Look, I've found myself in a very unusual situation that left me trusting very few people. Regretfully that included the one person who I wanted to trust me again. You try to get your head around that little problem?

It was about three weeks after my first meeting with Pat in the Pub that his phone call came. Although I'd told him to use the new mobile phones, it appeared he didn't trust them and he called me on the pay phone outside my office building. Quite clever really, I came out of the office one evening; as I was walking past the telephone box, a young lady opened the door to it. Holding the handset out to me, she said, "Mr E, there's a call for you!" She handed me the handset and before I'd realised what was happening she had disappeared into the crowd on the street.

"Hello," I tentatively said into the handset.

"Mr E. Tea at five in the morning. Make sure you're not followed and try not to stand out like a sore thumb this bloody time. You'll find a donkey jacket beside your car; wear that."

The line went dead.

I'm going to admit that I had butterflies in my stomach. It appeared the game was on and, although I knew I had to go through with it, I wasn't completely sure I had the nerve to finish what I'd started.

In the car park, I found the well-used donkey jacket lying on the floor below the driver's door of my car. For one awful minute I was unsure about picking it up. I knew that Pat and his friends had close connections with the kind of people who where in the habit of blowing-up folks they didn't like or trust. And Patrick did know that I was aware he wasn't who he claimed to be.

After staring at the coat for some time and with my heart in my throat, I gave the jacket a little kick. The coat moved, but nothing else happened. I was still alive, so I picked the jacket up and threw it into the back of my car.

That evening Emily's attitude was the same as it had been since she'd discovered that I was planning to take matters into my own hands. By that I mean that she wasn't being as hard on me as she had been, but she wasn't all over me either. We were effectively two people sharing the same house, albeit we had our daughter there. I suppose there must be lots of people who live like that. You know, live together because they are married but are not in love with each other anymore. In our case, I knew I loved Emily, but I had no idea how she really felt about me. I had no idea how strong her hate for me was.

Whilst Bridget was doing her homework Emily again tackled me about what I was planning, as she did almost every night, but I refused to tell her. She hadn't threatened me with the police again after the one time when she had though.

I slept very little that night and I arose early without disturbing anyone else in the house. I left the house wearing my normal business suit. But I drove to a quiet spot where I changed into some denim jeans and my old gardening boots. The Donkey jacket was quite thick, so I figured my tee shirt would suffice under it.

Taking a mystery tour to ensure that I wasn't followed, I parked in a side road near the café and walked the last few hundred yards.

As I entered, I saw Pat sitting on his own at the back of the café. There were some other guys there who were sitting kind of strung out across the place. Having joined Pat at his table, I noted these other guys had moved their seats slightly. Getting anywhere near where Pat and I were sitting would be extremely awkward for anyone.

"Right are you sure you're wanting to go on with this?" Pat asked.

"Pat, after what those arseholes did to me and mine. I'm prepared to do anything to make sure they pay," I answered with my fingers crossed.

"Look, you've got to understand that the people we're going to have to work with don't play games. They do what they do for many reasons. Some because they want the six counties to be part of the republic. Some because they want money and they will do just about anything to get it - those buggers hide amongst the believers. And then there's some who just want power and control over other people. They know that if you can get people hating each other then you've got power over them."

"There is an old saying: 'Divide and conquer'. It's true and it's been used for thousands of years. The Nazis used it and it has been used in South Africa and the USA. Get one part of the community hating some other part of the community and you can use their fear of each other to put yourself in control."

"But I thought you were a republican. Which grouping do you fall into?"

"Now there we have it, I was a believer. I still am in my heart. I believe that Ireland, all of Ireland should be ruled by the Irish. But I discovered to my cost that all hate does is to destroy innocent people. The troubles have cost me my family, my mother, wife and sister. And it wasn't the loyalists who killed them. It was my own people, when a bomb factory in the flat below my mother's blew up. What were they doing making bombs amongst their own innocent women and children?

"That's when it came home to me and I washed my hands of the struggle. They didn't care about who lived or died, providing they got what they wanted. I couldn't be working with that kind of people for a political cause. So I came over here and tried to get on with my life."

Pat sat back in his chair. I gathered that he was collecting his thoughts.

"These people we are going to have to use. You have to understand that they are only interested in money. I believe we are justified in using them, because the men we are after are also only interested in themselves and money. But I can't be sure we can trust the guys we are intending to use either. You must understand that!"

"I think I do!" I replied.

"Good, because the moment we get over there we are placing our own lives on the line. Be sure you are willing to take that risk."

Pat went on to explain how we were going to get into Ireland without anyone knowing we were there. Whether this was to protect me, or because the authorities were looking for Pat over there - or come to that, in England - I don't know. But a week later we were in the Republic.

I'm not going to be specific on exactly where for obvious reasons. There's extradition agreements in place between the Irish and British authorities.

We'd arrived at a farmhouse during the night and I'd have had no real idea where we were if Pat hadn't told me. As soon as it was light, Pat came into my room carrying a tray with my breakfast on it, while also laying on the tray was a handgun.

"Have you ever used one of these things?" he asked.

"No, and I'm not sure I want to," I replied.

"Now look, Tony, when we meet these people later you are going to be carrying this gun. You are going to know how to hold it and how to shoot the damn thing. These guys are not really to be trusted; they have got to think you can handle yourself and are someone to reckon with. Do you understand? Any weakness will be spotted and for god's sake don't mention the troubles. If they think you are a spy then we are all in deep shit. This is a money deal and that's all they think we are interested in."

"Okay, Pat," I said, gingerly picking up the gun.

"And don't go pointing that bloody thing at anyone! You don't know if it's loaded."