Chapter 58

I hate life.

But I ain't all that thrilled about the alternative.

Maybe I should say alternatives.

I mean, a beautiful garden where I'm attended by twenty-four virgins doesn't sound too bad. Except they have no souls. Without souls, I'd think they'd get pretty boring after a while. Kind of like all those mind control stories on the net. I figure having sex with a controlled girl would be a lot like masturbation.

Then there's Heaven with it's streets paved with gold. I mean, after the first hundred years, would you really care what the streets are paved with? Hell, after the first hundred minutes.

Reincarnation could be cool unless I came back as a cockroach or a maggot or something.

I read somewhere that the stars are all people who died, but I'm not sure a couple million years of turning hydrogen into helium, or is it helium into hydrogen, before burning out, would be a lot of fun.

Then there's the idea that you just end. You're done.

I guess the problem is that nobody's sure which alternative is the real deal.

No, that's not right. The problem is that everybody's sure which alternative is the real deal, they just can't agree.

It's like the old joke:

St. Peter is standing at the gates of heaven sorting the recently deceased.

"John Smith, Baptist, you're in. Please go to room 321, but be very quiet going by 317.

"Jenny Taylor, Jew, you're in. Please go to room 324, but be very quiet going by 317.

"Carl Reed, agnostic, you're in. Please go to room 342, but be very quiet going by 317.

"Excuse me St. Peter," the next man says, "I was wondering why you tell everyone to be quiet when they go by room 317?"

St. Peter smiles. "Room 317 is for the Catholics. They think they're the only ones here."

Anyway, I hate life, but I'm stuck with it.

I stood outside Tami's trailer for a long time making up my mind.

At least it was a nice night. The stars were out in full force. All six thousand, three hundred and thirty-two of them. There were only a couple of clouds, and a warm wind was moving them west.

On the one hand...

I could hear the TV inside, but couldn't make out what was on. It was Sunday. There wasn't much worth watching on Sunday anyway.

On the other hand...

I saw a light go on in Tami's Mom's bedroom. If I stood here long enough, they'd both go to bed and I wouldn't have to decide.

But I knew that not deciding was a coward's way of deciding no. I walked up the step and knocked before I could change my mind.

"Tony?" Tami said in surprise as she opened the door. She glanced toward the back of the trailer to make sure her mom was out of earshot. "I thought you were busy seducing Mikee."

"No, she just wanted to talk."

"About Kelly?"

"And other things."

"Kelly seems so much better. I'm glad you could help her."

"All I did was listen."

We stood in awkward silence for a minute or more.

"Did you want to come in?" Tami said, opening the door wide.

"No, I just stopped by to give you a message."

"A message?"

"I love you."

Tami blushed. "I..."

I put my finger across her lips before she could say more. "And I'll love you forever. Or like the song says, forever and ever, amen."

I took my finger away, leaned forward and gently kissed her on the lips. Then I turned and walked away.