Chapter 8: Promises

At supper that night, Kizuna was subdued and her face was red. I saw Mom and Dad exchange worried glances, but they didn't say anything to her.

After supper, Mom pulled out dessert: banana pudding. That was my favorite desert. It was Kizuna's, too, probably for that reason.

"Here, Kizuna," Mom said, holding a plate of pudding out to her. "Enjoy."

"No, thanks, Mom, I'm not hungry," Kizuna said. She crossed her arms on the table, then put her head on them. She began shivering slightly.

I felt bad for her, because I knew she was nervous. Hell, I was nervous and I knew just by thinking about it that it was going to be much easier for me than it would be for her. My biggest fear was hurting my precious little sister. Though I knew she wasn't as fragile as people used to portray girls, I still tried to keep her from getting hurt as much as I could.

"Are you okay, Kizuna?" Mom asked. When Kizuna didn't answer, Mom looked at me and asked, "Is she okay?" She put a hand on the back of Kizuna's head, near her neck, feeling for a temperature.

"Think she's catching cold?" Dad asked.

"I don't know," I lied, forcing the words out. If my parents hadn't been worried about Kizuna, they probably would have thought I sounded odd. "I'll put her to bed and let's see how she's doing in the morning."

My parents nodded. I pulled Kizuna to her feet and helped her to the bedroom. I could have sworn I felt her cringe as I touched her.

"Oniichan, will you keep your promise?" she asked as I closed the door behind us.

"If that's what you really want. But we have to wait until everyone's asleep."

Kizuna nodded. She began to change into her night clothes. When she was done, I pulled the sheets down on her side of the bed and she climbed in.

Without another word, I left the room. I sincerely hoped she would change her mind after she had some time to think about it alone.

"What do you think is wrong with her?" Mom asked.

"I think she's just tired. Her homework's been keeping her up late for a few days and she didn't get enough sleep this weekend."

"Okay. Let me know if it's anything more serious, Yuusou."

It was ten o'clock when Dad decided to go to bed. I saw a glance I'd come to know very well pass between him and Mom, and she followed. Shinka and I were left alone in the living room. He looked at me, then got up to go to bed as well.

"Good night, Yuusou," he said. He'd stopped calling me Oniisan that day I caught him with Tim.

"See you tomorrow."

When he left, I stared at the television, not watching what was on, and instead thinking about what I was, in all likelihood, about to do to my little sister. Even though Kizuna seemed to really want this, I wasn't so sure about it. I couldn't shake the feeling she was only doing this because she thought I wanted it. The other thing that bugged me was my fear of hurting her. I knew most girls experienced at least some discomfort when they lost their virginities. I hated causing Kizuna pain, even accidentally, and now I was planning to do it intentionally. The only comfort I could find was thinking that at least I, her brother who loved her more than anyone or anything else at all, was doing it and I'd try to be gently and loving, instead of some asshole who just chasing the next cherry and didn't really care about her.

In all my thoughts of Kizuna's future, I pictured her giving me a dozen nieces and nephews, all as cute and wonderful as she, and all through immaculate inception because I planned to murder any SOB who attempted to date her, let alone marry and have sex with her (for some reason, I couldn't use words like "fuck" or "screw" as I thought about it).

After a few minutes, I decided that I couldn't delay anymore. I found myself praying to the God I didn't entirely believe in that my sister would be sleeping when I found her. If not sleeping, then that she'd changed her mind. Then again, I really didn't want some creep to be her first...

No such luck on either count. Kizuna sat up like she'd heard a monster when I opened the door. In many ways, that's what I thought of myself as I steeled myself for the rest of the night.

Now, I should point out that I wasn't the only person who thought Kizuna was the most beautiful girl ever. (Well, most beautiful, maybe). I knew, from talking to Laura, that the majority of the boys in their class, both at school and church, had crushes on my sister. Earl and Peter helped me confirm that by questioning some of those boys about it (and then threatening to break their legs if they ever laid a hand on any one of our sisters).

To this point, I have intentionally avoided giving a specific description of what Kizuna looked like. I'll tell you now, because it seems like a good time.

Kizuna was on the short side, with long, soft brownish-black hair and beautiful brown eyes. She was also very skinny, despite the fact she ate almost as much food as I did.

Her body had been developing over the last year and she had very soft-looking young breasts (I say "looking" because I hadn't touched them, though they felt very nice when she gave me tight hugs). Her hips were only just beginning to widen but she still mostly had the straight body she'd had her whole life.

Basically, she was right at the start of the maturation into a woman. Looking back, I was surprised by how quickly she had grown.

"Oniichan?" Kizuna whispered as I stepped into the room.

"Yeah." I closed the door and began changing into my bedclothes. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Are you ready, Oniichan?"

I wished she hadn't said that. I was already guilty and ashamed enough without her reminder that I was her big brother.

Instead of answering, I crawled into the bed beside her. Kizuna leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"What should I do first?" she asked in a small voice.

"Remember, I'm no more experienced than you are. Just do what feels good and don't do what doesn't feel good." I knew that was a little vague but my heart was pounding and I found it very difficult to talk, especially about anything related to sex.

I could just make out Kizuna chewing on her lower lip. She ever-so-slowly unbuttoned her nightshirt. I knew she didn't have a bra on and watched as her small breasts appeared.

I was about to ask her if she wanted me to strip when she took my hand and put it on her right breast. I began rubbing gently, not really sure what to do.

After a few seconds, I switched to her left breast and was rewarded with a slight gasp of pleasure as I caressed her nipple. I decided to give her a kiss, not really thinking about anything.

Unlike every other kiss I'd shared with my sister, this was full of lust and passion, as opposed to the usual slightly-too-affectionate-big-brother kisses. I even used my tongue, something I'd not done before.

"Oniichan," Kizuna breathed, forcing me to strain to hear her when we broke off our kiss, "I'm ready."

That was the one thing I'd feared more than anything else. I knew that once I started, I probably wouldn't be able to stop, even if Kizuna wanted to. I was afraid I'd get carried away by my lust and hurt her.

I pulled off my pyjamas and waited for Kizuna to do the same. She was shivering. Ignoring my penis, I hugged her gently.

"You know that you don't have to do anything, right?" I asked.

"Oniichan, I trust you," she whispered. "You'll always love me, right?"

"That's a dumb question," I responded, poking her nose and eliciting a smile. "Of course I'll always love you, no matter what happens between us. That's I why I want to make sure that you're absolutely sure this is what you want to do. You know it might hurt, right? I'll try to be gentle but I can't promise it won't."

"Okay," was all she said.

Kizuna pulled off the rest of her clothes, then lay back. I was about to move over her when a thought crossed my mind.

"Kizuna, I don't have any condoms or anything," I said.

"Don't worry," she replied.

"Are you on the pill or something?" Even as I asked, I knew it was a dumb question. Our mother would never have put her on the pill.

"No," my sister sounded like she hadn't wanted to talk about this. She looked up at me. "I want to have your baby, Oniichan."