Chapter 3: Surprises

By the time I was twelve, puberty was in full swing. Kizuna, at six, became the focus of my fantasies and my desires. Once I learned how, I would masturbate to her picture in my mind.

Yeah, I guess that's sick and disgusting, but I couldn't help it. The first few times, I tried to turn my mind to other girls (of which there were few enough, since I went to a small Christian school) but Kizuna kept popping into my mind.

Finding ways to be alone long enough to masturbate became a challenge. We still bathed and slept together (my father stopped objecting sometime when she was four). Thankfully, Kizuna was a deep sleeper that couldn't be awakened by a train running through our bedroom. There was no chance during the day, since I was either at school or Kizuna was with me.

There were times I wanted to feel my little sister as she lay next to me asleep. I thought about putting my fingers into her vagina and all that stuff, but I resisted the urge. After all, I did touch her when we were in the bath (although it wasn't sexual by any means) and knew what she looked like. Then there was the guilt; I felt bad enough about fantasizing about her that I didn't think I could stand to violate her like that.

I was willing to admit to myself that I was sexually attracted to my sister, but I wanted to stop it. Everything I'd ever heard said it was abnormal and wrong. The Bible, a book I used to define my morals (whether or not I agreed with everything in it), had a whole chapter or more devoted to the subject.

That year was probably the hardest one of my life. I constantly fought myself over my feelings, at once trying to convince myself that I was twisted pervert and that I was okay. Kizuna didn't make it easier by the way she would cling to me and touch me all the time.

Every once in a while, I could get alone at a computer, where I read porn stories. I strictly avoided stories about incest of any kind, fearing what might happen if I read them. However, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself from reading them.

Did those stories have an impact on me? Maybe, but they were only fiction relating to what I already felt. They almost made me feel normal; if there were that many people writing stories like that, it had to be more common than I believed. When I decided I'd had enough of the stories, I'd go to use Google and research incest, mostly because I was trying to convince myself it wasn't normal, hoping I could stop what I felt.

If Shinka had any idea what was going through my head (yes, he knew about sex and masturbation: the benefits of having friends to talk to at school), he never said anything. Knowing my brother the way I do, I'm convinced he didn't know.

However, it came very close one day. Kizuna and I were in our room, under the blankets. I was reading "The Hobbit" to my little sister. She seemed to enjoy it, rarely needing explanations. Shinka came in without knocking.

"Reading that stupid book again, Oniisan?" Shinka asked.

"It's not stupid, Oniisan," Kizuna said in the book's defense. "It's really cool. And the way Oniichan reads it makes it more cooler."

"Yeah, sure," Shinka replied. "Why can't you act like normal people and play video games or sports?"

"This is normal, Shinka," I said. "Or it was, until they invented video games. You should try it."

"Reading's boring. So what else do you do?"

"Nothing that really matters to you, little brother," I said. I rarely called him little brother anymore, saving only when I wanted to remind him who was older. Our parents were very traditional, so that meant he had to respect me, being his elder. There were some benefits to being Japanese.

I had the blankets of the bed pulled back, since Kizuna and I were getting too hot with them covering us. When I would jerk off at night, I would often use the quilt to clean up. Yeah, I know that was stupid, but I learned.

The quilt on my bed had a brown backing to it, on which all the other pieces were sewn. There were a few suspicious stains on it, which were clearly visible.

"So, Oniisan, why do you like sleeping with Kizuna?" Shinka asked.

"Just because," I replied — the ultimate, bulletproof comeback.

"Oh? Is there any real reason? Does she make you feel good?"

"Yes. I like feeling her beside me."

"I like feeling Oniichan beside me, too," Kizuna said. "He makes me feel good, too."

I saw Shinka glance at the stains on the quilt. "You guys must have a lot of fun together. See ya."

He left. I immediately pulled the quilt off the bed and replaced it with another one from the closet. Kizuna smiled as she watched me.

"Whatcha doing, Oniichan?"

"Changing sheets."

"Why?"

"Because I feel like it."

"Okay. Are you gonna read some more?"

We got to the part where Bilbo enters the cave to "burgle" something from Smaug before we went to sleep. As I was drifting off, I could have sworn I heard footsteps in the hallway outside my room.

A couple days later, Kizuna and I were playing that Pokemon board game (I no longer remember the name of it) on our bed when Dad came in.

"Kizuna, your mother is almost done making some cookies. Go in there and get some for you and Yuusou," he said.

"What kind of cookies are they?"

"Chocolate chip. Go."

When she left, he closed the door and sat on the bed (he made us use a regular bed, instead of a Japanese one). I guessed I was in trouble.

"Yuusou, we need to talk about something," Dad said. I knew I was in trouble and wondered if it had to do with Shinka and the stains on the quilt. I began planning how I'd explain it. "I don't mind you sharing a bed with your sister, but you're getting too old to take baths together."

I stared at my father for several moments. I'd been sure he was about to murder me for what I'd been doing. I finally replied, "Really? How could I be too old?"

"You just are," Dad replied. I knew better than to press the issue. "The two of you will take separate baths from now on. If you argue, I won't let you sleep together anymore."

With that, he left. Kizuna returned a couple minutes later with a plate of cookies for us to share. "What did Daddy say?"

"We aren't allowed to take baths together anymore."

"That's not fair," Kizuna cried. "I'll ask Mommy, she'll let us."

"Kizuna, if we complain, we won't be allowed to sleep together anymore either. Just don't worry about it. We've got to finish our game."

As usual, Kizuna won. I had learned how to throw dice so I could get any number I wanted. It wasn't perfect, but I was able to throw games in my sister's favor.

We obeyed our father's wishes regarding our bath times, though we weren't pleased. I don't think Kizuna ever forgave them for stopping our bath times, though over time she mostly forgot about it. For her, it became a general resentment of our parents.

After that day, Kizuna stopped saying Mommy and Daddy and stuck to Mom and Dad. She didn't initiate conversation with them anymore. She would only respond to them. I don't think Dad really noticed, but Mom did.

One morning, about two months after Dad laid down the law, Kizuna and I were eating breakfast (scrambled eggs) when Mom said, "Kizuna, are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then why don't you talk to me anymore?"

"I talk to you. I'm talking to you now."

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

Kizuna looked puzzled. I'm sure she didn't realize what she was doing. It was just her response. I could see Mom getting upset, so I decided to throw in my opinion, in the hopes it would prevent an argument.

"Mom, I think she's still upset about bath time," I said. "She didn't start until after Dad told us."

"Oh, really?" Mom didn't believe me. "You think a girl her age would be like that?"

"That's when she started, Mom," I insisted. "Think about it. Do you remember her ever acting like that before?"

She still didn't believe me, but let it go. Maybe she was hoping Kizuna would forget whatever caused her behavior.

Even though we no longer bathed together, Kizuna and I saw each other naked a lot. We were entirely comfortable around each other. While I was embarrassed about Shinka seeing my penis, I didn't care about Kizuna seeing it.

Kizuna and I were never into swimming and going into the water. I nearly drowned when I was a little boy and that put me off going into any large bodies of water. Kizuna probably developed hydrophobia because I had it. That didn't stop us from going to a pool or lake with our parents and brother, though.

There was one particular incident, when Kizuna was eight-and-a-half, that really changed my relationship with my brother, and not for the better. Shinka wanted to go to the picnic grounds for a cookout for his birthday and we were going swimming before and after. Our parents wanted us all to dress before we went, since the bathrooms at the park were horrible.

I had a pair of light blue swim trunks that went all the way to the middle of my knees. They were brand new; I hadn't even put them on yet. Kizuna also had a new swimsuit. It came as no surprise to anyone when she picked out a one-piece light blue one.

We both stripped, talking while we did so. "Oniichan, have you ever gone on a date?"

"Of course," I replied. To her, there was no difference between fourteen and sixteen or eighteen. "Lots of times."

She looked downcast. "Oh. Do you have fun?"

"Naturally. It's easy to have fun when you're with the most beautiful girl on the planet."

"Who?" Kizuna asked. She looked jealous, though I quickly cast the idea aside. There was no way my eight-year-old sister could be jealous like that.

"Who do you think? Let's see: my last date with this person was to go to a movie on Friday night. Do you remember who I was with?"

At first, Kizuna shook her head. Then, her eyes wide, she whispered, "Me?"

"Bingo!" We were both naked, and we just stood there looking at each other. "Who else would I go on a date with except you?"

"But I'm your sister," Kizuna protested. "Brothers can't take their sisters on dates."

"Who says they can't?" I asked. "Especially when their sisters are so pretty?"

At that, Kizuna jumped into my arms. The feeling of her naked body pressed against mine, her vagina just an inch above my cock, caused it to spring to life. Yes, while I did masturbate while thinking about my little sister, I didn't necessarily get an erection every time we were together. I was so used to her being nude that my penis didn't give it a second thought.

"What's that?" Kizuna asked after a few seconds of our embrace.

"What?" I replied, knowing full well what she meant.

In answer, my sister reached down with her left hand and seized my penis. "This! Your ... um ... penis."

"Let go, Kizuna!" I said. "You can't be doing that."

"Why not? I used to in the bath all the time." She gave an experimental stroke. "That feels really neat."

Already, I was fighting not to explode. I'd had wet dreams of my sister and I doing all sorts of things, most of which involved both of us screwing our brains out. Though this exact scenario had never come up, I'd had very similar ideas.

At that moment, either of two events would have made me a very happy teenager. I either wanted her to keep stroking until I came or I wanted to throw her on the bed and screw both of us senseless. Instead, I set her down, feeling her body and that warm, soft place rub against my cock.