Chapter 8: The Conversation Part 1

During dinner Susan kept the conversation flowing with a very funny narrative of her adventures traveling to meet the ship. Early didn't want to think about what it cost, but it reminded him of an episode of Phileas Fogg's Around the World in Eighty Days. "Early, I know you loved that David Niven movie, and the truth is, that after a bit my competitive juices kicked in just to see if I could pull the whole thing off. I intended to meet you on the quay and say something like 'since I was in the neighborhood, ' but that float plane... I thought it was cool for about a hundred feet during take-off, but if it had taken another second to get into the air I would have aborted the whole thing. I actually wet my pants when we landed. I just barely had time to change to meet you and no time at all to recover. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you giving me the time to gather my wits.

"Now, I'm ready to answer any and all questions as honestly as I can. I just want you to know that I'm not trying to evade anything if I say I have to think about what you're asking. I want you have the truth as best I can give it."

Susan sat back with her hands in her lap, looking like a school girl taking a verbal exam. A second ago Early had been relaxed, basking in the glow of good food and good company. Now in a little more than a heartbeat all that was behind him. For a second he almost lost his nerve but then blurted, "Why did you cheat on me with him?"

Susan's face twisted up in pain and she appeared to be searching for the right words. Finally she leaned forward and put her hands on the table and said softly, "Oh Early, I so prayed that you knew. I'm so tempted to lie because this is going to hurt you. I just hope you'll let me explain, not for my sake but for yours. You don't know that cheated on you dozens of times do you?"

If Susan hadn't looked so pained, so sorry, Early might have responded differently. It almost felt like it had that night when he'd been looking at a darkened and empty kitchen she claimed to be cleaning. He'd known she'd been lying then, now he knew he was hearing the truth. As he struggled to find something to say Susan continued. Her eyes were blinking back tears but her voice was steady as she continued. "Early, I've never been faithful to anyone in my whole life. You are the only man I've ever loved, and it tears me apart to admit this to you, but if I lie by pretending it was only that one time, I'll come of looking so much better than I am."

She was studying his face again, trying to get some clue as to how he was responding. The problem was that Early couldn't give her a clue because he couldn't understand himself. "I'm not a slut and I'm not some sort of nymphomaniac. I told you I would never be with another man and I haven't, but you deserve to know just what a horrible person you married.

"It started with my first. It wasn't my boyfriend; I was cheating on him because I was mad at him because... I don 't suppose why I was mad matters, but I discovered I loved the feeling of being with someone for the first time. When we discussed our lovers, I told you I'd had three lovers. That was true. What I didn't tell you was that I cheated on them... I probably had twice as many sex partners as I did lovers."

"Only five." Early blurted. One of the most painful discoveries he'd made as he was preparing to divorce Susan was that she'd lied about how many men she'd been sexually active with. It had been a hurtful, unnecessary and unexplainable lie.

Susan looked puzzled, then contemplative as if she were counting. "Yes, yes that's right, but if you knew about them..."

Early felt the oddest mixture of smug pride and embarrassment over reading her private diaries. When he explained Susan continued, "I don't know if I made it clear that all of those men were one time only--not really one night stands and not really revenge fucks, more like morale boosters in a way.

"It was different when I cheated on you, but the effect was the same. The only exception to the pattern was John Stickner... sort of. It's part of why I couldn't let you think that he was the only one."