Chapter 8

"I don't think I'll even need to convince her. After she finds out that we did it, she's going to want me to tell her all about it. When I tell her I did it with you, she'll want to do it with you too. That's what happened with Darryl."

I listened as my mind played back to me everything Brenda had just said. Was Brenda saying that Emily had screwed Darryl too? I tried not to let my surprise show on my face. I was also trying to come up with some response that would keep her talking, without showing her how interested I was in finding out what had happened with Darryl.

"Maybe she just liked Darryl, and she used you doing it with him as an excuse?"

"She doesn't like Darryl. She did it so she could keep up with me. Don't you remember what happened when I told her about you licking my kitty that first time? She called you right away, to ask you to lick hers too."

"She chickened out though. The first time, after she called me, she didn't do anything with me. I thought she was just a tease. When we finally did it, she acted like she'd never done anything before."

"She told me all about it, Kenny, from the first time before dinner, to all that happened after dinner. She was even bragging about how she did it to you too, after you did her again. She didn't like you squirting in her mouth though. She kept telling me how close she came to going all the way with you. I told her I'd never speak to her again if she did that. The night she was at your house, that was the same night she dared me to get naked, and show myself to Gary. She was looking at me more than he was. I knew she had asked me to do it because she wanted to see me naked too. She acted just like any guy would, when she saw me without my clothes. Gary took a quick look, got all embarrassed and went back to his own bedroom."

"You think that's why she screwed Darryl then, because you did?"

"She didn't screw him, I didn't say she screwed him, but she told me she really wanted to. She even called him up and invited him over to her house, but Darryl said he was still going out with Claudia. He told her he'd call her back, but he never has."

"Call her now. I want to hear what she says when you tell her we screwed. You call her from the living room phone, and I'll listen in from the kitchen."

"I'm not going to do that. I'll go over to her house and tell her. After I tell her, we'll call you, if she wants to talk to you. She's still my best friend, Kenny. I won't trick her like that."

"Do you want me to walk you over there? Maybe she'll ask us both in. I'd kind of like to see how she takes the news about us doing it."

"You can walk me there, but you have to promise to leave if she doesn't ask you in on her own. Emily is funny sometimes. She gets upset when things don't go her way."

I had to choke down my urge to make some sarcastic reply to her statement. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I was surprised Brenda had the nerve to say something like that to me, especially with our history together. She not only said it, she was serious in thinking that Emily was unique in being that way.

We got ready, then went downstairs for our walk over to Emily's house. We held hands as we walked, and I listened to Brenda talking. She was mostly talking about how her life was going to be, after she got older, and had succeeded in putting herself in a position to live like she wanted. In her mind, there could be no doubt her plans would all work out. She was careful not to come out and say her plan still included her marrying me, but nothing she said contradicted that possibility either.

When we got to Emily's, we both skirted around a chained up Brownie, winding up on the porch, with Brenda pressing the doorbell. Emily opened the door, a little agitated at seeing me with Brenda. She didn't seem inclined to invite me inside.

"Get away from my house, Kenny! Brenda, why did you have to bring him here?"

"He wanted to come. We just thought it would be nice if he walked here with me. Can we come inside?"

"You can, but not him." Brenda smiled and shrugged her shoulders at me, as if to say she tried her best. I took her in my arms and gave her a final kiss, more to annoy Emily, than from any real need I felt to kiss her. Brenda didn't resist, or try to pull away from my embrace. The kiss was only for a few seconds, and I made sure Emily knew it was me who was ending it, not Brenda.

"Call me later, okay?" I waved to her as I backed off the porch. I wished there was a way I could have heard the first five or ten minutes of their conversation. I had a pretty good idea about what it was going to sound like. I had a thousand questions I wanted to ask both of them. I was dying to know if Brenda's prediction was going to turn out to be accurate. I wanted to see the two of them playing with each other too. On the walk home, I thought of several interesting combinations for the three of us. I'd already had four cums that day, but before I got to my house again, I had a big boner in my pants, all from the things I'd been thinking about. I had been home for an hour before Brenda and Emily called me, from Emily's house.

"Kenny, Emily wants to talk to you. She wants to ask you some questions." Before I could respond to Brenda, Emily got on the phone.

"You're a big liar Kenny, you know that? You said you weren't going to do it to Brenda, not until I let you do it to me. That's exactly what you said."

"I wasn't going to, but Brenda took off all her clothes and she tempted me. She was too beautiful for me to be able to resist her. I just changed my mind."

"Well, you weren't supposed to. She wasn't supposed to let you either."

"So? I still don't understand how our doing it affects you. Are you jealous?"

"It affects me because Brenda's my friend, and because you lied to me, and I believed you."

"It's not a crime for me to lie to you, Emily. I can lie to you if I want to, and there's nothing you can do about it. You're the one who told me that. This is really between you and Brenda, I shouldn't have to be involved in it. I already told Brenda I didn't mind the two of you playing together. I won't stop you from doing things with her."

"Stop! This is what I meant before, about you being mean now. How could you treat Brenda like that? You knew she cared about you, but you still went ahead and did it to her."

"She wanted to, and I wanted to. How is that treating her bad?"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore, not if you're going to pretend to be stupid."

"I'm not pretending. I don't understand why you think I'm being mean, or treating Brenda bad. She's been wanting me to do that for a long time. Hell, Emily, you asked me to do it with her yourself. You wanted to watch us doing it. Is that why you're so mad? Because we didn't let you watch? You could have stayed, but you wanted to leave, remember? You can watch us the next time."

"There isn't going to be a next time, Brenda promised me."

"She promised you she wouldn't do anything this time, Emily. Brenda will make lots of promises. It's keeping them that she isn't too good at. Did she tell you it was good? That's what she told me. She's coming to my house tomorrow night for dinner too. After, we'll be going up to my bedroom."

"If I asked you nice, to please not to do it with her anymore, would you stop?" Emily sounded like she already knew what my answer was going to be. Her voice seemed resigned to hearing that I wouldn't.

"No. If I asked you nice to stop, would you?" I didn't want her to stop doing things with Brenda. I was satisfied to be friends with Brenda now. In a way, it was like how I had felt about Bea. The difference was I felt much closer to Brenda than I ever did to Bea.

"If I tell you no, are you going to make her stop?" Again, Emily seemed prepared to hear the worst.

"No. Why should I do that? You know it's just playing with Brenda, right? She does it just because it feels good. You might love her, but she doesn't feel the same way."

"I know that. She can't help if that's the way she feels. I already knew it was just playing for her."

"If it helps any, I like her a lot, but I don't love her, and I won't ever. She doesn't love me either though."

"She does. You never heard her talk about you, but I have."

"That's because you aren't listening good to what she's saying. She loves the idea of having money, not necessarily the person who makes her having it possible. Listen when she describes me, or anyone she's interested in. How much is what she's saying about the person, and how much is about what the person has, or what she'd have with that person?" There was silence on their end when I finished speaking. It only lasted for a few seconds, then Brenda came back on the line again.

"Kenny, did you tell Emily I didn't love you? I do, more now than before, even. It hurts me when you tell people I don't really love you."

"Brenda, it doesn't matter, does it? If you want to say you do, I don't mind. I know what I think, and it isn't love I see coming from you. If it was, then I wouldn't able to be friends with you like we've talked about. Put Emily back on again."

"I can't, she left to go to the bathroom or something. I thought you'd be different after we made love together. I know you said it was just sex, but it was more than just sex for me."

"That's right, it was more. I have emotional feelings for you. It was a lot better sex for me than those times I did it with Bea, but it wasn't as special as love would have made it be. It was still wonderful though, and I'm glad we did it. I'd like us to do more of it too."

"Are you saying you won't ever love me?"

"Not enough to want to marry you. We want different things. I don't want to just be what you want me to be to you. We can be great friends if you want though. We can play, just like you play with Emily. If you find someone else later, that's all right too. I won't get mad when you do, and you'll still be my friend, even if you want to quit playing."

"I don't like it when you talk this way about us. I hoped we could just start over again, and we'd both try to be better this time. I thought you'd change your mind after we did it." Already, Brenda was acting hurt and petulant, hoping to get me to give in at least a little. Mama liked to tear right through any resistance, squashing it before it had a chance to take root. Brenda was content to try to slowly chip away at it, eroding it little by little. Two vastly different approaches, but both were effective. Most of the time.

"I've already explained it to you, and I won't change my mind. You said you would accept my friendship, under those terms. If you've changed your mind, about wanting to just be my friend, you should tell me."

"No, I do want us to be friends. I just hoped we could be a lot more. All my plans have you in them, Kenny. I wish you'd just try to love me a little bit again."

"I do love you a little bit, but that's all. I want more than that, more than you can give me."

"I told you I'd give you anything I can."

"Yes, you did. I tried to tell you this was the problem, Brenda. I've seen all you can give, and it isn't enough for me. I want someone who cares more about me than she cares about what she wants. I want someone that I care about like that too."

"I can't ever be like that with you? Someone you care about like that?"

"See? You should be asking that question about you, not about me. You think if you give something, other people should be willing to give you everything, and it never works good that way. Other people aren't always supposed to give you more than you give them."

"What about Emily? I was ready to give her to you too, as long as you loved me the best."

"You don't own Emily, Brenda. You can't give her to me."

"I didn't mean give. I meant share. I was willing to share her. It was me doing things with you that made her want to do them with you too. I didn't try to stop you from doing things with her."

"I know you didn't. That just proves my point, doesn't it? Brenda was silent for awhile again. Brenda was intelligent. She said things sometimes without first putting them through any filters, or listening in her mind first, to hear how they might sound to others. She was still a very intelligent person though. She saw that her argument with me was flawed, and she wasn't getting any closer to her real objective. Unlike Mama and me, Brenda was able to back off and wait for a better opportunity.

"I still want us to be friends, Kenny. Nothing has changed about my wanting that. Are you still going to take me to lunch and practice tennis with me tomorrow? We can be good together, at tennis, and at everything else. You'll see."

"I'll have Hans come by to pick you up if you want. Will twelve be okay?" Brenda said she'd be ready at twelve. "Is Emily back yet?"

"She's sitting here now, but she isn't ready to speak to you again. She's still upset about things."

"Tell her I need to tell her something, please." I waited until she came on, asking me what I needed to tell her. "Emily, you and I aren't competitors, and you don't have to try to keep up with whatever Brenda does, in order to compete with her. I'd like if we could be friends too, friends who both have a thing for Brenda. You and I could do things if you really wanted to, or not. It would depend on what you want. If we don't fight over her, we'll both probably have more fun being with her. If she has another boyfriend, he might get jealous and make her choose. With me, you wouldn't have to be afraid of that."

"I knew you were going to tell me something like that. I'd already thought of that while you were talking to Brenda. You're probably right too. I'm not like you or Brenda though. All of this is tearing my insides up. I don't know how you two can manage being so casual about all of this. I also figured out that what you were telling me earlier was true, about Brenda not loving you either. She thinks she does, but you might be right. I was afraid that she did."

"Brenda only has room to love one person, and that's always going to be Brenda. I think she's comfortable with having lots of other people loving her though. Think about what I've said. If you agree, you're welcome to come with us, whenever we're together. I don't think Brenda will mind, and we might do a better job of trying to please her."

"What about what you said before, about me having to let you do it to me?"

"I lied to you instead. It was a lot quicker, and not nearly as messy."

"So, we aren't going to do that?" Emily seemed more relaxed after I told her we were even again.

"No, you're better off doing it with someone you care about. I care about Brenda, and so do you."

"I'd still like to watch you and her doing it."

"I'd still like to watch you two, too. Come to the club with us tomorrow. Maybe we can both get what we want?" She didn't say anything. I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was? We all knew already that both of us were doing it with Brenda, and Emily had already done a lot of things with me too. These were things she had enjoyed too. I was pretty sure she hadn't been faking it, when I made her cum those times. Brenda wouldn't mind, I was sure of that, not as long as I didn't screw Emily. She might not even mind that.

"I need to talk to Brenda some more. If I decide to go, I'll be at Brenda's before you pick her up at twelve."

There was a lot to be said for giving in, especially if you did it the way I just had. I wasn't looking for some way to make any of this turn out bad. Mama was going to be very happy to see that Brenda and I were getting along well again. Brenda was going to be getting a lot of what she wanted, including sexual attention from me. I hoped this new development would mean that Emily and I could go back to being friends at least. I'd like her to be a "special friend", like Brenda was, but even a regular friend was a lot better than it had been.

Mom and Dad came home after ten o'clock. They said hello to me, and Mama asked how my visit with Emily and Brenda went. I had been watching a television program in the library when they came in to say hello, but I quickly turned it off so we could talk easier.

"It went real good, better than I had hoped."

"That's good. I knew you two could work this out. I'm glad that's over, because it was causing some strain between our two families. What did you do with Emily being here too?"

"Emily was still a little upset with me about some things I told her, so she decided to go home early. Brenda walked her home, and then came back later."

"Was that when it went better than you'd hoped?" Mama was smiling at me. I figured she must want me to tell her what happened between Brenda and me, but I wasn't quite sure. Not sure enough to come out and tell her we had sex.

"Yes, it went real good after she came back."

"Is Brenda satisfied now? No unresolved expectations?"

"I don't think so. I mean she's satisfied, and I don't think she expected more than what we did. She said I did it way better than Darryl. We still aren't going steady yet, but maybe we will be later."

"She didn't say she'd stop seeing that other boy?"

"We didn't talk anymore about it. We're getting along pretty good though, so I didn't want to make a fuss about that."

"Bertie, you're probably embarrassing the boy. Isn't it sufficient that they've patched up their quarrel? You should be satisfied with that and give it a rest." Dad seemed uncomfortable being in the same room when we were talking about me having sex with Brenda. He had fixed Mama a drink, making one for himself also. He didn't offer to make me one.

"I am satisfied. I'm happy things are going well. I hope I haven't misjudged Brenda. It won't work out though, not if she continues being free and loose with her sexual favors."

"What won't work out?" Dad asked the question, but I wanted to hear the answer too.

"This reconciliation. Wasn't that the whole point of all this? Kenny and Brenda make such a cute couple. As long as Brenda is on the pill, I think there is little harm in them exploring with each other. We wouldn't want an accidental pregnancy, but as for the rest, things are more relaxed and liberal than they used to be."

I almost said something about how I was using rubbers too, but I held back from it. There was no reason to worry Mama about my fear that Brenda was very capable of having multiple sexual partners, or about my not wanting to have to worry about getting any diseases from her.

The next morning, I was the last one out of the house, except for Gerta and Elizabeth. When I came down at nine, Mama and Jane had left for the construction site at the golf learning center, driving separate cars. Dad and Grace had gone to Bolling to work at the Company. Hans was off somewhere, running errands, and picking up things for Gerta. I had a quick breakfast in the kitchen with Gerta. Elizabeth was sitting at the table kneading dough for some bread she was going to bake. This was really the first time I was so close to Elizabeth for any length of time. I took the time to look at her carefully. Bea had told me that women didn't appreciate it when men tried to sneak looks at them. She said there was something exciting about a bold man making a frank and open appraisal of a woman. That's what I was trying to do.

"Please don't stare at me like that." That was the most I'd ever heard her say to me at once. Her voice was quiet, almost like she didn't want to intrude on the world at all.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to figure out who you look like. There's something about you that reminds me of someone." Gerta had turned around to look at Elizabeth when she spoke to me too. Elizabeth was always so quiet, so I'm sure she was surprised too.

"I was thinking that too, Kenny. I can't think of who it is though. I already asked her if she has any brothers or sisters, but she says she doesn't. Her face looks very familiar to me too." Elizabeth seemed embarrassed to be the focus of so much attention, finally getting up and covering her bread dough with a damp cloth, before leaving out the back way. It was nine thirty, and Hans hadn't gotten back yet. I also needed to see him and ask him to get me more rubbers. I only had two left, and I was hoping to need quite a few more than that for Brenda and me. Maybe for Emily too. When Elizabeth didn't come back after five minutes, Gerta asked me to go find her and tell her she needed to get her bread stuff off the table because Gerta needed it for something she was making.

I went out the back looking for her, and found her, smoking another one of those rolled cigarettes. This time, I was almost certain it had to be marijuana. I had seen shows and movies on television, about how people smoked it. They had been taking in deep puffs, then holding it in for a long time, before letting the smoke back out. Elizabeth was doing it that way too. She didn't seem to notice me coming towards her either.

"Is that marijuana you're smoking?" She looked at me and just laughed. She was prettier when she smiled too. "Aren't you afraid you'll be arrested?" That made her laugh even more. I didn't see what was so funny, but I enjoyed watching her laugh. She looked like she was having trouble keeping me in focus, and she was blinking at me, trying to tilt her head back, and over to the side at the same time. It looked funny, and this made her laugh too. "Are you loaded?" She took another big puff on her cigarette and stared at me until she started coughing and laughing at the same time.

"You sure do ask a lot of dumb questions." She took another puff and held it in. The cigarette was almost burned all the way down, and it looked like her fingers would be burned, until I noticed she was holding it with her long fingernails. I'd never noticed how long the nails were on her right hand, but then I noticed it was only the nails on her thumb and index finger that were so long. All the rest were normal length. I wondered if she grew them like that, just to hold her marijuana cigarettes in, without burning her fingers.

"Do you like getting messed up?" I'd heard people saying that, messed up, on television too. I had never seen a real person messed up before. It seemed to make a big difference with Elizabeth. She wasn't as shy acting, and she sure talked more.

"I'm not messed up. It takes more than two joints to get me ripped." She laughed again, tilting her head to the other side, and looking at me with only one of her eyes. Then, she closed the open eye and opened the one that had been closed. "You know why I look familiar? Go look in the damn mirror. I noticed it too, when I first came to work here." As soon as she said it, I knew she was right. It was me that she looked like. It wasn't like we looked alike, but there were similarities, in our eyes, our cheekbones, and the shape of our mouths. I started getting a weird feeling as soon as I realized she was right.