Chapter 5

What Dad had said to me was pretty surprising, but it didn't change anything, not as far as my thinking went. I recognized the strong feelings I had for Brenda, but it wasn't enough. I understood Uncle Bunny's attraction to Mrs. Connor, and I believed what Dad had said about Mama wanting Brenda as part of Uncle Bunny's family. I knew it wouldn't work, Brenda and me, the same way that Uncle Bunny knew it wouldn't work with Mrs. Connor. Mother and daughter both had the same problem. What they wanted always came first with them, and they wouldn't subordinate their own interests willingly. I didn't want to spend my life like Uncle Bunny did, indentured to a love that wasn't really reciprocated. I might love Brenda, but what she loved were the many things she hoped I would be able to do for her. That wasn't the love I was looking for.

As soon as we got home, Dad went into his study, soon becaming lost in his work. When I had first came to live with them, I was amazed by the amount of time and energy Dad spent working. He differed from other people, almost never making time to have fun. When I started to get to know him better, I started realizing he relaxed by reading business articles and reports. I felt sorry for him, until he made me understand that he derived great pleasure from doing what he did.

I also saw the way Mama and Uncle Bunny did nothing to discourage him from working all the time. When the three of them were in the library having some drinks, their conversation was almost always about business, and Dad was usually the main speaker. Mama and Uncle Bunny would ask questions, then listen carefully to his answers. The three of them could spend hours, discussing his thoughts on the company business. After the Consolidated buy out went through, these business discussions became rare, the main topic of conversation was focused on Mama's golf learning center. Now, with the company back in family hands, the topic of conversation was once again focused on the business. The golf learning center took a distant back seat position to the affairs of the company. Dad, when you watched him with Mama and Uncle Bunny, was happy to have all the attention focused back on him. I guess he was one of those workaholics.

Mama and the girls weren't back in time for dinner, so it was only Dad and I at the dining table. I sat next to him, which was our usual habit when it was just the two of us. I decided to try a little experiment, asking him the kinds of questions Uncle Bunny or Mama would usually have asked him. I asked him about what his plans were for his meeting he had scheduled for the next day with the head of the company that the banker had sent to see him. I definitely asked him the right question, not that it took much to get him going, about company business. He began by saying that he'd been thinking about the meeting, and had formulated a comprehensive action plan.

Over the next half hour, while I was eating, he went over each step of his planned itinerary for the meeting. He told me what he expected to happen at each stage, including what he planned to say or do, at each point of their meeting. He seemed excited by his plan, so much so, he could barely spare the time to fit in one or two bites of food while he outlined all of this for me. I was happy to see him enjoying himself. It was hard to feel sorry for anyone who took such pleasure from what he was doing.

"If you do buy this company, how will it fit in with the others you have?" Gerta was already clearing the plates away from the table when I asked this. We were getting up, walking towards the library. Dad started to make himself a drink, asking me if I wanted anything. I asked for one of those Collins drinks he sometimes made for Mama. He fixed me a drink without commenting on my being too young for drinking, not pausing at any point in his account, detailing the different ways this new company could be fitted and shaped to improve operating profits for each of the other three.

Already, in his mind, he'd worked out complicated marketing strategies, and was able to tell me where savings could be found, savings to help maximize profits, and to increase the overall revenues. He claimed this company would instantly pump up the sales for all the other companies, by adding their products in the markets already open to the product lines of the three existing divisions.

Mama and the girls came staggering in at nine thirty, each with her arms full of new purchases. Hans followed behind them with several boxes and bags that he quickly put down right in the hallway, before turning around to go back for even more. I took this opportunity to leave, saying I had go help Hans. Mama came in the library, asking my Dad to make her a highball. As I was leaving, I heard Dad continuing on with his presentation, now though, it was to Mama.

"As I was just telling Kenny, we can triple the sales of the Lucas company, almost at once." I left them alone, both of them enjoying their conversation. Whenever Dad talked about making money to Mama, it seemed to have the same effect on her that buying them presents of candy and flowers was supposed to have on other women. Even as tired as she must have been from a whole day of shopping, Mama stood there, sipping her new drink, with a smile on her face, one that seemed to be a lot more than merely polite interest. I helped Hans bring in more boxes, bags and stuff. It looked like more than what we'd gotten, the time Mama took me into the city to get all my new clothes. Grace and Jane were helping us bring in the packages too, and the two of them had more energy left than I would have thought possible.

"Jeez, I thought you guys would be almost dead by now, after being out shopping all day with Mama. How did you go through all of that, and still have so much energy?" Both of them looked as me as if they thought I'd lost my mind.

"Kenny, your mom is incredible! She knows all the places to shop, and I'm not just talking about clothes for her either. You wouldn't believe how many different places we went to today, or how many different things we bought. Jane and I will never need to shop for clothes again." Grace was practically bathed in happiness as she told me this. Whatever Mama had done, it had certainly snapped her out of her earlier sadness.

"Kenny, please come in here." Mama sounded like she was angry. I left the girls where we'd been standing, in the crowded hallway, crowded because of all their bags and boxes were stacked everywhere. I went to the library, where Mama started giving my face a close look, touching near the place where Richard had cut me. "Does it still hurt? Why did you let that horrid boy do this to you? Thomas, I want him arrested. This is very unacceptable behavior. I'm going to see him punished for doing this to Kenny. He's bigger and he's older than Kenny too."

"Bertie, relax, I told you it was nothing. Kenny came out of it in far better condition than Richard. Walt's already punished the boy enough. He took playing football away from him for the upcoming season. We've already done all that needs doing. You don't want to smother the boy. He acquitted himself well. I'm certain that Richard's going to think twice before trying him again."

Mama didn't seem convinced by anything Dad had said. The whole time we were there, she was looking my face over, looking for any other signs of injury.

"Did you have a good time today, Mama? The girls sure did. They told me they wouldn't need to buy clothes again." I saw Dad starting to frown when I said that last part.

"Bertie, you didn't? Really. We spoke earlier about that very thing."

"Thomas, these girls are Kenny's friends. I didn't see the harm in it. Besides, they are exaggerating. I had a wonderful time watching them today. They've both had a difficult time, and it won't hurt them to be pampered a little. It isn't as though I'm spoiling them, and that is what you said you feared."

"I'm worried you'll show them this lifestyle for a short while, and, when they leave us, they won't ever be able to create this life for themselves. It would be quite a letdown for them. By the way, I've spoke with Kenny about the other matter we discussed. I'm afraid my message failed to find receptive ears. His mind seems quite made up." I noticed Mama's face when Dad told her this. I recognized the signs from her. She was preparing to dig in too.

I believed Dad had been honest with me, when he told me why Mama was so anxious for Brenda and me to get back together again. This didn't mean Mama had told Dad everything she wanted. I wondered if it would change the way Mama felt if I were to tell her what Brenda had told me when she first found out that Uncle Bunny had dated her mother? Uncle Bunny might love Brenda as if she were his own daughter, but Brenda certainly didn't reciprocate any of his feelings towards her.

"Kenny, it bothers me, this refusal to examine the problems you and Brenda are having. In all likelihood, they could all be resolved if the two of you sat back down and discussed things honestly and openly. Brenda already thinks of me almost as an aunt. I know I could assist the two of you in finding a way around this impasse.

"It isn't anything I need resolved. If Brenda thinks of you as an aunt, it is mostly as a rich aunt. Brenda will tell you whatever she thinks you want to hear. She is very much attracted to money."

"She has told me that as well. Unlike you, I must confess I see no wrong in that. Money is attractive, and there's no use in any of us trying to pretend it isn't. Brenda understands the many doors that would be open to her with the presence of money in her life. I'm sure she doesn't like money for its own sake, because that would be vulgar. She simply appreciates what having money could do for her. To me, this is a very sensible attitude, and one her own mother has labored diligently to make her understand."

"Well said, Bertie." Mama smiled over at Dad, pleased that he agreed with her. He had better agree. He'd already spent all his adult life in the pursuit of money. Making money was all he knew how to do. The better he was at making it, the more approval he received from Mama and Uncle Bunny. I wasn't sure whether they understood it was their approval which motivated Dad to work harder, and to be more successful. He wasn't really working to make money for himself, he worked for their approval.

It was what Uncle Bunny must have meant when he told me to look at what Dad had done with most of the money he'd worked so hard for, over the years. He'd turned right around and thrown it into Mama's hobby. That she'd allowed him to do it showed me she wanted to return to their starting position, her being wealthy, and him lagging very far behind. She had invested about two percent of her total worth in her hobby, while Dad put up about eighty per cent of his. Eighty per cent of what remained after paying the taxes on the twenty two million he had received for his ownership interest when they sold the old company.

It was interesting it was my Dad who paid my tuition at the Academy, out his own, personal, checking account. I wondered if he wasn't a little like Uncle Bunny was, when it came to his relationship with one particular woman. Did Mama whistle anytime she wanted something from him? Maybe that's why he was recommending I get back with Brenda. I wondered if Mama had been using him to try to get me to change my mind about having more to do with Brenda? I was getting a headache trying to figure all of this out. As I left to go help the girls move their new clothes out of the hallway, and into their new room, a wild idea came to me: I had nothing to lose by going along with Mama. Was I resisting just to resist?

I wanted to have sex with Brenda, but I had resisted her, turning her down repeatedly, when she offered it. The reason I didn't want to have sex was because I wanted her to change before I made love to her. Even if every reason I had before was good and valid, so what? It hadn't gotten me any closer to changing Brenda. None of these problems we'd had were diminishing the physical attraction I had for her. Why was I letting what I saw as her flaws determine whether I wanted to have sex with her?

I had really enjoyed having sex with Bea, but I hadn't insisted that she meet any or all of my personality and behavior requirements. I was trying to hold Brenda to a different standard than I'd used for Bea. Mama wanted me to go with Brenda, and Dad wanted what Mama wanted. The only one who really didn't want me to be with Brenda was Mr. Connor. All right, Richard probably wouldn't like me being with her either, but, so what? Richard wasn't important to me

If I decided to go ahead and have sex with Brenda, that wouldn't automatically mean I had to quit asking her to change, or trying to help her change her attitudes. I would have to be sure to tell her first that this was just sex to me, not an endorsement of her other traits, the ones she already knew I was having problems with. If she wanted us to have a real relationship, she'd have to make those changes, but if all she wanted was for me to screw her, I would do it. I had reached a point where I was willing to do things, even when I normally wouldn't choose to, on my own. If Mama was so certain it was what she wanted me to do, I loved her enough to go ahead and do it.

I was amazed at how easy this giving in business was. Had I missed out on a much better time of it at the orphanage, by stubbornly refusing to go along with the what the sister's wanted? There had to be something I was overlooking here. What was it?

If I decided to do this, it would be because of Mama, to show her my appreciation for what her loving me meant. I could justify to myself doing it for Mama. It couldn't ruin my current relationship with Brenda, because I no longer even had one. It might send her the wrong message, by telling her she could get whatever she asked for. I didn't care, because I wasn't just doing it to try to further our relationship. We had no relationship now anyway. There was no reason she should feel any need to make changes for me right now. If I went ahead and did this, perhaps it would provide her with a reason to consider making some changes.

I had made four trips to Grace and Jane's room, carrying packages, while I tried talking myself into adopting this new position. I was tired of resisting all the time, tired of fighting with people I loved, people I needed to love me. I had to find other, less destructive ways, to keep people from forcing me to do what I didn't want to. If I could learn to give in on things I already wanted to do, then, maybe, I could learn how to give in on the other ones too, the ones where the cost of not giving in would be too high for me to pay it. If I was going to start giving in, then pleasing Mama by giving Brenda what she wanted, was as good a place as any to begin it.

We had everything moved out of the downstairs hallway to their room now. A lot of it was stored in an outside closet, so they would have room to walk around in their room. Inside their room, a lot of it was stacked high against the back wall, because there wasn't anyplace else to put it. I said good night to the girls, heading back to the library to let Mama know everything was moved out of the way. When I got there, I found that Mama and Dad had gone up to bed.

I could see that this new way of mine would help me fit in better with my family. I remembered the look on Mama's face after dad told her that my mind was quite made up. If I didn't learn how to give in, I was going to be locked in a big struggle with Mama. Neither of us could hope to win, not if that happened. I didn't want to set something in motion that would pit us on opposite sides again. That was it then. In the morning I'd take Mama aside and tell her she had won. I'd let her arrange things with Brenda. I'd just go ahead and tell her she could arrange whatever she wanted. I'd let Mama make all of the arrangements, and I'd just go along with whatever that meant. I was relieved the decision had now been made, and that a crisis was being averted.

Like Dad, I had to make an action plan. All I'd have to do then was wait for the morning, and then put it into effect. I should be happy I thought. It was now all settled and decided. I was happy, but just a little anxious about the actual act of announcing to Mama my decision. The important thing was for me to immediately show her I wasn't going to fight her over this. That was all she wanted. If she knew I was trying to be reasonable, she'd find a way for me to do what she wanted, without needing us to fight each other.

When I woke up, it was very early. I got cleaned and dressed, then I went downstairs, waiting in the kitchen with Gerta, until Dad came downstairs. We had our breakfast together.

"I'm going to talk to Mama today. I want her to show me the best way to handle my problems with Brenda. I don't want to end up having anymore fights with her about it."

"I'm sure she will appreciate the opportunity to talk to you, Kenny. She's very concerned about your future. She wants only the best for you. If you explain your objections to her, I'm sure she will work with Brenda and Georgia, to try to get them resolved for you. She won't force you to do anything you don't feel comfortable with, but you have to give her reasons for your decisions. It isn't enough to tell her you don't want to do something, not without sharing a reason."

"Well that's good then. I bet you're going to have a lot of good news for Mama and Uncle Bunny when you get home tonight. Did Mama like your action plan?"

"She did, very much. She said she could think of nothing I should do differently. I'm glad I had a chance to speak of it with you beforehand, Kenny. It gave me an opportunity to organize my thoughts. It made a big difference when I explained it to your mother."

"When does Grace start work for you?"

"Monday morning. That will give the girls a weekend to get settled in, and comfortable in their new surroundings. I'm looking forward to teaching her why her ideas just don't hold water in the real world. By the time she heads off to college, she'll understand how supply and demand in the workplace functions."

"She might understand it, but will she change her mind about what she thinks is fair?"

"I'll do my best, Kenny. I remember wondering about just those sorts of things when I went off to the University. I promise you she'll understand how a company like ours scales a payroll. She's fixated on ratios right now, without considering a lot of other important factors that go into arriving at salary's and wages."

"I'm sure both of you will learn something. It must be a long time since you worried about not having enough money."

"No, I'm still worrying about it today. Instead of worrying about having enough to repair my automobile, I worry about having enough money to launch a new product, or acquire a new company. There is never enough money for you to have no worries."

"How about Mama, or Uncle Bunny?"

"They worry about having their money lose value. They might not worry in specific dollar increments, but they expect a certain yield from each investment they make. Your mother has been spending very freely, getting the golf learning center up and running. When it opens, it will be the best she could make it. Whoever she picks to run it will not be happy if he or she doesn't generate an income commensurate with the return on investment she has fixed somewhere in her mind."

"Uncle Bunny says it will probably never be profitable. He said you know it too."

"Bunny is wrong. The center will be in the black within three years. It probably won't ever throw off a return large enough to justify our capital expenditure, but it should be profitable. Your mother has researched this idea rather thoroughly. She knows what is available in our market area. She is counting on wealthy families desiring a summer camp with a goodly amount of social cachet to it. We won't be the "Y". Our clientele will be willing to pay for the uniquely upscale services we will offer. I'm actually very optimistic."

When Dad left, I felt a little better. At least he hadn't said anything to make me think he disagreed with what I was planning. Gerta hadn't said anything either when I spent time with her, telling her some of what I was planning. She knew something was bothering me about doing this. She didn't know how different this was for me. The real test would come when I spoke to Mama. As soon as I thought that, I heard her coming down the stairs. I was still seated at the dining table, but when she approached, I stood up, moving down to be closer to where she sat.

"Good morning, Mama."

"Good morning, sweetie. Let me get some toast and coffee, then we can talk about our plans for today, and for this weekend."