Chapter 4

The next ten days passed quickly. Mama and I played golf on the next Saturday, and I played with both of my parents, and Uncle Bunny, on Sunday. I didn't talk to anyone about my dream, but it was troubling me a little. I kept thinking about how near I'd come to actually seeing my mother's face. It didn't occur to me that it was simply a dream, unconnected with any reality. I started thinking more and more about the woman who was my birth mother.

I'd never admitted it before, but I had been very hurt and troubled over the idea that someone had just decided to give me away, after I was already three years old. What was so wrong with me that my own mother would decide to do that? I always wondered why I didn't remember anything from before I came to the orphanage too. I had tried, lots of times, to think about any memory I had from before I went to live at St. Cecelia's, but I couldn't. I remember falling once, and cutting my leg near the ankle, but that was when I was about five years old. I had to go to the hospital to get stitches. A priest came to bring me to the hospital in a car, then he took me back, after the doctor finished sewing my leg. I couldn't remember anything at all from before then.

I did see Emily and Gary at the club once. It happened when I was coming down to ask someone to bring me my clubs and a bucket of practice balls. They were with their parents, and they were heading upstairs to the clubhouse restaurant, before I could do more than wave hello to them. Emily smiled at me, so that was a big relief. It meant she couldn't be that mad at me. Gary was growing too. He was about six inches taller than the last time I saw him, and now he was really tall for his age. He hadn't put the weight back on, from being sick the year before, like Emily had. He looked healthy, just really thin. I remember thinking that he'd be seven feet tall, if he kept growing like he was until he was sixteen or seventeen years old. He looked like he was already taller than me.

On Wednesday, Grace and Jane showed up in Jane's Toyota. They unloaded the car. I helped them put everything in their room. Jane told me they had to go back to Bolling, to get the rest of her things. She said if I came, it might take two more trips, so that was the reason I couldn't come. I offered to go ask Hans if he'd drive us over in the limo, so we could be sure get it all at once, but Jane said her father was pretty upset that she was moving out, especially with Grace, and she didn't want to have any trouble by bringing anyone else there to help her.

I went ahead to the club and took my golf lesson, then hurried home, to make sure I didn't miss them when they got back. When they did pull up again, they had managed to load everything in before they left. It was about two thirty, and I talked them into going out to the club and grabbing a quick snack bar hot dog or hamburger, which we'd eat before playing eighteen holes. We drove out with Hans, leaving the Toyota still loaded, and sitting in front of our house.

I played really well, and so did Jane. I shot an eighty one, but that was with two double bogey's. One of the doubles was on a hole I'd birdied the last time I'd played it. My putting had been good though, not one three putt on my round. The second double came because I hit my drive out of bounds. Jane shot a seventy three. She told me she hadn't touched a golf club since the last time we'd played with Mama. I didn't know what was wrong with Grace's game. It looked like almost everything. She wasn't striking the ball good, and she didn't seem to even be trying with her putter. She finished up with an eighty eight, but she played so poorly, I was surprised when Jane announced our scores. I thought Grace must have scored close to one hundred. When I replayed each of the holes in my mind though, the numbers matched up with what Jane said.

While Jane and I waited for Grace to go to the restroom, after we had finished, Jane told me that there had been a huge scene at Grace's house while they were packing and moving her personal possessions. Grace's mother and father had gone through everything Grace had packed, taking back anything that Grace hadn't purchased with her own money. Her clothes hadn't been that good in the first place, according to Jane, but now Grace didn't have anything decent to wear at her new job. She was very upset about how her parents had treated her. Jane said her father wasn't one hundred per cent sure about her and Grace, but he was very suspicious. They had only gotten away with things as long as they had, because Grace had dated Jimmy, Jane's brother, for six months.

By the time we got back to the house, Mama and dad were back from Bolling with Uncle Bunny. The company had switched banks to make it easier to run the payroll and other accounts for all three of the new divisions. The old bank hadn't been able to do what dad said he wanted. They had also gotten a much larger operating line with the new bank. The new banker had also told dad about a possible new acquisition, and he had helped arrange for the present owner of that company to fly into Bolling on Friday, to speak to dad. Dad said he already knew a lot about the company, and had wondered how much longer they'd try to go it alone, as an independent.

This was the first time that Grace and Jane had met Uncle Bunny. After about five minutes, the three of them were laughing like old friends. That was how Uncle Bunny always was, he could make people relax, and enjoy themselves around him. While they were getting acquainted, I talked to Mama about Grace's clothes situation. She just smiled, and told me not to worry about it any longer. I knew then that Jane and Grace were in for a ride to Springfield for some clothes shopping. Mama had never liked Bea, not just for what happened with dad either. There was something about Bea's nature, which just seemed to rub Mama the wrong way. If she had liked her, Bea would have enjoyed the year she spent living with Mama.

At dinner, my suspicions were confirmed when Mama told both girls not to make any plans for the following day, because they needed to go with her, into the city. After dinner, while Mama, dad, and Uncle Bunny were discussing business, and having a few more drinks in the library, I took the girls upstairs, and told them what to expect. I told them the same thing Uncle Bunny had told me, about not stopping Mama from buying them as much as she wanted to. I told them no matter how much she spent on them, she'd make more in daily interest on all her money and investments than they could possibly spend on them. I wasn't sure it was true, but it sounded good, and I wanted both of them to have fun, and enjoy the time they spent with Mama.

I knew that Mama was bound to have one or more of her depressions while Grace and Jane were there. I figured that seeing her like she gets then, would be much easier for them to take, if they saw her when she was happy, and at her best. To me, one day of Mama being happy, and in full control of herself, made up for at least twenty of those other days, when she was filled with darkness and despair. I wished she never had to go through those other times, but I understood how important it was to allow her to fully enjoy all of her good days. I think I succeeded in convincing the girls too.

"Listen, I'm going to have to go somewhere for a couple hours. I hate leaving you two all alone on your first night living here, but maybe you could relax up here and have a nice bath while I'm gone. If you throw the bolt after I leave, no one can come in the room to disturb you. When I get back, I'll phone you from downstairs, so you'll know it's only me knocking at the door later. I'll be gone for at least two hours, so if you get tired of the television, or get sleepy, you can always use my bed until I get back." I got a kiss on the cheek from Grace, which surprised me. Jane gave me a hug, after Grace stepped away. I let myself out of my bedroom, hearing the bolt thrown right away, seconds after I shut the door. My first thought out in the hallway, was where could I go while I gave them some privacy for those two hours? I decided to go outside, to take a walk.

Before I left the house, I told Gerta that Grace and Jane were in my bedroom, relaxing and watching television, and weren't to be disturbed. I went into the library and said good night to Uncle Bunny, mentioning to Mama that I had left the girls in my room to relax, and watch some television. I thanked her for being so nice to my friends, asking her not to wear herself out with too much shopping. She gave me a big hug, and a kiss too.

"I've always wanted to have girls to take shopping too, Kenny. This is more for my benefit and enjoyment than for theirs. I'll try not to go overboard tomorrow."

"Mama, I think it wouldn't hurt if you did. Grace's parents put her through a terrible time when she left. They made her feel so bad she couldn't even enjoy playing golf today. I think tomorrow, it would be a good thing if you did go overboard, at least for her. Weren't you the one that told me, to a woman, shopping for clothes was better than a hundred trips to a psychiatrist? I expect to find three very happy and well adjusted women when I see you after you return tomorrow. I already told them to let you go wild, if it made you happy. I hope you three have all the fun you can stand."

I went out the front door then, wondering where to go for my walk. It was one of those June nights that were simply perfect. No wind, and yet the air was gently stirring. No rain, but the air contained just enough moisture to feel the refreshing coolness of it. Overhead, the skies were clear, and, as I walked, I could hear the sounds of the small animal nightlife stirring. The quiet and the darkness welcomed me, and I welcomed it as well. Once again, I was struck by the many good things I had touching my life. As I walked, I realized that I was slowly starting to feel some of that peace the sisters had always promised me I'd get, if I'd only just come to accept their beliefs. I liked it, that warm feeling I had, but I didn't trust it, because I knew I was capable, at any time, of ruining it in an instant.

When I reached the street, I turned left, towards town. I walked past Emily's house, pausing only long enough to look to see if their lights were on. I wasn't thinking about her at all until I walked by, but as I continued on, I wondered again why I'd chosen to treat her the way I had. I felt a lot worse about how I'd acted around her than I did about the way I'd treated Brenda. In town, I walked around, looking in the windows of several closed storefronts. Ridgeline wasn't very big. I didn't know how big, but certainly less than five thousand residents. I guess, if you added up all the farm families that surrounded the town, it might go up to seven or even eight thousand people. Nothing as big as Bolling or Topeka, scarcely bigger than Holton and all the other small surrounding farm communities sprinkled around close by.

I wondered if my real mother had lived around here. She must have lived in the County, at least at one time. That would eliminate Holton and the other Jackson County towns. I didn't know how many small towns were in Bolling County, but I doubted if it was that large a number. It was that dream I'd had that made me think that way. I was grateful for the mother I did have, and I don't think I wanted to make any changes to my living situation. Still, I would have liked to put a real face to the image I'd glimpsed from the dream.

I was walking past this small diner, one of the few businesses still open in town, when Richard Connor and Darryl Kingsley came out with two girls I didn't know. The girls looked much younger than either boy, thirteen years old, or maybe even less than that.

"Kenny Masters, what are you master of? Baiting? Is that what you're master of? You get it Darryl?" I figured that Richard had been working on that one ever since the end of the last summer. Darryl nodded that he got it. Even the girls got it, but they didn't understand why Richard would say something as mean as that. They started looking worried.

"We've changed our minds now. We didn't see how late it was. Maybe another time, okay?" The two young girls hurried off, away from the direction they'd been heading, which was Darryl's father's car, parked on the curb, thirty feet away from where the remaining three of us were now standing.

"Goddamn it! You see what you went and did now, Masters, you asshole? We were taking those two out to the lake to get better acquainted. We even bought them something to drink. You owe us our three dollars back, right Darryl?"

"What did he do? He hasn't said nothing yet." Darryl, from the few times I'd spoken to him at the club pool, wasn't very smart. He didn't realize yet that Richard was picking a fight with me. I smiled at Darryl, and continued walking past the two of them. I was hoping that Richard would let it drop there.

"Don't you frigging walk away from me when I'm not done talking to you. I'm not like my slut sister, ass wipe, I'm not letting you walk all over me. Get your ass back here." I turned back then. Actually, I'd started turning back when he called Brenda a slut again. I had pulled ahead of Richard in height, but he still had to outweigh me by about twenty pounds or so. I didn't think I could beat him in a fight, but I also didn't think he would have that easy of a time with me. I wasn't thinking about what Darryl would do. It wouldn't have made any difference if I did think about it. Darryl was already moving away, heading towards his father's car.

"Richard, I've had enough of your ugly mouth. If you think I'm going to keep letting you get away with talking to me like this, you're wrong. If I have to fight you I will. I'd rather fight you than listen to you say those things anymore."