Chapter 10

The next morning, Mama did get up, and went with Hans, traveling to the bank in Bolling, to sign the papers guaranteeing the forty million dollar operating line for the new acquisition. She looked tired, and very fragile, but she went to do what needed doing. Uncle Bunny had already been asked to fill in for her at the meeting with the construction company people. These were the people hired to build the lodge needed to house all the golf camp students. Mama had made complete notes about everything she wanted to cover in the meeting, so Uncle Bunny would be adequately prepared to fill in for her.

I had Gerta ready to give me a ride out to the club, but Elizabeth volunteered to drive me there instead. We took Mama's car, and Elizabeth apologized for yelling at me the morning before.

"I was thinking about Lonnie, out in the garden, when you found me. I got mad at you later, because I like remembering him, but I'm already starting to forget. I forget the littlest things already, the ones that were so much a part of who Lonnie was. He's becoming blurred to me now, and soon, all I'll remember is the Reader's Digest, edited version, of who he was. I'm already losing all the important details."

"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't think I knew you well enough to ask you that question directly, that's why I asked Gerta. I'm sorry you're unhappy, and I didn't want to make you unhappier."

"Gerta really got on me about me yelling at you. You'd be better off asking her if she's your mother, instead of me. I'm amazed at the way she acts so protective of you. She's worried about you seeing me smoking, that you might be tempted to try it for yourself."

"I guess I was tempted at first, when we were out in the garden, and you were laughing about everything. After though, in the kitchen, I could see it worked both ways, happy and sad."

"No, the sad was all from me. The buds put me in a calmer place, so I can put up with how shitty my life is now. If I didn't have my knowing I'd be getting high to look forward to, I'd probably go on a permanent crying jag."

"Mama gets real depressed. Did you see how she looked this morning? By the time she gets home, it will be worse. She might be like that for two or three weeks, and she won't eat and can't take care of herself. When she gets that way, all of us worry."

"Why isn't she on some mood elevators? I had some, for the first few months after Lonnie's accident. They help, but I felt out of it, and numb, for the whole time I took them. I prefer the natural way myself. The secret to depression is getting relaxed. The more relaxed you get, the less things bother you."

"Mama doesn't smoke though, not even regular cigarettes."

"You don't have to smoke it. I make a killer brownie, and my Ganja spaghetti sauce got raves wherever I've served it." I didn't think food would help Mama. If food could help, Gerta would have cured her years before.

"Sometimes Gerta makes her little pastries that she eats when she's depressed, but mostly, she won't eat anything. I don't think you can get her to eat food when she's depressed bad, and if you did, it probably wouldn't help."

"It isn't the food that helps, its the THC in the food. You get her to eat a bowl of my Ganja spaghetti, and we'll just see about how depressed she is after. It might not cure it, but it will definitely relax her, and that's good."

"She has a lot of trouble sleeping when she get her melancholia."

"I have trouble sleeping too, and this would help her with that too. Ask Gerta if she's interested in trying it. I don't want to bring it up with her, but she might listen if you tell her about what I just told you."

I went to my lesson with Dave, but my mind wasn't on it that much. Several times, Dave got upset with me because I wasn't paying attention like I usually would. I kept thinking about what Elizabeth had told me. It didn't make much sense to me that our fill in cook would know more than all the doctors Mama had been to. Marijuana was illegal besides. I had grown up in an environment where we were taught that our bodies were God's temples, and we weren't even supposed to drink or smoke. We were taught to eat good, and to exercise ourselves often, to keep our temples in good shape for God. I had seen Mama during many of these depressions, and she wasn't taking care of her temple anyway. I didn't think that Elizabeth's ideas would work, but I wasn't going to discard them out of hand, not before finding out if they might work. I'd have a talk with Gerta when I got home.

Brenda came out to the club at twelve, and we had a good lunch together. Several times she made comments about it being nice that it was just the two of us. When I tried to bring up the way she treated Emily, she told me not to ruin the good time we were having. After lunch, we went for a quick swim. Brenda and I fooled around in the water, but there wasn't anyone else in the pool area when we did. It was mostly just touching underwater, and kissing, back on the two loungers we'd pushed together. At two o'clock, I got up from the lounger and went in to change into golfing clothes.

Dressed, I stopped off to get my clubs back from the members equipment storage room. At two thirty, Hans drove up with Jane and Grace. Hans had stopped off at the company to pick up Grace when he was bringing Mama home from the bank. Jane had driven home from the construction site. Both girls were concerned about the way Mama had been acting at home, before they left. Grace said Mama had been withdrawn, and had kept to herself for the whole ride home.

I explained to both girls about Mama's depression, telling them that it sometimes got really bad, but that she'd be back to her normal self when it was all over. I was glad to see that they were concerned about Mama too. They both wanted to know if they could do anything to help.

We had a good round of golf, but, again, I got my ears pinned back as far as scoring went. Grace won, which surprised both Jane and me. She had six birdies and three bogeys for a sixty nine. Jane had a thirty four on the front, which tied her with Grace, but the thirty nine on the back killed her. She made a double bogey on the last par three, when her tee shot landed in the water, and her next shot from the recovery area overshot the green and got buried in the rough behind. She did make a nice up and down for her five though.

My game wasn't sharp either. I made an eighty five, but I made several mental errors that cost me strokes. I wasn't executing well, and I failed to make a single birdie putt the whole round.

We had Hans pick us up, and that was when I asked Jane how come she and Grace hadn't driven out in her car.

"We planned to, but I told Hans there was a funny noise coming from the front of the car, whenever I put my brakes on. He told me it probably needed new brake pads, and he'd take care of it for me."

"Hans has been having some bad back problems, Jane. We've been trying to get him to do less until after it gets better."

"Nobody told me, Kenny. I thought he always walked like that, because of his age. I won't let him help me anymore."

"Don't worry about it. I was just telling you because I forgot to tell you before. Hans tries to pretend he's all right, and do all the stuff he does normally. He keeps putting too much pressure on his back. That's what Gerta says. She told me he'd get better if he would stay off of his feet and quit moving around so much."

As soon as we got home, Grace and Jane went up to Hans and started yelling at him for not taking better care of his back. Hans didn't say anything, other than to hand Jane her car keys and then show her the old, worn brake pads, he's finished changing for her. I took both girls aside after we were in the house and told Grace about how I wanted her to flirt with Hans as part of the plan I had to get back at him for his teasing me about the rubbers. I told them both that I'd warn Gerta first that it was just me getting back at Hans. When I was done with that, I was going to go in the kitchen to tell Gerta, but then I decided to go upstairs and look in on Mama first.

She was on her bed when I found her, and she was weeping softly. I went over and sat on the bed and lifted her up so I could hug her. I didn't try to talk to her much, other than to tell her I loved her and hoped she'd feel better soon. I held her like that for about half an hour, then I kissed her on the cheek and told her that I'd look in on her later. I left her room, and went over to my own.

The first thing I noticed was that there was a phone again on my night stand. I had missed that when I switched rooms. Uncle Bunny had two phone lines over in the area that had been his office. One was a separate line that was his for business calls, and the other was the normal phone line in the house, and it was hooked up to the internal paging system. I had said something to Gerta about wishing I still had a phone by my bed.

I wanted to try my new phone, so I picked it up and paged the kitchen. Gerta came on the line, and I took the opportunity to tell her about my having asked the girls to tease Hans because he had teased me. She laughed and said she would go along with it.

"Gerta, I just got back from visiting with Mama in her room. She's depressed again, and she's curling up in a ball like she does. I talked to Elizabeth earlier, and she thinks Mama would feel better if she were relaxed."

"Your Mama doesn't need to take drugs, Kenny. They tried that before. It helped very little, and when she wasn't depressed, she wasn't able to be her normal self. She hated taking those pills."

"I'm not talking about pills, Gerta. Elizabeth told me that marijuana helps her to relax, and she says she can cook things with it that have the same effect. I think we should let her make some things, and not tell Mama what we're putting in there. We can see if it helps or not, and if it doesn't, we'll just stop. If it does, maybe you can add it to your own cooking, whenever she looks like she's just starting to be depressed."

"Kenny, I know you mean well, but you aren't a doctor. Elizabeth smokes that marijuana, and she has to make those claims for it in order to justify doing it."

"If Dad tells you it's all right, would you do it then?"

"No. He wouldn't permit it anyway. You should give it up, Kenny, it's a bad idea."

"How about if Uncle Bunny says it's okay too?"

"If you get Bunny and Mr. Parsons both to say it's okay, I'll let Elizabeth make something, but I'm not going to be involved in any part of it. This isn't aspirin, Kenny. This is illegal drugs you're talking about giving your Mama."

"Gerta. I know it is. I wouldn't even be thinking about something like this if those doctors, the ones you seem to think so much of, had ever been able to help Mama at all with her depression. Dad told me that her health is going to be hurt by all the times she refuses to eat or drink when she's depressed. The older she gets, the harder it is on her. You've said yourself that she doesn't get over these things as fast anymore. Even if it doesn't work completely, maybe it will help her a little bit. I know you love her, and don't like watching her go through this. We'll know quick enough if it helps, or if it doesn't."

When Dad came home, about half an hour before dinner, I went into his study, and spoke to him about it. Like Gerta had predicted, he was against the idea too. I asked him if he had any better ideas, but he simply refused to discuss it with me anymore.

After dinner, I went upstairs and called Uncle Bunny at home. I was just getting started telling him about Elizabeth, and her talking about marijuana relaxing people, when Uncle Bunny stopped me, laughing.

"You want to lace Bertie's food with marijuana, Kenny? Or, are you going to take a bowlful of it up to her bedroom, and try to get her to smoke it?"