Chapter 4: Pete's Plan

The next day was a hot, lazy Saturday. Pete and I ended up in one of our favorite spots, sitting in a tree. Yeah, I said in the tree. There were several Japanese plum trees, some call them loquats, in our neighborhood that didn't seem to belong to anybody. It was not unusual to find kids in those trees helping themselves to the succulent fruit. Pete and I liked them so much that one of them had become almost like a clubhouse for us. We would sit in the cool canopy of the branches, filling our stomachs to the point of aching, while we pondered the problems of the world (as we knew it).

My normally talkative friend was strangely quiet that morning. I could tell there was something on his mind. I tried to get him going by telling a couple of jokes but of course he had already heard them. He went back into his sulk. Finally he broke his silence, with a joke of course. "Hey PJ, do you know the difference between a woman's pussy and a fresh trout?"

"No, Pete, I don't"

"Well, remind me never to send you to the fish market!"

That was just corny enough that we could both laugh at it. I thought everything was back to normal then, but our conversation quickly took a very uncomfortable turn for me.

"So PJ, how did you like the show?"

"I didn't watch much TV last night. What are you talking..."

"Not a TV show, dumb ass. I'm talking about the Snookie show."

For the first time in my life I understood the meaning of the phrase "... didn't know whether to shit or go blind". I almost fell out of the tree. Apparently, Snookie knew I had been watching her and now Pete knew I was a peeping Tom too. How could I have been such a dummy? What had looked like a staged show had really been a show, for an audience of one.

I didn't respond, but Pete went ahead anyway. "Yeah, she's caught you peekin' at her a couple of weeks ago."

"When did she tell you?" I had finally found my voice.

"A couple of days ago. I asked her what the problem was, all she had to do was close her damn curtains. Then she said she kind of liked you lookin' at her. Girls... they're all nuts. So I kinda suggested to her to do a little strip tease, just to drive you crazy. Soooo... you never answered my question, did you like her little show?"

I decided to throw myself on the mercy of the court and owned up to my crimes. "Yeah, OK, Pete. I like looking at your sister's body. And if she doesn't mind, then what's wrong..."

"Whoa, PJ," he interrupted. "Don't get all hump-backed and bushy-tailed about it. Hell, there's been more than once that I've stolen a peek at a young lady when she didn't know I was lookin'. All I'm sayin' is that we've got a situation here and I'm not sure how to handle it."

"Don't worry, Pete. Just tell her to be more careful with her curtains. And I'll try not to look, even if they are open."

"Hey, relax. I told you she likes bein looked at. Nah, that's not the situation I'm talkin' about. You remember when I told you about Snookie gettin' caught playin' with herself? Well, it seems like she's been havin a lot of unlady like thoughts and now that she thinks she's ready to start having sex. She even asked me how she could find somebody to try it with."

Damn, was there no end to the surprises coming from that family? "Kind of funny, isn't it. I was just about her age when I had sex for the first time, with a girl the same age, but now I don't think it's right for my sister to start that young. But you know how headstrong she is, and I'm not sure she'd pay attention to my advice anyway. But I feel like since she has asked, I kinda need to help her. I don't want her takin' a walk in the woods with some little snotty-nosed kid from school, and havin' him blab about it. She's gotta protect her reputation. Hell, she's gonna be in high school next year. We don't want her startin' out as 'slutty Snookie', right?'."

"You're not gonna... I mean... you can't... ," I was stammering now.

"What?" he interrupted. "You think I might screw my own sister? Damn, PJ, I might be a sick bastard, but I'm not into that incense stuff."

"Uhh, Pete, I think you mean incest."

"Yeah, whatever. Sometimes you get on my nerves, Mr. Dictionary. Anyway, now I find out that you've got the hots for her, and she kinda likes the idea of you watchin' her, so maybe I have a solution that'll make everybody happy. I can kill two stones with one bird."

I didn't even try to correct him that time. He had a big smile on his face and looked like he was very proud of himself for whatever plan he had concocted. He just sat there not saying anything, until I got impatient and prodded him for more information. "Uh, Pete, just what exactly do you have in mind?"

"PJ, my horny little buddy, how would you like to be the man, and I use the term loosely, to make Snookie a woman?"

Even though that's what I expected to hear, it still left me breathless. "What makes you think she'd go along with that?" I managed to squeak out.

"Son, don't you trust me? Have I ever given you bad advice?"

"Naw, Pete. In the two months I've known you; you have always been straight with me."

He missed the sarcasm in my remark. "Well, OK then, just leave it up to old Dirty Pete to make this work."

I didn't see any of the Myers family for the next few days. I didn't even take a peek at Snookie's window. I was afraid she would be standing there, pointing at me and laughing. On Wednesday Pete and I walked home from school together and he was back to the old Pete, rattling off stories and incidents so fast that I couldn't get a word in even if I had wanted to. He didn't bring up our last conversation.

When we got home, he casually mentioned, "Oh, Mom wants you to come over for dinner tonight. I think she misses her new son. See ya about six, OK?"

"Sure, six," I mumbled. Previously an invitation to spend time with the Myers family delighted me, but now I was dreading it. I didn't know how Snookie would react to me being around. I was sure I would start blushing the moment I saw her, and I knew somebody in the family would pick up on that. But like a lot of things in life that we dread, it turned out better than imagined.

Right from the start, I knew that this was not going to be a normal Myer's family supper. Snookie came to the table with her hair down. That was the first time I had seen her do that at the dinner table. I wondered if it was for my benefit, or if it was just part of Snookie growing into Sandra. I felt my cheeks warming up the first time I dared to glance at her I was relieved to see that she was also a little uncomfortable with our situation. Every time we made eye contact, she would lower her eyes and smile shyly. Luckily nobody else seemed to notice what was going on, except for Pete of course, who was grinning like a kid with a secret he really wanted to tell everybody.