Chapter 8

Karen was five months along.

I find pregnant women intensely appealing. They give off a feeling of hope and possibility and renewal. They confirm the elegance of nature. Tell me I'm with my pregnant woman, and I need none of the other elements which ordinarily make a situation erotic.

We were walking back to her house one afternoon. I stopped near the corner and turned to her to rub her belly. Her condition was unmistakable. She made a satisfied sound that came from deep within her throat. So did I.

"That's so nice. Did you ever do that with Betty?"

"With the first one. With the second, I had to do it sometimes because she would have been suspicious had I not."

I took her hand and we rounded the corner and walked toward her place - our place. I heard a car door close but didn't pay it much attention.

And then, from a taunting voice moving towards the sidewalk from the street, "Isn't this the picture of domesticity? You're such a pathetic loser cuckold. You go out and cheat on me and your girlfriend gets knocked up by some other guy."

I had a quizzical look on my face.

She continued, "Oh, you didn't know? Go on, tramp, tell him."

I thought to squeeze Karen's hand to keep her from getting involved in the conversation, but I realized she probably knew as well as I how to handle herself.

"And how would you know that, Betty?"

"Because your sperm count is too low to make anybody pregnant."

This time my look was surprised.

"And how would you know that?"

"I had it done at a clinic."

"What did you do, jerk yourself off to wind up with a sample?"

"Oh, you think you're so clever. Do you remember all the special treatment I gave you when you were sick? I gave you that special hand job? I was so loving and understanding.

"Remember how I went into the bathroom to wash it off? Straight into a specimen cup.

"And then I had to rush downstairs to get a cold drink from the fridge. To keep it cool and fresh.

"And then I remembered oh my, I have a doctor's appointment. I didn't lie. It was with a lab for testing. He didn't even have to take off a sock to count the number of live sperm."

Taunting. Mocking. Getting louder by the minute.

A small crowd was gathering. She had been loud enough to draw them in.

I realized her mistake. But this didn't seem like the right time to tell her. I went into actor mode. I seemed shocked, stunned, disbelieving, confused.

"But the kids. How, the kids." Dazed.

"You are so pathetic. You knew how much I wanted kids. I found someone to take care of it, for each of our children."

The "our" was the most mocking of all.

"You were laughable. All those efforts. All that time. I even laid with my legs elevated afterwards to sell how hard I was trying to get us pregnant. And here you are, raising three children of two other men. And now your girlfriend does the same thing to you. Just pathetic."

"God, you must have really hated me. What did I do to make you hate me so?"

"Hate you? I loved you with all my heart. I loved you more than anything. You were the most important thing in the world to me."

"You have a funny way of showing that, Betty. And you have a strange way of counting.

"As I see it, under the most optimistic view, I'm no better than fifth place.

"You, of course, were first. What Betty wants, Betty gets. You didn't even talk it over with me. Betty's needs are first.

"And what about Harry? Would you have not had him if we had talked and I objected? Of course not. Would you have agreed to stop with him? No Nancy? And what about Justin?

"I know, you think it's not the same thing. They're your children. I'm just your husband. When they left to make their own lives, what would that leave you? Your pathetic loser, cuckold husband. Your fifth choice. Unless, well I noticed the three of them have only two fathers so maybe I'm actually only your sixth choice."

"A mother is supposed to love her children," she shouted.

"There weren't any children when you decided you needed to move me down to third. Each one was a choice over me."

My voice was calm. But that didn't ease her agitation.

"You didn't know that. You just started to treat me worse for no reason."

"He knew," Karen interrupted. "Never once did he use the word 'my' or 'our' when referring to your children. Can you even remember the last time you heard him say 'our' about them? I was pretty sure of what you'd done the night I met him."

Betty flushed and postured.

I didn't give her a chance to jump in.

"Not only have I known, but your behavior has changed steadily since then. I knew what you had done; I just had no idea why. Now I know. I've got to say I'm disappointed."

"Disappointed," said Betty. "You are so pathetic."

"Disappointed by your lack of intelligence.

"I'm disgusted by your behavior, morality and the way you let your belief that I couldn't give you children destroy your love for me, if it ever existed."

"I loved you completely."

"After Harry, your attitude changed. I could tell you thought you had something over me, I just didn't know what it was. Maybe you were hiding money in a separate account. Maybe you were spending beyond your budget. I didn't know. I just knew you had a secret that put you one up on me and it led you to treat me as less than equal.

"But that changed. Little by little I became less important. Now I know it's because you didn't let me give you children."

"You can't!"

"I'll get to that, Betty.

"At some point you started cutting me off at seemingly random intervals. But I worked out that it seemed to be around the middle of your cycle. I got suspicious, well, more than suspicious. I was sure.

"You know how I collect and work with evidence. I didn't have enough to convict you in front of a jury, but I was the jury and I had no doubt at all.

"The clues were unmistakable so I decided to take some time to develop conclusive evidence. It wouldn't take much time if you were trying to pawn off someone else's baby on me because you had a limited time window.

"I didn't catch you until around 1:00 of the first day I followed you.

"Didn't you have any idea what I did for a living? You did know I had worked for the FBI. Did you forget? Do you remember what I was so sick with?"

Betty just glared at me.

"Radiation poisoning," I continued. "Among the effects are destruction of sperm and disruption of the ability to make them. If you live, it's usually temporary. Not always, but usually. I knew that.

"That's why I went for a sperm count after an appropriate period of time. You were already pregnant and I wanted to be sure we weren't just lucky.

"There would have been no point in going when you did your 'scientific' test. If you had waited three to six months, we could have had our own kids. But you were too smart and too determined to even need to know what was going on when you made your decision. It didn't even occur to you that it might be our decision.

"This one," I rubbed Karen's belly, "is mine. I trust Karen. I used to trust you so maybe that does make me a little bit pathetic."

Betty had exceeded the limit of her abilities to remain silent, I think, due to the shock of discovering the truth of the situation. That didn't stop her from remaining on the attack.

"You are pathetic. You knew what I was doing and you didn't do anything to stop it. A real man would have stepped up."

"I caught you just after you'd made Nancy. The damage was already irreparable at Harry. One, three, what's the difference? Treachery is treachery. It was way beyond betrayal. You didn't just cheat.

"Your attitude got worse with each one. What started as I've got one up on you evolved into contempt.

"When you told me you were pregnant with Nancy, after expressing appropriate joy, I told you that was it. No more kids. We had that big fight and you agreed.

"And then you sprung Justin on me with, 'I decided I needed to have one more.'

"What more quintessential expression of contempt than, 'I decided?'

"I couldn't understand why you got so passionate that I shouldn't have a vasectomy, that you'd have your tubes tied after he was born and have the doctor confirm it. Now I do. You were afraid that when they took the before count, I would discover the kids couldn't be mine."