Chapter 4

"Regular. The caffeine won't keep me up."

We were in her kitchen. She hadn't mentioned a brand and I wasn't enough of a coffee aficionado that it made any difference, but I hadn't acquired a taste for decaf.

"Artificial sweetener and milk would be nice," I said.

She puttered around, taking things out of cabinets. The water was heating in the coffee maker.

"I think I have some things figured out. You have a way of putting things that is very revealing, probably. Everyone does.

"If you say you prefer your coffee black, it means you may be willing to do it a different way. That might be to ingratiate yourself to your hostess or you might want it enough not to quibble over it not being the way you prefer.

"But, if you said you take your coffee black, that probably means you are not willing to compromise. If you can't have it that way, you don't want it.

"That's just a very simple example, but most people give away lots of information they have no intention of revealing. I'm sure I do it too. It's unintentional.

"Your see your wife as a burden, or at best a responsibility. You've never referred to her by name to me. That keeps her impersonal, and I don't think it's because you care whether I have any connection to her, but that your connection to her is not something you value."

I could feel the flush. She had to see me turning red.

"But you love the kids," she said softly.

I nodded.

"You're worried about them if you leave."

"Yes."

"There's more, isn't there?"

"Yes."

"I'm pretty sure I know some of it.

"I don't know where you are with this, but, for me, it's decision time. I went into this with mild interest and a fair amount of amusement, but you come with Linda's highest recommendation and that counts for a lot.

"The more time I spend with you, the more I want to spend. It happened surprisingly fast, especially for me. I'm more hooked than I've ever been. Yet you're just barely available and I've known you such a short time."

She shook her head.

"It's, overwhelming. So, before I get drawn in any further, I need to know the whole deal. If it's too soon for you, I, I have to back off."

"Lucky for you, no, lucky for me, you're very special, and you're absolutely captivating. If I wasn't ready to, gee, listen to me. I sound like I'm trying to smooth my way into a business deal. I ought to be grown up enough to tell you I'm falling in love with you."

"That must be why the Baptists are so against dancing. Look how it sped us up."

"We might as well assess our compatibility on some key issues."

"You are such a romantic." Her use of irony was unmistakable, but I could not help but love her smile.

"Children: I guess we've both indicated we want them. How many? Do you care?"

"Two to four," she said. "I'm not sure you really know until you have them."

I sighed deeply.

"You've got that right. Money: how much do you want? How important is it?"

"I don't want to have to worry how the bills are getting paid, or the mortgage. Beyond that I don't much care. I think we're probably in agreement on that from what I've observed. Money is just something you use to buy stuff. It has no intrinsic value to me."

"Agreed. Travel: importance, frequency?"

"I've done a lot of travel. I liked it but I don't feel the urgency to go back to places I've already been. I do think it might be fun to share some of the places I've been with someone I love. Do you get to ask all the questions? Just a businessman running down a checklist?"

"I've had a lot of time and experience being in a relationship. It's given me the opportunity to think about what I want and what I don't want. So, yeah, I guess I have a checklist. Don't you?"