Chapter 11

In addition to being very good at reading people, Karen was an excellent therapist.

No, she didn't act as my therapist for anything in our relationship. That might have been unethical and certainly would have been a bad idea. But she did help me with my understanding of revenge.

The thought of carrying out some fiendish, painful revenge on the two live sperm donors was very satisfying as was the thought of making Betty pay.

"Suppose you could humiliate her thoroughly. Imagine a party with all her family and friends where you could play a video of her betrayal. You could somehow get the scenes of her lying to you. You could show her base, selfish behavior. You could recreate any part of the whole situation that would make them find her despicable.

"Imagine their treatment of her; her isolation; her constant reflection on how evil she's been and the pain it causes her."

"Okay, stop. You've gone too far." I shook my head. "The picture was feeling pretty good until you isolated her. I had friends, family. I couldn't talk about it, but I could do something. It sucked, but I wasn't completely powerless."

"Alright. Let's go back to where they are appalled by her behavior. How does that feel?"

"Pretty satisfying."

"Okay, now move on. Think about our life. How does that make you feel?"

I smiled and reached for her.

"Fantastic."

Karen pushed me away.

"Is our life that good because you've been able to punish her enough?"

Okay, this was not fun. My thoughts tumbled out.

"It's, got nothing to do with us. Having her, shit. I have you. It's, completely independent. If nothing happens to her, I still have you. I don't love her. I don't like her."

"Speak up. You're mumbling. I can't understand some of what you're saying."

"I'm thinking out loud. What difference does it make to me what happens to Betty? I mean, aside from how it affects the kids, if she's miserable, I'm blissful with you. And if she's happy, I'm still blissful with you."

I looked her in the eyes.

"What does it make me if some of my satisfaction with life and with you depends on screwing up her life?"

She took a good twenty seconds before speaking.

"I hope you aren't expecting an answer. I'm the therapist. We only ask questions. Leading questions perhaps, but questions nonetheless."

I thought for a while.

"I think it makes me someone I wouldn't be proud to be. Still, it feels wrong to just let her get away with all that."

"Has she gotten away with it? Has it cost her anything at all?"

I was still looking uneasy.

"So am I powerless? How can I just let stuff happen to me and feel like a, man?"

She gave me a very warm smile.

"My macho guy." Karen checked her watch. "So, how much time do you have before you have to make this decision?"

I laughed. "Point taken."

"By the way, are you still with her? Is there anything going on to change the state of your marriage and your relationship? Do you come home to her? Does she get to take you into her bed? Will you be comforting her when she is troubled? Is she going to have any of your children?"

"Rhetorical questions suck. Not only do you have answers to them, you have the right answers."

Karen did me the courtesy of not giving me a knowing smile.

"What about the guys?" she asked.

"They should be punished. But, all they did was take advantage of an opportunity, knowing what they were doing was wrong. It would be worse if they had pursued her.

"That still doesn't make it right or alright. If nothing happens to them, my life 'would still smell as sweet.'"

"Thanks, Juliet. So, do you have to do anything about them?"

"I still think so. I'd like to do something that makes them remember and regret participating. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture, but I would feel a sense of injustice if they just walked away."

"So think of something," she said.

"My God, you made a suggestion. Not exactly a concrete plan, but it's good to know that you aren't limited to asking questions. In this context," I was quick to add.

My appreciation of what I needed and how I would feel in the various circumstances allowed me to come to the accommodation with Betty with relative ease.

It also made it easy to get her cooperation in signing related documents I could take to the live sperm donors, though I didn't phrase it that way to her.

It was clear that she would have a lot of pain and regret without any further contribution from me.