Chapter 10

Betty realized the inevitability of a divorce from the day she confronted us in front of Karen's house. A no-fault with both parties agreeing required a waiting period of ninety days, so four to five months was the fastest it could be accomplished. If the defendant objected, the wait would be two years.

The sessions with Andrea were designed to help us deal with issues other than the fact of not being married. It was three weeks from the last session and Betty wanted to meet to discuss issues. She said she thought we didn't need Andrea any longer. We could always go back if she was wrong.

Betty had an agenda so she started off the session. "I've been seeing Andrea on my own since last time. I needed to understand more of how we, I, got here. You were right about a lot of things. I was selfish and immature. Even before any trouble started, we were in trouble. I loved you, in my way. But I saw our marriage as my marriage. I saw how I could get everything I had always wanted in life. I didn't stop to think what you would get out of it.

"A lot of the things we decided to do were things you agreed to do because I wanted them. Maybe I should fault you for not standing up to me more. But, it's hard to say you did the wrong thing by trying to make me happy. I guess if you had realized my demands might never stop, you would have said 'no' more often.

"I suppose it doesn't matter how much you think you love someone or how long you've been together. It's built out of a lot of things, but if you pound it enough, it just can't be sustained. Like you. If you still loved me deeply after all the shit I piled on you, I'd probably have no respect for you. Even if I showed complete contrition, you'd, I don't know, either have to feel you deserved to be treated badly or were completely unlovable except by me, or for some other pathological reason needed to be with me. It would be sick. Obviously, that's not the case. You've got Karen, who, I've got to admit, is nice.

"Anyway, I talked to a lawyer. He wasn't sure what would happen with the kids. Given that you just found out for sure they're not yours, he didn't know if you could deny paternity, but thought you might be able to. I could go after the real fathers for child support.

"He wasn't any more definite about alimony. I'm the one who chose to stay home. I have a degree and meaningful work experience. He didn't know how long I'd get alimony to help 'rehabilitate' myself. I've already started looking for work.

"He said I'd get somewhere in the vicinity of half of our property in Equitable Distribution. My efforts at home helped make it possible for you to be successful. In theory. I think, looking at all my efforts, you were a success in spite of me.

"Given all that's gone on, I don't want to sponge off of you. It's time I started being an adult and took some responsibility. Anyway, all I've worked out is my general attitude, I don't have detailed suggestions. But that's a pretty good contribution, isn't it?"

"It is. And at least, listening to you now, it makes me feel like I wasn't totally insane to marry you," I said.

"That's the sweetest thing you've said to me for a long time."

This time I was able to laugh. "I have given some thought to how we could work this out. I was ready to really slug it out. I didn't expect you to be so cooperative."

"How could you?"

"You're going to need a lawyer and he's going to advise against it, and I heard you acknowledge your role, but I would like to put a little penance in the split. I think this mess we're in was mostly your fault. And it was more difficult to build the business with all this other," I resisted the temptation to use a pejorative word here; she had been gracious in her acceptance of responsibility, "stuff. Property, 60 me, 40 you. As far as alimony, I'd rather make that a loan to be repaid. Otherwise, it would feel like I'm being made to pay for being victim. I'll cover whatever you need so you don't fall behind, but I want it repaid. I probably couldn't win this if we fought it out, but it just seems right to me."