Chapter 9

Maggie and I both jumped up when we heard Amy's scream and ran to the front yard. When we rounded the corner of the house, I saw Amy's car in the driveway. It was blocked in by Chrissy's pick-up. To my utter amazement there was a pile of girls out under the oak trees; and Amy was still screaming at the top of her lungs.

I was trying to figure out which way to start, when Leldon's bellow filled the air. There's nothing like the sound of an ex-Marine Sergeant's roar and things came to a complete standstill. You could have heard a feather drop.

"Everybody on your feet, now!"

The seven girls all stood up.

"Line-up in alphabetical order by first name!"

When they were assembled, Leldon marched up and down in front of them three times before he said, "Amy, step forward!"

She looked kind of worried -- they all did. I couldn't blame them. When Leldon goes into his act he can be downright fearsome. I admired her for stepping forward without fainting.

"Why were you brawling in my front yard?"

"They were going to cut off my hair, Sir."

"And why would they have cause to act in such a manner?"

She swallowed. "I told them I had sex with Bob today on our date."

He turned his eyes to me. I could have sworn he was going to roar with laughter, but he blew my mind and kept his cool. "Is this true, Bob?"

"Yes, Sir." He had me falling into order. "She kind of seduced me, Sir."

"I thought I trained you better than that, Corporal."

He's been calling me Corporal since I was five years-old. I'm not sure why. The same way I'm not sure why other members of my family do the goofy things they do.

"You know how it is, Sir."

He turned back to the girls.

"Beth, step forward!"

She obeyed and he said, "Why were you seven girls trying to cut off Amy's hair?"

"She cheated, Sir. And now she could be having his baby and there's no way the rest of us have a fair chance in the contest."

"Corporal, how many times have I told you to use a condom?"

"At least a million, Sir. But I wasn't expecting to have sex, Sir. I don't follow that practice on first dates, which you also taught me, Sir."

"I don't think I cheated, Sir." Amy sniffled. "There wasn't any rule in the contract about no sex."

"Maggie?"

"That's true, Sir. I should have known better. I know they all want to have his babies."

He turned his attention back to the girls. "Have any of you given thought to just who is going to support these babies? And where are you going to live? Bob hasn't even graduated high school or gone to college. And he certainly doesn't own a house. And who is going to get up and down with those babies at all times of the night when they're crying. Who is going to change their poopy diapers? Who is going to clean up spit up? Who is going to walk the floor with them for hours when they seem to be crying for no reason under the sun?"

I could see from the dumbfounded looks on their faces, that they hadn't thought of anything other than getting me as a prize and having my babies.

"I didn't think, so," Leldon commented. "Amy, you need to tell the truth about something, don't you, young lady?"

She made a face.

"Don't make me have to turn you over my knee."

She sighed. "I'm on the pill because I have problems with my period."

"So, the chances of you getting pregnant are not good."

"Yes, Sir."

"How many of the rest of you are on the pill? And don't even think about lying!"

Tammy Sue, Tiffany and Mandy raised their hands.

I silently thanked God that I had not gone out with any of the ones who hadn't raised their hands. I would never have heard the end of it had any or all of them gotten pregnant. Of course, I was probably never gonna' hear the end of being stupid with Amy, anyway.

"Very well," Leldon commented. "Now everyone listen up, and listen up good, because I am not going to repeat myself on this matter; nor am I going to accept any excuses if you don't follow this rule. If there is anymore sex involved on these dates, condoms will be used at all times even if the girl is on the pill. If any of you get pregnant, you will pay the penalty. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir!" we all said together.

"And there had better not be any more fighting. Or this contest will be called off and each of you will be grounded the entire summer; and will work for me picking up potatoes by hand from sun up 'til supper time. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Now, I'm going back inside, and when I look back out here, I only want to see Bob and Maggie."

He advanced back to the house and we all stood there for a few seconds before Beth whispered, "What did he mean by paying the penalty?"

"Firing-squad," Maggie and I chorused.