Pentagon Pizza Theory
by Pixymorph VII
Copyright© 2026 by Pixymorph VII
Elliot wondered if he should give his on/off girlfriend a call. It wasn’t too late to go out for a meal or a quick drink. A very quick drink and then back to her his, or hers. Skip the foreplay and go straight to bed. It was the middle of the week, and things were quiet. He could turn up to work late tomorrow. Could say he was out chasing down a story, or something. No one would care too much.
He pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and his finger hovered over his phone book. A quick check of his emails, and he would phone her. Pulling over his laptop, he stirred it from sleep. Most of the messages were junk, and he deleted them. One caught his eye. It was from a contact he had cultivated, but had very little actionable content from, so far. It was titled ‘We are very busy’. He opened it.
: You know how you said to alert you if you-know-who makes a big order? Well, they have made the biggest ever tonight...:
That was strange. There was nothing untoward going on in the world. Yes, there were some border skirmishes in Africa and the Taliban had blown up another mosque, but nothing out of the ordinary.
Picking up his phone, Elliot swiped past the on/off and dialed a number, waiting for the ringtone to be answered.
“I would like to make an order?” He listened to the apology that they would not be able to fulfil any phone orders for a couple of hours. “Okay, thank you.” He rang another number.
“I would like to place an order?” He listened to the response. “No, it’s fine, I’ll leave it and try somewhere else.” A third number had the same response. He didn’t bother trying a fourth.
Dial tone. “What’s up, Elliot?”
“Darren, have you heard anything unusual? Out of the ordinary?”
“Like what? Throw me a bone here.”
“I don’t know. It might be nothing. I was wondering if any of your military contacts have alerted you to anything unusual or out of the ordinary in the last day or so.”
“Nooo ... What are you hearing?”
“Nothing, just a feeling...”
“I’ll ask.”
“Okay, cheers, Darren.” Eliot hung up and went to his bookmarks. He had some traffic cameras bookmarked and paid some store owners for access to the cameras they had showing the outside of their shops. He started with the more legal traffic cameras.
The roads were quieter than they should be, Interstate 395 especially so. The home-going traffic was light. He took some screenshots, pulled over a notepad, and scribbled down some notes. Next, he accessed the deli camera.
Elliot had access to the drive and was able to view what the camera had recorded for the last seven days. The security gate was just in shot. It shouldn’t have been, but he had physically pushed the fixed camera up to catch the security access point. He moved the timer back to morning and watched the day workers queue up to be checked in. Everything was as normal. He fast-forwarded through the day.
Cars arrived, very few left.
He had another camera on the roof of Bed, Bath & Beyond on the corner of St Joyce Street, which covered the National 9/11 memorial and the associated parking there.
He moved next to the restaurant of the Hilton Double Tree, which just happened to have an outside camera pointed at several security gates and the Pentagon’s visitor entrance and associated car parking. That access cost him yearly baseball tickets. He went back to the morning. Same again. Staff arrived, and very few left. His phone rang.
“Yes, Darren?”
“Your spider senses were right. Leave for the regulars has been restricted. Family funerals and marriages only. Reservists have been alerted to possible short-notice call-ups. It’s being touted as ‘readiness’ exercises. Purely administrative, to see how quickly the reservists could mobilise, in theory.”
“Are your contacts saying it’s a purely paper exercise?”
There was a telling pause.
“Officially, yes, but the back channels are saying the opposite. What do you know?”
“Nothing. Genuinely nothing, apart from what you have told me and that all the fast food joints around the Pentagon are flat out.”
“I didn’t think anything interesting was going on in the world?”
“Neither did I. I’m looking now at Al Jazeera, and there is nothing out of the ordinary. North Korea is quiet, and China is still recovering from its brief civil war.”
“My phone is ringing, I’ll get back to you.”
“Okay, cheers, Darren.”
Elliot rang George, his editor, and explained the situation. “Is Elaine still in the press pack for that press junket at the orphanage?”
“It’s a music school for the underprivileged.”
“Whatever. Do you have any inclination as to what might be going on?”
“No. I’ll speak to our owner and see if the money people have noticed anything unusual.”
“Okay.”
Elliot’s phone buzzed. A text message from Darren.
: Check out the ship finder website. Especially the task force on the way to Taiwan... :
Elliot did so. The task force on the way to Taiwan had done a complete one-eighty four hours ago. His thumb danced across the screen again as he flipped through his contact list. Dial tone.
“What?”
“Elaine, I need a bit of a favour tomorrow at the Press Pack.” He heard her sigh in response.
“What do you need?”
Elliot knew that all questions were carefully vetted beforehand and that the Press Secretary did not take kindly to Madame President being asked questions that had not been vetted beforehand, so he didn’t ask for a question.
“I need you to ask around the aides, see if one of them will let slip something they shouldn’t.”
“Like what?”
“Like, why didn’t the Pentagon go home tonight. Like, why the task force on the way to Taiwan has just reversed course, and why all leave in the military has been restricted.”
“I didn’t hear of any new conflict anywhere...”
“Nor have I, but something is going down...”
“I’ll make some enquiries...”
“Thanks, Elaine.”
Elaine cut the connection and looked down at the new seventeen-year-old female intern, Iris, lying naked between her spread and equally naked legs.
“Did I tell you to stop?” Elaine chastised.
Although he tried all his contacts, he could find out no more. Nothing for it, he would have to go into work early tomorrow. Something was going down, and if he wasn’t in the office when it did, he was going to have to do some explaining...
Elliot watched his fellow passengers on the tube. Nothing seemed out of place. The carriage was maybe a little quieter than usual, but there was no thinly veiled panic or frantic hushed conversations.
There was nothing in the news, no increased police presence in the streets. It was a normal seven am commute.
Hanging his coat over the back of his chair, Elliot nudged his mouse to wake his screen. The first port of call was to check his emails. Nothing helpful. Maybe he was overreacting. But his gut said he wasn’t, and he trusted his gut.
George, their editor, walked in. Elliot headed over to him.
“Did you speak with our owner?”
“I did.”
“And?”
“The money markets are quiet. No strange share dealing or obvious insider trading.”
The morning proved frustrating. The signs were there, but signs of what...
“Who has the TV remote?” Elliot tracked it down and changed the screen from its finance market display to one of the major news channels that was covering the President’s PR trip.
Elaine studied the mass of aides. There was a definite tension in the air as Madame President spoke to carefully vetted students. Each interaction was carefully scripted and manipulated to bolster whatever demographic her advisors thought she was polling poorly with.
Presidential Security was about average. No more, no less than usual. She may not know their names, but she knew most of their faces. She had been covering the White House for almost twenty years, and whilst the President changed, the staff on the whole didn’t. There were a few new faces in the entourage. Whilst they weren’t dressed in the suits of Presidential Security, their suits did little to hide their military bearing. A military uniform would have been out of place in such a setting, but some things you could not hide, no matter what you wore. Who they were and what they were doing here was intriguing. She looked around for Iris.
Iris was not the sharpest typeface in print, but she had her uses, other than her tongue. Unlike members of the press pack, she wasn’t dressed in a sharp suit or conservative dress, like Elaine, but in a clingy short dress. Elaine had sent her out to harass any single male aide or to try to split one from the pack. Male aides, on their own, were easier prey. Given the requirement for aides to spend most of their awake hours at work, in order to ‘succeed’ at their job, it left them little time to socialise. And the sexually hungrier they were, the easier they were to tempt.
It was cliché, but clichés exist for a reason.
Iris’s bubbly personality, youthful curves, endless legs and seemingly permanent innocent expression were at odds with Elaine’s early fifties permanent look of cynicism.
The Press Secretary was calling them all together for the obligatory press conference and saccharine question and non-answer session. Elaine looked down at the bit of paper with her question nestled amongst the other carefully chosen questions to be asked by the ‘chosen few’.
Fuck it.
On screen, the camera changed to a shot of the podium with the Presidential crest clearly in view. Two American flags draped, just so, behind. Elliot turned up the volume on the TV. The President calmly walked up to the podium. There was the obligatory speech that said a lot without saying anything, and then the President invited questions from the assembled reporters.
“Trent Crimm, from The Independent. Will the funding be a once-off, or is this just for the duration of your presidential term?”
“I would like the funding to outlast my many terms in office, as I believe underprivileged youths are...”
Elliot switched off mentally. It was all bullshit. As soon as public interest waned in the school, the funding would be quietly funnelled elsewhere. Trent was replaced with another reporter, and a bland question was followed by a bland answer, and then onto the next media stooge.
A familiar face appeared on the screen.
“Elaine McDonald, ABN News. Madame President, Pentagon staff did not go home last night. Military leave has been rescinded, personnel are being flown back from overseas postings, and the task force that you very publicly sent to Taiwan is headed back to our shores. Madame President, what are you not telling the American people?”
The assembled press pack turned as one to look at Elaine in shock.
“You fucking dancer, Elaine!” Elliot shouted up at the screen as the President turned to briefly look at someone behind her.
“I can assure you, Elaine, that I am holding back nothing from the American people, and I can assure you that there is nothing to hold back. You are mistaking normal military movement for something else. Can I remind you all that I am here to talk about our underprivileged children from marginalised minorities...”
The damage had been done, and subsequent questions obviously deviated from the pre-planned script, forcing the Press Officer to step in.
“Madame President has further engagements this afternoon and will not be able to take any further questions...”
The President was ushered off stage in a manner that implied she was indeed keeping something back.
George stepped out of his office.
“Did you see George! Did you see it!”
“I saw it, Elliot. Toby!” George beckoned to Toby, their videographer.
“Yes, sir.”
“I want every piece of footage you can get of that press conference. I want to know who every single person in her entourage was and who the fuck she looked at.”
“On it!”
Elaine handed over her press credentials to a decidedly unamused Press Officer backed up by two security officers. She was not unduly concerned; she might get them back this Presidential term, or she might not. It wasn’t the first time in her career that she had lost Presidential access. A few carefully worded pieces in the press and online, and she could bully her way back in. She just had to spend a month or two or three in press purgatory to serve as a warning to other reporters who thought about going against the wishes of the Press Office. She noted that Iris still had hers as they were escorted out of the school back onto the street.
She hailed a taxi.
“Well?” she asked of Iris.
“I got a few numbers ... An older man by the name of Teddy. A wedding ring, so,” she shrugged unhopefully “Another, Jack, who is a definite possibility, but too low in the pecking order to be of any realistic use. That might change in the future, and a few other possibilities.” Iris replied as she climbed into the back of the taxi, the hem of her short dress riding up as she did so.
“Good girl,” Elaine said as she gave the driver the address for the office.
“Will you get into trouble?” Iris asked.
“A little...” Elaine’s pulse was still running high from the adrenaline. As the taxi pulled away from the curb, she leaned over and kissed Iris on the lips as her hand slipped up the thigh of the much younger woman. She had watched Iris get dressed that morning and knew a thong awaited her fingers. She easily pulled it aside and slipped a finger inside Iris, breaking from the kiss momentarily.
“You did well, love...” Elaine murmured as Iris let out a little moan.
It was frustrating.
They had the key. Just not the lock in which it opened.
All the other media outlets had now jumped on the bandwagon. Sources were being kept close to chests, but if any of the competition knew what was going on, they were not saying. Which meant they didn’t know either. It was hardly comforting.
The task force, meant as a show of force and support for Taiwan, was not the only carrier group heading home. The one that had been keeping its thumb firmly down on the heads of the Somali pirates was heading home as well.
At the moment, those same pirates were keeping their heads down, but once they became aware that the carrier group was no longer there, it would be open season again on the oil tankers. There had been no word, official or otherwise, from the embassies of the G10 about the USA’s military retraction. Or the inevitable repercussions. The only major force now protecting traffic through the Suez Canal was the British with a woeful two frigates and very little support for the action at home.
Flight Radar, ADSB and a few others were showing a lot of military flight activity. Elliot flicked between his three computer screens. Not every service reported planes in transit, but taken in aggregate, they caught the majority of traffic.
It was three a.m., and he should really sleep, but he was worried that something would break when he was floating in darkness. It had been three days since Elaine’s unexpected question, and the Press Corps were hailing her a hero.
The President was partly in hiding. She was still doing public engagements, but no interviews. No meaningful ones anyway. Every attempt by the White House to calm the situation, to move on, only succeeded in making it worse. Even foreign press agencies had woken up and joined the hunt for the elusive ‘story’.
Elliot watched an internet clip of an interview with the British Prime Minister, as he fielded question after question as to what he thought the Americans were up to. He genuinely looked both perplexed and confused about the situation, as did the American public. The clip moved on to one of the Houses of Parliament, where an opposition member tried to invoke Parliamentary Privilege to get an answer as to why all the night flights from RAF Lakenheath and Mildenhall. He was unsuccessful. Either the Brits didn’t know, or they were excelling themselves at keeping their mouths shut. He seriously doubted that they were capable of the latter.
“You look tired,” Iris said.
“I feel tired,” Jack replied as he took a sip of his beer. “I didn’t think you would text back.”
“You promised me a drink at the press conference...”
“That I did.” Jack smiled in tired amusement. “You look stunning, by the way.”
“So you’ve already said...”
“Well, you do...”
Iris was wearing a simple blue and white button-down sundress with a hem to the knee. Sandals that strapped past the ankles with the top few buttons of her sundress undone to reveal the edges of a lacy bra, should you stand or sit directly in front of her and be looking down. Very much like Jack was doing on the barstool next to her.
Both were purposefully avoiding any mention of their current employment. The small talk was exactly that. Neutral. Safe. His eyes kept dropping to her exposed cleavage. She made a point of not noticing.
Iris twisted from the hips as she reached for the bar top for her wine glass. She didn’t need to look down to know the simple cotton pushed out with her movements, allowing Jack a brief flash of more of her bra and the breast that it contained. She took a sip of her wine, just enough to wet her lips, make them glisten, before she set the wine glass back on the bar mat.
“It’s nice enough here.”
“Have you never been before?”
Iris let out a playful laugh, making sure her eyes twinkled.
“Waaay out of my price range...”
“Financially, I suppose it is, but you don’t look out of place.”
“Oh? How?”
“Classy. Timeless beauty. And the bar is all right as well...”
“Easy there, tiger.” She pointed a forefinger at him, accompanied by a little smile that said she was not averse to a little flirtation. “It’s nice to be in a place where you hear your date talk for a change.”
“Is this what this is, Iris? A date?”
She shrugged non-committedly.
“It’s normally busier, but...” he trailed off, obviously censoring what he had been about to say.
“It’s nice,” Iris remarked, deftly moving the conversation on. “And don’t say ‘like you’ or you will be wearing the contents of my wine glass.”
“Well, that would be a waste.”
“It would...” She took another little sip to emphasise the point.
“Woops!” Iris staggered as she left the bar, and Jack automatically reached out to take hold of her. He didn’t relinquish his hold when she had regained her balance. She leaned into his embrace. The ‘fake stumble’ always worked.
They kissed passionately as soon as they walked through the door of his flat. He pulled back so he could see his hands as he started on the top fastened button of her dress.
“Is this not a bit fast?” Iris asked him.
“If you want it, and I want it, then we are at the speed we need to be...” Jack said as he exposed her simple lace bra to his hungry gaze.
Iris waited till he had reached her belly button before she spoke.
“Do you have a condom?”
“Ahh, err, I don’t think so...”
She stepped away from him, started to redo the last button he had undone.
“Wait, wait, wait! Shit! Fuck!”
Iris watched as he ran into the kitchen and started opening drawers in desperation. She continued to do up the front of her dress, but not too quickly, lest she finish before he had a chance to search. He glanced her way often, his actions becoming more frantic the closer she came to the neckline of her dress.
“Maybe some other time...” She did up the last button and made as if to head for the door.
“FOUND ONE!” he said with such relief that Iris half expected it to be followed by a sob. His kitchen looked like he had been burgled. She squinted at the small foil square, specifically the image on it.
“Really?”
Jack looked down at his hand and the face printed on the side of the foil wrapper, a leftover from a previous campaign tour that he had been part of.
“The outside does not change the quality of the contents within...”
“Top tip, don’t try to defend the indefensible.”
“Okay, I get it, you’re not a fan. Please don’t hold it against me.”
“I don’t think you understand how condoms work, Jack...”
“What! I don’t mean literally...” Her amused smile finally registered. “Oh. Hah-ha.” Jack walked up to her and kissed her. He continued to kiss her as he tried to move them both in a shambling, staggering shuffle that had them bouncing off every vertical surface, as they trod on each other’s toes, as he manoeuvred them both to his bedroom.
“Jack, if you only have the one, then you had better make it a bloody awesome fuck.”
Iris waited till he was asleep before she slipped naked from his bed. He had been enthusiastic, but ultimately disappointing. Sadly, enthusiasm didn’t always equate to quality. But then, a quality fuck was not the reason she was here. Fucking was just the excuse.
The laminate floors were cold against the soles of her feet. She wandered about, looking at the paperwork scattered around. Some he should not have had at his flat, given the obvious security classification on them. None looked to be of interest, though she took pictures of a few on her phone, just in case. There was some communication about renting time at the Green Bank Observatory, potential crop yields for the year ahead – she took pictures of that because she had seen the old movie Trading Places and thought some of the graphs she didn’t understand might come in handy. Lots of low-level stuff about upcoming and past POTUS engagements, again, nothing that wasn’t already partly out in the public domain.
Very unsatisfactory.
She made her way back to the bedroom and slipped in under the sheets. The flat was not much bigger than her own, which was a little disappointing, really. She thought that it would have been bigger. He was still asleep, so she reached over him to the little table that held his phone and alarm clock. She retrieved his phone and sought out his left hand, which she had noticed was his dominant one. Under the duvet, she slowly extended his forefinger. He didn’t wake. Emboldened, she used her body to tent the duvet so she could see and placed the phone sensor against his finger. The phone unlocked.
Slowly adjusting to a more comfortable position, she let the duvet settle back around him as she flicked through his messages. Again, it was all low-level stuff and some back-and-forth flirtation with a girl called Hallie. Some of it was quite raunchy, which made her smirk. His photo album was also a let-down, mostly clothed selfies and location pictures taken on what looked to be some sort of campaign trail. Not a single dick picture to be seen, but then, his phone was probably monitored as a matter of course. Dawn’s light was seeping through the curtains, and she had found nothing of use. Iris picked up her own phone, turned on her camera and filmed his screen as she slowly scrolled through his phonebook, smirking again when she saw Hallie’s name. She might keep a note of that one’s number...
The numbers and the names they were attached to, at least, made an otherwise disappointing evening worthwhile.
Iris stumbled as she stepped out of the taxi, but Teddy Brackley was there to catch her.
“Oops, thanks...”
Teddy had required a little bit more work than Jack, even though she had farmed their numbers at the same time. She looked down the street with its detached houses set back from the road. This was the end of her third date with Teddy.
“You are my Teddy Bear!” she said loudly with a laugh as the taxi drove away.
“Shhh! I don’t want to wake the neighbours...”
“Oops, sorry!” she whispered loudly, dramatically, drunkenly. A lot more drunkenly than she actually was.
His arm slipped around her waist as he guided her down the driveway. The darker the path became and the further they walked from the road, the more brazen his hand became. It slipped from her hip to rest on her bum as she leaned into him as they navigated their way to his front door.
For tonight’s date, she had worn a black strapless tube dress and a matching bolero. Under the dress, she was wearing a black basque without the optional shoulder straps. The optional suspender straps she was wearing and they were currently holding up her lace top stockings, which ended in stiletto heels. During the previous two ‘dates’, she had asked seemingly casual questions about what he thought looked good on women and had adjusted her wardrobe to suit for tonight. Her choice had not disappointed, as he was far more wary and worldly wise than Jack had been.
A light came on above the door, but they were hidden from the road and neighbours by tall shrubbery. Brazenly, he slipped his left hand up under her tight tube dress to caress her bare cheeks, his fingertips tracing the thin strip of her black thong as his right inserted his key into his door.
He helped her inside with one hand as he typed his code into the alarm panel on the wall in the hallway that led from the door with the other. It was a habit to memorise the code, and she ran through it multiple times as he shut the door on the outside world. The alarm panel lit to show the exterior access points had automatically re-armed.
“It’s such a big house! Are you not lonely!”
“I won’t be tonight.”
She giggled appropriately. She knew he was divorced, but hadn’t asked, till now, why.
“Why did she leave you and take the kids, Teddy Bear?”
“She caught me with the babysitter.”
“NOOO!” She stopped to look at him, putting on a bit of a drunken wobble for effect. “I don’t believe you. That’s such a cliché.”
“Well, it happened.”
“Was she worth it, Teddy Bear?”
“Every second. You and she have a lot in common...”
“I don’t believe you...”
“Here.” He pulled out his phone, navigated to what he wanted and turned the phone round so that she could see the screen. He was standing behind a girl who was definitely a few years younger than she was. Both of them were standing in front of a mirror. He appeared to be naked; all she wore were a pair of scanty panties. His right arm was across her front, his forearm hiding her nipples and the majority of her bare breasts. His phone was in his right hand, taking the picture. His left hand was down the front of her panties as she laughed, making no obvious attempt to hinder his left hand or what it might be doing.
“She’s cute.” Iris grudgingly admitted.
“Like you.”
“Hmm...”
“I wonder if you are as naughty as she was...”
“I don’t know, depends what the pair of you did...”
“Oh, some really naughty stuff...”
Iris slipped the tip of her finger into her mouth.
“Really, Teddy Bear?”
“Call me Daddy from now on...”
“Yes, Daddy...”
Iris was starting to suspect that it was more than just his sleeping with their babysitter that was the reason for the divorce.
“Did the pair of you play in your daughter’s bed?”
“Now what kind of question is that to ask?”
For Iris, that was answer enough as he trapped her against the wall. He kissed her, and she allowed it. She felt his hands on the outside of both her legs, and the tension in her elastic dress changed as the hem was pushed up to her hips. She expected him to loiter at her stocking tops, but he didn’t. One went to her rear, squeezing the flesh there as the other moved between her thighs, pushed the gusset of her thong aside as he fingered her smooth pussy.
“Bald little cunt...”
“You like Daddy?”
“I do...”
“What else do you like?”
“You sucking on my cock...”
“I’m sure I can make that happen...”
“Oh, I hope you do...”
Teddy led her quickly up the stairs into the master bedroom.
“Take your dress off...”
Iris removed the Bolero and her tube dress, folding it neatly over a nearby chair.
He looked over from his own, far more hurried undressing.
“Keep the rest on. And the heels. Fucking love heels. Get on the bed.”
She followed his directions as he opened a drawer and pulled out some black silk, or at least, silk-looking ribbon. He had admitted on the second date to having a liking for bound women. In her experience, most men in positions of power did. She let him bind her wrists to the corners of the bed. It was indeed silk.
“Daddy! What are you doing!” she asked as he bound her second wrist.
“Making sure you don’t run away to mummy...”
Teddy pulled the front of her basque down enough to free her nipples, which he kissed.
“You are such a sexy cunt, daughter...”
He pulled her thong down and off her legs, pausing at her feet to kiss and lick the skin between the straps of her stilettos. He took his time doing so. Slowly fondling both her heels and the exposed parts of her feet alike.
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