Chapter 1

I peered thru the window as my daughter Megan and her friend Rachel practiced their cheerleading routines in the back yard. Their youthful energy and care free attitude only magnified the boredom and depression I was experiencing.

They conjured up memories of my own teenage years, those happy times when I radiated girlish mystery and a personal popularity that seemed to have no bounds.

I knew I had no sane reason to be unhappy. I had a handsome husband who was an excellent provider, a sweet, lovely, normal teenage daughter, and a house of my dreams.

My social life was what I wanted to make of it, the best clubs, friends with all the right people, and the leisure time to enjoy it. In essence, I had it all.

Being a housewife and mother was becoming a routine I detested. I was only thirty five years old! The most enjoyable part of my life should be ahead of me. For some reason I couldn't see past the moment, the unhappiness of today.

"MOM, WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?" My daughter's voice startled me out of the lethargic state I routinely experienced of late.

I slid open the large plate glass door to the yard. "How about some sandwiches. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine mom. We're like so starved. At least I am... you're hungry too, aren't you Rachel?"

"Yes," Rachel responded. "And thirsty... I'm like so thirsty..."

As I prepared a couple of Tuna sandwiches they came storming into the kitchen. Barely able to contain their energy, they were giggling deliriously about something... something so secretive they had to whisper about it so I wouldn't hear. I didn't need to. Usually, when teenage girls whisper, it's almost always about boys.

Both girls were sophomores and extremely popular in school. The number of phone calls Megan received every night attested to her popularity. This was their first year as varsity cheerleaders... they practiced constantly.

"I like what you've done with your hair Rachel," I remarked to my daughter's best friend. "I love the way it frames your face, especially the cascading effect across the backside of your neck."

"Thanks Mrs Jordan. It was mom's idea. She's pretty good about visualizing things like that, you know being an artist and all."

"By the way, how is your mom?" I asked. "I don't see much of her any more, especially since she stopped playing tennis every week."

"Oh, you know her, Mrs J. Always sculpting, painting, or something. This week she's giving art classes at the Boys and Girls club downtown. You know, for the inner city kids."

"That's nice," I said

Actually I was envious. The woman knew how to keep herself busy, and in doing so, did good things for other people. My idea of busy was keeping myself attractive, shopping for all the latest style of clothing and shoes, or an occasional workout at the spa. Real busy included a game or two of tennis during the week. I was so vain!

As I stood across the kitchen watching the two of them giggle, I thought how innocent they were, and how unfair it was we all had to lose our innocence at some point in our life.

Oddly, I had this sudden urge to walk across the room and sniff Rachel's hair! I didn't, naturally, but the desire was weird to say the least. I had no idea what possessed me to even think it.

It wasn't difficult to recognize... the flush, warm feeling, the daring to be alive. I eagerly welcomed the diversion, sparked by the two young girl's giddiness, and for a moment I felt young again. Anything was better than depression...

Rachel was always so alive, so happy and outgoing, it was difficult not to be effected by her effervescent personality. She was always so un-ladylike, comfortable with herself and her petite body. If her skirt rode up, exposing a flash of her creamy thigh, it didn't embarrass her... she never gave it a thought...

Like now, sitting with one leg crossed under her, completely exposing the crotch of her panties, pulled tight into her little fuzzy patched pussy... it took my breath away!

It frightened me for a moment, that sexy feeling I got from looking at her partially exposed crotch. I was caught completely off guard... being sexually stimulated by a young girl was not something I ever experienced before. What a weird sensation...

In retrospect, I think it was the euphoria I felt... for the first time in days I didn't feel depressed and bored! In my circle of friends, image was everything. We would go to any lengths to protect the perceptions other people had of us. But our inner most thoughts... no one could know what you were thinking! It was, I believe, that twisted logic that allowed me to continue the crazy little game, looking up the skirt of my daughter's best friend!

Rachel... Rachel, my daughter's best friend... so cute in her short, skimpy outfit, her tanned legs so smooth and strong, her curly, blond hair falling around her angelic face. And what a terrific body for a girl her age... petite, but perfectly proportioned. Butt cheeks, firm and round, budding breast, naturally pert, and I found myself drawn to their little jiggle when she became animated while she talked.

I was taught by my parents to have a strong, moral compass. Even as I ogled her, the alarms were going off in my head. My sudden, twisted logic helped me ignore them. As I sat down across the table from her I was drawn to her bright blue eyes and full pouty lips. Those lips... god... how could any one have such sexy lips... blow job lips...

"Did you get enough to eat Rachel?" my voice surprisingly sultry. "I can make you another sandwich if you like."

"Oh no, Mrs J. One sandwich hit the spot. I'm full. Can I get another soft drink though. I'm really thirsty."

"Sure," I said.

I suddenly became self conscious of my little game... I felt I was becoming too obvious, eying her tightly packed ass cheeks as she walked to the refrigerator.

My daughter startled me back to reality when she suggested to Rachel they take their soft drinks back outside. As soon as the door closed behind them, I was at the window watching, like a young school girl trying to get a glimpse of her favorite rock star.

An awareness of the absence of my depression made my bizarre thoughts almost acceptable. More twisted logic... Depression is not good... and even shameful thoughts must be better than feeling blue and low. And it wasn't like I was abusing anyone... It was only in my mind!

I continued watching out the window, actually trying to get a glimpse of her soft, bare thigh. When they did a certain drill, I could see the outline of her breasts as they strained against the thin, tight T-shirt she was wearing.

I was elated I could think of something other than my unhappy life. I equated these impure thoughts with some kind of magic cure. It certainly made them more acceptable since it camouflaged the depression I had fought for months. I felt alive... all because of a sick, harmless little game I was playing...

For the first time in weeks I really felt alive. As I spied thru the window, another friend of Megan's came thru the back gate. Annie was a cheerleader too. Now I had two girls to watch!

Annie was dark and sultry, the complete opposite of Rachel, but what a sweet body. They continued practicing their routines in ernest, and each time they leaped into the air I would get a generous view of Rachel or Annie's thighs. And then a bonus... a glimpse of Annie's white cotton panties!

It felt great to be feeling something other than depression and despair! I furtively glanced around the room to make sure I was alone. I slowly ran my hand up under my skirt to my mound. I was surprised how wet my panties had become. The fact that I was all juicy excited me even more.

I never removed my eyes from Rachel or Annie, the subjects of my rapidly increasing lust. It felt so naughty to touch myself... my fingers slipping under my panties in search of my clit. Fumbling at first... it had been years since I had masturbated.

The girls, tiring from there extensive workout, moved to a blanket Megan had spread out on the ground. When Rachel sat down, her short skirt allowed me an unencumbered look right up to her crotch! I could clearly see her white panties stretched to capacity, buried up in the crack of her small, virgin slit.

My stroking fingers became rhythmic, my heart pounding, my breathing erratic. I was so close to an orgasm... god, it felt good. I hadn't had an orgasm for... I couldn't remember!

Just as the first gush spurted out of me, just when I was in mid breath and my hips lurching to a full blown spasm, I heard my daughter, standing behind me, say;

"Mom... what are you doing. My god... are you... you are... that is so sick"

I couldn't stop... not with all that pleasure washing over me...

Our eyes locked, my daughter and I, all the while my fingers continued their assault on my pussy. I couldn't stop... and Megan watching me seemed to excite me all the more!

As one orgasm waned, another began! It was as if the pleasure I was experiencing would go on forever. I should have been devastated, her watching me masturbate, but my orgasm seemed enhanced all the more. I surely must have appeared lewd and slutty. an adult woman fingering herself while her daughter watched in disgust.

I was awed by the intensity of my body's reaction. It was all so surreal. Even after my orgasm began to wane, my body continued to quiver. I withdrew my hand from under my skirt, Megan still staring at me in disbelief. I finally realized the precarious position I was in.

My fingers were covered in my creamy juices. I held my hand in front of me, trying not to drip on to the couch. I was so tired, it was all I could do to not collapse on the couch.

I tried to explain. "Megan... Megan, I'm so sorry... I'm sorry you had to see this. It's terrible... I know it's terrible. I don't know what to say... I've never done anything like this in my life... please honey... I'm soooo sorry..."

"Were you watching us all the while mom. That is like so sick. Watching me and my friends... are you queer or something? You were weren't you... You were watching us while you were doing it..."

Her look of disgust quickly brought me down to earth. The seriousness of my horrible behaviour finally hit me.

"It's Rachel isn't it mom... Rachel, your hair looks so nice... Rachel, do you want another sandwich Rachel." Her sarcasm wasn't lost on me.

"Megan, please... I can explain... please listen to me... come here... let me explain..."

She bolted from the room. I couldn't go after her, not in my condition. I stood there in my own sweat, and fear. The despair I felt went beyond what I was feeling before. The thought of being less in my daughter's eyes was a devastating feeling.

I numbly stumbled to the bathroom to clean myself up. As I washed my hands I began to cry... the sobbing kind... the distraught beyond hope kind of crying.

After a half hour of beating myself up, I finally ventured out of the bathroom. I didn't see Megan anywhere. I went to the window. There they were, all three girls, still practicing their routine. And Megan... Megan was laughing, keeping up appearances, just like anyone in our circle of friends would do... acting in whatever way it takes to protect our reputation, to not lose the status that seems to be all important to us...

I was actually relieved... she could have been up in her room crying her eyes out, thinking her life was over. My unforgiving conduct surely must have been bothering her but she wasn't showing it. In fact her laughter, out in the yard with her friends, almost sounded genuine.

I breathed easier even though I knew the problem wasn't over. I would have to face her as soon as her friends went home. Thank god her dad was out of town on business. Maybe, just maybe, I would be able to resolve this with her without her father getting involved.

I thought of his reaction if he found out. On the other hand, maybe it would turn him on! Nothing else seemed to work on him for the last six months...

It was approaching dinner time and the three girls were still out in the yard. Rachel and Annie rarely stayed this late. Just when I thought I should check on them, all three came bursting through the door.

"Mom, I'm going to spend the night with Rachel, okay."

Without waiting for an answer, she ran up the stairs to pack a change of clothes. She had the upper hand for the moment and was using it.

Naturally my most fearful thought; Was my own daughter too disgusted to be alone with me now? I felt completely ashamed of myself again.

When she returned downstairs with her overnight bag she spoke to Rachel and Annie; "Are you girls all hot and sweaty, like me... I'll sure be glad to take a shower tonight... a nice "private shower."

She glanced over at me... it was like a stab in the heart... my own daughter was cleverly insinuating I was a pervert... someone who couldn't be trusted.

Once they were gone, the silence was peaceful. I knew it was going to be extremely difficult to repair my relationship with my daughter... but for now I was glad she was out of the house. It gave me time to reflect on all that was happening to me...

Megan returned home the following afternoon. I was upstairs in the master bedroom shaving my legs. I knew it was her... who else would slam the front door and stomp up the stairs. This was her way of letting me know she was still upset with me... typical teenager behaviour.

I had no idea how to make this right between us. I decided to do nothing, hoping it would fade away. I really didn't know what else I could do. I certainly couldn't defend my actions.

I made a simple dinner for both of us. If she were hungry I wanted to be prepared to feed her. I didn't call her down for dinner. Apparently she smelled the aroma coming from the kitchen because she suddenly appeared in the doorway sporting a scowl on her face.

She sat at the kitchen table and made a plate for herself. I assumed she would take it to her room so she wouldn't have to be around me. Surprisingly, she stayed and ate in the kitchen.

"Did you have a nice time at Rachel's," my voice breaking the silence.

"Well, let's see," she answered sarcastically. "First, you... you nearly embarrass me in front of my friends. Then, as I sleep at my best friend's house, she tries to feel me up. Now how nice of a weekend would you say I had?"

I could not have been more stunned. "What... what are you talking about," I said in a quivering voice.

"Rachel, she tried to feel me up last night... in bed. She touched me and tried to kiss me. What a queer," she exclaimed in obvious frustration.

I didn't know what to say. I was flabbergasted.

"Well, what do you think mom?" she asked, still being sarcastic. "Is this crazy or what? Your little girlfriend is just like..." She didn't finish the sentence.

"Just like what Megan? Like me. Is that what your were going to say? If that's what you think, say it. I'll tell you right now, young lady. You have no right to judge me... and to think your own mother is a lesbian is... is ludicrous." I was becoming upset.

"Well, what should I think mother?"

Her tone now had an element of sad frustration. I felt so bad... so sorry for her. It was like a small chunk of her innocence had been plucked from her.

"Are you absolutely sure of this Megan?" I said calmly. "I mean, I can hardly believe Rachel would..."

"I am so sure mother. I know when someone is trying to touch me where they shouldn't. And the kiss... I mean, wouldn't you know when someone is like trying to kiss you?"

"She did this while you were asleep?" I asked. "Did her touching awake you?"

"Yes mom... wouldn't someone touching your private parts awake you? I pushed her away and called her a pervert. I almost called you to come and get me. I got up and went into their guest bedroom and locked the door."

"What did she say... anything?" I asked in disbelief. "She must have said something."

"She never said a word... and she didn't apologize either. She's a such a creepy pervert... I hate her."

Megan and Rachel had been friends since they were five years old. I didn't understand how Megan could dismiss that friendship so easily. Her uppity attitude was ugly to say the least.

"You know Megan, I didn't realize you were so snobby. You should hear yourself... You've known Rachel since the first grade. I thought she was your best friend. I don't know if she really did what you're accusing her of or not. If she did, you should have talked to her about it. Name calling and throwing away a close friendship is pretty immature."

I could hardly believe I admonished her so severely, considering I was on the weak side of our current relationship... There was no doubt what I exposed her to was terrible... and totally unacceptable. But I was still her mother and I felt compelled to give her the best guidance possible.

Surprisingly, the scowl disappeared from her face. She looked like my beautiful little girl again.

"Well, I'm not going to talk to her tonight," she said with a hint of defiance. "Maybe tomorrow after school. No, after cheerleading practice."

"I think that's a good thing," I said proudly. "I'm sure you two can work this out... you've been friends too long. And listen... I don't want to cloud up the situation, but are we going to talk about yesterday. You know I'm sorry you had to see what I was doing, but... well, it happened. I can't take it back. I'm human..."

"I don't want to talk about it mom. We will... sometime... maybe... I don't know when. Just not now, okay. It's just you never think of your mom doing something like that."

"Fair enough honey," I sighed with relief. "I understand... you let me know. I'll be totally truthful with you."

I watched as she put her plate in the sink, returning upstairs to her room. I felt much better about her... me... us. She didn't hate me... disliked me maybe, but she didn't hate me. I could tell by the softness in her voice. It was just too much for her to absorb all at once. At fifteen, my baby was growing up.