Chapter 2

The following morning was..."uncomfortable" is probably about the best word for it thought Dave. He had woken early, at his usual time for a workday, Lynn had been in the bed beside him curled up in a ball her back to him. He had slipped out of the bed without disturbing her, used the bathroom then gone downstairs as normal. A part of him almost wished he hadn't taken this week as holiday from work, wished he could lose himself in the monotony of office routine, avoid having to think about last night for a few more hours. He sighed to himself as he almost mindlessly went through the routine of making coffee, measuring the beans, grinding them, setting the coffee maker going. The routine was comforting, familiar, he had done this or something similar almost every morning of the last twenty-five years, what was unfamiliar was the apprehension he felt about taking Lynn her customary morning coffee, usually that was the time he said goodbye and headed off to work. Today he knew he was going to have to try and repair the damage from last night. He sat waiting for the coffee to brew, gazing sightlessly out of the window as he played through possible scenarios in his head,

"Maybe?... No... How about?..."

Try as he might he couldn't help a flicker of resentment, this was not an unfamiliar predicament in some ways. Once again it seemed that he was irrevocably cast as the bad guy, he knew he had upset Lynn, knew that he would have to try to make it up to her in some way, knew that whatever the reality of the situation it would be him that had to give way.

The smell of coffee drifting across the kitchen told him his time was up, with a sigh he poured two cups, set them on a tray and reluctantly headed for the stairs.

Dave knew he was in trouble when he found Lynn sitting up in bed waiting for him, she really wasn't a morning person and he had counted on another fifteen minutes or so of thinking time while she woke up properly. The two of them sat up in bed silently drinking their coffee, the silence seemed to grow, almost becoming tangible, eventually Dave decided to take the plunge and get some sort of conversation going. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak Lynn moved, sliding out of bed and heading for the en-suite bathroom,

"Back in a moment," she said.

Dave was puzzled, her tone of voice had been light, friendly even, he had expected her to still be upset but she didn't sound it He waited quietly his mind full of ideas on how to avoid the row he was sure was about to explode between them. He was so preoccupied that Lyn startled him as she slid back into the bed beside him. She kissed him briefly, he caught a quick taste of peppermint on her lips before she slid back under the covers.

"How much of that whisky did you drink last night?" she asked, "you were fast asleep when I came back upstairs."

"Not too much, I expect the strain of the last few days caught up with me a bit."

"Maybe."

Lynn didn't sound as if she agreed.

"Last night," Dave began.

"Yes?"

"What I said, I'm sorry, it was thoughtless and unkind of me."

Lynn rolled onto her side facing him,

"The way you said it was, but I think it was something you needed to say, something you have wanted to say for a while, wasn't it?"

"Yes it was, but that wasn't the best time or the right way."

"Maybe not, but I know you, you would probably never have come out with it any other time, you would have thought about it and then avoided it for fear of upsetting me."

"You're probably right," Dave admitted.

"I think we need to discuss it, we have just celebrated twenty five years together, I want us to be celebrating many more years together but this is something we need to get out in the open so I want you to just answer my questions without worrying about upsetting me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, one thing I did learn from all that counselling is that you have to know what a problem is before you can start to fix it."

Dave was unsure about this, Lynn's behaviour was so different from what he had expected that he was completely unprepared. Not worrying about upsetting her was impossible for him though, all their lives together he had worried about hurting her, worried about letting her down, it was part of him now, part of the way he thought. He knew it was considered old fashioned and politically incorrect but he did view women as deserving protection and he would always put Lyn's happiness and well being ahead of his own.

"Ok, I'll try."

Lynn moved closer, her head on his shoulder, his arm automatically wrapped around her holding her close. He was aware of her warmth against him, her body pressed close to his, the lingering scent of her perfume.

"Do you want a divorce?"

Lyn's first question stunned him, the contrast between her cuddled up close to him and the question threw him completely.

"God no, I love you."

His answer was instant and automatic but as the words left his mouth he was aware of their rightness, he had answered without thinking, the words coming from somewhere deep inside.

"Good, I love you too. So, are you happy with our relationship?"

Dave thought a bit more about this answer, choosing his words carefully,

"Yes I am, in almost every respect what we have is wonderful, I have always considered myself extremely lucky that you married me."

"I think I was the lucky one. You said almost every respect?"

"Yes, I think you know after last night that I'm not really happy about our sex life."

"But apart from that you are happy?"

"Yes."

Inside Lynn felt a wave of relief, she had been terrified at the thought that Dave might have stopped loving her, through all her problems, her depression, her therapy he had been the one constant thing in her life, the foundation everything else rested upon. Now she knew that the problem was just sex she felt she could soon have things back to normal, Dave's next words shattered that illusion instantly.

"As much as I have ever been anyway."

"How do you mean?" Lynn asked having to force herself to get the words out in an even tone of voice as panic welled up within her.

Dave paused before answering, gathering his thoughts, he seemed to sense instinctively that this might be the only time he would be in a position to air his dissatisfaction. Still he found it hard to put his thoughts into words, knowing that he was going to hurt Lynn but realising that, like surgery, perhaps only through that hurt could the two of them find a solution.

"I don't think I have ever been happy with our sex life," he began, "not completely."

"Go on," murmured Lynn...

"Well," Dave paused, "I probably won't express this very well but all our time together it seems sex has been all about you, not us and definitely not me."

He held up a hand to forestall her reply,

"Almost every time we have ever made love it has been your decision, your choice when we did it, your choice how we did it. I've always accepted that, this isn't some stupid macho thing about me wanting to be in control, that sort of thing went out with the dark ages, if it ever really existed then. It's more of a, I don't know." Dave was searching for words to express what he wanted to say without inflicting too much hurt on her,

"I think that what I mean is that it has always felt as though you begrudged having sex, that you did just enough, an 'acceptable minimum', to keep me happy until the next time."

"Are you saying you haven't enjoyed it when we have made love?"

Lynn wasn't sure she wanted to hear his answer but she knew that this might be the one chance they would have to discuss this, she forced back the hurt she felt. How could he think she was that devious and manipulative, and yet, in a way he was not a million miles away from the truth. Often she had initiated sex out of a feeling of guilt at how long it had been since the last time. Once they got started it had always been good, rarely did she have less that three orgasms from his fingers before penetration. Dave was a considerate and thoughtful man and it showed in his love making.