Chapter 2: First kiss

But I was still tired as I rolled up at school. She was waiting at the gate, waving to me, smiling that wide smile of hers. "Hi little Lyn, hey thanks for last night how do you feel this morning, how did you sleep, god its cold this morning."

"Hi Bernie, you're welcome, tired, terrible and bloody freezing."

"Eh? Oh, I see. Yes I had a bad night too. Couldn't stop thinking about YOU actually. But listen, the reason I wanted to talk to you before we go in, I think I owe you an apology."

"What? Why?"

"Making you lift your skirt when you're so shy. You were upset I could see. I'm really sorry."

"No you were right. We're best friends right?"

"Oh yes, if you still want me."

"Well you don't need to be shy with your best friend, do you!"

"Cool! That's my girl." We started walking into the drive, but then she stopped me with her hand on my elbow. "Just one thing though, this is our secret, yeah?"

"Nah, I thought I'd put it on the notice-board that we showed each other our knickers!" She laughed loudly and we went into school giggling. We seemed to be no more than a few feet from each other all day long. Even in the toilet she would be in the next cubicle.

I didn't mind at all. Some of the girls, not in my class but in my year, had been pushing me about a little, not hitting me or anything, just hassling me, taking any sweets I may be carrying, stuff like that. I was a little small, a little shy, and they played on that. But being with the stronger looking Bernie I was left alone.

During the day Bernie confirmed with me that I was still going to her house that evening about 6.30, although I wasn't sure I could remember why. I left my house a bit early in case I had trouble finding it, but I didn't and I was there a little early at 6.15. I thought I'd come to the wrong door, though, when it was opened by a slim black woman about 32. She was just so beautiful like Bernie and my stomach lurched again and words were hard to get out.

"Uh, s-sorry is this where B-Bernadette Love lives?" I asked, not expecting a positive answer.

"Oh, you must be Lynda, yes Bernie's expecting you, come in please." I went in and she shook my hand quite formally. "Actually Bernie's just popped round the shop but she won't be a few minutes."

"Yes I AM a little early. Um, are you her mum?"

She laughed. "I gather she didn't tell you I was black did she?"

"No, she omitted that small fact. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound surprised."

"It's OK. Can I get you a drink while you're waiting and I'll explain."

"Sure. Just a water please." She got me a glass of Evian and we sat in the kitchen. I really didn't understand what was going on with me. I had never felt anything for a woman in my life and yet twice in two days a female had taken my powers of speech away. I told myself to get a grip.

"Well, Lynda, Bernadette is indeed my daughter, her father was white though, and that's why she is."

"I thought Bernie said she didn't have a dad."

"We never married. My parents were very strict and old school. They found out I was seeing a white boy and they stopped it. And they scared him off good when he came round. Never saw him again."

"But you were pregnant."

"I didn't know that then. I was distraught and angry and I had massive rows with my parents, but it was over. I didn't even notice my period hadn't come. It wasn't till the next one was due I noticed there was nothing on the calendar for the last one. I knew then but was too afraid of my parents to say anything. Of course eventually I started to show and my mother guessed. But it was too late to do anything about it and they wouldn't have let me anyway. Of course when the baby was born white there was all hell let loose. I had shamed the family and they wouldn't have the baby in the house."

"My god, that's so awful. Where did you go?"

"To my sister first, and then an aunt offered to help. She looked after Bernie while I finished school, went to university then trained as a doctor for six years. I hardly knew Bernie at all. Now my aunt is sick so I have my daughter back at last. We've lost the bond, however, and we are working on getting to know each other again."

At that point the front door slammed and Bernie came in with some shopping.

"Hi Lyn, you are here already? Sorry I wasn't here for you." We hugged and she looked at her mother. "I see you've met Belle. My Mum. I should've told you." Looking at Bernie now I could see her mother's hair and eyes and lips.

"Yes, your mum's been telling me all about how you came to be."

"So?" she asked as we went upstairs, "What did you think of Belle?"

"Well, not what I expected. But she's lovely. She had such a hard time. And she's like a black version of you in a way. I could quite fancy her too!"

"You mean you fancy me then Lyn?"

"Oops. Didn't you know? Wasn't that what last night was about?"

"I just want to hear you say it."

"OK, Lyn fancies Bernadette. There, I've said it."

"So does Lyn want to kiss the girl she fancies?"

"No... I mean yes, but this is insane. I shouldn't be thinking of another girl in this way. We'll be laughing stocks at school."

"They won't know, unless you put it on that damn notice board."

Suddenly a wave of panic went through me. This was madness. "I can't. I can't do this. I ought to go."

"Oh Lyn, stay just a while and let's just talk about things. I like you a lot and I know you are feeling the same thing I am feeling. Come and sit down and we'll just talk."

"OK. Well tell me about your mum. What do you feel about her? I gather you were brought up by your Aunt."

She looked quite sad and it was obviously a struggle to talk about it.