Chapter 51

"CLARA!" Kate threw down her coat and started running over to Clara. I bent over and picked up her coat. By the time I straightened back up, Kate and Clara were wrapped in a tight hug together, both of them were trying to speak at the same time. I hung back, not wishing to do anything to spoil their reunion. Also, my legs felt too uncertain to be trusted to carry me any closer to her. I hadn't seen Clara in over a year. Sure, I had thought about her once or twice during that time, or more, maybe ten thousand times, but, I hadn't seen her. With Clara, her strongest claim on my heart was always when I could see her. It was like we needed that visual connection in order for our love to work. My love, at least. I didn't even know if she felt anything for me at all.

Just when I was feeling steady enough to approach Kate and Clara, Mrs. Townsend came walking out of the school administration office. When she saw Kate with Clara, she beamed a big smile. She looked around until her eyes fell on me, and then the smile disappeared as quickly as it had come. She handed Clara a sheet of paper, and hugged her from behind before she started walking towards the front door of the school. She passed by me, no more than three feet away from me, without even acknowledging my presence. I turned and watched her as she kept walking.

She was about twenty feet past me, before she stopped, and turned back to me again. She retraced her steps, until she stood right in front of me.

"Hello, Mrs. Townsend. Happy New Year."

"Hello, Larry. I thought I should ask you to try not to upset Clara. She's just getting settled in back here, and I really hope that you will let her get comfortable before you do anything to set back the excellent progress she's made since getting you out of her life."

"I've told you before that I don't want to do anything that is bad for her. I'll stay away from her if you think that's best."

"Just don't approach her, Larry. If she approaches you, try to be pleasant to her. Don't rehash any old wounds. Don't encourage her if she still expresses feelings for you. Her therapist says that she should make her own decisions about who she wants to associate with. My personal preference would be that she avoid having anything to do with you. You represent her old life. We are hoping that she will begin her new life now. I thought the same way about Kate, but I was told that Kate represents a part of Clara's past that she desires to retain and build upon. If Kate is good for Clara, then I approve of her."

She turned then, and walked back the way she had been going before she had returned to speak with me. I watched her until she disappeared completely from my sight. When I turned back, Kate and Clara were standing three feet away from me. I handed Kate her jacket.

"Hi, Clara. I'm glad to see you back here. I'm sorry for what I said, and for how I acted the last time I saw you. Your mom wants us to stay apart, but I just wanted you to know that I wasn't going to cause you any problems."

"My mom said I can make my own decisions about my friends now. If she hadn't told me that, I would have stayed with my father. Kate is my friend, and I'll be seeing her a lot. As a friend only though. I already told her that, and now I'm telling you, just so you know that. I did some bad things in the past, things that I wish now I hadn't. I can't go back and change anything, but I can, and will, control my actions, both now, and in the future. For right now, I would prefer that you and I be only acquaintances. I'm not mad at you, but I'm not ready to decide where we should be going, or even if we should be going anywhere together."

Clara turned and walked quickly away. After only a slight hesitation, Kate followed after her. I stood there, watching the two of them hurrying off to their homerooms. I didn't move, not until the hallway got too crowded for people to easily walk around me. Clara was still looking good. I hoped she hadn't noticed the new pimple, about the size of a goiter, that had erupted on my neck, overnight.

I had complained about my pimples at the dinner table the night before, and my father told me to rub urine on them. I had gotten mad at him for joking around about something I was having serious problems with, but my mother backed him up. That was disgusting, just the idea of it. There was no way that I was going to put piss on my own face. I'd rather have the pimples. That was before I saw Clara though. Seeing her made me desperate enough to give anything a try. It was still disgusting, but it was my own piss at least. It wasn't like it was some horse's piss, or from a stranger. I decided I'd give it a try, the next time I took a shower.

Even though I had my license, my mother still made Kate and I walk to school. I had thought she would prefer for me to drive her to work, and then pick her up after, but she didn't volunteer, and I didn't ask her. I saw Clara in the lunch room, which meant we had the same lunch period. Kate had second lunch period. Clara was sitting with three other girls, one of whom was Miriam Trellman. I found a place to sit by myself, and quickly ate my lunch. I had finished eating and was about to leave when Miriam walked over to my table and sat down across from me.

"You lied to me, Larry. About Trudie. How come?"

"For one thing, I don't know you. For another, you didn't tell me in the beginning that you and Trudie were friends. Finally, I don't discuss one girl with another one, no matter what."

"Trudie says you are the best she ever did it with. I don't have a boyfriend yet. Are you interested in taking me out sometime?"

"I've quit dating, Miriam. It costs too much and it just makes problems for me."

"We could go to the movies. I can pay my own way. It wouldn't cost you very much. I'm very easy to get along with too. I don't cause any problems either."

"Let me think about it. Maybe after the semester ends. I need to study a lot right now."

"You won't be sorry that you asked me out, Larry. I can do everything that you'd want a girl to do with you. Everything."

"You make it sound real attractive. I'll think about it, and let you know."

"I might already have a boyfriend, if you wait too long."

"School comes first."

"If I knew you were going to ask me out, after finals, I'd wait for you."

"Let me think about it. I'll let you know as soon as I decide. In the meantime, you can have other dates. I'm not the jealous type."

"Do you want my phone number? You can call me if you're too shy to ask me here."

"No, I like asking face to face. I don't like phones."

"I don't think you're even going to ask me. Why don't you just admit it?"

"If that's what you think, then I guess I won't. Why should I take a girl out if all she wants to do is argue?"

"I wasn't arguing. You just don't sound that interested."

"Miriam, you know you're a cute girl. You've already told me that you want me to ask you out. You've even hinted that you like to make out. Why wouldn't I want to ask you out?"

"That's what I was wondering. You aren't going with anyone are you?"

"No. I'm not even dating, I told you that already."

"If Trudie was telling me the truth, you're worth waiting for. It would be mean if you didn't tell me that you weren't going to take me out when you weren't going to."

"Miriam, I am going to take you out, after I finish taking my finals and turning in all of my papers that are coming due. We'll go to the drive in movies, and I'll even pay. I'll let you do whatever you want to me then."

"You really mean it, right?"

"Cross my heart. I'll be saving it all for you."

"You won't be sorry, Larry. I know how to treat a boy, and I'm no teaser either."

"Be still my heart. Don't get me excited, Miriam. I'll have to sit here until it goes down."

She smiled at me then. Convinced now that her charms and allure had won the day. She was cute, and I was needy. I'd take her out and find out whether she teased or not. I didn't want to be her boyfriend though. She was a little too brassy for my tastes. She was like Trudie, but without Trudie's charm, and her good sense of humor. Still, I was in a dry spell, and Miriam looked promising as one way to end it. I watched Miriam walking back to the other table. Clara was watching me as I watched Miriam. Suddenly, I wasn't quite so happy with myself. I didn't need to hear Miriam's version of our conversation to know that she would make it look like I was eating right from her hand. In half a second, my dick had shrunk down to where I didn't have to worry about embarrassing myself when I stood up.

After school, Kate and Clara waited for each other to get out of school and they started walking home together. I had stayed inside the front door, waiting for them to leave before coming out myself. I even waited until they had a whole block's lead before I walked home by myself. I even walked a block out of my way so that I'd be walking parallel to them. I didn't want to have them think I was following them. I didn't walk fast, but when I got home, Kate still wasn't there. I went into my room and started studying, eating two pieces of leftover chicken, and drinking a big glass of milk before I got down to some serious studying. I had one week to get prepared for the first final, and I still had two term papers to prepare and hand in. This year, the school board had decided that finals would be staggered so that no one had to take a final until after they had gone a day without one. It was going to take two weeks for finals, instead of just one. To me, it just meant more time for us kids to be worried since, they didn't post any test scores until all the finals were over.

Kate came home around four o'clock, and went straight to her room and closed her door. I heard her crying after a few minutes, but I left her alone. If she wanted to talk, she knew where I was. I guessed that she was upset about Clara's decision not to be her girlfriend anymore. At least, not that kind of girlfriend. I was really making progress on my Trig review when Kate barged into my room. She looked at me like she was hoping I'd say something about it so that she could start yelling at me. Her eyes looked like she'd been crying, and she looked angry too. I didn't say anything, and so she pulled my chair out, and then sat down on it.

"This stinks, Larry. Clara really means it. She didn't even let me kiss her. When she changed out of her school clothes, she went into her bathroom to do it. She doesn't even want me to look at her anymore."

"Maybe that's just because she's afraid that she'd be too tempted. You have to decide if she's really your friend, or only your girlfriend."

"Why can't we still be both?"

"Kate, it's because that isn't what Clara says she wants. She doesn't even want to be friends with me."

"That's what you know. You should have heard her telling me about Miriam being such a slut when she was talking about you at lunch. Clara got so mad. She said that if you go out with Miriam, she'll never speak to you again. Are you going out with her anyway?"

"Just as soon as finals are over. We're going to the drive in. Miriam practically promised me a good time. I can barely stand to wait until then."

"You want me to tell Clara that, don't you?"

"I don't care what you tell her. She's your friend, not mine."

"You still love her though?"

"I didn't say that. I said she's your friend, not mine. I don't have to do what she wants, just like she doesn't have to do what I want."

"Who would you rather be taking to that drive in? I bet it's Clara. If you're honest."

"Maybe we should double. Miriam and me, and Clara and you?"

"That isn't even funny, Larry." Kate started crying again. She could always cry, on demand. I wasn't falling for it this time.

"We could switch again after the first movie." Kate had to laugh at that.

"I could probably get more from Miriam than you could."

"I could stretch her out for you, so you'd have an easier time with her."

"I wouldn't lick her, not after you put your dick in there."

"I'd use a rubber."

"That's just as bad. Besides, I'd rather you got Clara all hot first, and then maybe she wouldn't mind if we did some things together again."

"You know, Kate, part of being a friend is to not take advantage of your friends when their guard is let down. Even if Clara let you, she might feel bad about it after."

"I know that. I wasn't serious. We were both kidding. I'm just sad that Clara doesn't love me the same way now that I love her. She's changed. It's like she's a whole different person. I still like her, but it isn't the same being with her now. We aren't as close, and we don't both like the same things anymore. It's very sad to me."

"I'm a little sad too. Don't tell Clara that I said that either. I don't know what it is, but whenever I see her, it's like I get this strong urge to get close again with her. It only lasts when I'm looking right at her, or right after, when I'm still thinking about her. I feel this strong attraction."

"You just love her. Why don't you admit it?"

"I'm not sure that explains it, Kate. I'm not saying that I don't love her. It's just that seeing her triggers my feelings to a whole different level. Turns it up, like the volume on the television. It's like I love her a little bit all the time, but when I see her, it gets a lot stronger. It scares me sometimes, because I can't even explain it to myself."

"If you still love her, why don't you want me to tell her?"

"Because her mom and her therapist think she's better off without me. I think that too. When we are together, I do what I want to do with her. She lets me too, and then I guess we both wind up feeling bad about it. When you love someone, being together should be good for both of you. That isn't how it is with Clara and me. Maybe all I deserve to get are girls like Trudie and Miriam. We don't ever hurt each other, because we only want to use each other. Clara is different to me. When I see her, I want whatever is best for her, but I don't always act on that desire."

"I'm going to tell you something that Clara told me. Something I promised not to tell you."

"Don't, Kate. You shouldn't betray her confidence like that."

"It was almost word for word what you said to me about her just now. You don't think you're good enough for her, and she doesn't think she's good enough for you. One of you has to be wrong. Maybe even both of you. I'm going to tell her what you told me. Some confidences don't deserve to be kept."

"I wish you wouldn't tell her. It won't change anything. Clara and me, it just isn't meant to be. We've tried several times, and it always ends up badly. I can't face going through all that again."