Chapter 47

Walking home, after leaving my aunt's apartment, I was filled with concern about the possibility of being found out by my mother. I didn't think it would be that difficult keeping my secret from my father, but my mother was very close to Agnes, and could often just look at my face, immediately knowing when something was amiss. While I was very concerned about being caught, I would have been willing to turn right around and do the whole thing over again. It was something so new and exciting to me, that it almost didn't seem real. I knew it really had happened, and yet, it was still unbelievable.

As soon as I walked into my home, I knew that something had happened. My father was sitting on the sofa in the living room stony faced, but obviously, unhappy. I heard my mother in the kitchen, speaking to herself loudly, in Hungarian. I also heard Kate in her bedroom, screaming loudly about being mistreated. I didn't know if someone was in her room with her or not. If Clara was still in there, I wanted to hurry into my room and avoid seeing her. I went into my bedroom and closed my door. I was in my room for less than a minute, when Kate threw my door open and walked right in like she had every right to.

"Guess what she did now?"

"Who, and what?"

"Mom, and while Clara was here visiting."

"I don't know. Spanked you?"

"She wouldn't let us be alone, not even for five minutes. Not even in my room. It was embarrassing. She has no right to treat me like this."

"What did you think?" Did you think it was going to be like before? After all of the trouble, you couldn't have thought that. Did you ask mom what the rules were going to be before Clara came over?"

"It wasn't like we hadn't done things like this before. If she was going to make new rules, she should have told me first. We had to sit in the living room. One hug and that was it. She sat there the whole time, listening to us talk. It ruined Clara's visit. I don't think she'll want to come see me anymore."

"Kate, why was dad so upset? He's in the living room, mad as all get out. He didn't even say hello to me when I came home."

"He's mad because mom and I were yelling and fighting when he came home. He asked what we were fighting about and mama said for him to go sit down, and mind his own business. It was in Hungarian, but this time I could understand them. Daddy said about five cuss words in Hungarian, and when I laughed, that made both of them madder, and so they sent me to my room."

"It isn't so bad, Kate. You shouldn't make a big deal about it. I bet mom is worried that dad is going to find out that she even let Clara come here. I don't think he'd like knowing that. He might tell her no more visits."

"Why?"

"Don't you know that dad thinks what you and Clara were allowed to do led to all the rest of it? I know he does. He's been against you and Clara hanging around together ever since he found out about you two, back when Clara took those pills."

"Larry, I didn't even find out if she still loves me. One little hug, and that was it. She finally left, and went back home at four. It was so bad sitting there and not being able to really touch her or to talk with her."

"At least you saw her. Couldn't you talk to her about regular things?"

"We did, but it wasn't like we were used to. Before, we talked about everything. With mama there, we only talked about school, her dad's house and her new friends. She said she's thinking about moving back with her mom, but I don't know if she will, not after this afternoon."

"Kate, that's crazy talk. Clara and you are so close, she would never not want to be your friend. Can you imagine not wanting to be friends with her?"

"No."

"See? You have nothing to worry about. If I were you though, I'd go in and tell mama how sorry you are about how you acted today. You can't just say whatever comes into your head anymore. You have your tantrums, and they get you sent away. You have to look at things from other people's perspectives. Mama is trying to keep the peace around here, to get everybody used to being together again. She had to work hard to get dad to agree to let you come back this early. He was thinking two or three years."

"That's insane! Why did he think so long?"

"Think about it Kate. He thought it would take that long before your reputation died down from that stunt you two pulled in the school boiler room. Did Clara tell you what she went through for the rest of the school year after you left? Nobody spoke to her, except for boys who teased her about being a slut. You escaped all of that. When you return to school, you're going to have to deal with all of that just like Clara did. I'm sure that was at least part of the reason that Clara went to live with her father. In order for her to get a new start."

"Do you think it will be bad for me? I didn't think about that. Was it really bad for her?"

"She said it was mostly that no one talked to her, and she never got invited to the parties or sleepovers anymore."

"I didn't even ask her about it. That's another reason for her to think I'm terrible."

"How happy were you to see her?"

"I can't even describe it."

"I'm sure she felt the same way about seeing you. Go tell mom that you're sorry and ask her what you can do to help with supper. After supper, you can call Clara and talk to her on the phone. You'll probably have more privacy on the phone than in person for awhile."

Kate got up and left my room. I went back to worrying about my own problems. I was proud that I hadn't asked Kate about how Clara looked, or whether she had asked about me or not. I closed my eyes to test myself, seeing if I even remembered what Clara had looked like the last time I saw her. I shouldn't have done that. I remembered. I remembered her clearly, in every stunning detail. It brought me a sharp sense of loss, and caused me to feel bad again. I should have known better, but all of the conversation with Kate had brought her back to the forefront of my thoughts. I wished there was some way that I could purge her from my brain, expunge all of my memories of her. I felt a tear falling down across my cheek. That was when I realized that I'd been crying. How long was it going to take? I had moved on with my life, I sure didn't need these thoughts on top of my other worry. My mother would be able to tell right away that something was wrong. My mother called me to supper right then. I went into the bathroom to wash my face and hands.

We were all sitting at the dinner table. It had been a pretty quiet meal for the first ten minutes. All of us were enjoying the pot roast my mother had cooked. I was reaching for a second helping of everything when my mother spoke to me.

"How was your day, Laurant? What did you find to do?" For some reason, her question caught me off guard. I had taken solace in the quiet we were having.

"It was okay, I guess. I went over to Bill's, but he was with his girlfriend. I talked to Mrs. Terry, she said to tell you hello. After, I went for a walk, and stopped off at the studio. I helped Agnes with turning the mats, and wiped one of them down where someone had dropped some chocolate and it got squished onto the mat. Agnes made me some hot tea, and then I walked home. I didn't really do any Christmas shopping because it was so crowded today."

"Agnes is still giving lessons. I told her to take a break and rest for the Holidays, but she never listens. How did she seem?"

"What do you mean? She seemed the same, like she always does." My mother rattled off some quick Hungarian words to my father, forgetting again that Kate could now understand. When Kate let out a sharp gasp, my mother paused in mid sentence. then she said something else in Hungarian, and Kate laughed and said something back to her. My father laughed at whatever it was she said.

"Now, it is only Laurant that doesn't understand when we talk this way. What I said was that Agnes has been upset because she has quit seeing her close friend."

"You said girlfriend." Kate spoke up, proud of having understood what my mother had said. Kate still didn't understand when it was better not to know too much, or let on that you understood what was being talked about. I could see that both my parents were angry now. My mom was mad at Kate, and my dad was mad at Agnes for having a girlfriend, and at my mother for speaking of it so that Kate could hear, and understand what was being said.

"Katinka, you are excused from the table. Please go to your room, immediately." My father was angry. He almost never called either of us by our Hungarian names. Kate almost said something to him too, until she noticed him standing up and reaching for his belt. She jumped up and ran to her room, taking care to shut her door quietly. "Larry, what your mother and sister have said is not to be discussed outside this house. Not with anyone, and this includes Agnes as well. Do you understand?"

"Yes, papa, I understand. Who would I say anything to about that?"

"That's true. A person should know better than to discuss personal, private information like that carelessly. Believe it or not though, people who should know better, do it regularly." My father glared once more at my mother, and went to the stairs and down to his refuge in the basement. My mother really did look contrite. She knew she had made a mistake. She seemed like she was undecided over who to go to first, my father or Kate. She got up and went to Kate. For the next forty five minutes, I was left to clear off the dinner table, put all of the leftovers away, and to do all of the dishes. I was just finishing up drying the last pot from supper, and putting it away, when my father came up from the basement again. He looked into the kitchen, and then not seeing my mother, he went to the front door and got in his car and drove off. My mother came out of Kate's room a half hour later and went down to the basement, looking for my dad, I am sure. She came up a minute later, looking worried.

"Laurant, did your father go somewhere?"

"Yes, he left half an hour ago. It was as soon as I finished doing all of my work, and all of Kate's too."

"It shouldn't kill you to help out your sister, Laurant. She needs some cheering up.Why don't you go in and talk to her for awhile. See if she wants to go out and get a sundae or something. She needs to have as close to a normal situation as we can make it right now."

"Can I get one too? I'll need some money."

"Larry, I want you to stop off at Clara's house, to see if she will join the two of you. If she does, I want you to stay within sight of them the entire time."

"I don't think that's a good idea. It's like you're trying to encourage them. Plus, you know Clara and I had a fight before. You're putting me right in the middle, and I already have a big problem with this. Suppose they decide to go to the bathroom together at Frank's?"

"Laurant, sometimes we make sacrifices for the people we love, when they need us. You should do this for Katinka. If you won't do it for her, then do it for me. I couldn't take another big fight with your papa, not so soon after we got Katinka back. He needs to see Clara as your friend as well as Katinka's. I'm asking you to please do this."

How can you say no to your mother? Especially when she has done so many things for you. I wanted to tell her about my own fears, and my strong feelings about Clara. I wanted to start crying, but I couldn't.

"What about them hiding in the bathroom together, where I can't go in to get them? What could I do then?"

"I will tell Katinka not to go anywhere with Clara that you cannot go as well. I know you still have feelings for Clara, that this is a hard thing for you to do. I wouldn't ask you if I didn't believe it would be good for Katinka."

I nodded to her. I was defeated by her request. She had known that I would be. It was easy saying no to Kate, but my mom, that was a whole different thing. I just hoped my dad wasn't gone so long that my mom wouldn't get the chance to make up with him before Kate and I got back. My mother sent me for her purse and gave me a five dollar bill. She told me that I should treat Clara too.

"Suppose Clara doesn't want to go, or what if Mrs. Townsend won't let her go?"

"It has all been arranged already."

"How did you know I'd do it for you?"

"A mother always knows, Laurant, always. You are a good boy, so, of course you wouldn't disappoint your mama."

Just then, Kate came out of her bedroom. She was already dressed for going out. She had that same look on her face as she'd had earlier when my mom had told me that Clara was going to be coming over to visit Kate. I hated that look. I hated the fact that Kate was once again going to get her own way because my mother was afraid that not giving in to her would cause larger problems later on. I knew that the worse thing in the world was to keep trying to appease Kate. The more you did that, the more she'd demand later. I think my mother knew that too, she was just trying to buy herself some time so that she could deal with everything in an orderly way. We left the house five minutes later. Kate tried to get me to walk faster, but I was in no hurry to see Clara again. I was in no hurry to see Kate and Clara together again either.