Chapter 36

Friday came, and I was starting to feel lonely. Kate had withdrawn into her own little cocoon ever since our conversation on Wednesday. My mother questioned me about it that Friday morning, after she didn't receive any answers from Kate when she had asked about her being so quiet earlier. I answered her.

"Kate and Clara had a fight. It's going to be all right eventually." Of course, Kate picked just that second to join us in the kitchen.

"It isn't going to be all right! You made her not like me!" She turned right around and went straight back to her room.

"Is this true Laurant? Did you do something to hurt their friendship?"

My mother looked concerned. It wasn't like Kate and I fought all of the time, but we did fight once in awhile. The way Kate made it sound, it was like she and I were fighting, and I had undermined her friendship with Clara, as a part of that fight. My mother had that 'I'm going to get right to the bottom of this' look. I better give her enough to sink her teeth into, is what I was thinking.

"Kate broke one of the rules that I gave her, and now I'm not taking her to the movies tonight with Clara and I. Clara still wants to go without her. She's just mad about that."

My mother smiled, understanding now that this is how Kate always reacted in order to try and get people to change their minds and allow her to get her own way. She patted me on my shoulder, showing both her understanding and her support. She said nothing else about it. Now, I had to go over to see Clara.

I spoke to Denise in school, telling her again that I'd be over to her house as soon as my father finished working me for three hours, as part of my punishment chores. She complainingly told me that Trudie had fully recovered from her soreness and would probably be wanting me to do things with her too.

At lunch, I told Karen that I'd be at my aunt's apartment at one o'clock. She promised that she would be there at around that time too. She told me not to do too much over at Denise's on Saturday, because she had been thinking about us doing things all week.

When I got home Friday, Kate was in her room, and the door was locked. I knocked on her door, but she told me to go away. I went and got the ice pick from the kitchen and came back and used it to unlock her door. I wanted Kate to know that she couldn't sneak anyone into her room without me finding out about it. When I opened up the door, she was on her bed, alone, reading one of her school books. I came in and looked in her closet and under her bed, just to make sure. Of course, Kate got really angry and upset when I did this. I had known that she would be mad. I wanted her that way.

"I'm telling when mom gets home! You're going to be in so much trouble."

"I'll just tell her I was looking for Keith and Leon."

That shut her right up, as I had known it would. I went back out of her room and went into my own. I shut her door carefully when I left. She waited only five minutes before she came barging into my room. I hadn't locked my door, mostly because I seldom did anyway.

"How do you like it when someone invades your room, Larry?"

"I'd prefer that you knock first, like I did."

"What did you tell mom this morning? After I left."

"I told her you had broken one of my rules and I wasn't taking you to the movies tonight. I told her that you and Clara were fighting because Clara still wanted to go with me."

"That was a lie."

"I didn't want you to get into trouble. You can tell her the truth if my lying offends you so much."

"You change the rules for yourself whenever it's convenient. Are you taking Clara to the movies tonight?"

"She can't go without someone else there with her besides me."

"You could take me. I'd be good and do what you tell me to."

"Kate, do you deliberately not understand what I'm telling you?"

"I was just trying to help."

"Help me, or you?"

"Both of us."

"You need to learn your lesson. The longer it takes you, the more likely that Clara isn't going to continue being your friend."

"I can make other friends. Clara isn't the only girl who likes to play."

"No, I'm sure you're right. She is the only one who mom said could come over and visit with you after school though."

"I'll just tell mom I have a new friend. She will let me."

"Go ahead. I'd be interested in seeing what happens. I bet it won't turn out the way you hope."

Kate looked at me with a look of pure frustration on her face. I sometimes forget how young she is, and how easy it is to read her emotions on her face. She turned around and went back to her own room, leaving my bedroom door wide open. A few minutes later she came out of her room and went into the living room or kitchen. I saw her pass by my door, then she turned back and waved a carrot at me, smiling.

"See, I found a new friend to play with." She went into her room and shut the door. I didn't hear her lock it, but there was no way I was ever going to walk into that particular trap. I got up and shut and locked my door. I went to my radio and turned it on. I found my new Heinlein book, and started reading it. Kate started knocking on my door fifteen minutes later.

"Larry, open up. I've got something for you."

"I'm not hungry." She laughed.

"How did you know that's what it was?"

"I know how your mind works. I bet you were thinking about doing this the whole time you were busy in your bedroom."

"I always think of you when I do that. Did you know that? I used to pretend it was you, until I saw you hard. If you're sure you aren't hungry, I guess I'll take it back into my room again. Would you come stand by my door and watch me?" When she asked me to come watch her, there was something different in her voice. I couldn't tell what it was. I thought it was a combination of a lot of things. The one thing I knew I recognized in her voice, was hope.

"I better not, Kate. I don't want what you think I do."

"I know you don't. I want it though. If you watched, it would make it so much better for me."

I could take ten minutes explaining all of the reasons why we both knew it wasn't a good idea. I loved Kate, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her. I also knew that this was just another example of her trying to corrupt me, in order to get me to bend to her will. Kate had a streak of pure willfulness to her. She was willing to go to almost any lengths to get what she wanted. I didn't know if it was me she wanted, or to use sex as a means of controlling me, so that she would have greater freedom. I'm not going to lie, there was a large part of me that wanted to go see her put on a show. In fact, I had my hand right on that large part, squeezing it into submission.

"Sorry, Kate. I'm really not interested in that sort of thing with you." I hoped that my voice sounded normal to her, even though it had sounded strained to me.

"I know you're lying, Larry. Just come and stand at my door and watch me play with my carrot. I bet you're afraid to. Afraid you'll get all excited and rape me. I wouldn't tell anyone if you did, Larry. I wish you would."

"Kate, stop doing that. It just makes you sound like a cheap slut."

I heard her leave and go back into her room. I turned my radio off later, and I could hear her crying. I wanted to go to her door and try to talk to her. To tell her I only said that to make her quit trying to tempt me. I wanted to, but I knew she would be encouraged if I did that. I didn't want to encourage her, not in this. I had realized, almost from the first time I started being interested in girls, that my love for Kate included an element that also made her sexually attractive to me. I didn't want to exploit that attraction. The fact that she was telling me that she wanted me to do things with her, only made it that much more dangerous. This was fast becoming something I needed help and advice with. The only person I trusted enough to discuss this with was Clara.

Clara knew Kate a lot better than I did. They told each other everything. The problem was that I didn't really know Clara that well, and we were now in the middle of our little estrangement. I went out to the kitchen and dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Clara. I need to speak to you about something that just came up with Kate. Can I come over there?"

"My mom's home. You still want to come here?"

"Yeah. I really need to ask your advice about something important."

"Are you coming right away? I need to change if you are."

"I can be there in five minutes. Is that long enough for you?"

"I might need a little more. Can you wait ten minutes before you walk over here?"

"Sure. I'll see you then." I hung up and went to Kate's door. "Kate, I'm going over to see Clara about something. When mom gets home tell her where I am." I took off before Kate could come out and ask me any questions. I was afraid of her right then. Afraid to trust myself with being alone with her too. I went outside and walked as slow as I could over to Clara's house. When I rang the bell, Clara's mom answered. She didn't waste any time with any preliminaries. She just started in, bombarding me with questions about what was going on between the three of us. I didn't know how to stop her for long enough to tell her I wasn't going to answer any of her questions. Clara finally came in to rescue me.

"Mom, stop it. Larry has something he needs to talk to me about."

"I don't care about that. I want to know what's going on. Why have you been moping around the house? Why aren't you over at Kate's like you usually are? Why is Larry coming over here to talk to you?"

"Mrs. Townsend, I'm here right now to try to find out something about Kate. The rest of your questions are really for you and Clara to talk about. I need to speak with her in private if I can?"