Chapter 35

Wednesday morning I once again asked my mother if I could be excused from helping her at the studio after school. When she agreed, I told Kate that I'd be home as soon after school as I could be. She said she would be at home. She even thanked me for not saying anything to my parents about the situation with Keith and Leon.

"Is it all right if Clara and I talk on the telephone?"

"I guess. I just don't want her coming over to the house for awhile."

"This isn't her fault, Larry. She told me the whole time that we shouldn't be doing it. She's so upset that you're blaming her."

"I'm not blaming her. At least not for what she did herself. I blame her for going along with you, and for taking advantage of mom. Especially when mom had to make herself have a big fight with dad in order to get permission for you two to hang around together at our house. I can understand that from you, because that's how you are, ungrateful. I thought Clara was different."

"I'm not ungrateful. It isn't ungrateful to want more."

"It is when wanting more makes you abuse the trust of the people who bent over backwards to at least give you something. I don't expect you to see that though. You don't have that ability. All you care about is what you want."

"You like to pretend you're so different, but I don't see you stopping from doing stuff, just because mom or dad doesn't approve."

"Am I twelve? When you're fourteen, you can do what I'm doing now. You can already do more than I did at twelve. Even now, I can't bring some girl over to the house, lock my door, and do things with her like you do."

"You could if you wanted to. I wouldn't say anything to anyone about it. You've done things with Clara in your room, and I didn't try to get you in trouble for it."

"I still say you have to wait. If you don't wait, and I find out about it, I'll tell mom. She can do whatever she wants about it. I'm not warning you anymore. The next time, it's straight to mom."

We got to her school and I left her there. I saw Clara standing about fifty feet away, but I didn't wave to her. I swear her breasts had grown again. Seeing her like that, brought my anger and jealousy back again. I could picture her kissing some boy. I kept walking, telling myself not to get my mind screwed up worrying about her. I really was worried now about that damned Biology test. I'd been saying it so often, that it had come true. The test itself wasn't that difficult. When I was finished taking it, I wondered what I'd been worried about. At lunch time Karen was asking me whether I'd spoken with my aunt about Sunday. I told her that I'd be talking to her on Thursday night, when Kate and I went to our evening dance class.

"I talked to Denise. She and Trudie are going to be home on Sunday. She said you can come there again on Sunday if you want to. I'd rather we were alone though."

"I'll let you know for sure on Friday, but I'm pretty sure she's going to let me. How are things with your parents? Any better?"

"Actually, they are. I told you, they like Denise? Since she and I got to be friends again, they think things are getting back to how they used to be. I wouldn't want to see what they'd say if I asked them if I could go on a date with a boy though."

"Especially me." Karen laughed at that.

"Maybe I should ask them if it would be all right to go to your aunt's on Sunday. I bet my father would just love that. You know what my mother asked me? She asked if doing it with you had made me get some more urges. I think she wanted to know if I get hot when I remember it."

"What did you tell her?"

"That it hurt, and I didn't want to get into more trouble."

"Did it hurt you that much?"

"Just for a minute. Then it hurt me later, when you took it out. It didn't hurt last Sunday." She looked around, again checking to make sure we weren't being overheard. "I hope we can do it for even longer this week. The more you do it, and the harder, the more I like it. Denise says it hurts her when you put it all the way in. That's when I like it the best."

"Well, I'll try not to disappoint you. We can probably do it three times if we're all alone."

"You're going to lick me too, right?"

"If you suck me."

"I want to try it. Denise said it wasn't too bad. Even Trudie said she didn't mind it that time with Tommy."

I hurried home again after school. When I got there, Kate was already in her room. When she heard me come in, she came out and handed me three pages of notebook paper, all folded into a tight square.

"What's this?"

"From Clara. She wanted to explain things."

I handed the pages back to her. I hadn't even unfolded them.

"It doesn't matter. I don't want her to explain. She doesn't have to explain anything. Her sneaking around with you already explains everything to me. She probably things she had a good reason, but I don't care what it was. Unless she's saying it never happened, that you lied about her being there with you those times. Anything else wouldn't matter."

"How long are you going to be mad at her?"

"Until I'm not. Don't ask me how long that is, because I have no idea."

"Don't get mad, okay? There is a question she begged me to ask you. I told her I would. Do you still love her?"

"Tell her she can ask me that question herself, when I'm talking to her again."

"Larry, if you do still love her, you should tell her. She already told me that she wasn't ever coming back here unless you forgave her, and told her she could come back. It's in her note too. I read it while I was waiting for you to get home. There's something else in it too." That was when Kate started bawling, and ran into her room. Before she left though, she threw the note down on the floor between us. I knew she meant that Clara had written something in the note that was about her. I bent over and picked it up and walked into my room.

Dear Larry,

I know that you are mad at me, and I guess you should be. I don't even know why I went over to Keith's house with Kate and Leon. I don't like Leon, and I didn't want to kiss him or let him touch me. But I did. I'm sorry. I don't know whether you still can love me after this. I hope you can, because I still love you. That won't ever change. If I could, I'd take it all back, the things that I did with Leon, and I also did some stuff with Keith as well. Just kissing. Except once he put his hand on my leg and tried to feel me up on my pussy. I didn't let him. I did let Leon do that, but only once, and only for a minute. I touched his dick too, but it wasn't for long and it wasn't big like yours is.

You know how much I love Kate, a lot, a whole lot. But, not as much as I love you. I think about you all the time. When I'm in school and when I'm at home. Even when we were over at Keith's I thought about you. I know you won't believe me after what I've written to you about what I've done, but I do love you more than anything or anyone else. Anyone!

If I need to make a choice between Kate and you, Larry, I choose you. If you will just tell me that you still love me, I promise I will do anything you tell me to do, even if you tell me to never be friends with Kate again. I hope you won't ask me to do that. I'm begging you not to do that, but I will if you decide that is what you need me to do in order for you to still love me.

I'm not going to even ask you to stop being mad at me yet. I hope someday you will stop, but as long as you still love me, that is all I'll ask from you. You can do anything, as long as you still say you love me. I know you are mad. I am mad at myself. I know it wasn't right to do that. I feel bad.

I don't feel bad about anything that you did after. I don't mind staying away from your house for as long as you want me to. I just want to hear that I didn't completely mess things up with us. If you love me, even just a little tiny bit, please tell Kate to tell me that you do. If you do that, I will wait until you call me to tell me it is okay to come over to see you again. I hope to see Kate too, but like I already said, it is you I am most concerned about seeing.

Kate, if you are reading this, you promised me you wouldn't, so if this hurts your feelings, that's just too bad. I told you before that I didn't want to do anything to make Larry stop loving me. I'm not saying it wasn't my fault too, because it was. You knew this might happen, but you still kept after me to keep going over there.

Larry, please decide soon whether you love me or not.

I love you,

Clara
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

There were two pages of nothing but X's and O's which meant hugs and kisses. I wasn't moved by her letter. I sure didn't like reading that she had done those things with two different boys. There was something about her letter that I did respond to, and that was her offer to give up Kate. I sure didn't want that to happen. At the same time, I was glad she had written that, and more glad that Kate had followed her usual pattern, and gone ahead and broken her promise not to read it. Clara was so important to her. For her to find out that her activities had once again possibly caused her to lose that friendship, that love, this was important. To Kate, much more than to me.