Chapter 4: Getting out

A/N: thanks to jim for editing!

When I got home I found Tony already in the kitchen, working on dinner.

"Hey," he called as I dragged my books towards my room. "How'd the studying go? Get everything finished?"

"Yep, I still have some reading to do, but I can finish that anytime."

"Sounds good. Did Chris say when he'd be home tonight?"

"He said early, whatever that means."

"It means you and I are eating dinner alone tonight," Tony replied. "Unless you want to invite Aiden over."

"He said he has some things to do," I said. "But he did ask if I wanted to go to the mall with him tonight."

Tony raised an eyebrow at me and I conveniently went into my room to put my books away without elaborating further. He was waiting for me when I came back out.

"So you and Aiden are hitting it off okay?" he asked casually.

"Yeah, I guess; he's pretty cool. Do you need some help with dinner?"

"You can make the salad," Tony replied, so I started digging things out of the refrigerator, wondering why we always had salad when Tony cooked, because no one ever ate it. Personally, I thought he just liked to have it for decoration. "So are you going to go with Aiden tonight?"

I glanced towards him as he chopped up raw chicken.

"Well, I was going to ask if I could," I replied somewhat timidly. "I mean, I want to, but I know that I've gotten into some trouble this week. I told Aiden I would, because no one ever said I was grounded or anything."

"Grounded?" Tony practically laughed in my face on that one. "Jesus, Owe, you have got to stop doing this to yourself." Tony washed his hands and moved to the table, taking a seat and motioning for me to follow. "Come sit down."

I left what I was doing on the counter and dutifully went to the table, sheepishly hanging my head as Tony started to talk.

"Look, Owen, you're not in any trouble as far as Chris and I are concerned. I won't say I agree with the fighting, but I don't need to say anything because I think you're beating yourself up enough over it. And I know you're adjusting to being here, but we all are. I just want you to know that I can speak for Chris too when I say that we are both happy to have you here."

"I know." I sighed. "And I'm glad to be here, too; I just don't want to mess it up."

"Hey." Tony took my hand and forced me to look at him. He was doing that thing with his eyes again, reading me, and then he seemed to see something there and let out a long breath. "Owen, you're going to mess up. We all will. But guess what? It doesn't change anything. You're here as long as you want to be. And if you're worried about what I think you're worried about, it will be over my dead body that you end up back with Dad. Understand? We aren't going to send you away, Owen. Not ever."

Deep down I always knew that, but it was nice to be reassured and I found myself wiping at a few stray tears running down my face. I hated getting emotional. Tony held my hand and gave me a minute to compose myself before I looked at him again.

"Thanks, Tony."

"There's nothing to thank me for," he stated. "We want you here, Owen, I mean that. That's never going to change. But I think we've got to get a few things straight. Chris and I aren't parents. We're your brothers and we're here for you if you need us, but we're not around to parent you. You're seventeen years old and you've pretty much got your shit straight. And I think you're independent enough to make your own decisions."

"I know, " I said, nodding. "It just takes some getting used to, you know? I mean, with Mom and Dad I couldn't get a glass of water without explaining myself."

"Believe me, I know." Tony shook his head. "I remember what it was like, Owen. But you don't need to worry about that here. There really are no rules. I mean, other than finishing school, but I think that's a given. But as far as rules go, you'll have to make your own, because Chris and I, really don't have any. We are here for you though, and we want you to come to us if you need us, no matter what it is. You're not alone, little brother. And you know, we don't think of you as a little kid either; if you think about it, we're not much older than you are. Don't be surprised if we come to you with our problems. Especially Chris; he tends to lose his head up his ass sometimes."

I laughed.

"All I'm saying, is that we're family, Owe; we're here for each other. So don't be afraid to speak up if you need us. And I swear to god if I ever try to ground you I fully expect you to knock me on my ass or have me committed; no way I want to be that responsible, yet." He feigned the chills and we both laughed. "So, do you want to talk about the fight? I know it's been bothering you."

I let out a breath and then slowly nodded. It had been bothering me.

"I snapped, Tony," I said quietly. "And I think I know why. It was that word. Dennis was just going off, and he said 'Faggot' and I snapped."

"You're gay, Owen. But you've been so used to hiding it, up until now. Do you think maybe hearing Dennis say something like that made you feel attacked, like he was targeting you specifically?"

"Sort of," I said slowly, "except I hear shit like that all the time, but I don't let it bother me. I mean, yeah, every time I hear something I have to force myself not to look, remind myself that no one's talking to me, you know?" He nodded. "But it was different when Dennis said it. It's like, if I had jumped into that fight just to help Aiden, it wouldn't bother me so much; but when I did it, it wasn't for him. I did it for me."

"And you feel like shit for it, like you were selfish maybe?"

"Selfish and crazy," I said with a nod. "I really scared myself, Tony. I just kept hitting Dennis, even after the fight was broken up. I saw him afterwards; I did a real number on him. I mean, he's a jerk, but he didn't deserve that. I was just so angry."

"And why do you think that was?"

"I don't know." I frowned.

"I think you do," Tony replied, touching my hand again. "Where did all that anger go, Owen? Where did it take you?"

I had the urge to ask my brother--none too kindly--when he became the family shrink. But he was only trying to help me, so I kept the remarks to myself. I closed my eyes, swallowed, and then looked at Tony again.

"The kitchen," I said. "Back home, or--at Mom and Dad's. That's where it happened. When I told him I was gay."

"And he hurt you," he said softly. "Dad."

I nodded.

"Did he hurt you, Tony?" I asked. "When he found out about you?"

"Not in the same way," Tony said, sighing, "But I had Chris, Owen. There was no way he was going to try to take both of us. He just kicked me out, and Chris left with me; he said if Dad didn't have a faggot son, then he didn't have a bigot father. I think that was harder for Chris to do than he ever admitted, but he won't talk to me about it. He was also closer to Dad than I was. For me, it was Mom. I think she hurt me more by not saying anything at all--but we're happy now. Chris and I, we've had time to get over it. You're still working on it, and you didn't have anyone there with you when you went through it, Owen. I'll always be sorry for that."

"I don't want you to be sorry, Tony. I mean, yeah, I was angry when I was younger, for a long time. I thought you guys had just left, no one ever told me why. I guess I should have figured it out when Dad started getting on my case when he thought I did anything that seemed 'too gay.' But you're here now, and honestly, I'm glad you got out when you did. Yeah, Dad hurt me, but I think the words hurt more than his fists. I mean, the things he said..."

"I know." Tony squeezed my hand. And I'm sure he did know. He probably heard the same hateful things.

"But the thing is, Tony, that whole time I didn't fight back. I mean, I just let him hit me while I listened to him say those things--you know he actually told me that I was going to grow up to be a child molester? He said he was going to call all of our younger cousins to make sure I hadn't 'defiled their innocence.' I mean, how sick is that?" My voice had started to rise so I calmed myself down before I continued. "But I didn't fight back. I've been so angry with myself for that. I think that's why, when I heard Dennis, I just snapped. It was like he was Dad all over again, only what he said wasn't half as bad."

"But you fought back this time." Tony sighed.

"Yeah, and I hate myself for it. I mean, shit, I'd even apologize to the guy if I thought it would help any."

"You could, but seriously, Owen, that might just start something else. If you do, make sure you're careful, please."

"I know. I will."

" And Owen, I'm no shrink, but it seems to me that you have a lot of issues to deal with here. I think you're still angry and hurt by Dad, and I think it's normal. But take it from me, bro, if you're still hoping that he comes to his senses, that he'll show up here with open arms and a heart-felt apology, you need to let it go and move on. I know it sounds harsh, but take it from me. It won't happen. He won't change, Owen. And we can't make him.

That was harsh. And the sad thing was, I was, in fact, wishing for the same thing, if not from my dad, then from my mom. I mean, they were still my parents, and I didn't understand how anyone could turn their backs on their own children like that. It was incredibly sad, and sort of ironic. For two bigots, two out of their three sons end up gay and the one son that isn't ends up disowning them for being bigots. Poetic justice maybe? I'd have to think more on that.

"So," Tony said, smiling, suddenly trying to pull us both out of a dark mood, "are you going with Aiden?"

"I think so," I replied. "Maybe I'll get my hair cut while I'm out."

"Thank god!" Tony said dramatically as he ruffled my hair. "I was beginning to worry about you and this hair of yours; you haven't done anything decent with it since you got here."

"Knock it off." I laughed, pushing his hand away. "And yeah, I know, that's because I just wanted to..."

"Hide?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Well, I hate to break to you, Owen, but we're Dovan men; we're born gorgeous, nothing we can do about it, really," he said matter-of-factly.

I rolled my eyes at him as I left the table to finish up the salad and he went back to the chicken. After a few moments I glanced back at my older brother and smiled.

"Hey, Tony?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

He winked at me and then went back to dinner preparations before he changed the subject.

"So are just you and Aiden going?" he asked.

"No, he said some of his friends were going to be there," I replied.

Tony stopped and looked at me.

"Have you actually met Aiden's friends?" Tony asked.

"I don't think so, why?"

"No reason," Tony said with a mischievous smile.

"What?" I demanded.

"Hey, just have a good time. Do you need any cash?"

"Nope. I'm good. But, I was thinking about getting a job when we get back from camping. I mean, working weekends at the club is great and all, but I think I want to do something else, you know?"

"You think you can handle that and school?"

"I should be able to," I said, nodding.

"Alright, as long as you know that you don't have to get a job, especially if it interferes with school."

"Thanks, but I really think I can handle it. Besides, Mom and Dad never let me work. I think it would be good for me, you know? And I really want to do it."

"Well, if you're really interested... I think I might have something for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind working with your hands."

"Not at all."

"Cool, let me make a call later on and I'll let you know."

"Thanks."

Tony and I chatted about random things through supper, and just when we were finishing up there was a knock on the front door. Tony shouted 'Come in, ' because we both figured it was Aiden, and it was. Tony told me he'd finish up the dishes, so after I grabbed my ball cap, I was out the door with Aiden.

I noticed that he'd changed and looked really good. Not that he didn't always look really good. He just looked especially good tonight. His hair was down again and he was wearing a leather jacket, he'd changed the two studs in his ears to small hoops, and generally looked like he'd put some thought into all of his attire. I, however, had made no such effort and I wondered if I should have.

"So, we'll probably just catch a movie and hang out for a while," Aiden said as we walked down to the parking lot to wait for his friends to show up.

"Cool," I said, nodding, suddenly feeling a little nervous. I think Aiden noticed.

"Hey, it's cool man; Janie will be there--you've already met her--and everyone else is cool."

I nodded. I hadn't thought that Janie would be there, and honestly, I still didn't know what to think of her. Hell, I was still trying to figure out if she was Aiden's girlfriend, even if confessing her undying infatuation with my twin brothers told me otherwise.

Aiden smiled, as a red Camaro pulled up, driven by a guy with dyed auburn hair and dark eyes. He looked older than us, but only by one or two years. He was thin, but not as wiry as Adam, and he was cute, although in no way as attractive as Aiden. But he looked nice enough.

Aiden grabbed my arm after opening the door and pushing the passenger seat forward. He climbed into the back seat, ushering me along with him, leaving the front seat next to the new guy vacant.

"Owen, this is Leo," Aiden said. "He graduated last year, but he still likes to entertain us little people every now and then."

"Hi." Leo grinned as I shook his hand.

"Hey," I replied.

"And I don't entertain the little people," he winked, "they entertain me."

"Drive." Aiden groaned, slapping the back of Leo's head in the process. "Why haven't you picked up Ben yet?"

"You know Ben," Leo said, rolling his eyes. "I didn't want to wait for him to get dressed. We'll pick him up last."

"Who else are we picking up?" Aiden asked.

"Just Ryan," Leo replied. "Everyone else will meet us there."

"So we're just seeing a movie?" Aiden asked.

"I guess," Leo said, sighing. "But you should know that Janie and Ben have banded together and they want to see some depressing chick flick."

"Shit." Aiden sighed. "Maybe I'll skip the movie. What do you think, Owen?"

"Either way," I said, shrugging. I would do whatever Aiden wanted to do.

"I don't know how late everyone wants to stay out," Leo said. "But I heard you got suspended, Aiden."

"Yeah, thanks to this guy," Aiden remarked, playfully hitting my arm.

"So I hear." Leo grinned into the rear view mirror at me. "You're famous."

"I hope not." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, expect people to be asking about it tonight," Leo told me. "Janie runs her mouth, so even those of us who aren't still stuck in high school are privy to knowing what goes on there."

"Great," I responded sarcastically."

"It's cool, Owen, I'll protect you," Aiden said. He winked at me. I smiled back, but something about the way he said that got my attention. Or maybe it was the way he was looking at me, I'm not sure--but it definitely got my attention.

"Anyway," Leo called from the front seat, "since you two aren't school bound tomorrow, we're having a get-together at my place tonight--you guys should come."

Aiden glanced at me before turning back to Leo.

"We'll see, Leo," he replied.

We ended up about two blocks away and pulled in front of a two-story house with a tire swing out front. Leo honked the horn twice and I watched as another boy practically ran out of his house. He was closer to Aiden's and my age; in fact, I recognized him. I was fairly certain he was a senior, and I'd seen him around school. I was sure that he was in my gym glass. But it was a large class, so I couldn't be completely certain.

He was about as tall as Aiden, with light-brown hair and green eyes. He had the same broad-shouldered build as me, but he had more muscle. He reminded me of myself before I lost a lot of my weight and muscle mass. He waved as he came towards the car and when he smiled I noticed the two perfect dimples in his cheeks and realized that I did have gym with him, but we'd never talked before.

I was surprised when the newcomer climbed into the back with me and Aiden, still leaving the passenger seat vacant. I was forced to move over into the middle, pushed up against Aiden, and then when the new guy got in, I was plastered between them--not that I minded; it was just different, and I was fully aware of two different smells around me, too. Aiden smelled clean, like soap; and sweet, like, well, Aiden. While the new guy smelled like a mild cologne mixed with a musky boy scent. I don't know why I was noticing all of this, but I was suddenly both uncomfortable and full of anticipation, being crowded in the back seat with two attractive guys.

"Owen, that's Ryan," Aiden said.

"Hey, Owen." Ryan grinned, as we bent to shake hands in the close confines of the back seat. "You're in my gym class, right?" He had a really deep voice.

"Yeah, I think so," I replied nonchalantly.

" I didn't know you guys had a class together," Aiden said. I didn't know who he was talking to so I let Ryan answer.

"Yeah, gym," Ryan replied. "With Dennis Gordon." he looked at me. "Not that I'm complaining, because I'm sure he deserved it, but what happened with that fight? I never saw Dennis starting shit with you before."

"Dude, we're not talking about that tonight." Aiden came to the rescue.

"Oh, come on!" Ryan complained.

"It's already old news, man," Leo called. "Let it drop."

Ryan rolled his eyes and then smiled at me again, elbowing me in the process.

"But you'll tell me about it later, right?" he asked.

"Sure," I said noncommittally and glanced at Aiden, who just flashed me a smile.

"So who's coming around tonight?" Ryan called loudly. I discovered that his question was aimed at Leo.

"Not sure yet," Leo replied. "It's a school night, so not everyone will be around; but Ben for sure; Jake will be there and whoever he invites; and maybe these two back here if they can make up their minds."

Ryan looked at Aiden and me and then put an arm around my shoulder while I tried not to instinctively flinch, his being a stranger and all.

"Come on, guys, you should come over, it'll be fun." And then he winked at Aiden, licking his lips. I didn't think much of the exchange, but Aiden suddenly shot Ryan a sharp look.

"We'll see," Aiden said. "Maybe we will if you don't scare Owen, here, away by then."

Ryan rolled his eyes and grinned at me again, moving his arm back over the top of the seat to rest behind both Aiden and me.

The last place we stopped before the mall was another apartment complex, and when I saw the guy coming towards the car I had to do a double take. He was shorter, probably around five seven, thin, with curly blond hair and blue eyes. The first word that came to mind was 'pretty.' He wore a tight pink t-shirt, leather pants and a thick, rainbow-striped bracelet on his wrist. He also had a certain lift in his step when he walked and a swivel in his hips. In fact, when he walked his whole body seemed to swivel.

"Oh, not again," Ryan groaned when he spotted the blond boy. Leo just laughed and shook his head, but I didn't see Aiden's reaction because I was too busy staring.

And then what happened next almost had my eyeballs popping out of my head. The blond boy took the front seat and before addressing anyone else, smiled broadly at Leo.

"Hey, babe," Leo said softly, right before leaning forward and planting a kiss directly on the new boy's lips. And it wasn't just any kiss, either; there were tongues moving, hands pulling heads closer, packed with all the usual slurping sounds. It occurred to me in that moment that while I had kissed another guy, I'd never watched two guys kiss. It had to have been one of the hottest things I'd ever seen and I looking away didn't seem to be an option. But then, Ryan interrupted the moment.

"Will you two knock it off?" Ryan groaned.

The blond boy broke the kiss and turned around laughing.

"Oh, you're just jealous," he quipped. He had a soft voice, the complete opposite of Ryan, and he moved his hands when he talked.

"And you're scaring Owen, here." Ryan laughed.

The blond boy looked at me, eyes wide for a moment before a soft smile covered his face and he flicked out his hand as if he wanted me to kiss it.

"I hope not," he purred. "Hi Owen, I'm Ben."

Well I didn't kiss his hand, but I shook it the way I would an old woman at church, just softly, and as I got my wits together I returned the smile.

"Nice to meet you," I said, before leaning back in the seat, thinking that I'd kill Tony later, as I remembered his mischievous smile when he asked me about knowing Aiden's friends.

I finally glanced at Aiden and was surprised to see a concerned expression on his face, and he wouldn't meet my eyes. I suddenly realized that he'd been watching my reaction to Ben, and I wondered what he was thinking. I hope that he hadn't taken my reaction to his friend as a bad one, so in an effort to let him know it was cool I casually nudged him with my arm and when he looked at me I smiled.

That made the difference. Aiden's expression lost all sign of stress and he seemed considerably relaxed again, so I kept up the smile, but now my mind was racing. Leo and Ben were gay! I guess that wasn't a big deal, I mean, I'm gay. But before I came here the only other gay person I knew about, or had any experience with, was Dan.

Sure, my brother happens to be gay, too, but oddly enough it was one subject we we'd never discussed in depth. The conversation I'd had with Tony before dinner that night was the most we'd mentioned our sexuality since I moved in. I mean, every once in a while he'd point out a cute guy, but as far as I knew he wasn't dating anyone and he hadn't introduced me to anyone.

And I guess it shouldn't surprise me that Aiden had gay friends. Tony told me that I would be alright coming out to Aiden, and Aiden probably assumed that I would be okay with Ben and Leo because after all, I had a gay brother.

Now honestly, I was pretty sure that Aiden was straight, and I was even more certain that Ryan was. But, being squashed between the two in the back seat while Leo and Ben held hands up front had me thinking, wondering a few things.

Mostly I wondered if Aiden knew that I was gay. I guess it wouldn't bother me if he did know, especially now, but it wasn't a subject I was ready to bring up just yet. Unless he asked me of course.

...

The mall wasn't a very large place, but they did have a pretty big theater, and when we arrived I immediately recognized Janie and Adam with a rather large group of people. There were a few girls I recognized from the oak tree, but other than that I didn't really know anyone. I hadn't expected to see Adam there, and obviously he hadn't planned on seeing me, but when he did, his face lit up and he came to shake my hand while I watched his sister kiss Aiden on the cheek and take his hand out of the corner of my eye.

"Dude, I didn't know you were coming," Adam said. "You came with Aiden?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. I'd done a lot of thinking about Adam. He really was a nice guy, and he had been trying to be my friend from day one, as much as I wasn't looking for friendship. But over the last few days I'd had a change of heart. "So is Shane here too?"

"No, his mom wants him to finish all of his assignments before he goes camping with us this weekend. Man, it's gonna be great. That was so cool of your brothers to invite us."

"Yeah," I agreed, it really was. "It'll be fun."

I looked up when Aiden suddenly appeared beside me. He was holding Janie's hand as he purposely bumped into my shoulder with a grin on his face.

"Hey guys, it looks like we're splitting up tonight," he said.

"Aiden and I are going to the movie," Janie announced happily.

I smiled when I saw that Aiden was less than thrilled with the idea. To be honest, sitting in a theater for two hours watching who-knows-what wasn't something I was particularly interested in either.

"What do you think, Owe?" Aiden asked. I smiled at the nickname. "Wanna come in? Leo and Ben are watching the movie and a few more of those morons, too," he said, grinning at the group of people I didn't really know.

"No way," Adam interrupted. "Owen, you don't want to go in there, it's just some movie about old chicks or something. You wanna hang out? There's an arcade."

I looked at Adam and suddenly felt torn. I know I thought that I would stick with Aiden, but honestly, going with Adam seemed like more fun at the time. But when I looked at Aiden and he saw the answer on my face I could swear that he seemed disappointed.

"You don't mind, do you?" I asked him. "I sort of need to get my hair cut and I should do it while I'm here, anyway."

"Cool," Adam chimed in. "I know the perfect place for that, right by the arcade."

I was still looking at Aiden, who quickly smiled and shrugged.

"Sure," Aiden said. "Have a good time. We'll meet at the arcade in two hours then?"

"Three hours," Janie corrected him.

"What?" Aiden demanded.

"That's how long the movie is," Janie said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Now come on!" I don't think Adam or I could wipe the amused looks off our faces as Janie dragged a complaining Aiden away by the arm. I wondered if that was where he got the arm-grabbing thing from. I was still watching after him when he looked back at me, smiled, and waved as he followed the rest of the group into the theater.

"Come on," Adam insisted, turning to lead the way. "If you want to get your hair cut you should do that first; the mall closes soon but the arcade will stay open until midnight when the theater closes."

I was about to thank him for letting me know, when we heard a loud whistle and looked back to see Ryan running towards us.

"Wait up," he called, so we did, and when he reached us we all fell into step together as Ryan threw an arm around each of our shoulders.

"Hey, little guy," he said to Adam. "Heading to the arcade?"

"Yup." Adam smiled.

"Cool," Ryan replied, and then grinned at me. "So, who's gonna tell me how Owen, here, kicked Dennis Gordon's ass?"

"It wasn't a big deal," I muttered.

"Oh pa-lease!" Adam rolled his eyes. "It was awesome; I mean, Aiden and Shane and me were there, but you should have seen Owen! I'm just glad he was on our side, I mean, man..."

I let out a breath as Adam proceeded to tell Ryan every detail of the fight that I wanted to forget; of course he exaggerated a few details and in the end I came out looking like a hero. I wasn't about to correct him, but mostly because I wasn't ready for anyone to know the real reason why I snapped.

I think hearing about the fight again started to depress me, but I didn't let on. When we reached the arcade I saw that there was a place that was close where I could get my haircut. Both Adam and Ryan asked if I wanted some company, but I told them I'd meet them in the arcade.

Why is it that the people who cut hair feel the need to talk your ear off? I guess they're just trying to be polite, maybe make a good tip. I guess I'll never really get it. When I get my haircut I like things quiet. I like to hear the scissors and nothing else. Maybe I'm weird.

The lady who cut my hair was very chatty, though. When I removed my ball cap and she got a good look at the bruises on my face, which had turned a horrible shade of yellow and green, she wanted to know what happened, of course. I told her I was in a fight and didn't want to talk about it. Then I took out my driver's license and showed her the picture of my old haircut so she knew what I wanted.

For the next half hour I was lectured about fighting and how a nice young man like me shouldn't do it, but at least my hair ended up okay. Actually, it was pretty good. For the first time in months I looked like me when I looked in the mirror, minus the bruises around my eyes. My hair looked lighter somehow, like my brothers' hair. But it was short again, spiky on the top. I liked it. Of course, I quickly covered it with my hat again before I left.

When I reached the arcade I saw Adam, playing foosball against a kid that looked about thirteen, so I waved to him without interrupting his game. He nodded with a smile and directed me with his eyes towards a table where Ryan was sitting, sipping a soda. Ryan saw me about the same time I saw him and gave me a small wave, so I went over and took a seat opposite him, looking around at all of the nameless faces, the same way he was.

"So, Owen," he said after a while. "You moved here, what, a month ago?"

"Yep." I yawned. "Just moved in with my brothers."