Chapter 15: Stress

Thanks to Jim for editing!

Don't worry. Aiden kept saying that. Each time was followed by a kiss. I liked the kisses. The words I could have done without.

I was worried. I was worried about what Janie was going to do. I was worried for Aiden. I was worried for me. I was worried about what even one of us being outed at school would do to us.

And it hadn't even happened yet.

But I had a bad feeling about it. Probably because I didn't trust Janie. And why should I? The girl obviously had a screw loose somewhere. And worse, she reminded me of Anna. The whole situation reminded me of Anna. That's probably why I wasn't taking it very well.

Aiden thought I was overreacting. I thought that he wasn't reacting enough. He spent almost an hour after we woke up that morning trying to convince me that everything would be all right.

I wasn't convinced.

Actually, I was. I was convinced that something bad was going to happen. I even tried to talk Aiden out of going to school. I guess I was taking my concerns to the extreme, but I couldn't help it.

When we finally left my room we were surprised to find Tony in the kitchen with breakfast ready. He hadn't been home much because of Jake, and I guess he didn't have any classes that morning.

He was also in a good mood.

But Tony's good mood didn't last when Aiden sat down at the table, both of us silent and lost in our own thoughts. I was hardly even picking at my food and Aiden was just pushing his around his plate, while Tony sat across from us, looking from one face to another.

"Okay," Tony finally broke the silence, "what's going on with you two?"

"Nothing," We both mumbled.

"Uh-huh." Tony frowned, doing that thing with his eyes again, trying to read us. His eyes settled on me first. "What's wrong, Owen? Are you guys fighting?"

Aiden and I looked at each other. We were defiantly not in agreement over Janie, and I think Aiden was annoyed because I wouldn't stop worrying, but we definitely weren't fighting. Only, Tony's question made me wonder if we were. But Aiden's soft smile told me otherwise.

"We're not fighting," I said.

"Then does someone want to tell me what's going on?" Tony asked.

Aiden looked back down at his plate, so it was safe to say that he wasn't going to tell Tony what was going on. And usually I liked to try to deal with my problems on my own before getting my brothers involved. But this time seemed different. I was genuinely concerned, and if Aiden couldn't be helpful, maybe Tony could.

"I think Janie is going to out Aiden at school," I announced.

Aiden shot me a look, clearly saying that I shouldn't have said anything, but I ignored it, and turned to Tony, who was staring at Aiden now.

"Janie? Janie Curt?" Tony asked."I thought she was your friend."

"She is." Aiden was glaring at me.

"She's not acting like one," I argued.

"I'm going to talk to her, Owen. So stop worrying," Aiden insisted.

"You're going to talk to her after what she did?" I demanded. I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice, and I probably got louder than I had meant to.

"Whoa," Tony interrupted."What did she do?"

"She outed Aiden to me." I frowned, saying it as if Tony was already supposed to know this. "She was trying to scare me off, acting like homosexuality was some kind of disease; and then she said that I didn't want a queer attracted to me so I should stay away from him."

"When did this happen?" Tony asked.

"Last night," I replied.

"And you really think she'll start talking at school?"

"Yes," I stated.

"We don't know that," Aiden interrupted."I'm going to talk to her."

"How can you talk to her?" I demanded again, turning my attention back to Aiden."She's crazy! Think about it, Aiden. If it had been anyone besides me last night that she told, she could have caused a lot of trouble for you."

Aiden frowned. "You wouldn't understand."

Wouldn't understand? That pissed me off. I did understand. I understood all too well, and I opened my mouth to tell him that, but Tony's voice, thankfully, caught me off guard before I could make an ass out of myself by screaming at my boyfriend for no good reason.

"Owen, don't," Tony warned."You can't get mad at him for that if you haven't told him yet."

Okay. So I was grateful for the intervention, but I was still annoyed with Tony for knowing me so well. I shot him a look that told him so, and he had the nerve to smirk at me.

When I felt Aiden's hand on mine I looked down at it, and then dragged my attention back to his eyes, taking note of his curious expression.

"Haven't told me what?" Aiden asked.

I frowned at Tony again, mostly because this was not a conversation that I wanted to have right now. But maybe if Aiden knew that I understood at least some of what he was going through with Janie, he would see why the whole situation upset me so much. So, I turned in my seat to face him better.

"Anna Crossle," I muttered.

"Who?"

"I told you about that night that I came out to my parents," I explained and Aiden nodded."But I didn't tell you everything that led up to it. Anna Crossle was one of my best friends. We grew up together, did the joint family vacations in the summer; I even dated her before I figured out that it was wrong to lead her on. I trusted her, Aiden. I mean, I didn't come out to her. As much as I loved her, I wasn't ready for that. But she overheard a conversation I was having with my best friend. That's how she found out."

I stopped for a moment in reflection. It was strange how I felt numb telling this story now. The betrayal still hurt. And I was still angry. But numb. It was the first time that I actually allowed myself to think about Anna in more depth, wondering why she did it.

Nicky had been her boyfriend. I couldn't help wondering if she'd outed me because she thought that a gay boy talking to her boyfriend might leave him with homosexual tendencies. She was probably standing in the hall outside of Nicky's room, listening to my whole confession. I could imagine the shocked look on her face, knowing that her boyfriend was taking to her ex-boyfriend, who happened to be one of those dreaded homosexuals. For some reason the thought caused me to crack a smile.

But it faded quickly. Anna thought I was sick, ill, disturbed. Janie thought the same thing about Aiden. In the past I had always, in some way or another, defended Anna to myself. I wanted to believe that she truly thought that she was helping me in her betrayal.

I knew better now. Maybe she believed that she was doing the right thing. But somewhere in her mind she had to have known that she was hurting me. What kind of friend would tell my greatest secret to the people who could hurt me the worst? And then later, everyone else?

"Owen?" Tony interrupted my thoughts. I saw him and Aiden staring at me expectantly and I wondered how long I had been silent. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and turned back to Aiden.

"Sorry," I said."Anna said that she thought I was sick, just like Janie said about you. Anna's the one who told my parents about me. That night, they confronted me, and I told them the truth. Later on, I found out that the word had spread. Anna didn't stop at just telling my parents. But I never had to go back and deal with it, Aiden. I might have been outed, but I never really faced it. I got a fresh start. You may not have the same opportunity if Janie does to you what Anna did to me."

Aiden squeezed my hand a little tighter and then moved his palm against mine, interlocking our fingers as he leaned forward and hugged me. I wrapped my free arm around his neck and rested my chin on his shoulder, listening as he spoke into my ear.

"I'm sorry, Owen. I didn't know," he said."I'm glad you told me, though. It makes more sense now, why you're so upset about Janie. I sort of thought that you were afraid you'd end up being outed too, because of me. I wasn't sure if you would end up doing what she said and, you know, stay away from me."

I pulled back a little, frowning, and caught his eyes.

"I told you before Aiden, I won't do that. I won't lie to you. I'm not ready to come out, but I can still be your friend no matter what, and the rest is no one's business."

Aiden smiled and leaned in to kiss me, just softly on the mouth, until I pressed in harder, flicking my tongue against his bottom lip as I moved my hand around to the back of his head, taking hold of his ponytail and pulling him closer. His lips parted and his tongue pushed back against mine in slow motion as his hand moved up my thigh and he slid forward in his chair, closer to me, until our knees were locked together.

The sound of Tony clearing his throat caught us both off guard and we quickly pulled away, blushing. Come to think of it, Tony was blushing too. But, that was all right. I had completely forgotten that my brother was there for a moment, and it felt nice to be so open in front of someone.

"Well," Tony smiled, "I hate to break up your... moment. But Aiden, are you sure you want to talk to Janie? If she's going to out you, I don't think there's much you can do, except maybe be ready for it. Talking to her might only make it worse. Especially if you're only going to say something that she doesn't want to hear."

"I'm ready for it," Aiden said confidently. He might have been speaking to Tony, but he was looking at me. "I am. And if it's coming, I'll be okay. But I still have to talk to Janie, whether or not she'll like what I have to say."

I don't think I had to tell him how much I hated that idea. Aiden could likely hear my teeth grinding and see my jaw twitching.

"You're sure that's what you want to do?" Tony asked.

Aiden looked at Tony and nodded.

"I have to," Aiden insisted."Janie and I... we haven't been getting along lately. But I still need to know. I need to hear it for myself, that the friendship's over."

If I didn't already hate Janie I would now, just for making Aiden look sad. It hit me that my annoyance over the matter wasn't helping Aiden, either. He needed my support, not my anger. So, when he looked at me again I forced a straight face and gave him a nod, deciding that this was not something I could argue over. Aiden was going to talk to Janie and I would support him in his decision. But damn it, I didn't have to like it.

...

You can always tell when a day is going to start out badly when one of the first people you run into is Dennis Gordon. I had just separated from Aiden after driving him to school, and was on the way to my first class.

I rarely passed Dennis in the halls. At least, not since he had started to avoid me. And when I did see him, I made it a point not to let him know that I saw him. It hadn't been a problem lately--he had been avoiding me since the dance. Unfortunately, he stopped avoiding me that morning.

I didn't see it coming when he passed by. I should have seen it. He was way too close for comfort, and when the side of his body knocked into mine, I actually felt my shoulder pop as I lost my balance and slammed into the lockers.

I grabbed my sore left shoulder and rotated it as I regained my balance and glared back at Dennis Gordon, who was already moving down the hall, laughing with his friends. He shot me a smug look over his shoulder and then he was gone. I really hoped that he wasn't going to choose today, of all days, to pick a fight. I had enough on my mind to worry about.

"Wasn't that fuck-off supposed to be leaving you alone now?" I heard Ryan's voice behind me and turned around, forcing a smile in the process.

"I guess he forgot."

"You okay?" Ryan asked.

I nodded and started walking towards my locker, with Ryan in step next to me.

"So what happened to you this morning?" Ryan asked.

I looked up, a little surprised, wondering what he was talking about.

He frowned."Our workout. You never showed up."

Shit. I knew I had forgotten something.

"I'm sorry, Ryan," I said."It was kind of a long morning. I sort of forgot."

"Sure." He shrugged."Is everything okay? I ran into Adam this morning and he said he was looking for you. He seemed kind of upset. Did something happen when you took him home last night?"

Shit. Adam. I had been so worried about what Janie was going to do that I had almost forgotten about Adam's bad reaction to Aiden's being gay.

"Adam? Did he say what he wanted?" I asked.

Ryan shrugged. "Just that he wanted to talk. Why, did something happen?"

"Long story."

"Well, it's gonna have to wait." Ryan gave me a pat on the back."We have to get to class, unless," he smirked, "you wanna cut out and go talk somewhere."

I smiled."Pass. I'll see you later."

My first few classes seemed to take forever to get through, but at the same time, I wished they could have lasted longer. I was not looking forward to lunch. Lunch was when Aiden would be having his talk with Janie, and now it seemed that I would be having my own discussion--with Adam--and I was nervous as hell about it.

I think I was afraid to see Adam's reaction after last night. Logically, I knew that Adam knew nothing about my being gay. But if he reacted badly to Aiden, it wouldn't really matter. I knew that my friendship with Adam could very well be over today, and the thought of it saddened me. I wished that I could just avoid him for only a few more days. I wanted time, as much as I could get. At least that way I could call Adam my friend for a few more days.

Unfortunately, I couldn't put this off and I knew it. Ten minutes after my lunch period started, I was under the oak tree, just like always. Only today it seemed quiet. But maybe it seemed so quiet because I wasn't paying attention to what was around me; rather, the scene across the courtyard that practically made my blood boil.

Aiden was walking arm in arm with Janie, as if nothing had happened at all. She was smiling and he was talking, obviously saying something that amused her, as they headed towards one of the stone tables.

It was disgusting.

I'm sure I must have looked pissed when Aiden looked over the top of Janie's head in my direction. He only offered me a small reassuring smile, that didn't feel all that reassuring at the time. When he turned back to Janie I continued to glare, hating that she looked so happy. What was he talking to her about anyway?

"Is it really true?" I heard the unusually quiet voice behind me and looked back. Adam was already sitting against the tree, looking in Janie and Aiden's direction. I hadn't noticed him because I had been too busy trying to murder Janie with my eyes.

I took a brief moment to look around, noticing that we were still alone.

"Where's Shane?" I asked.

"Still sick," Adam replied, and then went back to looking in Aiden's direction."So, is it true? Aiden's a fag?"

I flinched at the use of the word again. It just didn't seem right coming out of Adam's mouth.

"Why don't you ask him?" I replied.

Adam frowned and lowered his eyes for a moment, before lifting them to look at me.

"So did you know about it?" Adam asked."Or did Janie surprise you last night, too?"

"Oh, she surprised me," I mumbled.

"But you did know?" There was an edge in Adam's voice that I didn't particularly like, and I found myself narrowing my eyes at him despite wanting to discuss this peacefully.

"What does it matter, Adam?" I demanded.

"Because you should have warned me!" he practically shouted at me. He wasn't screaming, but it was loud enough to attract some attention and we both fell silent for a moment, waiting for people to pass.

"Warned you about what?" I asked."That Aiden's gay? Why? What does it even matter, Adam? He's still the same person he was yesterday."

"He's a fag!" Aiden hissed."Jesus, Owen. I can't believe you're so calm about this."

"Why shouldn't I be? And what the hell is with you, anyway? You've never had a problem with Ben and Leo. Why is Aiden so different?"

"It is different! Ben and Leo aren't even my friends. Aiden's been over to my house! He's slept there, Owen, in my room! God, he could have tried something! And you shared a tent with him when we went camping. I mean, what if he had tried something then?"

Actually... okay, so Aiden had tried something then, but that was completely different from what Adam was talking about. Still, it made me blush to think about it.

"That's not how it works, Adam; he's gay, that doesn't mean that he tries to hump with everything that has a dick."

"It's still not normal."

"Why, because you say it's not?"

"Not just me! It's everyone. I mean, it's disgusting. Who would want to fuck another guy?"

"It's not just about that, Adam. It's no different than you wanting to fuck a girl."

"How can you say that? It's completely different!"

"Because it's true, I..." Shit. This was getting difficult. I knew that I was defending Aiden, but it felt like I was defending myself. Actually, I was defending myself, Adam just didn't know it, and it was getting harder not to lose my temper every time he opened his mouth. "Aiden can't help being gay, Adam. It's not a choice. If it was, do you think he'd choose it, knowing that people he cares about, like you, could end up hating him for it?

"It's just not normal," Adam huffed.

"So what are you saying?" I demanded."Now that he's not normal, you can't be his friend? Well what is normal Adam? Is normal turning your back on the people you're supposed to care about? People who care about you?" I suddenly pulled my bag over my shoulder and lifted the tray of uneaten cafeteria food. I could feel more than anger rising in my voice. There was emotion too, and I couldn't handle it right now."You know what, Adam? If that's normal, then you can keep it."

I began to walk away. I had expected to feel a lot of things while talking to Adam. I expected fear, and maybe anger, but I hadn't expected to feel so hurt by his words. I had thought that Adam was better than that. I had tried to prepare myself for the worst, but somewhere in the back of my mind I had expected him to accept Aiden. To accept me.