Chapter 9A: You and me

Thanks to Jim for editing!

"Why not?" I asked. "We're playing your old school. I figured you'd want to be there."

"Well, you figured wrong," Milo informed me while he closed his locker, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he turned to face me. It was Friday afternoon, and I'd ambushed him there. I'd been doing that a lot lately. Between every class I could, in fact. I'd been going to Milo's locker instead of my own. He hadn't exactly been crazy about it at first. In fact, the first few times he'd tried to pretend that I wasn't there; but now when he saw me waiting for him he'd smile. At least, when Jame wasn't with him. In the three days that I'd been doing this, Jame had been with Milo twice, and he wasn't exactly eager to welcome my presence. Jame wasn't with him this time, though. This time, there was another problem. I hadn't seen Milo outside of school since Tuesday, and all week I'd been trying to persuade him to come to the homecoming game with me and my friends. I'd been confident in my ability to succeed, but now I was rethinking that, since the game was tonight and Milo still wouldn't budge.

"What about after the game?" I tried, moving to lean back against his locker. I slid my feet out to touch his, smiling when he promptly took a step back and issued me a look suitable for any pest. "Brandon Sholer's having a party. Come with me."

Milo narrowed his eyes on me. They were half-hidden today, shaded by his hair, which kept falling into his face. I imagined that he was doing his best to look stern. I countered with my best lost-boy face as I made puppy eyes and chewed on my lip. It proved to be the perfect ammunition when he let out a breath and his features softened some.

"Can I be honest with you?" he asked.

I stood up a little straighter. "Please."

"I am going to the game," he said quietly.

I grinned. "Great; then what's the problem?"

"I'll be sitting with Stratfort," he explained. "My dad's going to be there. It's Stratfort's homecoming, too, you know. And... Jame's going to be with us, and I have friends on their team. I didn't want to tell you because..."

I sighed.

"You know, Milo, I'm not out to make your life difficult or anything," I cut him off, understanding the situation. Milo didn't want to be seen with me like that. Not that that didn't bother me. It did. But it wasn't like I was about to show up next to him at the game and expect him to explain my presence to his dad and Jame all at once. But he could have mentioned this whole thing sooner. Like, before I'd started to beg him. "It's fine, okay?" I'd expected to make him feel better, so I was a little surprised when he started to look uncertain with himself.

"Are Brandon Sholer's parties any good?" he asked, after a moment of consideration.

"Not as good as the ones Caleb throws," I remarked. "But not bad. You want the address, in case you decide to drop by later on?"

"You can give it to me--but look, I can't make any promises, okay? My friends are throwing parties, too. I don't really know where I'll be."

"That's okay," I replied as I opened my backpack to look for something I could write Brandon's address on. Only, it wasn't okay so much as it was annoying. I knew he liked me. Maybe I didn't expect him to want to properly introduce me to his dad--which really wouldn't have been all that difficult since technically, I'd already met his dad, even if I'd made a bad first impression--but he didn't have to act so... indifferent towards me.

Milo watched me, shifting on his feet as I drew a small map from the school to Brandon Sholer's house. I met his eyes when I presented it to him, but didn't release the paper when he took hold of it, watching me as I cocked my head at him.

"Out of curiosity," I said. "If you happened to see me at the game... would you even say hi to me, like you would any friend, or would you just pretend you didn't even see me?" Milo opened his mouth, but then closed it again. He frowned, biting at his top lip while he looked to me to excuse him from the question. I sighed as I released the piece of paper into his hand. "Forget it. I'll see you later, Milo."

I walked away, not even looking back when he didn't bother to call after me. Admittedly, I'd wanted him to call after me. It's not like we'd just met yesterday. I'd been trying to get to Milo Trust for months. We hadn't exactly been friends in all of that time, but I suppose I was becoming frustrated by the lack of progress. Especially over the last few days. After going to the spirit rally with him, I'd only seen him in school. Sometimes it felt like that night at my house had never happened, or that we'd never even talked about it. I wished that I knew what he was thinking, or what he wanted from me, or what he thought I wanted from him. I wanted to know what we were to each other, if anything at all. His evasiveness just made that impossible. I probably shouldn't have been complaining, since he had agreed to be seen in public with me on Tuesday night, and I was sure that Jame was giving him a hard time about how I was always showing up at his locker. But still, I was beginning to feel that he was lacking, and it was bothering me enough to prevent me from enjoying the pre-homecoming excitement that had hit our school full force by now.

There were faces painted with school colors, including Caleb's, because he'd taken the opportunity to dress up like a purple and orange clown. He made a good one, too, having left the gel out of his hair. His wavy blond locks complemented the paint job just right. There were mobs of people surrounding members of the football team to wish them luck; there were people looking for last minute dates for the dance tomorrow night; and the drama club had decided to have a bake sale that day. Every time I turned a corner, someone was trying to sell me a brownie. Despite my frustration with Milo, I was still pathetic enough to get him one before I went to parenting class at the end of the day. He'd only looked curious when I'd slid it into his backpack.

After school, it was definitely a different sort of day as Caleb, Haily, Joe and I dropped my car off at my house, piled into Caleb's jeep and headed to the city park near the school. My parents were already there, along with my Uncle Ray's family, Haily's parents, and a few others that I knew. Chad and Leanna were there, and Chad was trying to convince people to try his extra-spicy chili. It was his contribution to the large assortment of other foods that everyone brought to the picnic.

It was cold and a little windy, and the sky looked white more than it did blue, overcast with clouds. But every year since the park had been built it had been tradition for my family and several others to meet before the homecoming game for a picnic. We'd done it in rain, or in record-setting warm temperatures for October, and even in the snow. It wasn't so much a pre-game gathering as it was a chance for neighbors to get together and reminisce over past years' homecomings, or discuss Halloween decorations and pumpkin recipes. Like my parents, most of their friends grew up in Hewell, and they called Hellver High 'Hellschool' before they ever thought about how they'd have children who would walk the same halls.

Some of last year's students, mostly my brother's friends, had shown up. One of them had brought a football and they were playing a mock game in the thick bed of dried leaves covering the grass beneath the trees as my mother and a few others scolded them when they came too close to the food-topped picnic tables. Usually, I would have been out there with them, but this year I found myself in the parking lot, sitting in the driver's seat of Caleb's jeep with the heat turned up. Joe was across from me on the passenger side, and we were damn close to becoming completely toasted as we passed his favorite red pipe back and forth.

I hadn't ditched my family and friends to get fucked up, exactly. I'd volunteered to sit in the jeep with Joe to warm up when he'd complained about not being able to feel various parts of his body that he might need later because of the cold. I kept glancing over at him as he smoked, liking the way that he looked in his leather coat and thick black beanie. His face had a pink hue from the weather, and it could have been the smoke going to my brain, but he looked almost like he was glowing, and I found myself remembering how attracted I'd always been to him. That attraction was something I hardly ever thought about anymore, I realized. And that was a shame because when I'd had a little crush on Joe, things had felt a hell of a lot less complicated.

"Joe?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you do, if you know someone likes you... but they act like it doesn't matter every time you try to tell them that you like them, too? And why do people do that, anyway? Like... why do they think what everyone else thinks matters? Joe? Sometimes people are stupid," I finished, nodding for emphasis as I held out my hand and he passed the pipe into it. I jumped a little when the bowl tipped onto my palm and burned me. It didn't matter a moment later, though, when I was bringing it to my mouth to take a hit. When I turned my head to look at Joe again, the right side of his mouth was curled into a lazy smile, and he cracked up.

"Dude, what are you talking about?"

I sighed. "Never mind. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know anything... How do you and Caleb make it look so easy, though? Girls are all over you guys and you go through 'em like Pringles. I finally find one... person who I wanna get to know... like, really get to know. More than just fucking... but they pretend to hate me half the time. What the fuck is with that?" I frowned to myself. That wasn't right. Milo didn't exactly act like he hated me--things were just hard with him. He was different. A good different. I just... wanted more from him. I wasn't sure how to express that without turning into a jerk, though. Which, was the problem. I was the problem. I frowned at that, too.

My thoughts were interrupted when Joe laughed again. I didn't find anything amusing about the situation, but I found myself chuckling too as I pulled another hit off the pipe and then choked around my laughter.

"Wait a minute--who do you like?" Joe asked, seemingly experiencing a moment of clarity.

I sighed. "Never mind."

I didn't object when Joe reached out and took the pipe back from me. "I think you've had enough of this shit," he remarked. "I mean, who the fuck doesn't like you? Half the time you're so cheerful it's sickening, and the rest... you're trying to make other people that annoying, too."

I thought on that for a moment. "You think that's the problem?" I asked. "I'm too happy? Well, you're the expert when it comes to having a stick up your butt. If it's gonna get me laid, where's one I can sit on?" I laughed to myself, my remark having a double meaning, for me at least. Joe cocked his head at me, but a moment later he was laughing, too, and soon, we couldn't seem to stop. We were blue in the face before Haily and Caleb came looking for us. Haily shoved a piece of fruity-tasting gum into both of our mouths, Caleb sprayed us down with the pine-scented air freshener he kept in the glove compartment, and the two of them walked us around the park for thirty minutes before we were in decent enough shape to sit with our families through the football game.

The freezing wind numbed my face as it hit me, sitting up in the stands with Caleb on one side of me with his fading orange-and-purple-painted face, and Chad and Leanna on the other. At nine o'clock, the stars were tiny glistening specks scattered over the pitch-black sky. Since we were playing against Stratfort, it seemed as if the entire town had turned up to cheer on their team of choice, and I was as loud as everyone else, easily becoming swept up in the excitement as the Hellschool Otters massacred the Stratfort Ravens.

Only, I wasn't paying attention to the game, so much as I was paying attention to the stands. Particularly, the stands where Stratfort students and fans were sitting to cheer on their team, which wasn't having a very good night. Their cheerleaders were doing better than their players, and one of their girls had sprained her ankle during their first routine. Our school was celebrating before the game was even over. By the time the bleachers emptied my friends were more than ready to get over to Brandon Sholer's. My throat was dry from screaming when I said goodbye to my family, and as I walked to the jeep with Haily, Joe and Caleb, I was more than ready to be somewhere with a working heater. But I found myself slowing down as the back of a familiar red coat caught my eye, and I stared as one of the tall streetlights over the parking lot caught a group of people, Milo Trust among them.

He was smiling as Assface spoke to him while they walked behind Mr. Trust, who looked taller in his long black coat as he chatted with a few older men, looking bored. I found myself opening my mouth, wanting to get Milo's attention when he lifted his fingers, which were red from the cold, and warmed them with his breath. But I stopped, frowning, because Milo wouldn't want me to try to get his attention. Not now. I'd been trying not to think about how much that bothered me. But I was bothered. It bothered me that I was bothered and refused to do anything about it because I cared about what he wanted.

"Nelson, hurry up!"

I looked towards my friends at the sound of Caleb's voice. They'd reached the jeep and were waiting for me. Sighing to myself, I headed over, but stopped when I heard my name again, this time, from an unexpected source.

"Nelson!"

I spun around, startled to find that Milo had stopped, and was looking right at me. What was even more surprising, was that he smiled at me, and I was so busy deciding how great that was that I didn't even pay attention to the way that Assface couldn't decide if he wanted to frown at Milo or glare at me. I felt the corners of my mouth curl up as I raised an eyebrow at Milo, curious to know what he was doing.

"Hi," he finally said, right before he turned and followed his dad. I smiled after him, wondering if he even had any idea how much something as a simple acknowledgment from him meant to me. It was kind of pathetic, actually, but I didn't care. I also wasn't beyond gloating about it when Jame continued to glare at me, rather than follow Milo. I did what I imagined anyone in my position would have done. I stuck my tongue out at him, and went to join my friends.

Sometimes when I get happy--really happy, like Mary-Poppins-I've-got-rays-of-sunshine-shooting-out-of-my-ass happy--I tend to lose track of things, like what I'm doing. That one little encounter with Milo had put me in a great mood, and it wasn't very long after that that I was all over Brandon Sholer's two-story house with a bottomless plastic red cup of flat-tasting beer; dancing with girls who I didn't know--whether or not I could hear music; and screaming with members from the football team after I'd allowed Brandon Sholer himself to paint my face up in purple and orange paint.

It was going on midnight by the time I found myself sitting on the darkly carpeted stairs, facing Brandon's living room, which had been cleared to make room for all of the traffic. It seemed that his parents had had the good sense to move all of the furniture against the walls and cover it with old, faded sheets covered in various patterns before they'd turned the house over to their son for the night. I'd been talking to Caleb, but he'd left me there on the stairs as soon as Rebecca had shown up, and now he was with her on a sofa that was covered in a sheet with a green flower pattern on it, thoroughly examining her tonsils with his tongue. Not far away, Haily was one of the several people in the middle of the living room, dancing aimlessly to music that had so much bass behind it that I couldn't even hear the lyrics, her braid swinging behind her. She was looking rather friendly with Derek Oton, and I might have been happy for her if I didn't know for a fact that she was completely trashed and our boyish-looking quarterback looked about ready to drag her into the nearest dark room. I made a mental note to keep an eye on the situation, but being wasted enough myself, the thought didn't last long as my attention turned to Joe as he came staggering through the front door with Kelly under his arm. As I drank down half of my cup it occurred to me that he was drunk, too. I'm pretty sure we all were.

"Hey Nels, having fun?"

I tilted my head back to watch Brandon Sholer as he moved down the stairs, leading a thin, giggling younger girl with him by the hand. He pulled her into his lap after taking a seat next to me, and I found myself smiling at him stupidly as he flashed his dimples in my direction. "I drank... a lot," I decided.

He laughed. "Are you gonna be sick? I've got a toilet."

"Ah. No," I assured him, shaking my head. "I was just trying to figure out how I'm gonna get everyone home tonight. I think Caleb's fucked up, too."

"Well, you guys can all crash here tonight," Brandon replied. "Derek's staying, and I don't think he'd mind having Haily around." Brandon smirked in Haily's direction, and when I looked to see that Derek had pulled her close during a fast song, and she was all but passing out in his arms, I found myself glaring at Brandon threateningly. When he met my eyes, his widened. "That wasn't funny, huh?"

I shook my head. "No."

He laughed, elbowing me. He hardly seemed to notice it when his female companion left his lap, threw a hand over her mouth and dashed up the stairs like she was ready to heave. "It's cool, man. So are you and Haily together or something?"

"She's my friend."

"So if she's just your friend, what's the problem?" Brandon asked, leaning in as if he wanted to know a secret. His breath was thick with the scent of marijuana and alcohol, and being so close his blue eyes looked almost black. "Derek's a nice guy. He'll take care of her." That, earned Brandon another glare. "Okay," he relented, smirking at me. "Look, I'm sure she'll be fine."

Yeah, I decided. Haily was going to be fine, but that was mostly because Caleb had spotted her and pried himself away from Rebecca long enough to get Haily away from Derek. Derek didn't necessarily look happy, but he wasn't stupid enough to argue with a drunk Caleb, and I watched my best friend throw an arm around Haily and lead her towards the front door, probably to get some fresh air. When Rebecca followed them, and Joe left Kelly with her friends to do the same, I started to get up, too. I was feeling a little light-headed, which is why when Brandon suddenly dropped a hand on my shoulder, it felt like dead weight and I went right back down, looking at him expectantly over the lip of my plastic cup as I finished off my drink.

"Hey," he said, "Sam was here earlier and left me some celebratory shit for winning the game. You wanna come hang out in my room for a while?"

I cocked my head at Brandon, curious over the invitation, but it wasn't long before my eyes were drifting towards the door again and I was wondering over my friends. When I saw Joe come back inside and head towards Kelly, I looked at Brandon and shrugged.

"Okay, cool," he said, grinning. "Gimme a sec, okay? I'll get us something to drink."

I watched Brandon Shoeler's ass when he stood up and moved down the stairs, but instead of going to the kitchen, he followed after Joe, who now had Kelly with him as he led her out the door. I stood up then, leaving my cup on the stairs. It had been a fun party, but I was starting to feel a little too warm and fuzzy, and when I was drunk, I tended to end up with a case of separation anxiety, and liked to know where my friends were. On my way to the door, one of Kelly's friends ambushed me and I found myself trying to dance with her, but it didn't last long because my intoxication left me uncoordinated, and I kept stepping on her feet, and then Derek Oton ambushed me, wanting Haily's phone number. I told him that if he really wanted it, then he could get it at school on Monday. By the time I actually reached the front door, Brandon was coming back through it, and I'd forgotten that I was supposed to be waiting for him, because he grabbed my arm to keep me from passing him.

"Hey, where ya goin'?" he asked.

"Um... look, it's kinda late," I replied as he released me. "I think Caleb's gonna be ready to go soon, and..."