Chapter 6B: Try that again

On Thursday afternoon, I wished that I'd been paying more attention to the permission slip I'd brought home for my mom to sign the previous Tuesday. There were certain things that I had no desire to ever do in my lifetime, and one of those things was to watch a live birth via video tape in a trailer behind the school. Honestly, I could respect the miracle of birth and all that, but I didn't see why I actually had to see it happen. Close up images of... really gross things. I guess I hadn't expected it to be so... messy. For the most part, our class handled it well, I think, except for one of the expectant mothers, who burst into tears during the video and had to leave. The guys seemed uncomfortable. I knew I was. I'm sure a few of the others were reevaluating what they expected to do with their dates after homecoming. And then, there was Milo. He couldn't seem to decide whether or not he wanted to look at the screen. When he did, it seemed to take a great deal of effort on his part. Frankly, I was getting worried, because it was clear that it wasn't discomfort that was plaguing him. Even in the dark, against the glow of the television, I could see that he'd grown pale. Small droplets of sweat had broken out over the side of his face and he kept swallowing, as if his mouth was terribly dry. That's when I'd given up on even trying to watch the video and focused all of my attention on trying to distract him from it.

"Andre Lour," I whispered. "And Brandon Sholer."

"I know who Brandon Sholer is," Milo replied. "He's not bad... um... Daniel Atkins, he went to my old school. Oh, and the guy that works at Velda's... that cafe, he's the one with the red hair..."

"Really nice ass?" I asked, lowering my voice even more. "I know the one."

We were naming off all of our past crushes, and it seemed to be working well enough as Milo cracked a small smile.

"I've had a huge crush on my friend Joe, like, forever. I thought he was king shit... until I met you."

Milo smirked, and turned towards me. His eyes seemed half closed as he held his head up. One glance at the television screen, and more of a woman's labored sounds, and he was swallowing hard again, but attempted to maintain.

"I'm king shit now?" he asked blankly, and I stopped smiling as I leaned towards him.

"Milo, are you okay?" I'd avoided asking until now. He obviously didn't want to draw attention to himself, and he seemed a little embarrassed over the reaction he was having. He frowned, but nodded, right before he crossed his arms on the table in front of him, and put his head down on them. My hand moved to his shoulder. He felt warm even beneath the thick fabric of his knit sweater. "Milo?"

He mumbled something into his arm, and I worriedly moved my hand to the back of his neck for a brief moment, finding it damp with sweat as he shivered beneath my fingers. I frowned, and looked across the classroom where Mrs. Bates was watching the video, and rather than calling for her, I raised my hand into the air, where it remained as I kept one eye on Milo, until Mrs. Bates approached us almost five minutes later. She didn't have to ask me what was wrong as she took in the sight of Milo and shook her head disapprovingly.

"Mr. Trust?" she asked, leaning over him with a hand on his back.

Milo lifted his head, still swallowing hard as he looked up at her.

"Sorry, Mrs. Bates," he said quietly.

"There's one every year," she commented, patting the top of his head. Poor Milo didn't even have it in him to object to that. "Can you get up, Mr. Trust?" Milo nodded, and started to stand, but Mrs. Bates stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Just a moment."

As soon as Mrs. Bates walked away, Milo's head was back down on the desk and when she returned, it was to me that she was handing the long eraser that served as a hall pass. "Mr. Larmont, will you please walk with Mr. Trust to the nurse's office?"

"Yeah," I said quickly, but Milo lifted his head at that.

"I don't need a nurse," he said firmly.

"I take it you're well enough to watch the rest of the movie, then?" Mrs. Bates asked challengingly, still managing to maintain the friendly smile on her face. Milo glared at her.

"Come on," I insisted, tapping his arm as I stood up. Impulsively, I wanted to reach down and help him up, too, but something told me that he wouldn't appreciate that as he stood slowly. I guessed that Mrs. Bates didn't expect him to come back, because she gathered his things. When Mrs. Bates held out his backpack to me, Milo indignantly reached for it, but I got it first and flung it over my shoulder. I earned myself one of his glares doing that, but this one I found I could smile at.

Milo led the way out and I followed closely behind him. We didn't go without drawing attention from some of our classmates, either. Haily looked at me inquisitively as I left the trailer, but all I could do was force a smile and close the door behind Milo and me as the cool air outside hit us. I felt a light breeze brushing over my short hair and sending a chill down my spine. But rather than going back in for my jacket I turned to catch up to Milo. It seemed that wasn't very hard to do, since he'd decided that the short metal ramp leading down from the trailer was the perfect place to sit down and rest his head on his arms, which he'd folded over his knees.

"Milo?"

I knelt beside him quickly, placing a light hand on his back.

"I can't... I don't... I don't do..." he mumbled into his arms. "It's not just the blood..."

"Yeah, I kinda got that," I cut him off, moving my hand gently between his shoulder blades as I took a seat beside him and placed his bag on the other side of me. "Don't think about it, okay? He nodded into his arms while I looked on worriedly, not sure what to do as I listened to his ragged breathing. "Maybe I should go get the nurse and bring her to you," I suggested.

Milo shook his head, and then turned it, still resting on his arms, but facing me now. "Jake Armstrong," he said quietly, and when I raised an eyebrow, he added, "That was my first crush. He's really fat now."

I smiled, and then playfully narrowed my eyes on him. "I think I'm the only one who's not on your list."

"Are you fishing for compliments?"

"Of course," I responded, and Milo looked like he was going to smile, just before he faced forward and swallowed hard.

"You okay?" I asked.

He was silent, but forced himself to nod, then he tried to stand up, moving away from me in the process.

"Hey," I objected, not liking the way he seemed wobbly on his feet. The last thing I wanted to do was watch him faint. I reached for his arm, but Milo pulled it away.

"I'm okay," he stated. "Just kinda... dizzy."

"So let me help you," I responded irritably. Now, was not the time for him to be stubborn. "Shit. I won't bite unless you ask me to, okay?"

Milo cocked his head at that as his hair blew into his face, and then he released a small chuckle. "I can walk by myself."

"Alright," I agreed. "You walk, and I'll make sure you don't fall on your face." I lifted his bag from the ground, and Milo jumped when I moved my hand to his back again, resting just between his shoulder blades. He tried to step away from it, but I followed, and met his glare with a stubborn look of my own until he lowered his head and walked down the ramp, no longer objecting to the way I walked close to him, touching him.

"If I pass out..."

"You think you're gonna pass out?" I cut him off, gripping the back of his shirt, alarmed.

Milo glanced at me. "I said if. If I do, just tell everyone you hit me or something, okay? At least that'll sound like a good enough reason for why..."

"You should relax," I insisted. "I pass out when I see a little tiny needle, okay? I could cut myself and bleed buckets, but I've never been able to have my blood drawn without someone holding me down. So... just don't worry about it. Besides, if I said I hit you, I don't think it would be very convincing. I doubt anyone would believe I mistook you for Jame... better yet, just don't pass out."

Milo sighed, and as we slowly made our way towards the gym he started to look a little better. At least, it seemed that way. His color wasn't exactly back, but his breathing was growing normal and the cool air warded off the sweat he'd broken out in.

"You're on my list," Milo suddenly said, and I glanced at him while he continued to concentrate on where his hiking-boot-clad feet were going as we moved across short-cropped grass, green and still moist from the last time the field surrounding the school had been watered. "But, don't let it go to your head or anything."

I smiled, really hoping that he wasn't brave enough to tell me that only because his brain had been deprived of oxygen and he was about to pass out. "Don't worry, I kinda figured that," I replied.

Milo regarded me with interest and my eyes moved to the strand of hair that had blown into his face. I found myself tightening my grip on the back of his sweater, resisting the urge to pluck the dark lock away from the corner of his mouth as he wet his lips. "Why would you think that?" he asked.

I released a small laugh. "Dude, do you really think I ever would have told you I was gay if I didn't think you might have at least a small thing for me? I'm really not that brave, you know."

"But why would you think I had a thing for you?" Milo asked, making a face at me. "I don't even remember being nice to you."

I regarded him for a moment, and then smiled. "I don't think I should tell you right now. I mean... here."

He was suspicious. "Why?"

"Let's just get you to the nurse," I said, and he frowned at me. "I'll tell you later," I promised. And, I meant it. I just wasn't sure how upset he was going to be with me, and I hardly thought school was the right place to explain things to him.

"Drinking fountain."

"Huh?"

"There's a drinking fountain in the gym," he explained. "I think I'll feel better if I just get some water. And you can let go of me now."

I ignored that last thing. "We can stop in the gym," I agreed, and as we neared the large sand-colored structure that matched the school I looked at Milo and walked even closer to him, so I could feel the heat emanating from his body against my side, even through the cold air surrounding us. "If I'm on your list, why won't you meet me outside of school?" I asked, and the corners of his mouth curled down, just as they had last Friday when I asked him to meet me over the weekend. "I'd settle for outside of class," I added.

He turned his head slightly, his eyes drifting to mine and I waited for a response as I noticed his steps becoming smaller, slowing us down until we'd stopped completely. "When are we supposed to do that?" he finally said. "When you're with your friends, or I'm with mine?"

"What do our friends have to do with anything?"

"It would be weird if we just started hanging out."

"Why?" I asked, confused. "There's no rules saying that we can't be friends. That's stupid."

"People would talk."

"I think you're being paranoid," I remarked, dropping my hand from his shirt. "No one's going to care if we hang out, and if someone does, who cares? Besides, you like me. You said so--can't take it back now. Just say yes."

"I can't. I don't know what I'm saying yes to."

"You're saying yes to... sacrificing a few moments of your obviously precious time spend it with me. To letting me meet you in the halls before a few of your classes or, coming over to see the goat. Did I tell you we have a goat? Or... giving me an actual invitation to show up at your house. I don't know, Milo. Anything. Preferably something that involves you letting me kiss you, but for right now I think I'd settle for you showing up at my locker just to borrow a stupid pencil."

Milo's jaw dropped as some of his color came back. I think it was just because he was blushing.

"Do you actually think before you let words come out of your mouth?"

I frowned at him. "When I'm around you, I get to be honest. Most of the time, like, around my friends... around almost everyone, I'm just a liar."

His eyes narrowed as he lifted a hand, lightly scratching at his brow. "You make me..."

I took a step closer, waiting for him to continue, but the sound of loud footsteps, quickly padding over the grass and the gangling of keys had me looking back, just in time to see Caleb jog right past us as he headed towards the trailers.

"Caleb?" I curiously called out, and my best friend spun around with windblown hair and a red hue to his cheeks, clearly winded. His eyes focused on me, seemingly confused as he glanced back at the trailer, and then me again. When he suddenly clapped his hands together and took a step forward, I straightened, lifting a curious eyebrow as Milo took the opportunity to move back behind me.

"I'm an uncle," Caleb announced, sounding as if it took a great deal of effort to get just those words out. "I mean, not yet--I'm gonna be. Julie's in the hospital, and I need you to take Joe and Haily home so I can go." Caleb's face lit up. "She said after all the shit she gave me I can tape the birth." Caleb laughed to himself, obviously amused by this. "Pretty sick, huh?"

I heard Milo inhale a deep breath behind me and glanced back. His eyes were closed again and he looked like he was trying very hard not to hear what Caleb was saying.

"Milo?" I asked, ignoring the funny way Caleb looked at me when I turned away from his news to touch Milo's shoulder. His green eyes snapped open and the next thing I knew he was reaching for his backpack, pulling it off my shoulder and leaving me with just the hall-pass eraser.

"I'm gonna get that water now," he told me, and I nodded.

"I'll be there in a second," I told him, and as Milo headed into the gym I faced Caleb, smiling. "Yeah, I can get Haily and Joe home. No problem," I insisted. "Go."

Caleb's brow was frowning as he looked behind me, in the direction Milo had gone. "Dude, what was that?"

"Oh, he's sick," I replied. "I'm walking him to the nurse's office. Hello, Julie--having a baby?"

Caleb's attention snapped back to me and his expression went back to being excited. "Yeah, do you know what that means? She's gonna have to move back into her own fucking place, and she has to be nice to me or I will never baby-sit for her."

I smiled at him. "Are you really gonna tape it?"

Caleb made a face. "No. Not really. Don't even know if I wanna watch it yet."

"If you're interested there's a sneak preview going on in parenting class," I remarked, and he cocked his head at me, just before he straightened.

"I have to go!"

"You have to go," I agreed. "Congratulate Julie for me."

"Yeah, yeah," he responded, turning back towards the school. "Call you later, Nels!"

I smiled after him, hoping that things at home would get easier for him. Julie's husband probably would want her to be back in their own place now, as soon as she recovered. But, without him around, I saw her doing that just about as much as I could see Caleb refusing to baby-sit, especially when the new baby was his niece or nephew.

I turned towards the back entrance of the gym and opened one of the purple, double doors that Milo had gone through, placing me in the wide hall with marbled black-and-orange tiling and fluorescent lights, right next to entrance to the guy's locker room. It was warm in the hall, muggy from the nearby showers, and the scent of deodorizers and musk pleasantly hit my nostrils, tempting me to take a peek into the male shower room. The only thing that stopped me was thinking that I should invite Milo to come, too. Only, as I looked down the hall, to the left of the door leading into the gymnasium where I could hear basketballs thumping on the court and echoing through the building, there were two drinking fountains, and Milo wasn't near either of them.