Chapter 1

How did I become a professional storyteller?

Well sit down and have a drink. I'll tell you all about it...

It all started as a way to meet chicks that were normally way out of my league.

Let's face facts here. I'm in my 40's. I'm not handsome, and I wasn't in great shape.

And I damn sure wasn't rich then.

I was sitting in an upscale bar one night having a coke. (I prefer not to drink alcohol in public places.) I was girl watching of course, and wistfully thinking of times long past.

Then I saw a truly radiant beauty come into the bar with the usual gaggle of girlfriends, each of whom on their worst nights would be a solid 8.

Tonight they were all 10's.

But the prize was the redhead.

And she knew it.

Hair the color of iron in a blacksmith's forge.

Eyes the shade of green that emeralds strive for but never attain, skin as flawless as that of Aphrodite.

Her face was perfectly symmetrical atop a body seemingly designed to drive men mad with desire by her mere presence.

I sipped my drink, covertly watched her via the mirror behind the bar. I saw a dozen would be Romeos approach her table and be dismissed just as quickly.

I smiled to myself. It amused me to see these handsome lads meeting with no better luck than I, had I been so foolish as to approach even the least of the beauties at that table.

I had decided to retire to my hotel room and arose to leave. As I passed by the ladies table, I turned my eyes for one final look, as any hetero male would have done. There, nestled between her incomparable breasts, was a small figurine.

A golden dragon clutching a crystal sphere.

The workmanship was so exquisite that I paused involuntarily and stared for longer than was polite.

"When you're done staring at my tits, let me know." Snapped the flame haired vision.

Where the inspiration came from, I'll never know, but I heard myself replying in a calm and level tone. "Your breasts, magnificent as they are, were not the objects of my attention. I was learning the story of the dragon."

A couple of her companions laughed, but the redhead did not. She leaned forward slightly and fixed me with those eyes of hers. "And pray tell, what is the story of the dragon?"

I smiled slightly, "Ah milady, I am a story weaver by trade and inclination. What you ask carries a price."

*What the Hell, * I thought, *the worst she can do is to tell me to get lost. * And indeed, that was the result that I anticipated.

Much to my surprise and delight, she narrowed her eyes and visibly considered me carefully before answering my impertinent sally.

"What price to you set for your tales then?" she asked at last. I could tell that she was expecting me to come up with an answer both uncouth and obvious.

I stated my terms evenly. "That you and your friends hear the tale together. Right here, tonight."

She sat back and raised her glass to her lips. Her finger adroitly shifted the tiny bent straw just in time for her lips to close around it. Never taking her eyes from mine, she sipped, then set her glass down, having made up her mind.

"Agreed." she said finally. "But here's my condition. If we don't like the story, you'll pay our bar bill for the night and never speak to any of us socially again."

I wrapped my left hand around my right fist and gave her a bow copied from countless martial arts films. "A challenge like this I cannot refuse." I said with a smile.

A couple of the other ladies were eyeing me speculatively, but I kept my attention on the prize.

She raised her head and caught a waiter's eye. He came hurrying over.

"How may I help you?" he asked fawningly.

She of the crimson tresses spoke without taking her eyes from mine. "Is there a room here where my friends and I can talk without all this noise?"

The waiter stammered, "Yes ma' am. There is a room that we use for private parties. But the cost is..." he trailed off as she turned an icy gaze on him.

"I did not ask the price. I asked if there was a room here. All that I need to know from you is whether the room is available now and it's location, if the answer is that the room is available."

The hapless waiter paled visibly, then straightened his back and gave a short nod. "This way please."

The ladies all stood as he led the way through the crowded bar to an unobtrusive door at the rear of the establishment. I stepped back and gestured for the women to precede me.

I brought up the rear of the procession, admiring the view of so many delectable behinds wagging before me.

The waiter opened the room and moved back to allow the redhead to enter.

"There is a full bar along the side wall. Will you be needing service from our staff?"

The redhead pondered a moment. "Do you have a discreet waitress or female bartender here?"

"I believe Rebecca and Molly are both on duty tonight," replied the waiter.

"Bring them," she said. "I will choose one to attend to our needs."

The waiter left and returned a moment later with two young women.

"Rebecca," he said, indicating a tall, slender raven-haired girl with flashing brown eyes.

"Molly." he said, motioning toward a lass that obviously hailed from the Emerald Isle.

She was petite with hair the color of copper and sea green eyes.

"Molly." was all the redhead said.

The waiter left with Rebecca and closed the door behind them.

I looked around the room. There were big comfortable chairs in groups around low tables.

I counted noses and chairs; there were plenty of seats to go around.

I started shifting the tables and the chairs, clearing a space in the center of the room and ringing it with chairs. A couple of the other girls pitched in to help, but the Prize just stood and watched.

In short order, we had the room arranged to my satisfaction.

The biggest and most ornate chair I placed directly across from the chair I would occupy. As soon as I signaled my satisfaction with the arrangements, I bowed the Prize to her seat, then handed each of the others into the chairs I had selected for them.

I walked over to Molly and told her that we would all be drinking wine tonight and that she should keep the glasses full unobtrusively if possible.

"And what wine will ye be having?" she asked in a brogue so thick it could almost be cut with a knife.

"The Lady shall decide." was my answer.

Molly walked over to the Prize and inquired as to what wine should be served. With a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, the Lady ordered a wine that cost almost $300 per bottle.

I kept my face impassive and thanked whatever Gods were listening that I had my credit cards along and that all had a generous credit limit.

I stood before my chair with a glass of wine in my hand. I glanced around at my audience with a much calmer face than I felt inside. "Before I begin, I would know your names. Please rise one at a time and speak your first name."

The girls looked at each other, then a willowy blonde stood. "Astrid." she said. Then sat back down. I gave her a bow and waited for the next to stand.

"Karen." She looked like a California beach bunny,

"Susan." A Marilyn Monroe look-alike

"Bethany." A copper haired cutie

"Heather." A platinum blonde.

"Dorothy. " Tall and thin with golden curly hair.

"Heather." This one an ebon skinned beauty.

"Chyoko." A petite Japanese doll.

"Marianne." A busty brunette.

And finally the Prize stood and met my eyes again with a hint of a smile. "You may call me Maeve."

I noticed that she did not say that was her name.

Only that I could call her by that name.

I had set a small table in the center of the circle, and now I set candles on it and lit them.

"All stories should be told by firelight." I said.

I resumed my seat and leaned back, crossing my legs.

I glanced around the circle again. Most of the girls had kicked off their shoes and were curled comfortably in the spacious chairs.

"My story begins, as all the best stories do, in ages long past, in lands long forgotten by man." I began.

For the next 4 hours, I spun a tale of adventure, love betrayed and love found again. The women all listened raptly, even the barmaid Molly.

The candles were down to stubs when I sat back with a sigh.

"And the golden dragon transformed herself into the form of a pendant, eternally sleeping until her lost love is reborn into this world. Then she will awaken and join him. This time for all eternity." I finished the glass of wine in my hand. "And so you have the story of the dragon that you wear." I said to Maeve. I waited for her response.

She said nothing for a long moment, and then nodded. "You have more than met the terms of our little wager."

I relaxed truly for the first time since I had noticed her little pendant.

She finished her glass and set it down next to her chair.

I stood and bowed to her again. "Then milady, I must take my leave of you. I thank you for a most enjoyable evening."

She looked somewhat surprised. "Isn't there something else you had in mind for tonight?"

"None that I care to contemplate at this time." I replied with a grin. "Save that each lady tells me herself how she enjoyed the tale."

From the look on her face, you would have thought that I had punched her. But I turned to the girl closest on my right. "Marianne?"

She stood and moved to stand next to me. "I thought it was wonderful." she said. Then she kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my hand.

I turned to the girl on my left. "Chyoko?" She didn't speak, but her eyes told me volumes as the tears still trickled down her cheeks. She had to step up onto the chair, but she put her arms around me and kissed me full on the mouth. Then she stepped down and back to her chair.

And so it went through each of the girls including Molly.

I collected kisses from them all. Finally only Maeve was left. She came around the table and stopped in front of me.

Without any warning, she swung a hand at my face aiming for an open handed slap. By sheer reflex I didn't know I was capable of, I caught her wrist before her hand touched my cheek and stopped it cold.

Her eyes blazing like green fire, she swung with her other hand. I caught that wrist also.

She stood there with my hands holding her wrists and I saw a rosy tinge rise from her cleavage to her face. She yanked at her arms to free them, but I brought her wrists down and behind her. This brought her firmly up against me.

None of the others made a sound after an initial collective gasp. I kept my eyes on hers and continued to smile gently down at her.

She wriggled for a moment before giving up and standing passively in my grip.

"I have done nothing to warrant a slap from you milady." I said in mild reproach. She made no reply at all.

I decided to take a chance and released her wrists slowly. When my hands were again at my sides, I took a single step backward.

She kept her hands behind her for a long moment, and I would have given much to be able to see what she was doing with them as she stood there staring into my face without expression.

Nobody moved except to breathe as the tableau continued. Finally Maeve took a deep almost sobbing breath and whipped her arms up and around again. I didn't even try to stop her.

This time, I felt no threat from her at all. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face down to hers for a kiss. She opened her lips and her tongue emerged to slide against mine.

She held the kiss for a good two minutes,

Then stepped back, tugging self consciously at her dress and looking down at her feet and around the room, anywhere but at my face. She was breathing hard, almost panting, her breasts heaving and her brow dotted with perspiration.

At last, she met my eyes directly. "I apologize for trying to slap you." she said. "That was out of line."

She took another deep breath and shook herself as if to shed an unpleasant sensation. "When can we hear another story?" she asked.

I smiled at her. "Anytime you wish milady." I bowed. "But please, no more than one tale per night. Else I become too weary for other pursuits."

Maeve grinned in spite of herself, and a couple of the other girls giggled at the exaggerated way I mentioned 'other pursuits', leering and wagging my eyebrows like a bad vaudeville comic.

Maeve fetched her purse from her chair and dug out a small notepad and a pen. "I am having a party this Saturday night," she said as she scribbled furiously. "I want you to come and give us another story."

She tore off the top sheet of paper and handed it to me. I tucked it into a pocket without looking at it. "Ah milady," I said. "I would be happy to attend you, however you neglect something most important."

She pulled a checkbook out of her purse. "Of course," she said. "Your fee." She held her pen poised above the check expectantly.

I shook my head. "That is not the way it is done." I told her. "I will spin my tale, and the listeners will each offer what they believe is appropriate."

"But you could wind up with little or nothing." she protested.

"And I often have milady." I said. "But judge for yourself. What would you have offered for a tale such as you heard tonight if it had not been for our little wager?"

Maeve considered, then flashed me a brilliant smile. "I see what you mean," she conceded.

I regarded her in a new light. I was no longer in awe of her extraordinary beauty, although I still appreciated it to my very core. "I will however accept a token in advance to ensure my timely appearance."

She looked disappointed and lifted her pen again. I covered her hand with mine and she lifted her eyes to my face. "The only token I will accept this night is a kiss from each maiden here, and two from you."

She flushed again, then let her checkbook and pen fall to the table unheeded. She came forward and into my arms again.

This time I controlled the duration of the kiss, and allowed her to step back after about a minute. I kissed each of the other ladies, (including Molly) with an equal thoroughness.

Then I reached for Maeve's hand and pulled her to me. This time I lifted her slightly and pressed her firmly against me as I kissed her. I put all of my attention into the kiss; everything else was blocked from my mind and sight.

When I finally released her, I had to hold onto her arm for a moment until she was steady on her feet again.

I lifted her hand, palm up, and placed a kiss as gentle as a butterfly landing in the center and one on her wrist right over the pulse point. "And now milady Maeve. I bid you adieu."

And I strode to the door and left the room.

I walked out the front door of the bar and hailed a cab. As I rode to my hotel, I mused on the events of the evening.

I dug out the paper that Maeve had given me. It had an address and a time. I carefully tucked it into my wallet. Even if the address turned out to be bogus, I was still far ahead. I had spent an evening drinking fine wine and being the center of attention of 10 of the city's most beautiful young ladies.

And not only that, but I had kissed and been kissed by all of them.

I thought back to the barmaid Molly. From the way she had kissed, she would definitely be worth visiting again.

Back in my hotel room, I surveyed the clothes that I had with me.

I realized that I had no idea what kind of party that Maeve had in mind.

I hearkened back to something I had read in a book by Robert A. Heinlein, my favorite author. "Whole hawg or none." his character Lazarus Long had declared.

Well, that was advice I intended to follow.

I checked my funds again.

Limited, but I thought adequate to what I had in mind.

I sat down in the room's only soft chair and stared at the window for a while.

Then I stirred myself and got out my pipe and tobacco. A good smoke always helped me think clearly.

Where the flowery language and mannerisms I had been using all night had come from, I had no idea.

While I am more intelligent than most, (not bragging, simple fact) and I know the social graces and have an extensive vocabulary, I seldom find a use for them.

Maybe it was just the romantic in me coming out.

Romantic, now there was a thought...

On the appointed day and time, I was standing in front of an impressive townhouse in a very ritzy neighborhood. I steeled my nerves and knocked on the door.

A gentleman opened the door and looked down his nose at me. "Yes?" he said with a disdainful sniff.

If you looked up the word 'Butler' in the encyclopedia, you would find this man or one just like him staring snootily back at you.

I was not impressed however, having little use for snobs of any stripe.

"I am William Bard, here to entertain and amuse Lady Maeve and her guests." I said.

The butler gazed at me a long moment, taking in the way I was dressed, and then he withdrew a step.

"One moment." he said and closed the door.

I looked down at myself again. I was wearing an Armani suit with a couple of unique additions.

The coat was cut so that the rapier and the dagger opposite it were exposed.

It had not been easy convincing the tailor that I was serious and not some kind of madman. (On the other hand, who but a madman would wear a SWORD with an Armani suit?)

I waited patiently, checking the time on an ornate pocket watch that had been a gift from my late father.

Then the door opened again and Maeve stood there in an absolutely stunning ball gown of the perfect light green to set off her red hair. "Oh! You came!" she said delightedly. "I didn't realize until I got home that I didn't even know your name!"

I went to one knee and kissed her hand. "Not even death itself could have kept me from your side after you phrased your request so prettily." I told her.

She laughed, and then stifled it behind a hand as she glanced at the butler's disapproving scowl. "Come on in," she said. "Daddy is dying to meet you."

She pulled me in and past the butler who looked down his nose again. "Shall I take the cutlery until you depart?" he asked.

Maeve's eyes dropped to my side and she noticed the rapier for the first time.

Withdrawing my hand from hers, I rested it lightly on the hilt of the sword. "Are you suggesting that a gentleman give up his arms?" I asked in mock disbelief. "Do you realize what you ask?"

If he had said, "Yes", I would have unbuckled the sword belt and handed it to him.

But he actually went pale and cleared his throat. "My apologies sir. It has been so long since a true gentleman has visited. I had quite forgotten the usages. Thank you for reminding me."

I simply nodded and took Maeve's hand again. I couldn't believe my luck. I didn't understand quite what had just happened but since Maeve was now looking at me with an awed expression, I wasn't about to question it.

When we got upstairs, Maeve led me over to a distinguished looking man a few years older than myself. He looked up as Maeve approached with a smile on his face. Then he saw me, and his eyes dropped to my side. He raised an eyebrow like Mr. Spock and held his hand out to me.

"I take it that you are the man who so completely captured my daughter's attention that she's spoken of little else in the last few days."

I gave him a short bow. "William Bard at your service.' I said.