Chapter 1

Movement; movement; vibrations pushing...

surprise!

colour.

shape?

Shape moves.

What?

Quiet sleep

pushing Why?

A shape

better

see

Who?

Feel

feel more

need

moves, other parts move...

relief

why?

My awakening began earlier than most people.

Children gradually become aware of their surroundings, and learn by interacting with it. The ones interacting more get burnt more frequently but learn more in the process.

Their world is centred around 'Mother'. Basic instinct makes this so.

My first recollection of my being was the 'sound'. It was a regular and familiar occurrence that filled my world. It made me comfortable and secure. I began to distinguish between types of sounds and the patterns of similar sounds. Later I perceived movement in monochrome that eventually became colours. When they first came, they hurt. My mind was too filled with colours, they were everywhere. Keep them out! The pain! Go away! Everything faded.

Later the colours returned but did not hurt quite as much. I was able to protect myself from the pain somehow. My curiosity forced me to search and bare the pain.

Objects moved, and colours moved with them. Patterns started to resolve. Familiar shapes returned. Feelings came with some of the shapes. Some had more value than others. Needs and wants sometimes gave way but curiosity was paramount.

Over time, a shape 'john' was associated with the pattern of sound. The john shape was noticed fairly often. Along with this apparition a feeling of need arose, but it was not mine or not quite. How could this be?

The john shape brought warmth, contentment, fulfilment, and completeness. These were things I wanted.

Sounds and feelings came together, making patterns that could be deciphered. This usually came with the shapes, especially the john one.

Once, I became suddenly aware of a movement and very strong feelings. The john was very big. The moving increased in intensity and tempo. A new colour appeared or was it? No. It was another set of feelings trying to push their way into my mind. Things moved much faster the feelings much stronger and violent. Sounds matched feelings and matched movements in turn. Communication. An indescribable peak was reached and then another and another. A new emotion appeared. Bliss. It came from need, motion and attainment.

I rested, content. Was I content I thought, or was the feelings that pushed into me have this property? Why was this? Rest was needed. Grey.

Bright sounds and feelings stirred me again. I found the john figure and pushed out to this familiar pattern. I felt the texture to be different. The shapes clearer and more defined, and of a different colour. One shape appeared, one I had seen before. A strong sense of 'protectiveness' and 'love' were associated with the shape. Emotions were felt and only mildly understood.

I savoured the rapidly dwindling bliss, and then fatigue.

I pushed harder to find out more. A barrier held me back. I pushed and pushed in as many ways as possible until I burst through. My understanding increased in orders of magnitude. A new world opened to me. The shape before me was myself or at least partially so. 'Mother' was me in a way. Yes. I was part of mother. A memory somehow, but not quite mine, supplied long blonde hair scattered about her face that I knew had to be termed beautiful. A completeness in the three of us, and an almost insurmountable obstacle overcome. I followed the thoughts frantically because I thought I might fade back to the shabby existence I had just left. I did not even know of this heightened existence.

I followed the view of the moving body beneath me. A new feeling of need arose and increased to an indescribable pitch. The bodies joined, and moved together forcefully. I could feel the other old textures along with the new much stronger and clear textures. Sounds now had a meaning but I did not know how I knew this. A plan was being followed to a definite conclusion but it was not mine. Strong signals came from two places, one I was with, and another was in the body before me. I followed both paths to most activity was. The terminus was similar in each case but not the same. I could perceive the stimulation and tried to mimic it. I added to the stream. I was shaken and pushed, forced to stop.

Understanding came slowly. If the stimulus increased the cognitive abilities diminished and another portion of the place where the colours were took control. A rougher control with a different set of goals. Brutish felt to be the right term though the term was not that clear.

I returned to my experiment and added a smaller amount to the stimulation. This time the beast. Beast?... was held in check but just barely. I was being pushed, shaken and prodded, so I fed a little less stimulation. I was now comfortable enough to continue my observations. The bliss was approaching, in fact it came from two sources.

The bliss was stronger partially because of my increased awareness and partially because of my additional stimulus to the streams. One appeared to reaching a peak quicker than the other so I held back till they matched before continuing.

The once orderly thoughts diminished into a kaleidoscope of colour and touch. I saw a path open before me and almost instinctively followed. My intellect increased again in orders of magnitude. Here were my 'Father's' memories and thoughts. I copied some of them, or the ones I thought most important. The thoughts of returning to my previous existence drove me to take this major step. I needed language and information about the things that affected me or could affect me. I had just completed this task when a strong force seemed to squirt me back to where I came from.

My return did not degrade my thoughts as I thought it might, though I could feel a sharp loss. The sounds I heard had some meaning.

"What happened? I have never felt so happy, or so drained."

"I have no idea. I felt the same way. I have never been that high before, or felt that close to you."

"It almost felt like a religious experience. My thoughts were clear and I started to shoot off. Somehow I stopped and waited for you. I felt driven to do my best.

"Scary. I felt closer to you than ever before, as if I could read your mind and your feelings were so open to me."

"We won't be able to do this much longer," mother said, "the baby is getting too big."

"Big I'll say. He or she is developing very quickly," father replied. "He may even come a bit early, or she," he amended.

Both had strong feelings for this particular task to be over so they could begin the enjoying who they brought into the world. This knowledge in itself shook me for I did not think there were others, at least not like me.

The work I performed was very tiring and I had to rest to recover. I knew, before I faded out, that I was the cause of the lump in my mother.

I woke up later and could feel father beside us. His strong arm pulling us closer if that was possible. It was odd that I now knew what an arm was. The knowledge that I had taken bolstered what I knew and I felt much more complete but I wanted more. I knew who 'john' was and I knew that he loved us more than life itself. His memories told me that they were very lucky to even conceive because of a condition mother had.

Since I was awake, I looked for a similar door or path in mother. I remembered very well what I had done to find my way into father. Some of my prodding brought an uncomfortable feeling to mother so I began to be more careful. I found the opening and flowed through. The walls and ceiling were not as bright as father's but the shapes were just as beautiful. I compared Mom's language to the sample I now had. I found portions of hers much larger and complete but not the same in shape. I took a sample of hers too. General knowledge of how her life worked looked interesting, this was worth investigating. I found morals, they were interesting but I didn't think they would be useful yet. Mother knew that they were necessary so I did take copies of those too.

There was a lot of information for me to digest now. I left the bright hall and wandered around a great many more alcoves. I found an image of Mom holding a baby in a larger room. Father's knowledge told me she was a little taller than average with small beasts on a small frame. Her long blond hair went down to her waist. Her dainty but strong hands held the child very carefully as if the child might leave. There was a lot of love to be seen in her blue eyes. Father thought her the most beautiful women he had ever met. With some of his attitudes to guide me, I had to agree with him.

So this is what a baby was supposed to look like. On close examination I found the baby to be me. I floated over to her and when she saw me the baby she held disappeared. She looked around frantically until I held out my arms to be picked up.

"It's me mother, your son," I said.

She picked me up with a feeling of relief and held me the same way as the image had been held. "How can you talk to me? You're too young to do that." Her mind wanted me to conform with her definition of what a child should be like.

"I have been watching you for a while now. I never tried talking before because it never occurred to me to do so. When you and father made love it allowed me to become awake more fully. I copied some parts from his memories that allowed my to perceptions to grow."

"What kind of things did you copy?" She was worried a little now.

"Some language and general knowledge from both father and now from you."

"No, that's not right, you are not supposed to pry into other people's minds."

"I must learn. Is that not what a parent is for; to pass along to their children what they have learned? I found this in your knowledge as well as father."

"Yes it is but you are supposed to take it in a lot slower." She was in a small dilemma for she wanted her secrets but knew that I was right too.

"What is the difference?"

She thought hard and could not come up with a suitable answer. "I guess it doesn't matter." This was only a dream and she didn't have to work too hard at thinking.

"I am getting tired and will have to sleep soon. Do you mind if I come and see you again?"

"Of course not. You are my son after all."

"I found out that father has a surprise for you. Do you want to know about it?"

"Yes, tell me."

"He bought you a diamond ring with five stones; one for each year he has known you. It is for giving him a child; me. You will like it I think. I do have to go now."

"Well, bye dear."

"Goodbye mother." I floated away in the direction I had come and faded out.

The next morning mother and I walked into the room moving slowly as we avoided any collision with the furniture. I had awoken as mother was looking in the mirror and combing her hair. The information from her mind and her eyes was much clearer, for I now had references to deal with the objects in her view.

When Mother entered the kitchen she saw her tall broad shouldered man with strong but very precise hands. His handsome face radiated his joy at seeing his beautiful woman walk into the room. Father got up and seated his wife at the table and kissing her in the process.

Mother stated, "Good morning John. I had the weirdest dream last night. Our son came to me and said he could read our minds when we made love and was able to learn the languages we know and our general knowledge too. What do you think of that?"

"It sure was different last night. I felt closer to you than ever before. I don't know how to interpret your dreams though. Do you think your subconscious is trying to tell you something? Perhaps we have to make love more often?"

"We do that often enough John," she said with a smile I could feel. "I don't think this was like any usual dream. It was more of a visitation that was vividly real. He did say you had a gift for me. You were going to give it to me soon."

Father's mouth hung open at the statement, "Did he say anything about it?" Father said with a startled tone of voice.

"Nothing much. Just that it was a ring with a diamond for each year we have been together. It is for presenting you with a child, namely him."

If John looked surprised before he was flabbergasted now. His mouth opened and closed and no words came out. His hands waved in the air trying to get his meaning across. "You are psychic," he stated with certainty.

"No, I'm not John. At least I don't think so. He told me. When am I going to get it?" She had a smile on her face and an urge to tweak him with this possible joke; if it was a joke.

John reached into his pant's pocket for he was going to give it to his wife this very morning. He got up and walked over to her and kneeled as if to propose. He opened the velvet box and slipped the ring onto her finger. She was shocked that the words she had uttered were so prophetic. Agatha admired her new ring and leaned forward to kiss her husband.

Into the room came another person I had seen on occasion but it wwas clear now and not abstract. Japera was a maid, a cook and, most important, a friend. She looked out for Agatha like a sister. Not afraid to talk back and fight for what was right. Her light chocolate skin shone in the morning light streaming in the open window. Her long dark black hair was tied back so as not to get in her way while working. She was thin like mother but not as tall. She wore a stylish dress on her trim figure. Mother demanded that she not look like a maid or even worse a poor maid.

"I thought you two were already married and here I see you proposing to this young virgin. You should be ashamed of yourself Doctor John. I guess now would be a good time to ask for a raise before the neighbours find out."

The doctor was caught again with nothing to say.

"Look Japera, John bought me the most beautiful ring I have ever seen," she held out her hand displaying the ring in the sunlight.

"If the man is just proposing now then you had better find out if those are real."

"I'll check them out the first chance I get. What is for breakfast? I'm starved. All that activity last night can tire a girl out." She twisted the knife in her more conservative husband.

"Oysters are good for the active girl but not for the pregnant ones. I have a heaping plate of yummy porridge for you."

"No you don't. I will have eggs, toast and some of your sausage, please."

Japera returned later with the food and a large glass of juice.

Mother admired the ring on her hand so much that she saw little else. When she did look up she smiled at her husband and beckoned him over for another kiss. "It's so beautiful John. I don't know what possessed you to buy it."

"Just fulfilling your quest for shiny things."

Mom smiled and replied, "You always take care of me. I don't need the ring." She paused only a split second before saying, "But I will keep it." She then laughed loudly at her own joke.

John smiled at her and after a small kiss, father retook his seat. He asked Japera, "When is Lusa getting back? I miss her."

"She would be glad to hear that. Probably tonight or tomorrow morning. I don't want you to start spoiling her again either."

I was a little tired and went back to sleep.

I woke up later and found that father had gone. I began to process more of the data I had copied trying to find my place in this new life of mine. I soon found out that everything was not peaceful.

My pillaged memories told me that the Rhodesian government was despised by mother and father. The white population kept the black in virtual slavery. Blacks were denied an education and only the right to own the poorer pieces of land. The farmers and businessmen only wanted the blacks for labour. An education may make them 'uppity'. The races were not allowed to inter-marry but many white men had black mistresses. This also produced light skin children that were not loved as they should be.

Britain had banned slavery long ago but it flourished in many countries under the guise of paternalism, bondage or other types of servitude. Britain was now having a major diplomatic row over this issue but Rhodesia was not budging their stance.

Japera had gone to missionary school when her parents chose to send her. The school was the only one available to her in any case and her daughter faced a similar challenge.

John worked at the local poor clinic that was only a mile and a half from the house. It occupied an acre lot where the poor of both races came. Even the poor whites thought themselves above the blacks but father made it a point to mix the races in his waiting room. They could get free medical aid here or go elsewhere. He had given a job to a small black family down on its luck. They kept the grounds at the free clinic and his home in pristine shape. The clinic in the city more than supported this poor clinic.

The other office catered to Salisbury's elite. John's ability to cure or prolong the life of patients given up for lost by others brought him a good portion of his wealth. They came from all over Africa and Europe to get his help. His richer patients objected to his running of the other clinic but he persisted whether they liked it or not. John had been warned on a few occasions by high ranking individuals that the practice must stop. His friends had kept him out of major arguments so far. His antagonists were mainly objecting to an exceptional doctor wasting his time on the poor and especially the coloureds.

Mother wrote and studied for the new course she would teach next semester at The University of Rhodesia in Salisbury. She had been criticized by the university for slanting her courses to reflect justice and equality. This had very little effect on the students for they had been convinced by their peers and family that the status quo was right. Occasionally a few students were able to throw off some of their old conditioning and see the situation in its true light.

I was getting a little bored and looked around with my mind and found father treating a patient at his poor clinic. It was not hard to bridge the distance. It was almost the same as if he was in the next room. I pushed as I had the night before and found myself looking at a boy of three with a deep cut on his left leg. Dad had administered a local anaesthetic and was putting five neat sutures in to close the wound. The little black boy grimaced as he watched the process. I worked hard while he was distracted and entered into the child's mind. It only had simple thoughts and very little data. This mind was definitely not organized yet. Father bandaged the wound and sent the boy off with his grateful mother.

His next patient was an old lady complaining of pains in her chest. Dad ran through in his mind all the probabilities. This was interesting. I had no idea of all the knowledge I passed up on when in father's mind. I only took some of the information about the things pertaining to me. It was all I could carry at the time.

I watched the rest of the day, learning about people and how my father dealt with each. I found out that I had to enter a mind slowly or they would think something was wrong. A little girl looked around for me when dad gave her an injection.

Later that night Japera's daughter Lusa came home. She was the image of her beautiful mother. She had been away for a month in the village her mother was raised in where she learned many traditional things from her aunts and cousins. The girl was almost six years old, very bright and outgoing like her mother. Both had long black straight hair. Her father had died a few years ago and dad was looked on as a surrogate. As soon as she entered the room I saw a different glow about her. Everybody had a glow and I realised now that this was much more important than I had thought before. Mother and father could not see this energy and it must be something special. I felt drawn to this girl for some reason but tried to keep my distance.

She ran to my mother and said, "Hello Momma. I missed you a lot." She gave a careful hug and put her hand on mother's abdomen just above her stomach. "The baby has grown a lot." She looked wistfully at the full abdomen wishing for a baby for herself. I kicked her hand making her jump. "He kicked me. Why did he do that?"

Mother replied, "He was just saying hello. I am quite sure he likes you."

Lusa smiled and went over to her 'dada', hugging him many times harder for the times she had missed. With a little peeking on my part I found out that dad saw Lusa as a child he never had, at least till I came around.

She said, "I missed you too. I had to beat some boys. I did like you said, 'Don't take any guff from other kids.' Did I do right?"

"You certainly did sweetheart but only if they were doing something wrong. You didn't hurt them too badly did you?"

"No Mashama only got a bloody nose. He cried and his mother hit him for calling me names. He said my face was funny."

"You are a very beautiful girl. Your face is just a little different than most of the other people around here. It is more like Agatha's, mine or your mothers. Both your grandfathers were white. Don't let it bother you. We all love you." He hugged the girl.

They talked for another half hour before going to the rooms at the other end of the house. I had cautiously wandered into Lusa's mind and found it much more cluttered and brighter than others her age. I didn't have that many to go by, just the few children that father had treated.

Mother made ready for bed. I saw myself as a separate entity now. One bound physically and mentally to her though. She was moody now. Everything was tinged with her likes and dislikes. The present pain to be overcome and more promised in the future when she delivered. I rode the currents of her mind trying to fathom all her problems. Some were her concern that she may have to undergo a caesarean section. Would either of us die from a problem at birth. Will she be able to feed me and would she make a good mother. Somehow, I knew that she would make an excellent mother.

I had just enough knowledge now to know how little I really had. I was having difficulty sorting through all the data that I had collected previously and worried about all the additional space I would need when I added more of my dad's knowledge of medicine. I looked into my own brain. The same as my father's but most parts were undeveloped or unused except for some glowing points and a few brighter areas. This was probably my thinking and my ability to read minds I guessed.

I found the small opening and looked into the very small but brightly lit room. Pieces of language were on the floor. Some were sorted and placed on lower shelves. Mother and father had much more room for storage and this told me that things could change. I floated over to one wall and pushed as hard as I could. The wall gave and retreated some but not enough by far. The other walls and ceiling were forced back. The floor retreated when I thought of a great weight pushing on it. I continued pushing in turn all the other surfaces again but with more weight.

The room storing my knowledge was now much larger than dad's but relatively empty. I sorted the rest of the language and found it to be different tongues all put together. Mother had a much better grasp of English and Latin. Dad had German, French, some Latin and Bantu the native language to give me. The room was soon orderly after putting away the general knowledge. I was ready for more.

I emerged to find dad feeling very frustrated. He was hoping to make love to his wife but she remembered me saying I could see them. She naturally closed the barn after the cattle had left. This analogy came from her own memories. I seemed to have acquired a sense of humour. I think it was dad's for all my knowledge was shaded to reflect his emotions on each matter. Much like dad's dislike of liver because it tasted bad. Mother thought the opposite. I decided that mother was wrong so I found the pathway to her brain and then to the portion I had stimulated last night. I started a small flow of energy to stimulate this area.

The lights were out and mother felt a tingling between her legs. She was usually able to turn it off. This time it didn't work. Her nipples stuck up rubbing on her negligee. Her hand came up to pull the material away but hit an offending nipple instead. Vibrations flowed to her clitoris intensifying the feelings now there. Her hand went down to give herself some quiet relief. I increased the flow and she involuntarily groaned. Her sex started to flow with lubrication. The scent came to me through her senses.

With difficulty she got up and removed her negligee. She got back into bed and jerked my sleeping father over and placed his lips at her breast. He awoke with a start. "Get to work. You got me stirred up and then want to sleep." She reached into the opening in his pyjamas and fondled him. He pulled back long enough to remove his clothing, before slipping his hard cock very carefully into the wet opening of his wife.

As last night, I followed all the pathways that lead to and from the pleasure centre of the brain. I stored this information away for future reference. The anus appeared to be especially favoured with nerve endings. I held dad back while increasing the flow to mom's brain. She had multiple orgasms one after another. Dad was quite proud of himself. After two major orgasms and many minor ones I allowed dad to have his. I was careful and did not give him too much. I had no wish to be bruised or hurt myself.

I was interested in how long this could last and started again on mother. She had never had this many orgasms before or for that matter that strong either. She was beat and wanted to sleep the sleep of the satisfied. I started the flow again. She groaned partially to think of going through the intense act again but once started this thought faded to nothing. Dad was proud of his recuperative powers for he felt like he did when he was fifteen.

Dad went slowly when I slipped the idea to him, thinking it was his. Mother clawed his back wanting more action but he denied it to her. I increased the flow to mother but blocked the trigger that allowed the dam to break. Dad had decided to get a little back from his earlier ill treatment. He would go slow and lick and suck her nipples while keeping her at a fevered pitch. Dad's back was raw. His hair was pulled. Blond tufts hung between mother's fingers. Her nails were mostly broken from her grasping of the bed sheet and his back. I released mother first. She screamed then screamed again. I was shaken and very glad of the protective fluid around me. Dad's release was no less pleasing as he bellowed his pleasure.

Japera and a naked Lusa came running into the room unannounced, thinking that someone was being murdered. The light from the hallway flowed across a comatose woman and a wounded man with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. My parents were dead to the world. I cast about and entered Lusa. Her nose detected the scent. She squirmed a little in instinctive pleasure. I was lucky enough to see her form in the large mirror for I had no sight to guide me. She had no breasts. She was a little chubby but I still liked what I saw. Perhaps I could experiment and do the same to her as dad had done to my mother but after I was born.

Japera's hand was inside the opening of her housecoat. I entered her mind quickly as she was preoccupied and would not notice. I was shocked to learn that she loved both John and Agatha, wanting them in a physical sense even wanting a baby by father like Agatha had. It never occurred to me that this was possible. I searched my stolen memories and found all people thought this way but to various degrees. Was I attracted to other males? Not really. I was not really attracted to females either though they were interesting. Perhaps it was something you did after you were born.

I traced her neural pathways and found the pleasure centre. She quickly left the room pulling Lusa and quietly closed the door behind her. She needed the privacy of her own bedroom after the stimulation I gave her. A moment later she voiced her own pleasure but not loud enough to disturb anyone other than her daughter in the next room.

There were many things here that I did not understand yet. I left Japera and went to dad. He had not moved yet. I could feel the pain of his wounds and felt sorry for the hurt I caused him. When I entered more fully I found I shouldn't have worried. He was very proud of himself. His wounds were badges of merit, gained on the field of honour.

I found the opening to his memories and spent a longer time sorting through the things I thought would be important that I could bring back to my own mind. I found his code of ethics different from mom's. He was much more pragmatic, something I agreed with. Could it be that the reason for this was that I had already accepted his code in some way and could only find it the correct one to follow?