Chapter 7

"Look Donna, I told you his eyes were changing color."

"You know you're right. When he was first born I could have sworn they were both bright blue. Now his right eye seems to be darkening."

"Don't you see? It's just like Kenny. He's going to have one blue and one black eye. Now will you believe me?"

"What? That Christopher is somehow Kenny reincarnated? Oh, come on Jessica. I admit I don't know much about genetics but if the parent has divided eye color I'm sure it's not that unusual..."

"But don't you see?" insisted Jessica as they sat at her kitchen table sharing some morning coffee. "First there was the way he fed from and fondled me and..."

"Fondled? Fondled? You make it sound like your seven month old baby was feeling you up."

"Nothing as crude as that. Kenny was never crude. He was always gentle and tender and..."

"And so you think your own baby is putting the moves on you," stated Donna, smiling and shaking her head.

"I... well, no... well... sort of. I mean the way he sucks my breast and plays with my nipple... and what about that day in the park i told you about? My God, Donna, I orgasmed! "

"From what you told me you got lost in an erotic daydream. Spontaneous orgasms may be somewhat rare but they do happen. Look, Jessica, Honey, you were alone there in the park. Sure Christopher's suckling no doubt added some element of reinforcement to what you experienced, but you lost your husband almost a year ago and you haven't been with a man since. It would be natural to experience an occasional daydream of a sexual nature. You've said your breasts are probably the most sensitive part of your body so when your mind drifted and your nipples were stimulated, the images and feelings just went over the top. Maybe a public park isn't the best place to entertain those kinds of thoughts, but..."

"But I didn't have the dream until Christopher began feeding."

"Look you were primed and ready. I sometimes get turned on when I go braless and wear a silk blouse. There's just something about the feel of silk rubbing across your nipples. That doesn't mean..."

"I'm obviously not going to convince you. But I know what's happening."

"Are you frightened?"

"No, not frightened. Kenny would never do anything to hurt me. It's just so disconcerting to think a baby could... I mean he's supposed to be the helpless one, yet it's strange because around feeding time I feel drawn to him -- almost as if I need him at my breast as much as he needs me."

"What you need is a man!" laughed Donna.

"I'm serious, Donna."

"Honey, so am I. No one wants you to forget Kenny. I know you couldn't if you tried. I saw how much in love the two of you were. But since Christopher was born you've cut yourself off from just about everybody. Oh, you know I'll always be around to pester you and Kenny's mom and dad have been great, but you need to start thinking of developing some other relationships. I've never seen anyone get back into such gorgeous shape in such a short time. The only difference is that you used to be a B cup and now you'd fill a C cup without any trouble." Donna laughed. "As far as men are concerned that would be a good thing. A very good thing."

"I have no interest in other men."

"No one's talking about getting serious, but it's been almost a year. At least put yourself back in circulation. Go out, have some fun now and then."

"I have what I want right here," replied Jessica nodding to the sleeping Christopher.

"Okay, that may be enough... for now, but eventually you're going to need the companionship of an adult. You can't just play mommy the rest of your life."

"I have my son... and I feel as if I may be getting back Kenny as well... or at least a part of him."

"People don't come back from the dead, Jessica."

"What about their spirit?"

"It's memories, Jessica, memories. You had something great and you lost it. Now you're trying to recreate it. You're taking those beautiful memories and you're trying to superimpose them over the present. You're trying to create what isn't really there."

"I wish I could be as sure of that as you seem to be."

"Maybe what you need most of all is to relax. Do you realize you've been taking Christopher with you everywhere you go? You haven't had a night out since he was born. Do you understand the concept of a baby sitter?" asked her friend smiling.

"I just wouldn't feel right -- leaving him alone with someone else."

"Afraid you'll lose him too?"

"Do you really think that's what it is? -- why I can't seem to let him out of my sight?"

"Why else? Every mother loves her baby, but every mother needs some time for herself as well."

"I... I just don't know. Maybe it's just too soon -- after Kenny and all."

"Okay, but keep in mind that while Christopher will always be a major part of your life, he's not all of it. You need more."

"I'll think about it. I promise."

"In the meantime please don't start watching any of those phony TV psychics who claim they can talk to your dearly departed Uncle Henry or whatever."

Jessica laughed. "Hey I may be a bit stressed, but my I.Q. is still larger than my waist size."

"Okay. Give me a call if you need anything."

"You're a great friend, Donna."

"Friends don't let friends get morbid."

"It's not being morbid -- honest. It's like I've got a little piece of him back with me."

"Just remember what I said."

"I will -- and thanks."

With that Donna hugged her friend and let herself out the kitchen door.

But despite what her friend had advised, Jessica found herself bound more than ever to the child who had taken on even more importance than she ever thought possible. She told no one but Jessica began bringing Christopher to bed with her at night, allowing him to nurse whenever he wished. She was careful in public now, there would be no more incidents like at the park, but at night in the privacy of her own home was another matter. She would cradle him close to her and with his small mouth suckling her nipple the two would drop off to sleep. Another secret of hers was that several times now she had experienced wet dreams, awakening to an orgasm and the erotic stimulation of her son's mouth and hands. Each time she felt a sense of guilt, a sense that what was happening was somehow perverted, yet despite her intentions to wean the child to a bottle, she continued to wet nurse him.

She did buy a baby bottle and formula but Christopher would have none of either. Jessica then tried lactating into the bottle and feeding him her own milk, but again the child simply tossed the bottle aside and whined for his mother. Not at all disappointed, Jessica gladly went back to wet nursing him, both child and mother deriving much more pleasure from his feeding at her breast. Jessica knew she would eventually stop lactating and besides at almost ten months old it was time for the switch to baby food. Christopher did not seem to mind the introduction of solid foods as long as Jessica continued to allow him to suckle her. Although she wouldn't want to have admitted it to an adult, Jessica looked forward to nursing time as much as her son. More and more she found it erotically stimulating and she continued to orgasm frequently when Christopher was at her breast.

At ten and a half months her son uttered his first word which both shocked and delighted his mother. Jessica had been repeating "mama" to the child for a few weeks now but was taken completely aback when the first word from his small lips was "Jessie."

"Oh, come on Jessica," chided Marge good naturedly, "you can't really expect us to believe you didn't teach him..."

"I'm telling you I never once said my name to him other than 'mama.'"

"Well, you've had visitors. Perhaps he's heard them call your name enough to..."

"We both know that you and Allen and Donna are my only frequent visitors. He couldn't have heard my name said more than a few times at most." Marge started to say something but Jessica continued. "Besides, he said Jessie, not Jessica. No one but Kenny ever called me Jessie."

"Maybe that's just his baby way of pronouncing it."

"Come on Marge. You've heard him say it. He's saying Jessie."

"Are we back to this reincarnation thing again? Jessica, Honey, you've got to let go. As painful as it has been, Allen and I have come to terms with losing Kenny. You've got to do the same."

"And how can I when everything Christopher does and says tells me he's not only Kenny's son, but actually Kenny... or at least a part of him."

"I'm sorry Jessica, but it's obvious that you still have issues with accepting Kenny's death."

"But that's just it Marge, I do accept the fact that Kenny was killed in that plane crash. I know he's gone. It's just that... how do I explain what's happening with Christopher?"

"Grief, yearning and an overactive imagination."

"Yes, I'm still grieving and yes, I'd give anything to have Kenny back with me, but I also know I have to move on with my life. I don't know what lies ahead for my son and me, but I am not imagining these things, Marge."

"Time, Honey. Give it time. As Christopher gets older and begins to assume a unique identity of his own, these coincidences or whatever you want to call them will gradually diminish."

"I hope you're right. On the one hand it's wonderful to see so much of Kenny in Christopher, yet it's unnerving as well."

Marge smiled lovingly. "Just relax, everything will work itself out. In the meantime work on 'mama', okay?"

"Okay," replied Jessica returning the smile. "And thanks."

Despite her best efforts, however, Christopher continued to call her Jessie. She even tried deliberately excluding her name from his hearing and substituting and reinforcing "mama" to no avail. Jessie it was and, at last, she gave in. To her son she was Jessie. So be it.

It became a source of amusement to Donna and some other female friends who dropped by on occasion. They were of course convinced Jessica had taught Christopher the name and Jessica finally quit trying to convince them otherwise. It was simply easier to let them think what they would.

Christopher was soon walking and Jessica lost herself in her son and the happy, albeit isolated, life they shared. Birthdays came and went and both mother and child settled into a life together. Jessica continued to take the boy to her breast. She had long since stopped lactating, but neither mother nor child wanted the warmth and closeness to end. In truth, for Jessica, it became her only sexual outlet as well. She still refused to see other men even though Donna had tried, on more than one occasion, arranging a date for her. Jessica simply had no interest in anyone but her son.

But contrary to diminishing, the incidents involving her dead husband continued to not only occur, but increase.

When Christopher started to school, she had a talk with him about their shared time together when she took him to her breast and how it should remain their secret. He seemed to understand, but secret or no, every day when he returned from school he would no more than enter the house until he would call, "Jessie," look deeply into her eyes and the beautiful mother would sit in a favorite rocking chair, take the boy in her lap, unbutton her blouse and he would suckle her, often to orgasm. Jessica, of course, never let on that anything other than mother and child sharing a moment of bonding had taken place.

On his seventh birthday, Jessica threw a small party for the boy, inviting some of his classmates from school and a couple of neighborhood kids. There was the usual ice cream and cake, the unwrapping of presents, and games. After the other kids had gone home and Jessica was cleaning up, she was pleased when Christopher pitched in to help. They were clearing away the paper plates when she turned, smiled and asked, "Have a good time, Honey?"

"Sure, it was fun. But there was one thing I was hoping for that i didn't get."

"Oh, what was that?"

"A birthday kiss."

Jessica was a bit taken aback, but she smiled, bent over and kissed the boy lightly on the cheek.

"No, I mean a real kiss," he said, his eyes boring into her.

"Honey, I don't think..."

"Remember when I blew out all the candles on the cake?" She nodded. "Well, you said that meant I could have my birthday wish. I wished for a birthday kiss. A real birthday kiss."

"But Christopher, little boys don't kiss their mommies like grownups do."

"Why not? I love you."

"And I love you. But the love of a mommy and son is different from the love of a man and a woman."

"You're a woman. I'm a man."

"Well, you're on the way to being a man," she smiled.

"So, do I get my kiss? It's the only thing I've asked for."

"She frowned. "Didn't you like the electronic game I got for you?"

"Of course. It's a great present, but I didn't ask for it. The only thing I've asked for is that you kiss me -- really kiss me."

"Christopher, I don't want to disappoint you, but..." She saw the disappointment in his eyes which nearly broke her heart.

"If I... if I kiss you -- promise not to tell anyone? Other people just wouldn't understand."

"Promise."

"Just one, and just this once, okay?"

"I won't ask again," he replied.

She started to bend over to him but both realized how awkward that would be, so Jessica went to her knees bringing them eye to eye.

"Do you know how... ?" she started.

"I know how," he responded.

His arms went around her and Jessica found herself being pulled to him by a pair of surprisingly strong arms. She saw his eyes close as his mouth neared hers and she did the same. But the moment their lips met, her eyes popped open in shock. His lips were warm, wet and strong just like Kenny's and she had to remind herself this was her son not her husband whose kiss was so tender and sweet. Most disconcerting, however, was the way the boy's tongue began to taste her, gently playing on her lips, just as her husband used to do. Her son, only seven years old today, was kissing her in the same manner her long dead husband had done those many years ago. It was breathtaking and Jessica had to exert quite a bit of resolve to break away from those wonderfully warm lips.

"Christopher, where did you... ?" she started, but before she could say another word, he pulled her to him and his lips met hers once again. Her "no" was swallowed by their lip embrace and Jessica found herself on the defensive. She tried pushing away, but the boy held her fast. His tongue yearning for her to surrender a French kiss. The moment was electric. Despite herself, Jessica's eyes closed and, in her mind, she was again in the arms of a man gone for more than seven years. Again his tongue gently probed and, caught up in the moment as inappropriate as it might be, Jessica surrendered her mouth to him, their tongues caressing each other, both drinking heavily of the other. It was the arousal which brought her back to reality. With sudden determination Jessica broke the kiss and pushed back from the boy.

"Christopher! Where did you learn to kiss like that?"

"Did you enjoy it?" he asked, ignoring her question.

"I... yes... well, but that kind of kiss is just for grownups."

"Like the way Kenny used to..."

"How would you now about that?" she demanded.

"I know," was all he would answer.

Totally nonplussed, Jessica rose, grabbed some of the plates and started for the kitchen.

"I enjoyed kissing you, Jessie," he said. "You taste sweet, just like honeysuckle."

She spun to face him. "Where did you hear that?"

He simply looked at her and smiled. She felt her heart pound for that expression was exactly what Kenny had used to say. She turned and hurried into the kitchen. The mother was totally nonplussed for she could not understand how her seven year old son could kiss her just the way her husband once had; how he could use a phrase which only Kenny had used to describe the sweetness of her kisses, but perhaps most unnerving was the fact that Jessica's nipples were erect and her panties soaking.

It was not long after that electrifying encounter that Christopher returned from school and made a pronouncement.

"I don't want to be called Christopher any more. I want to be called Kenny."

Jessica was caught off guard. "But... why?"

"My name is Kenny. It's what I want you and everyone to call me from now on."

"But, Honey, what's wrong with the name Christopher?"

"There's nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't fit me. Kenny is a much more fitting name for me."

"But... that was your father's name."

"I know."

"But..."

"Why does it have to be a big deal? You wanted me to call you Jessie."

"Now wait a minute. You started calling me that from the time you said your first word. I had nothing to do with it."

"But you didn't tel me not to. You like being called Jessie. I can tell."

"That was a pet name your father used to call me. I guess I didn't object because it reminded me of your father so much."