Chapter 8

I woke up Sunday Morning with Jenny in my arms. I was quickly getting used to this. I would love to have this happen every morning for the rest of my life. Since it was Sunday, I didn't have to get up early for any special reason. I just held Jenny and watched her sleep. She had rolled over during the night and was now facing me.

It was some time before Jenny started to stir. When she opened her eyes, she was looking right into mine.

"Morning Love."

"Morning Mark. It feels nice to wake up in your arms."

"It feels wonderful to have you wake up in my arms."

"Thanks."

"Anytime my love." I placed a kiss on her forehead. I stopped while there to take in the aroma of her hair. I could lay there all day enjoying that wonderful smell.

"Well, if you don't mind, I need to use the bathroom. Could you let go of me please?"

I stuck out my lower lip and sounded like I was pouting when I said, "I guess." I moved my arms and let her up. Before she walked away, she returned my kiss and told me, "Thanks."

Since she had gotten up, I decided that I might as well do the same. I went downstairs and found Mom working on breakfast.

"Morning sleepyhead. Took you long enough. You're normally up early."

"I decided to enjoy cuddling Jenny."

"I don't blame you there. Actually, I'm a bit jealous of you in that respect. Your father hasn't been home in a while. I miss waking up in his arms the most."

"Do you know when he will be home?"

"I'm not sure. He has been very busy for the last 2 weeks. He said that it was something big, we would be happy and life was going to get easy. I'm not sure what he meant, but I'm certain that we'll find out when he gets home."

"I hope that it is soon. I miss him."

"Why don't you get your sister and Jenny and tell them to come down for breakfast. It should be ready by the time you get back."

"Ok."

I went upstairs to find Erin sitting in her room reading. I knocked on the door.

"Breakfast."

"Ok, I'll be down in a moment."

I started for Jenny's room. I stopped at the bathroom when I heard the shower. I knocked on the door.

"I'll be done in moment."

"Breakfast is almost ready."

"Oh, sorry. I'll be down in a moment."

I went back downstairs and helped Mom set the table. I sat down just as Erin came down.

"Morning Mark, Mom. Where's Jenny?"

"In the shower."

"Ok. What's for breakfast?"

"French Toast."

"Goodie."

Jenny came down a moment later, still drying her hair. She came over and sat down in the chair next to mine.

"This is definitely one of the best parts of being here, breakfast."

I looked at her curiously, "Didn't you eat at home?"

"Of course we ate. It's just that Jan and I had to fend for ourselves." She suddenly got a sad look on her face.

"What's wrong honey?"

"I just hope Jan is doing ok. I didn't get a chance to talk to her yesterday."

Erin then added, "She has been spending most of the time at Karen's house. She misses you so much being home. She wants to visit, but your mom is being a bitch about it."

Jenny got up and went over to Erin, wrapping her arms around her. "Thanks Erin. Give this to Jan when you see her please."

"I will."

We devoured our breakfast and the 3 of us worked on washing dishes and cleaning up while Mom took her turn at eating. Once that was done, Erin left for the Emerson's house and Jenny and I went outside and relaxed on the patio. About 10 minutes later, Mom joined us.

"I need to talk to you guys while I have you alone."

"What's up Mom?"

"Well, for starters, you both have counseling appointments tomorrow."

This had both Jenny and me groaning.

"I know neither of you like that idea, but it is needed. I don't want you running off tomorrow before we need to be there."

"Ok Mom. We'll be here."

"Good. I also need to talk to you about the current living arrangements. I know I've talked to you about this Mark, but I need to talk to you together. Jenny, is there something that I need to know?"

"What do you mean Mrs. Andrews?"

"I know the past 2 mornings that you woke up in Mark's room. I hope that this will not create a problem. You should be in your own beds."

"Nothing has happened Mrs. Andrews."

"Call me Mom please."

"Sorry Mom. I just feel more comfortable in Mark's arms at night. That is as far as we've gone."

"I don't want to see you two jump into something that you're not ready for. That could lead to some other problems."

I was the first to reply, "Mom, I'm not ready for that stuff yet."

Jenny's responded, "Mom, the only reason that I did anything like that was because I was held down and forced. To be honest, I'm not ready for that either."

"I want you two to be careful. Erin is in the house and I'm worried about how she sees things. You will have the rest of your lives for that. I don't want you to start rushing things. It will become a bigger problem with you living under the same roof if you do."

"I'm not ready for that with Jenny or anyone else Mom. Don't worry."

"Mark, it's my job to worry." That comment got a chuckle out of Jenny. Mom turned to her, "And since I am your legal guardian now, it's my job to worry about you as well."

"We're in no hurry Mom. I've just enjoyed being held at night. I don't know, I guess I just feel safe when Mark's holding me."

"Just make certain that you don't do something stupid. Taking any relationship to that next step also brings consequences that can never be reversed. Enjoy what you have now."

Jenny and I both responded, "Ok Mom. I understand"

Mom gave us both a hug and left. I just sat there thinking about what she had told us. I had thought about sex often. I mean, what 15 year old boy didn't think about it. I just felt scared to go there. I dreamt of doing it with Jenny, but I could never bring myself to actually try anything. Jenny hasn't indicated a willingness to go there either.

"Mark, I know what your mom is talking about. I know that the only sex I've had was rape, but I know how my relationship with Ryan changed because of it. I've heard from several other friends the same thing. It takes the relationship to another level that is more wonderful. The problem is, if the relationship crumbles, it's gone for good."

"I'm in no hurry Jenny. I lost you once. I don't want to take a chance that it could happen again."

"Thanks Mark." She stepped over and gave me a hug. I just enjoyed having her close.

We lounged around the rest of the morning. After lunch, I asked her to take a walk with me. We started down the trail again when she stopped in the same place as she had yesterday.

"Jenny, are you ok?"

She shook her head. It appeared that she couldn't talk.

I put my arms around her and held her tightly. "Relax Honey, I'm right here. You're going to be fine. I won't let anything happen to you."

I just held on to her for a few minutes. She was crying. I started out as a bit of a sob and worked it way up to full bore cry.

"How could I do that do myself?"

"It's Ok Jenny. I stopped you from hurting yourself then and I will not let that happen again."

She turned and buried her face into my chest crying. I knew that she still hadn't fully come to grips with her suicide attempt. I didn't think that she had forgiven herself for that yet. After a few minutes, I she calmed down some.

"Jenny, talk to me love. How is this place bothering you? I know you weren't attacked."

She stepped back and stuck out her wrist displaying the scar.

"This is where I did this to myself. It hurt like hell."

"Come here. We need to talk about this. Just remember, you have nothing to fear. There is nothing that will hurt you."

"I know."

I walked her over to the place where I found her. I never realized it, but the knife that she used was still there. It must have dropped when I picked her up. I wasn't going to touch it now.

"Jenny, what were you thinking when you used that?"

It took her a moment to calm down enough to speak. She wiped her eyes and started talking.

"I was sitting there thinking that nobody cared. My Mom was such a bitch, I knew she would flip if she found out about the baby. I thought about Ryan and how he no longer gave a damn about me now that he got what he wanted. Then, I did it. I took the knife and reached over and did my left wrist first. It hurt badly. I tried to do the other one, but my left was no longer strong enough. I just leaned back against the tree and thought about how I wished someone cared. Things just faded to black. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with you sitting next to me."

She started sobbing again. She turned and buried her face into again.

"Oh Mark, How could I do that to myself, to my baby. Thank you for being there to keep me from succeeding and making that huge mistake."

I pulled her face from my chest and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Jenny my love. You mean so much to me. I can't even begin to tell you how much. I was not feeling much better about myself either. When we stopped hanging out, I stopped dealing with the world. You tried to kill yourself, I tried to hide from the world. We both were having trouble handling our problems. I should have never left you the way I did. I just didn't see any other way without looking like an idiot."

"I should have chased after you. At least I should have come over and found out how you were doing. <sniff> It seems like we both forgot about what was important."

We just stood there for about a half hour crying in each other's arms. I think we dehydrated ourselves with our crying. When we finally finished our talk, we both felt much better.

We walked over to the corner store to get ourselves some sodas. We stopped at the picnic area that was on the other side of the woods and sat down to enjoy our drinks. I could see that look in Jenny's face that just tells the world that a huge weight had been lifted. I think we both felt that way. We finished our drinks and started to walk back home, holding hands. It felt good.