Chapter 3

I was getting up every morning early anyway. Even though the fire wood delivery business and the furniture wood business were almost totally phased out, I still liked to drive over to Billy's to shoot the breeze with him while he worked. Most mornings, he and I would go out to breakfast together, and then go look at property for sale. Sometimes, I was the one showing him something that Ray had found that we were either buying or interested in buying. Sometimes it was Billy showing me something that he was looking into, or something that he had already purchased. A few times, the three of us had decided to go into something together, but not often.

"Cuz, one of the things I learned up in New Haven is that I'm out of shape. I need to quit smoking and drinking and start taking care of myself better." Billy looked over at me and smiled.

"Don't go telling Theresa any of that Jackie, please. She already thinks I need to cut back on everything that I like to eat, drink or smoke. If she gets her way, I'll be still alive when I'm a hundred. Of course, I won't have had one minute of fun or enjoyed myself, but I'll still be alive." Even after all the years they'd been together, Teri still doted on Billy. It caused her real pain to see Billy doing anything that she thought was bad for him.

"I thought you might like to start running with me in the mornings out here where there isn't so much traffic and exhaust smoke. Hell we both get up early anyway. May as well do something better than just sit around smoking and telling each other how hard life is. I'm going running anyway Billy, I just thought I'd let you know that you're welcome to join me."

"Ellen said that you'd go right back up there again and tangle with that guy in New Haven. She knows you pretty good Jackie. She asked Theresa to tell her if she heard you were doing anything like that. Is this what that's all about? The running and the quitting smoking?"

"Look Billy, I'm going running, that's all. You want to come, or you want to stand around asking me a bunch of stupid questions?"

"Three miles, from here to the Sunoco station. I measured it with the odometer on my truck. Fifty bucks says I can run, walk or crawl there before you can. First one to touch the soda machine. What do you say, are we on?" I wouldn't have taken the bet if it was my brother Ray, because he was fast and could still run. He jogged a couple days a week, even at forty. Billy wasn't fast, never had been, and he smoked and drank as much as I did, plus he was a couple years older than I was. I hadn't walked three miles in one uninterrupted trip in many years. I knew Billy wouldn't offer to bet me if he didn't think he could win the bet. I decided to pass up the bet.

"I'd bet you for one mile Billy, but not for three. I'm just getting started. For all I know you've been out running every morning since you moved out here." I didn't want him to accept that bet either, but I had to say something to try not to look like too big of a wimp to him.

"You go ahead then and just run by yourself Jackie. I'm not running for free, I can assure you of that. Plus, I can't even get myself warmed up in one mile. You let me know when you think you can beat me running to the Sunoco station for fifty bucks. Until then, I'll stick around here and smoke and enjoy Theresa's coffee." I smiled at him, happy that he hadn't accepted my challenge for a one mile race. I went to my car and stripped off my pants and sweat shirt. I was wearing a tee shirt, running shorts and my sneakers. I took off, jogging back down to the front of Billy's property, planning on trying to see if I could possibly make it to the Sunoco station. I did make it around to the road in front of his farm and another quarter mile before I had to stop and puke up the coffee I'd had to drink on the way over to Billy's. I was sure glad he wasn't there with me to see that. I decided to walk another quarter mile before turning back and walking back to my car. I decided that that was enough for the first day. It was a mile after all, not that bad for a first effort. Billy asked me if I wanted to go out and get something for breakfast when I came jogging back up the road to his farm.

"Sorry, Billy I just don't have the time today. I need to get over to see Ray and give him an answer about that deal he wants to do over in Poquonnock. You know how antsy he gets if I don't give him a quick answer." I really wanted to go see my father and find out if he had any ideas on what I might try to do to regain my wind and stamina.

"Okay, Cuz. Remember what I told you about betting fifty on the run to the Sunoco. Let me know when you're ready." I drove back over to the Groton side of the river, and made my way over to Ray's house. I saw my father out in the back pushing a hand mower, so I went over to watch him working.

"Hey Yutch, you still not smoking?" It had only been one day. Didn't anyone have any faith in my will power?

"I was just over to Billy's farm and I went for a run. I hadn't jogged much past his driveway when I puked out my coffee. Do you think I'm too far gone to get into some kind of reasonable shape?"

"Reasonable shape? You're already in reasonable shape. You mean get back to like you were at twenty five or thirty years old. Yutch, you can do it if you're willing to put in the work. I just don't know why you'd ever want to. It isn't a question of being in shape you know? Hell you're already in better physical shape than that guy up in New Haven. Being in shape isn't going to get the job done with him. The only chance you have is if you need to win more than he does. Or, if you somehow get damn lucky. I wouldn't count on getting lucky either if I was you. That just leaves needing to win more than him."

"What would I need to do to be able to give him my best? The best that I can be at least, not necessarily the best I ever was."

"You'd need something to fight for Yutch. A reason that was so important to you that you couldn't focus on anything else. And you're not going to get that. You're set right now, for life if you don't get stupid. There's nothing up in New Haven that you need from that guy. Nothing important enough to go back up there and risk getting your brains scrambled for. Just let it go and chalk that ten thousand up to a small mistake in judgment."

"Maybe you're right pop, but I feel like I need to go back there. I've already tried a hundred times to figure out some way I can just say fuck it, and walk away, but there isn't any way." My dad just shook his head at me and started back in with the lawn mower. He turned back after he'd gone ten feet or so.

"Yutch, you'd be better off if you kept looking for a way to just let it alone. Nothing good will come of it. That guy is better than you. Even if you could improve enough to beat him, it wouldn't be worth all that you'd have to put yourself through." I watched him work that mower for awhile, wondering why he didn't get Ray to buy a sit down riding mower for him to use. I finally went in to see my mother, to see if she had anything for me to eat. Of course, my father had already told her what I'd said to him the day before.

"Jackie, sometimes I think you must have gotten dropped on your head when you were a baby. When you come up with these stupid ideas, you remind me so much of your father. He'd do things that made absolutely no sense to anyone but himself, and then, after, he'd whine about how nobody had tried to stop him. Fighting that guy once, I can see why you thought you could beat him. He doesn't look so tough. Now that he showed you how tough he is, you going back up there makes no sense at all. Ellen already called me you know? She already thinks you're going to go back up there and do it all again. I'm supposed to call her if I find out anything. Tell me you won't go back there and I won't call her." I wondered how many people Ellen had called about this. If she called Teri and my mother, she probably talked with Sandy and Annie too.

"Call her if you want to, I don't care. If she starts in on me, that'll just make me that much more determined to go through with it anyway."

To hell with breakfast anyway I thought, I'd just stop by to see Ray and then I'd head home for breakfast. I left my mother standing there and went over to the big house to see Ray. Sandy was already making Ray breakfast and said an extra plate wouldn't pose any problem to her. When she sat down a plate filled with chipped beef on toast, I wished that I'd asked her what she was cooking first. For some reason Ray liked shit on a shingle, said it was one of his favorites in the Army. It is funny because most guys, at least the ones who'd served in the military, wouldn't eat chipped beef on toast. My father used to buy Spam for us kids, but he never ate that himself. He said that he'd made himself a promise that if he lived through the damn war he'd never eat Spam again. When I was a kid, I used to wonder why he thought his family would like Spam any more than he had.