Chapter 4

By the time school let out on Monday, I had pretty well planned out what I wanted June to agree to if she wanted me to reenact the earlier session she'd watched me have with Debbie. I'd had the whole weekend to think about her phone call and to go over in my mind everything she had said to me. I caught up with June on the sidewalk out in front of our school. She had been talking with Sarah Johnson. a stuck up rich kid who thought she was better than everyone else. One of the things I liked best about June was that she wasn't stuck up, and she didn't look down her nose at those of us who came from the other, poorer, side of town. As soon as she saw me heading her way, June said something to Sarah and stepped away from her and began making her way over to me.

"Hi Jackie. If you can walk me home today, I thought we could talk on the way." I fell into stride alongside her and we started off in the direction of her house. I was a little familiar with her area of town, because all of us kids from the projects used to go there for Halloween trick or treating. Rich people gave out the best treats. I had stopped going out a couple years before, but I still remembered where June lived. Her parents gave out nickel candy bars every year, which was good, even by rich people's standards. "Did you think about what we talked about Jackie? Coming over to Debbie's house and helping us study again?"

"Sure, I thought about it a lot. The only problem is that I like you better than Debbie, but you like Jimmy."

"I don't like Jimmy like you think Jackie. I do like some of the things he says to me, but I only let him do things after I get hot from other stuff. Like watching you and Debbie those times." She was almost whispering to me as she talked. She was uncomfortable saying those things to me. "It's the watching that gets me hot. Do you think I'm too weird?" I did think she was too weird. How could anybody enjoy the watching more than the doing? I guess at the age I was then, I thought that the physical act was far more exciting than mental stimulation could ever be.

"Do you just get hot when you see other people making out?"

"No, I can get real hot from thinking about stuff, or when I touch myself while I'm thinking about stuff. Debbie, she told me that she gets a lot hotter if someone else is watching her do things. She likes to show off that way. I pretend sometimes that I'm her, and doing all the things that she does. That really makes me hot, like that time we were at Debbie's. You saw how hot I got." She was blushing, not able to lift her head and even look at me while she made, what I'm sure she believed was, her confession. "I don't know why, but I think about you and Debbie, and that day, all the time now."

"What would happen if you and I just did what Debbie and I did?" I think I expected her to say that she was hoping that I'd want to do that, and the idea of me doing it to her was what really turned her on.

"That isn't what I want. I want to see you and Debbie again. Just like before. Only, maybe this time, when you're done with Debbie, you could do me with your mouth too? Not the other thing though, just with your mouth." I knew what I was going to say. Perhaps it was that same unexplainable impulse that I'd had that day with my father, after he had slapped me for calling Jimmy an asshole. I knew that what I was going to say would probably wind up assuring me of not getting what June was already offering me. I just didn't have the self control or the will necessary to prevent myself from saying it.

"I don't think that's a fair deal June. You get what you want, and I wind up with nothing good for me." She looked up at me, obviously surprised by what I'd just said to her. Like me, I was sure that she'd practiced this conversation many times in her head. I'm sure that she had been convinced that I'd fall all over myself to take her up on her offer. I probably would have too, almost every time, except that she was so different than anyone else I'd ever been exposed to. I couldn't understand the thrill she got from just watching.

"Didn't you enjoy yourself that time with Debbie?" She was curious, and that was an honest question.

"Sure, I liked it a lot. I can do the same thing with Debbie, by myself though, without any audience. I'm not the one who likes having an audience, that's Debbie."

"So, you don't want me there watching you two?"

"I don't mind it, really. It just seems to me that you should have to give up something as payment for getting something that you want. That would be more fair."

"I said you could do me with your tongue, isn't that enough?"

"No, that's something that you want to have happen, especially after watching Debbie and I do things for awhile. I'm talking about what you'll let me do beforehand, as payment for me doing what you want me to do with you and Debbie."

"Well, never mind then. We'll just ask Jimmy. I'm sure that he won't have any silly objections like you do." She flounced off in a huff, and I stopped and let her go. On the walk back home, I couldn't resist calling myself every name in the book. How dumb could one guy be? I couldn't have screwed that up any worse, if I'd deliberately set out to do so. Well, Jimmy was going to gain by my stupidity, and that was the most galling thing of all. I was in a foul mood when I got home, and I'm glad that my father wasn't home, because I might have said something stupid to him, just to get him to pop me one like I felt I deserved.