Chapter 7

Gayle stood and walked around to the other side of the bed, crawling onto the mattress next to me. I turned to face her, and together we lay side by side, gently caressing the other. But soon, our hands began further exploring, winding their way down our bodies, and, as if by instinct, we both raised our legs, allowing the other access. We scooted closer, closer until the tips of our breasts touched and we could feel the heavy breathing of the other person sweep across our cheek. As I curled my fingers around her warm sex, carefully rubbing my palm against her, her hand slithered up my torso, landing on my face. Then she closed her eyes and pushed her lips to mine.

We kissed softly.

"I love you," she whispered and kissed me again, pressing her tongue between my teeth. I pursed my lips around it and sucked, and we both moaned. Gayle moved her waist closer to mine, causing one of my fingers to lodge at the mouth of her vagina. She suddenly exhaled hard on my face, and her body went rigid, as her hand gripped the back of my neck and pulled me closer.

"Yes," she sighed heavily, gently pushing her hips against my hand, slipping my finger deeper into her body. It was the first time I'd ever been inside another person, and it felt so absolutely foreign to me. All my life, when my hand came between another's legs, there was something for me to hold onto, something to grasp, something long and rigid, an outward expression of their desire for me. I didn't have to guess and wonder about their feelings. Their body was telling me. Telling me, at least, there was a carnal lust, but not how they felt about me as a person. It didn't mean he loved me, only that he was sexually aroused. When I came home with the man I'd met at the bar, he kept telling me to make a noise, some sort of indication that he was pleasing me, but all I could do was grunt, though not because I relished what he was doing, but because I found no pleasure in being used to satiate his sexual longings. I moaned and grunted only because I wanted it to end.

I tried to turn my gaze down between us, down to where my finger penetrated her body. Gayle was taking short, quick breaths, clinging to me and holding her head far back, stretching her slender neck. She seemed on fire, the inside of her body so very warm, almost hot to the touch. And then I started sweating, wondering if this was only a carnal lust she had for me, saying she loved me, but meaning my body and how she found sexual pleasure in it. But it didn't seem right. It didn't make sense. This was unimaginably different what we were doing. It was nothing like the mere simple act of intercourse I had with that empty man.

I slipped another finger into her and she gasped again, her body jerking tightly and her fingernails digging into my back. I carefully pulled away from Gayle, but kept my fingers inside her vagina, curling them and letting the tips massage her soft walls. And, as if paralyzed, her body remained taut, when she rolled onto her back, her head still craned and her jaw hanging open.

I gazed down her body. Her small breasts laid almost flat, only the sharp nipples breaking the plain of her chest, and her ribs pushed through her skin, as her stomach hollowed in and out every time she breathed. And her knees were pulled back and spread wide.

"Fuck me," she gasped wearily.

I looked to her face, but her eyes were still closed, her full lips pursed in a tight circle. And, like her stomach, her cheeks puffed with every breath.

"Please," she pleaded.

My heart started beating faster, my eyes darting up and down her body. The hand between her legs began moving quicker, desperately trying to stimulate her, pushing as deep into her body as it could, smearing its wet palm against her mound, seeking out her tiny point of pleasure. Gayle suddenly gasped and stuttered. She was trying to speak. Her hands instantly flew to mine, clasping it and pumping it in and out of her vagina.

"Oh Christ!" she cried, arching her back far off the bed and thrusting her hips upward.

My eyes went wide and my heart fluttered wildly. I sat up quickly and leaned over her torso, pushing my mouth to a nipple, sucking the tiny stub, raking my teeth over it, chewing and biting. We were both crying and moaning loudly. Her hand furiously worked mine between her legs, stabbing herself with it, grunting with each thrust. On the outward stroke, I slipped two more fingers into the path, and when she felt the added girth enter her body, Gayle's back suddenly dropped and she shot upright until she was nearly sitting. She wrapped her arm around my head, holding my mouth to her breast, her long hair tousled all about my face, while together we worked my hand into her as she sat on it, grinding her hips and trying to bounce up and down.

Gayle's face was resting on my forehead. She was panting hard, her sweet breath washing down across me, and her voice almost vacant, as she squeaked and blubbered my name, cursing and crying at the same time. She brought both hands around my body and held me tightly to her, as she rocked us back and forth.

"oh... oh, Jesus... oh my god..."

I pushed my free hand between us and pinched the plump flesh of her breast, sucking it into my open mouth. Gayle groaned above and kissed my forehead, all the while riding my hand in a frenzy.

"God, that feels so good," she whimpered.

It sounded almost as if she was crying, and I carefully released my grip on her breast, easing her back onto the pillows again. As I sat up, I looked to her face and saw tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes but tiny shimmering slits. She tried to smile, but only choked and coughed. I pulled my hand from between her legs and leaned closer, thinking I had somehow hurt her.

"You ok?" I asked nervously.

Gayle's lips formed another small circle, as she tried to catch her breath and smile at the same time. Her head slowly jittered up and down, while her body continued to spasm and tremble. Then she took my hand in hers and pulled it to her face. Her hands were visibly shaking, but she was still trying to smile. She gingerly kissed my hand, the one that had been inside her body, and then placed it against her cheek, holding it in place with both of hers and closing her eyes with an exhausted sigh.

Half an hour later, we stood together in the shower once more, but this time without the trepidation that had plagued us before. We openly kissed and embraced under the water, and, though weary, seemingly charged with a new sense of energy, a different type altogether. Our bodies were weak, but our minds full of life.

Afterwards, we walked back to the bedroom and climbed into bed, falling asleep next to one another. It was the first time in so long that I felt like my old self again, the person I had once been in the not so distant past. It felt good to be back amongst the living.

In the morning, I awoke groggy and my body aching, but still retaining that same sense of newness. I stretched and smiled and looked to Gayle's side of the bed. She wasn't there. I exhaled with a long sigh, as my body relaxed, and then I pushed myself up and forced my legs to carry me to the door.

As I crept down the hallway, I could see the light of day flooding into the living room ahead. The television was on, but playing softly. Moving closer, I first saw her arm, then the side of her face and shoulders, as she sat curled up on a reclining chair. Gayle was resting her head against her elbow and watching television, when I stepped into view. From the corner of her eye, she saw me and lifted her head, turning and giving me a warm smile.

"Morning, sleepy," she said softly, taking a sip from a mug she held in her hand.

I shaded my eyes from the light and smile.

"Hey," I whispered, stepping over to her.

Gayle picked up the remote control from her lap and pointed it toward the television. I looked over and watched as she lowered the volume, and then kneeled on the floor in front of her, placing a hand on her leg.

"Get enough sleep?" she asked, blowing over the top of her mug and taking another drink.

I nodded. "What time is it?" I asked, brushing the hair from my eyes and looking about the room.

"Almost noon," she replied.

Groaning, I dropped my face to the cushion of her chair, rolling my head from side to side.

"God, I'm beat," I sighed with a chuckle.

I lifted my head and she smiled again.

"Me, too," she replied.

Her legs still curled up on the chair, I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her knee, then rested my chin on it, grinning up at her.

A short time later, we were in her bedroom getting dressed. As I sat on the edge of the bed tying my shoes, she stood by her dresser, pushing her arms into a sweater and pulling it down over her head. Then she turned and reached up behind her head, fluffing her hair and tying it into a ponytail.

"I want you to do something for me," she said with her chin pulled down to her neck, as she fumbled with a rubber band in her hair.

"What's that?" I replied, dropping my foot to the floor and clapping my hands to my knees happily.

Gayle brought her hands down and brushed them together, and then placed them behind her on the dresser and leaned back. My smile quickly faded, when I saw the expression on her face, something of a serious nature in it. I swallowed and watched, as her eyes dropped to the floor and she draped one foot over the other.

"You're not a lesbian," she said softly. "And I understand that. But I want you to know something, Jess." Then she raised her eyes to mine, and I quickly nodded, rubbing my hands on my knees. Gayle cleared her throat and folded her arms.

"I need to be very clear on this," she stated firmly. Then she paused and took a deep breath, saying, "I'm not interested in a one night stand."

I blinked and nodded. "Ok," I mumbled nervously.

She kept staring straight at me, unflinching.

"But you're not a lesbian," she replied in a tone I'd used at school many times or at home with my daughter.

My fingers gripped my knees and I nodded again.

"I know," I quietly said.

She took another breath and looked down at the floor. Gayle turned her eyes up to mine and twisted her lips from side to side, as if she were mulling something over.

"Do you?" she asked.

I held my palms up plaintively. "Gayle," I said. "Look... Yeah, I under-..."

But she waved her hand and cut me off.

"No, I don't think you do," she said. "Listen to what I'm saying, ok?"

I shrugged and dropped my hands with a huff, darting my eyes around the room, a little confused by her sudden change in demeanor.

"Gayle, I..."

"You're not a lesbian," she said sternly, leaning forward.

My heart was pounding, and I felt myself on the verge of tears.

"You know what I'm saying?" she said. "You're not a lesbian, and I am, and I'm not interested in a one night stand or hiding behind a curtain, sneaking around with you, hoping your neighbors or the people you work with don't see us together. I'm a lesbian and I don't give a shit who knows it. But you're not. See the problem?"

A tear started rolling down my cheek, and I reached up, quickly wiping it away.

"I know," I mumbled, trying hard not to burst into tears. But my emotions took control, and the gates were opened. Tears started streaming down my face and my mouth contorted.