Chapter 15: Friday After School

Fortunately, the location for taking both the Bonded Courier test and the Notary Public test was the same: the county clerk's office. Unfortunately the office closed at five, each test was an hour, and I arrived at three thirty. So what the hell, I started with the Bonded Courier test and handed it in at five to four.

"Tough test, eh?" the smiling testing administrator asked my right tit.

"Not so bad," I replied. "Can I take the Notary Public test now? There's still a full hour available."

"It's your fifty bucks. You want to charge the same account?" he asked the left.

"Sure," I replied, punching the approval into my PDA. Then the guy handed me the test and I disappeared into the testing room. At four fifteen I gave him the answer sheet.

"Something's wrong here. You only got one wrong on the Bonded Courier test," the guy claimed.

"Yeah, I was afraid of that," I explained. "A sunset clause in section 137.34a of the state revised statutes took effect last month and that affects the answer to question 112. You probably need to update your scoring key."

"Well, it's very suspicious," the guy insisted. "Especially with the short time. No one ever finishes the entire test that fast. Hmm. You got a hundred percent on the Notary Public test, and that test purposely takes more than an hour to complete. How do you explain this?"

"There's nothing up my sleeve," I assured him.

"Come with me," he insisted, motioning toward the testing room. There, he verified that the blocking signal kept my PDA stone cold dead.

"Well, it looks as if you passed. I'm going to hold this until we check it out, though. If anything comes up, we'll let you know. We have cameras in there, you know."

"As if I'm hiding anything," I sighed. "I have another appointment in five minutes. Can I go? You've got my number, right?"

"Oh sure," he replied, and then I split and tried not to think about how and where he might be reviewing those videotapes. I could feel his eyeballs on my butt cheeks.

Time was short but to my advantage the county land offices weren't far from the county clerk's. I was halfway there when a call arrived from Reb.

"Hey kid, how's it going?" she began. "Magic and I have been lookin' around town and so far we're likin' it. You figure this Averill Overdale character would go for a consignment rollover?"

"I don't know her that well, Reb. You gotta remember I've been keepin' under the radar here. Maybe too far under. I'll check her out though. Clambake time, right?"

"Yeah, that's what we said. Who's bringin' the clams?"

"Beats me. I figured everyone would eat before they came. You need a hand?"

"No, but I ran into Digger Topp today. He's feelin' kinda left out of this little drive-around of yours tomorrow. Is there a reason for that?"

"No, I just didn't know he was in town. I was under the radar, that's all. Where'd you find him?"

"Two places. Oz Trailer is a drive-though for ordinary folks. Topp's Down Under is for the uppity types. You know, he's always done good and played straight with us..."

"Yeah, I know. I'll give him a call. Right now, in fact. Gotta run. No time. Later. Bang!"

"Bang!" Reb replied, and then she transferred the call directly to Digger Topp. If anything, he was ruddier and cheerier than ever.

"Viv, ya' ol' Sheila! Where ya' been hidin' y'self?" he bellowed in his characteristic Aussie twang.

"Hidin's the word," I agreed. "I had no idea you were here."

"Well, 'ere we are now anyway, eh? So what's this about some clams t'night and a little dirt runnin' tamarrah?"

"If ya' wannna pay a visit, we'd love to have ya'," I offered. "Sorry this comes so late. Can you get supplies?"

"A swarm o' crocodoyles couldn't 'top me," Digger claimed. "She'll be royght and that's fair dinkum, it is."

Actually, it was four twenty-nine and I was just pulling into a parking space at the county land office. "OK, Digger, sounds great. Look, I gotta do some business right now. I'll see you later, OK?"

"Yeah, sure, do ya' bizzo. No spew here. Hooroo, then, and Bang!"

"Bang! for sure. See you later," I told him. I closed the connection and rushed inside.

Already a minute late I hurriedly asked the receptionist where the meeting with VAN Enterprise was scheduled. Fortunately it seemed to be on her agenda and she pointed me to a nearby conference room.

Dan, Nadia, Lucy Lasstic, and Edgar Robinsong were already there, plus a bored-looking civil servant named Marvin Vandeleese. Edgar was beaming and I took that to mean things were going our way. I wasn't far wrong.

"As I was just explaining to the others," Vandeleese told my right tit, "The property you asked about is technically considered excess and unusable. You can thank Mr. Robinsong for pointing this out. The Settlers and Miners Act of 1903 requires the government to dispose of such land at the rate of four hundred dollars an acre. The property is roughly two sections, twelve hundred and eighty acres, so your cost would be about half a million dollars. I can't overemphasize what a bargain that is. When the board of supervisors hears about this, they'll undoubtedly repeal or supersede the act."

"Wait a minute. Is that a lease or a purchase?" Nadia asked.

"It turns out that under the Settlers and Miners Act, we can purchase the property for less than the lease cost," Edgar explained. "It's really a slick deal. Thank Ozie Bogswamp, too. Best phone call I ever made."

"Where are we going to get half a million dollars?" I asked aloud.

"No problem," Lucy explained. "I know half a dozen ways of financing this deal. All we need today is $5,000 earnest money. Nadia, Vivian, are you going to split that?"

"I suggest you jump on this," Vandeleese recommended. "If you wait until the Settlers and Miners Act is off the books, which is probably Monday, the price will increase substantially."

Nadia and I stared at each other and sighed. That five thousand from the commercials at Dhrystone Lake sure didn't seem like much anymore. We'd probably spend the rest in the course of the weekend. Oh well. Lucy had the paperwork ready to go. We signed it, then Lucy signed a check for five thousand, then we spent the next hour signing enough papers to fill a filing cabinet. Two if you counted the county's copies and ours.

"Good luck," Vandeleese wished us, and then he left with the front lobby receptionist and a road worker wearing a hard hat and an orange and black bikini top. Lucy and Edgar called Ozie Bogswamp and made plans to meet at Edgar's office, where he'd store the land documents in his safe. Nadia, Dan, and I headed for Bushman's. What the hell; it was Friday the thirteenth. Nadia drove first.

We sorta took the long way to Bushman's but still got there by six o'clock. Naturally, things were already out of control.

Digger Topp had pulled up in his barbie wagon, which was basically the world's largest open fire barbeque grill welded onto a fifty-foot low-platform semi trailer. Digger was filling the first grill segment with coals and hardwood chips and Bushie was yelling at him to move the trailer away from the front of the store.

"Was this your idea?" Bushman asked me harshly.

"Well, I wasn't expecting this exactly but yeah, Digger here offered us some dinner and I told him it would be OK."

"Dinner for you and what army?" Bushman asked. "Look at the size of that thing! Where does he refrigerate all the meat and vegetables?"

As a matter of fact, I knew Digger would be hauling in two more semi trailers by morning: a standard refrigerated unit full of perishables and another low-platform with the salad bar, desert bar, cashier, and dry goods. Somehow, though, it seemed better to mention those details another time.

"It looks like he brought a few things with him," I observed instead. "I'll ask him to move the semi and then let's see what he's got."

"If he pulls forward he's going to block the tire store," Bushman observed. "If he backs up, he'll block the potpourri boutique. Have him pull across the street."

"That's the park. It's No Parking over there," I pointed out uselessly. Bushman knew it better than I.

"Nobody's using the park this time of day. If the police come and someone's with the vehicle, they don't give a ticket; they just tell 'em to move. Anyway, that's his problem, not mine. I'm not the one using a semi to grill a few hot dogs," Bushman grumbled.

Digger wasn't much more charitable. "'E's a noisy bludger, idn't 'e?" Digger remarked. He did move the barbie wagon, though, and then he waved Bushman over for a taste. Somehow in there the No Parking signs got lost.

"We got shrimp, steak, coral trout, queen fish, shark, swordfish, and lobster, all right off the barbie," Digger announced. "Fresh veggies and grilled. Selection of fruit for dessert: avocados, mangos, coconuts, papaya. 'Course, we'll have much more tamarrah. Don't be a sook now. Bog in!"

"Tomorrow?" Bushman asked me.

"You said some food stands would be OK," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but this... You said stands. How many more?"

"Uh, like, about seven," I replied softly, as if to make the number less. "They're not all this size."

Bushman mumbled something about sending most of them home, and then he grabbed one of Digger's steaks. Digger added two more, then a dozen shrimps, a few lobsters, and a bucket of dipping sauces, veggies, and fruits. Bushman thanked him, looked around as if wondering what planet he was on, and then went inside to eat.

"Odd one, idn't 'e?" Digger remarked.

"Give it a couple of days," I told Digger, hoping desperately I was right.

Bushman's brother Willy was standing near the test track giving orders to four bulldozers at once. The track was definitely up to spec, though, and I told Wily I was impressed. He promised to be done by seven thirty, and to leave his generators and work lights over the weekend in case we needed them.

At six thirty, clambake time, nine of us had a quiet meeting in Bushman's break room. Bushman and Ollie sat with Reb, Magic and Crystal sat with Ben, and Nadia and I sat with Dan. These were the insiders who knew about Shallow Chasm. Fiona Fledermaus, Bushman's clerk, was watching the register. She'd agreed that if anyone else arrived before seven, she would send them out to Digger's barbie wagon.

First and foremost, I stressed that no one was supposed to talk about the chasm on Saturday. Bushman said the factory reps from Dunemaster, Ultimate Dirt, and Sandworms Inc. would be out there at nine Sunday morning, and I urged everyone else to be there at the same time. If anyone needed a ride or didn't know the way, they could meet me in front of Jonson's house at eight.

Reb agreed to spend Saturday at Shallow Chasm supervising Willy Bushman and the bulldozers and road graders and so forth. As a cover story, Reb's job on Saturday would be off-site coordination.

With that agreed we all took a break and waited until seven when everyone else was supposed to arrive. Fiona, meanwhile, arranged the chairs in the break room into row of six with a center aisle. Bushman sat with his lawyer Heidi Valabulse and Magic. Reb, Ollie, and Fiona sat across the aisle. Behind them, Ginger, Dan, and Olivia sat together, as did Nadia, Ben, and Tess. Katie Sullivan, Adam, and Ursula were in the third aisle with Teah, Steve Owsley, and me. Crystal, Pietre, and Erin were in the back.

I began by introducing Dan and explaining that he'd be the master scheduler: the man with the clipboard. After that, Dan read through the individual assignments.