Chapter 3: In Her Own Words (continued)

We weren't anywhere near the diner. It took me awhile to realize that we were many blocks away, over on Harper's Bay Lane. I yawned and stretched, and felt wonderful, and he told me we were going to walk a little more. He offered me his arm, and I tucked my hand inside his elbow and let him lead me. I could tell it was what he wanted. He was talking about his Naturals again, and just like in the restaurant, he sort of prattled on and on. But I think he was deliberately trying to embarrass me, because he didn't hide the fact that he had had sex with each of them.

Then suddenly, after a whole block, I gasped. I think it was the aftermath of the dream that caused me not to be aware of it sooner. I had been nude in my dream for so long that it felt almost natural. "What happened to my bra?" I screamed.

He seemed annoyed that I had interrupted him, and in fact, I suddenly wished I hadn't. I wanted to tell him that the bra wasn't mine... that it was borrowed; but I just couldn't let him know that! He told me that the bra was in my purse, and that he'd made me go into the bathroom in the diner and take it off. He said it was very becoming, but he liked me better without it. And, with my hand still on his arm, he continued to stroll down the street as if my bra was of no importance at all. And then, mortified, I said "My panties!" but I'm afraid it sort of came out as a squeaky whisper.

"Ah, those," he said, and he reached into the pocket of his sports coat and pulled them out. "Hope you don't mind my keeping these. Sort of a souvenir."

And that made it official, I guess. He was going to have sex with me. I was about to become one of his statistics. My panties would be his trophy. I was surprisingly calm about the whole idea. He continued to lead me, strolling along the street, talking.

"What are you going to do to me?" I asked him quietly.

He barked a laugh. "Anything I want," he said.

He must have seen a little panic in my eyes, but he didn't try to placate me, he just told me what was next. "Do you see the end of the lane down there?" he asked, pointing. I nodded. "Well, when we get there, I'm going to hypnotize you again. And that ought to put you over the edge, although I'm beginning to think you're there already."

"Where?" I asked.

"Addiction," he answered calmly. "Not physical, of course, or even mental addiction. Psychological. It's probably the most powerful type of addiction there is. But, as I say, I think you're probably already there." He looked at me compassionately. "Now, don't worry your pretty little head about it too much. It's not as if you're going to have to turn to a life of crime to feed your need. Anyone can be trained to put you under. It won't be bad. And you DO like it, don't you?"

I shivered, but I held his arm tighter.

He told me that he almost hadn't had the opportunity to meet me today; that he'd gone looking for the Natural he'd made the last time he'd given a show here a year ago. Her name was Dawn - I'd seen her on one of the doors - and he'd wanted to look her up because she'd been a real wildcat in bed. Dawn had gone under almost as easily as I had, he told me, and had been easily addicted. He knew she'd do anything for the opportunity of letting him personally take her back to her "special place.

Last year, after she'd worn him out in the bedroom, he'd put her under and had a really in-depth talk with her. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, and was miserable. She had been the one to break it off, and she had serious doubts. Her boyfriend had been a control freak, not only in the bedroom, but in just about every aspect of her life. When they went out to dinner, he'd insist on ordering for her without asking her what she wanted. He had insisted she move in with him, and then wanted to pick out what she wore, what she cooked, what she did in her spare time. Lately, he'd introduced her to bondage, and then he'd actually whipped her. She'd left him after that, but deep down, subconsciously, she had loved the loss of control. He excited her. And more to the point, she loved him. Menlo planted a couple post-hypnotic commands in her, cleaned her up, and had her lead them over to this guy's apartment. He had given her to him, "body and soul." (She used her fingers to make the quote marks.) He taught the guy how to put her under, and then he just left her with him.

This morning, Menlo had gone looking for her, and when he finally found her, he discovered that she's "pregnant out to here" (she used her hands in front of her stomach to illustrate his comment), and after a little questioning, he found that her boyfriend is truly her master, her husband, and the father of her baby, "in that order." So he said goodbye to Dawn, and had gone looking for a new Natural.

Maybe he was just making it all up, but the story really shook me. Could he do that to ME? Just GIVE me to somebody, like a possession? I should have felt disgusted. But I felt... I mean, I couldn't stop thinking about...

(22-second pause. She was obviously fighting some sort of inner battle. She wanted to tell me everything, but for some reason, she also wanted to suppress this thought. Eventually, she left the statement unfinished and shifted to the next part of her story.)

All at once, he stopped walking and turned to me. It took me a moment to understand. We were at the end of the lane. There were no houses here, just that little park. Do you know the one I mean? He looked down at me and I thought "This is it! If I let him hypnotize me again, I'll be addicted forever." But when he told me to look into his eyes, I did just what he said. They were sort of scary, and very dark, but I couldn't look away. He told me to relax, and I told myself: "I can't do this. I can't let him!" But I did. All the strength just seemed to flow right out of me. I couldn't hold my arms up, and I knew I was lost. This was it! I was going to let myself become addicted! When he told me to surrender, I didn't even think about it; I COULDN'T think about it. I wanted to sleep so badly. I was giving my soul to him. And in return, he gave me my room back. Suddenly, I was just there. No door, no dreams. Just naked in my bed, in my room.

We talked some more while I was there on my bed, but again, I don't remember what it was about. Then he made me do something... something inside the room. There's something else there... but I can't remember what it is. I just know that when he told me to wake up again, we were over on Hobart Street, standing in front of one of those houses that offer rooms for rent. Do you know which ones I mean?

And I knew right away, that this was it. His place. He was going to take me inside and do it to me. He reached out with his hand, but I backed away a little and shook my head. This seemed to really surprise him, but he wasn't upset.

He said: "Let's just go inside. You can ease my loneliness, and then I'll hypnotize you again." And without thinking, I put my hand in his and let him lead me to the door. I wanted to scream, I was so disgusted with myself! Just the mention of putting me in a trance had me following him like a puppy.

"How can I feel this way?" I asked miserably. "I only just woke up! Why do I want it so badly already?"

And he said: "You don't understand the nature of the addiction. It's not like other forms. Perhaps I shouldn't call it 'addiction' at all. It's really a NEED. It isn't dependent on the passage of time. If I leave you tomorrow and you are never hypnotized again, your need will not increase. It will always be just as it is now. And if you've just awakened from a trance, it will still be the same."

I confess that the idea of my never being hypnotized again had me a little panicked. It still does.

(15-second pause.)

His room is on the first floor, and he unlocked it and took me inside. Right away, he turned me toward him and started unbuttoning my blouse. It was happening so quickly! I was very nervous.

"I not very good at this," I told him, feeling very meek. "I've never really had a boyfriend."

And he said: "I know."

I was afraid he didn't understand. I wasn't fighting him, but I wanted to make him happy in return for giving me my special room. "I'm not a virgin," I told him.

And he said: "I know."

So, if he knew I wasn't a virgin, then he knew about Uncle Brad. (16-second pause. She kept looking at me, trying to make up her mind.) I should tell you about Uncle Brad.

("You don't have to, Brenda.")

No, I want to. I need to. It happened during Spring Break of my sophomore year, the semester after I had your class. My mom came and got me and drove me down to Iowa to see her sister on the farm. It started out to be a nice visit, but on the third day, Mom and Aunt Reida decided to drive into the Quad Cities to go to a mall. I didn't want to go. It was an hour and a half each way. So I stayed and helped Uncle Brad with some of the chores around the farm.