Chapter 4

Things were going well for me, in and out of school. I continued giving Rachel her private tutoring lessons at least two or three times a week. Several times, we had gotten really close to actually fucking, but something would always scare Rachel off at the very last second, causing her to push me away.

I started doing her down there, with my tongue, whenever she would put my dick in her mouth. In a way, it seemed only fair for me to do that. Okay, the real truth is that she stopped putting my dick in her mouth until after I agreed to lick her down there.

After the first few seconds, because I was scared, and more than half convinced that it would taste terrible, I found myself surprised that there was almost no bad taste involved with it.

Later, after I discovered how having that done to her always made Rachel get incredibly hot, I stopped thinking about what my face and tongue was touching, and started thinking about where I wanted my dick to be.

After we started giving each other oral pleasure like that, it got to be something of a routine for us. We'd study for an hour or so, and then we'd start kissing and both get undressed.

I think it was early in December when Rachel decided she wanted to swallow my cum for the first time. I didn't think too much about her doing that, not until she started kissing me after, then rubbing her tongue all over mine.

I was being forced to taste my own cum, and it wasn't very enjoyable for me. I figured that I'd have to let her kiss me afterwards if I wanted to keep getting her to suck me. It was a week later, and we were again just finished with our studying, and were getting to the good part of our study sessions.

"Jimbo, how come you never say anything sweet to me?"

"Sweet, like how, Rachel?"

"You know, you never tell me that you think I'm pretty, or that you really like me. I don't ever get any compliments from you, and you never talk to me about anything else besides our homework, studying, and the sex stuff. Is that all you're interested in me for? Studying, and making out?"

Where in the hell did this come from? We were in her basement, laying naked on her sofa and I was kissing on her boobs. I had been inching up on her, trying to get myself in a position where I could "accidentally" stick my cock into her pussy. I was close to being right where I'd been trying to get to, and then she has to go and spoil it for me.

"Rachel, I don't know what you want from me. Of course you're pretty, you're the prettiest girl in the whole school. Everybody who can see already knows that. I help you with studying because it helps you get better grades. You and I fool around together because we both like it, and because it makes the studying sessions more pleasant for us. I walk an extra four and a half miles every time I come over here from school to study with you. If we weren't fooling around together, do you think I'd walk that far out of my way?"

As I was talking to her, my dick was right up against her pussy. I could almost feel what it was going to be like. If I could just get by this last little bit, I knew I'd get it in her. That's when I felt her fingers grip my dick and start to softly and slowly rub it through her slit. It felt so good, better than I'd imagined it ever could.

"Do you like me Jimbo?"

"Of course I like you. What have I just been telling you?" I could feel her placing the head of my cock right into the slot of her wet little cunt. She was moving it in tight little circles, moving it all around that one little bit of juicy area. I'd never been near this close before. All I had to do was press forward, and then I'd be in her. If I hadn't been afraid of what she'd do to me with that hand of hers on my dick, I'd have gone for it.

"You know Jimbo, I think I love you." There was a pause of several seconds there while I wrapped my mind around what she'd just told me. Her hand was moving my cock around faster, and I could feel her making tentative up thrusting movements with her hips. We were locked on to each others eyes, and I just knew all I had to do was smile at her and tell her that I loved her too.

I realized during those critical moments that I really did love her, but only in a sexual way. Physical desire is a form of love too. I was just about to tell her that I loved her when she threw me off the damn couch and made me hurt my hip bone.

"Get out of here Jimbo, and don't ever come back!"

She jumped up from that couch, grabbed at her clothes and ran up the stairs and out of my sight. She was crying and yelling some things that I couldn't understand.

I started getting my clothes back on and thought about what I should say to her. In the end, I decided that it would be best to let her calm down and cool off first before talking with her anymore.

I thought about what had happened during my long walk home. I knew I needed to talk with my brother Danny the first chance I had. Later that night I got a chance to speak with him in private. I told him exactly what had taken place between Rachel and me. From the beginning of the school year, right up until the time she threw me off of her couch earlier that afternoon.

"Oh boy Jimbo, you fucked up big time. Don't you know anything? This girl was all set to take you straight to the promised land and you can't even tell her that you love her? Saying it doesn't mean anything. It's just what's expected in a situation like that. It's hard for a girl to let a boy slide that salami in for the first time. It requires trust, and some expression of commitment from you. You don't even have to mean it. You do have to say it though. You should call her up right now and tell her that you love her."

The advice was probably good, but there was no way I was going to call up a girl to tell her that I loved her. I decided to do it the next time we were alone and were both getting ready to fool around. Of course, after what had happened, there wasn't going to be a next time.

The next day in school all I got from Rachel was the cold shoulder. Carla and Mandy naturally took her side, and that left me with nobody to study with. I figured that everything would get back to normal eventually, because I hadn't really done anything bad to Rachel. That night, after dinner, I called Rachel, but her mother told me that she didn't want to speak to me.

We went through the weekend like that. I must have phoned her six or seven times during the weekend, but she never would come to the phone. I finally called Carla on Sunday night and told her to tell Rachel that I was sorry and that I felt the same way about her that she felt about me. Carla called me an hour later to tell me that Rachel said that she didn't care how I felt about her, or about anything or anyone else. Carla told me that Rachel wanted me to just leave her alone.

On Monday, Rachel started telling everyone that she and I were through. She made it sound like I was the one who had chased after her, not that she'd been after me to help her with her school grades and study habits.

Most of the girls in my class were laughing at me, sniggering behind their hands at my obvious discomfort. The whole week was like that. I was so glad when school finally let out Friday and we started our Christmas break. No school for two whole weeks. I figured that after that long of a break, people would have better things to talk about than Rachel and me.

I was half right, because when school started up again everybody was talking about Rachel and Aaron Cantor, her new boyfriend. Aaron was a ninth grader, and someone that I had known all my life. We didn't hang around together, but we were on good terms all the same.

He was a good student too, and well liked by most people. I saw him standing in the hallway that afternoon, waiting patiently while Rachel went through her locker putting things away and getting what she needed to take home. He noticed me looking at the two of them together, and had the grace to send me an apologetic little smile. He really was a nice guy.

I started hanging around the school afternoons, playing in pick up basketball games and getting into games of "horse" with some other guys for a quarter a game. I wasn't that good of a player, but it was better than going straight home and spending all my time sitting in my room and brooding about Rachel.

As soon as I knew she was really gone, I started understanding how much I'd enjoyed being with her. Sure it was the excitement of our sexual experimenting, but it was also being with her, and helping her to understand some things a little better.

I had really enjoyed seeing her improvement every week, knowing that I'd played an important part in that gain. Mostly though, it was having her beauty around me and so accessible, to my eyes, and to my touch. She was so pretty, and she had been willing to give me the opportunity to see and enjoy all of her. It was like owning a great work of art and then waking up one day to find out that you had somehow lost it. In short, after losing her, I was miserable.

In February, something happened between Rachel and Aaron. Suddenly, they were no longer a couple, but nobody was saying anything about what might have occurred to change things for them.

I ran into Aaron after school one day and he seemed just about as sad as I was. We started taking turns shooting the basketball, neither of us saying much about anything. After about a half hour, Aaron put his jacket back on and got ready to leave.

"She still likes you Jimbo. You know that, don't you?"

I looked at him, trying to tell if he was pulling my chain or what. My heart was beating faster, but I didn't trust myself to say anything in reply. He picked up his books and started walking away towards his house. I wanted to yell something to him, some encouragement that he'd get over her with time. I wasn't sure that it was true, so I held off on saying it.

I stayed there after he was gone, shooting hoops and thinking about that wonderful sentence he'd just uttered to me. Two days later I was out in the school playground area again, shooting baskets in a light drizzle, and trying to come up with some plan that I could use to begin another conversation with Rachel.

I started chasing after an errant rim shot when I spotted her leaning against a classroom door and looking over at me. I didn't say or do anything to acknowledge having seen her and went back to my solitary shooting. Of course, I almost went blind trying to keep her in my sight, out of the corners of my eyes, while pretending to concentrate on my shooting.

My heart was pounding in my chest, and my breathing was hard to keep under control. After another half hour, I saw her leave and start towards home. I watched her retreating back until she turned and was out of my sight. I walked home right after, deciding that I'd try to call her on the phone, and then changing my mind at least fifty times more on the trip home.

After I finished dinner, I went to my room and wrote Rachel a short note. 'Rachel, I do love you.' I signed it: "Jimbo"

The next morning I got up early and pushed the note through her locker air vent at school.

In our classroom that day, I could see Rachel passing my note around to all of her friends. I was embarrassed of course, but I had considered all of that before putting that note in her locker.

I was sitting alone in the cafeteria, trying to decide whether I was actually going to eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich or not. I had finally decided to throw it away, when I looked up and saw Rachel standing directly in front of me. Right behind her was her cousin Edna, Carla, Mandy and Tina Adams. The cafeteria had suddenly gotten very quiet.