Chapter 1

It was once again September, the golf club was shutting down for the season, open for golf mostly on weekends, and the Griswold's swimming pool and the ballroom were also closed until the spring. It was 1958, and my life had turned upside down. I was just beginning my senior year of high school, my brother Ray was starting his sophomore year, and we walked to school together just like we had when we both went to the elementary school several years earlier. I had been through a lot recently, losing my first true love when she moved back to Burlingame, California to live with her parents, and somehow, getting away with committing a brutal murder. The only thing about it was that I didn't think I was getting away with anything. I don't mean I was still thinking I'd be arrested, just that I was having problems coming to terms with the fact that I'd taken a human life. There really wasn't anyone that I could go to to talk about the problems I was having. So I just started staying away from people and keeping more and more to myself.

One of the most bizarre things about this was that my standoffishness seemed to make me more attractive to the girls at school. I had bought a black leather motorcycle jacket with some of the money I had made caddying over the summer, and had taken to letting my hair get long in the back and on the sides. I started combing it back on both sides and put one of those Tony Curtis waterfall's in the front. I had finally finished getting taller, topping out at a little more than six foot four. I had also been filling out a lot and now weighed about one eighty. I thought I was looking at least a little like Marlon Brando in 'On The Waterfront', but Ray told me that he'd overheard three girls talking about me in the hallway in school and they were saying I looked like a brooding James Dean. Well, they were sure right about the brooding part at least. I was waiting outside school, my jacket unzipped, and a cigarette stuck between my lips. You could smoke once you were off school property. I was waiting for my brother to come out so that we could walk home together. Glenda Porter and her sister, Gloria came strolling by.

"Hiya Jackie, how's tricks?" Glenda was a junior, and Gloria was a tenth grader like my brother. They both lived with their grandmother in a house close to ours. Their mother worked over at the Sub base in the commissary as a checker. Their father was dead I think, though I don't remember where I'd heard that. Their mother was shacked up over in Poquonnock Bridge with a sailor from the Sub base. This was pretty standard for her, moving in with a different guy about every six months or so. That's why the sisters stayed with their grandmother, so they would have stability in their lives. Jeannie, Gloria's mother, was only a small step up from being a whore, according to my mother and my father. If rumors around school could be believed, Glenda was well on her way to turning out to be just like her mother.

"Hey Glenda, hi Gloria. What are you two doing actually both coming to school on the same day?" These girls were famous for the number of excused absences they each piled up in a school year. The grandmother and Jeannie would write them out excuses with outlandish explanations about why they had missed attending.

"The new truant officer that's why. He took my mother to court this summer and she had to pay almost 200 bucks for a lawyer. The judge told her if we miss more than five days of school each this year he'll hold her in contempt of court and put her in jail for thirty days. The judge told our Granny that she'd be next too, if we didn't come to school. Granny says the judge is a damn Communist do gooder."

"Where's Ray-Ray?" This from Gloria. Except for missing so much school, Gloria was a real nice kid. The funny thing about her was that even though she cut school a lot, Gloria always kept up with her studies and called around to get her homework assignments on days that she missed. When my brother was little, he used to always refer to himself as Ray-Ray, and the name still stuck with some of the neighborhood people who'd known him since he was real young. Ever since junior high he'd insisted he was just plain Ray, but old habits are hard to break.

"He's right behind you, gorgeous, checking out that sweet keister of yours." My brother thought of himself as a real ladies man. He got away with saying outrageous things to girls all the time. He was the blond one of our family while Annie, Joan and I were all dark haired. He also had a dimple in his cheek that you could put a half dollar into, it was so deep. As the youngest, he'd been coddled and spoiled. My father had almost never even spanked him, let alone knocked him on his ass. Ray once told me it was because dad was afraid of the terrible wrath that he would rain down upon his head. I thought it was because my dad was all worn out from all the punishment he'd handed out in the neighborhood and beyond over the years. The truth was that Ray was everybody's favorite, and we all protected him from dad, even dad protected him from himself by not seeing or noticing when Ray got out of line. "Say there ladies, you want the two of us to walk you home and protect you from the riff-raff?"

"Ha Ha, Ray-Ray, you are the riff-raff we need protecting from." Gloria liked Ray and he already knew it. He didn't want to get pinned down by any one girl though, preferring to act like a bee and sniff at all the flowers. The two of them started off walking together and were soon half a block ahead of Glenda and I.

"So, Jackie, rumor has it that your sweetie has flown away to California and you're back on the market again, that true? 'Cause if it is true, I've got something I've been wanting to give you for the longest time." Glenda wasn't one of those shy types who hide their light under a basket.

"She did go out to California for a visit, Glenda, but she might be coming back at any time now. We're still in love and still going steady though." I had said this same thing to other people who had asked about Faye and I. I didn't want to have any more on my plate to handle than I already did have. I wasn't looking for a new relationship.

"You're too cute Jackie, not to be getting your ashes hauled on a regular basis. If you ever get tired of waiting for her to get back, or even if you just want a little sample of the goods, feel free to ask. I'll be more than happy to accommodate you." With that, she took off trying to speed up her walking and see how her sister was making out with my brother.

The next day, one of the girls in my English class passed me a note with her name and phone number written on it. After I opened it and read it, I think I might have blushed a little bit. I heard a couple girls behind me giggling, and when I turned around, the girl who'd written the note put her thumb in her mouth and was very graphic as she licked it all over with her tongue. I know I turned around quickly and didn't have to wonder anymore whether I was blushing or not. I was a little bit aroused and flattered, but not interested in pursuing it further.

I was outside that same day, leaning against a wall and eating my bagged lunch when Penny Peters came out and started talking to me. Penny had been the closest thing I'd ever had to a girlfriend before I met and fell in love with Faye. Her real name was Penelope, but it was her last name that everyone kept making fun of. She was a cute girl, not a beauty like Faye, but she was also nice and we'd had a lot of good talks over the years. There had never been any kissing between us, but I'd met her once at a matinee movie and we'd sat together and held hands. I think we were thirteen at the time. I didn't really have much time that I'd wanted to give to chasing after girls before I met Faye, but I think Penny was probably the nicest girl that I hadn't followed up with. She was five feet two, and, like in the song, eyes of blue. She kept her hair short and neat, mostly she said, because long hair was too much of a bother to take care of. She had red hair and lots of freckles, which she hated and I kind of liked. I was over a foot taller than her, but that didn't seem to bother her a bit.

"Hi Jackie, a Penny for your thoughts?" That was an old joke between us, going back to about the fourth grade. I hadn't heard it from her though in a bunch of years.

"I'll give you a Peter for yours?" My heart wasn't really in it, but it was something that we'd both thought hilarious, and awfully naughty, through much of grade school.

"Well, since you're offering. How about a bite of your sandwich instead?" We had both switched lunches so many times over the years. She loved peanut butter and jelly, and I loved the meat sandwiches her mom always made for her. Especially the leftover meatloaf sandwiches with the catsup on them, they were the best. I gave her half of my sandwich, and she took a big bite and grinned. "Just like old times, right? I've missed seeing you around Jackie. I heard about Annie, I hope she's doing all right now? How's Joanie doing over at the Sacred Heart, I bet she just hates it, I know I would?"

"Annie's getting better, she went back to work a while back. Joan actually likes her new school. She's even talking about entering a convent. My dad is going nuts worrying about that. He wants to yank her out of there and put her back here, but my mom won't hear of it." We talked for awhile longer and when the bell rang for fifth period we split up and went our separate ways. I had forgotten how nice it was talking with Penny. I found myself trying to remember what I'd heard last year about her going out with someone and it getting serious. I couldn't remember who it was, but I'd heard something during the summer, that it was over and that she'd been the one that ended it.

It was coming up on October when I heard from Penny again. She phoned me and asked me to take her over to the teen center for the dance on Friday night. I told her I didn't have a car or anything, but she said she could borrow her mom's and would pick me up at six thirty if I'd take her. I told her OK, but I did it reluctantly. I wasn't in the mood to go dancing. I was back eating alone outside again on Wednesday of that week when Penny came over to say hello. She told me that she'd like to meet me somewhere private after school so she could explain things to me before things got too complicated. Without thinking about it being a favorite meeting spot with Faye, I suggested we meet over at Eastern Point elementary school at the playground. I hadn't been there since Faye had gone back to California. We agreed on five o'clock. That would give both of us time to get home and change and get a little homework done beforehand. I got over to the playground a little bit after five, and stopped for a few seconds watching Penny swinging on the swings. she was going pretty high and I remembered she was one of only a few girls that ever jumped off the swings with the boys. I walked up behind her and called to her softly, not wanting to scare her too bad. "Hey Penny, a Peter for your thoughts."

"Hey Jackie, I'll give you a Penny for yours?"

"Nah, my Peter's worth a lot more than a Penny."

"Not the way I heard it it isn't." We broke up laughing, convinced we were the logical successors to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, known in our neighborhood simply as "Fatty & Skinny." "Jackie, I need to ask you something before Friday. Do you know Clifford Fuller? What I mean is are you aware of the fact that Cliff and I used to go together until a couple months ago?" As soon as she said the name, I remembered that that was who I heard she was going with. I knew him, and we didn't get along at all. He used to be a caddy up at Shennecosset a few years ago but had been kicked off the course for getting caught going through member's lockers and stealing stuff. He was about twenty or twenty one now, and had always been one of those guys that people were a little afraid of because he had a real bad temper and didn't mind using his fists and feet. I was with my Cousin Billy about four years before when he and Cliff got into it over at the abandoned quarry. Billy kicked his ass up one side and down the other, and Cliff had had to jump in the water that was ten or more feet deep at the bottom of the quarry to get away from Billy. Cliff was crying and begging Billy to let him alone as he treaded water. He hated anyone who had witnessed his abject humiliation that day, and I was one he especially included in that because Billy and I were related.

"I guess I heard that the two of you went out some, Penny, but I also heard that you broke it off with him this summer."

"Cliff doesn't want it to be over. He says he'll hurt anyone who he sees me with. I'm scared of him and just want him to leave me alone, but I didn't want you going to the dance with me and getting blindsided, you know?" I'm asking you to help me, Jackie, he's already slapped me around a few times, and my dad is too scared to do anything about it. I'll do anything you want if you take care of this for me Jackie. It's not like I haven't done everything with Cliff already. The only difference being that I might enjoy doing those things with you."

"I'm glad you told me about this Penny, I wouldn't like to have run into Cliff not knowing he was coming after me. Tell you the truth, I never liked him anyway, and people who hit friends of mine, well, let's just say they got whatever they wind up getting, coming to them. Pick me up at six thirty and we'll go have ourselves a good time on Friday."