It all started when I won the lottery. A 350-million-dollar- jackpot. After taxes, and with a lump sum payout, I had 210 million dollars. It should have been the happiest moment of my life. Instead, I curse that day, every single miserable day of my existence.

The first thing out the gate, my loving wife of nearly 20 years, immediately files for divorce. Between the shyster lawyers, on both sides and her, they hit me for 125 million dollars, plus she kept the house in the suburbs.

Next, my greedy children sued me for their share of their inheritance in advance of my death. They claimed I would certainly spend myself into the poorhouse, leaving them destitute as a result. They needed their money now before I could squander it all and then die homeless, thus avoiding that disaster. Somehow a jury agreed, and I was forced to divide my money again between my lawyers, their lawyers, and themselves, I was now down to 20 million dollars. How this was legal has yet to be explained clearly to me, but somehow it happened.

So I figured I must be in the clear now. But wait, not so fast. My business partner decided I must have somehow used the company’s funds to purchase the winning lottery ticket. I didn’t I paid with cash. How do you prove a negative? Simple. You hire another team of shyster lawyers and a pair of forensic CPA’s.