I won’t rehash all that’s been going with me and Duane recently except to offer a brief synopsis. Read my earlier Diary entries and e-mails between me and people like Jane Ward, Denise Moore, Sissy Moore, and Heather Farow if you want the gory details.

Here’s the situation ... Duane and I have been dating since April and I’m madly in love with the guy. I’ve always assumed I would never tell a boyfriend about my incestual lifestyle until he proposed, and then making it a condition of my acceptance that he allow it to continue. Well, now that I may be facing the reality of a proposal, I’ve changed my mind. I want to be able to say YES when he proposes, not enter into some sort of negotiation. Thus I have to know if he is OK with things BEFORE he proposes. It’s more risky, but I think Duane’s worth it. After all, the guys is looking at wedding rings so he MUST be getting serious about things.

HOW to tell him is the problem. I debated this extensively, even posting a “muse” on my web site about it. Lots of people have responded and of course, everyone disagrees on how to approach it.

One idea I liked was to have him see my cousin Kristen and Aunt Linda having sex and see how he reacted to a mother-daughter situation in real life. Seeing a fake scene in a porn movies is one thing but what about when it involved women he personally knew? One thing I had going for me was he has had sex with both of them in the past, before we started dating. He did it first with Kristen and then with Aunt Linda after he got to know her.

The catch is that he always did them separately and had no idea just how “close” they really were. Foolishly, I ran the idea past Kristen who thought it was a great idea (as if there any chance she wouldn’t). Over the Labor Day weekend, my mother and I visited my grandmother in Illinois. Silly me, I assumed nothing would happen until I got back and we all talked about it some more.

I say “foolishly” because I should’ve known better than to plant an idea like that in my cousin’s head. Kristen is all about one thing - Kristen. Well, more accurately, Kristen and sex. If your cousin was a prostitute and neighborhood slut, with little to no inhibitions or morals, would you trust her with such an idea? If anyone should have known better, it was me. My only defense is I was so wrapped up in my fears about Duane, I didn’t think about what I was doing when I literally lit a match in a gasoline filled room.

Long story short (the long version is in my diary), Kristen took it on her own initiative to fuck Duane at church and then bring him home where her mom entered into the equation. Needless to say, I was a little shocked when I got back, not so much because they had sex (not like they hadn’t before), but that they had done it together. Fortunately, I learned that Duane is a red-blooded, all- American heterosexual male (as if I didn’t already know) and had been totally turned on by the entire affair. Now all I wanted was for him to tell me all about it.

I need to mention that although we have been dating seriously for months, Duane and I are not officially “exclusive”. For the most part, we both enjoy a good party and having some fun so we each have had our share of casual sex under such conditions. Until now, we have both told each other when we did it while the other wasn’t around.

To be fair to Duane, we never formally said we would, we just did and so I’ve grown accustomed to it and more or less expect it. As for me, between my growing love for him and being busy starting the new school year as a teacher, I really haven’t done it with that many other guys in the past few months (much to the apparent dismay of my web site readers!). Duane still enjoys a good fuck now and then, which I don’t mind so long as he is there for me afterwards - and tells me about it.

As the days went by, not only did he NOT tell me about his little tryst with my relatives, but he even did them again! This time I was there, though he didn’t know it. I used my lunch break to go to my Aunt’s expecting to ask her and Kristen for more information about what had happened but Duane was already there, up in the bedroom fucking Kristen. My Aunt may have looked guilty about it at the time, but yet it was obvious she was enjoying it all the same. Needless to say, Duane didn’t tell me about THIS time either.

So leave it to Kelly to over-react. Anyone who knows me knows one of my basic character flaws is to overanalyze everything and read a lot more into a situation than is there. You would think after all the problems this has caused me over the years I would learn, but it’s just a part of me. Ever try telling a smoker to quit? You’ll have just as much luck telling me to stop parsing someone’s actions or words, or lack of them.