To: Curriculum Committee, Capton Springs High School

From: Holly Rennick, Language Arts

Subject: Proposed Academic Elective

To further our CSHS Language Arts curriculum, an advanced elective, “Composition about Ourselves,” is proposed, relevant to our students’ age, and as a gateway to multidisciplinary inclusive skills.

This memo suggests the potential breadth of such a course. A subcommittee will pursue the details.

With each point I include a brief transcript of how the topic might be presented. What talk about talking when you can write it?

1) Grammar and vocabulary related to the topic of interest.

“Today we’ll talk about similes and metaphors. How about some ideas describing something long and hard? Please not ‘steel shaft.””

2) Literature. Consider Victorian literature, for example. Here are a couple of lines from “Miss Coote’s Confession, or the Voluptuous Experiences of an Old Maid” of that era.

“You have a dear little cunt, very fat and plump. But I wonder you have much hair on it. How old are you, Nina?” She replies, ‘Just 15, sir.’”

Some of these books contain illustrations, but we’ll get to Art in (5).

3) Point-of-view by mixing it up.

“Let’s discuss how the same scene would look from the eyes of the three characters: the sister, the brother, and their mother when she walks down the hall.”

No second-person point of view, though. Here’s why.

“You’re swimming alone at your favorite secluded spot in the river. You’re totally nude because you forgot your postage-stamp bikini. The cold water makes your 38Ds feel great. You lie on your blanket, rub your sweet melons for delight, and feel the beginnings of a rush between your lusting thighs. You juice your sweetness until your pink blushes. Suddenly you hear a noise and look up. Oh My! A stranger in a mask!”

There’s so much poorly-written internet trash.

3) Sequential analysis. It’s all about the timing.

“Which makes the better story sequence? One minute for a home run or 5 blouse buttons at 12 seconds per? Bra underneath. David and Laura, come on up and show us how that would work.”

4) Science. There are many experiments involving condoms: weather balloons, for example.

“Lab partners. Discuss gender-differentiated organs that operate for the same purpose. You are encouraged to experiment. Oh, Carlos. Shanna’s at the dentist this afternoon, so I’ll be your partner.”

5) Art. I’ve already got the pictures up for my lecture about Venus and Cupid.

“Now boys, here’s your essay topic. We see the goddess of love draped with a strip of Saran Wrap. They apparently had this back then. We women are thought to be sexier wearing just a tad than buff naked. High heels, anyway.”

“And here’s her son Cupid, weaponized, ready to strike. Where’s he looking? What did Sigmund Freud discover about mothers and sons? Look up Oedipus Rex. Greek classic.”

No Manga art, though -- even if it contradicts (9) below -- as it may cause girls with smaller breasts to feel inferior. Everybody knows that Oriental schoolgirls aren’t DD.

6) History. Sir Walter Raleigh -- “I throw my cloak over yon puddle, oh Queen Bess” -- was ruthless (twice jailed in his youth), conceited and greedy. Here’s John Aubrey’s account of Raleigh spied having his Lordly way with a fair maid against a tree.